Chapter Text
Victory wasn’t supposed to feel this way.
Not that Han had been suffering under any illusions about the galaxy settling down peacefully the moment the Emperor and Vader were out of the picture. He knew that there were years of fighting still ahead, and he’d always known it. For a long time, if anyone had asked Han, he would’ve said that he didn’t expect to be around when victory came for the Rebellion, if it ever came at all.
Underneath all that though… not that he ever would’ve admitted it, but underneath all that was this idea that in the end they’d all get there together, they’d all keep on fighting together. Leia and Luke had risked everything to get him back from Jabba, but now… Han sighed as he returned to the cramped temporary quarters he shared with Leia, just outside the Ewok village.
Han would’ve preferred to stay in the Falcon with Chewie, but Leia needed to be close to the command center. It seemed like she spent every waking moment secluded away with Mon Mothma, Ackbar, and Lando, trying to contact sympathetic worlds. Han knew it was necessary, but it didn’t stop him from missing her. Their tiny room was cold and dark now, and Han suspected that Leia hadn’t been back here since she’d climbed out of their sleeping pallet well before dawn.
The cold and dark, at least, were easy enough to deal with. Han lit the small lamp hanging from above, and stripped off his dirty clothes. They had a tiny portable ‘fresher, barely large enough for Han to stand upright in, but it still helped ease his aching muscles, sore from a day out coordinating patrols. They were still finding Stormtrooper cells stationed around the forest moon, though by now at least most of them knew to surrender without a fuss.
Han briefly considered trying to find Chewie, but they’d been on patrol together all day, and Han knew that he’d be trying to contact his family on Kashyyyk. Long range communications had been difficult since the Empire had started crumbling. The holonet was unreliable and a lot of messages weren’t getting through. If Chewie did manage to get a connection, he wouldn’t need Han distracting him.
There was also the option of joining some of the pilots for a drink and a game of sabacc, but Han quickly dismissed the idea. He kept expecting to see Luke just over his shoulder when he was with the pilots, and that reminded him of the way Leia clammed up whenever he was mentioned these days, though she wouldn’t tell him what was wrong.
He could guess at some of it: Luke and Leia had told him about Vader, and what he was to them, as the last embers of the celebration party had burned down. They’d sat either side of him, and told them what they knew, which wasn’t a lot, really, but it was still more than enough to take in. Not much could shock Han anymore though -- he’d accepted a while back that he’d gotten himself mixed up in something far bigger than any sane person would expect, and the only thing to do was just go with it.
Leia had held his hand and let her head rest against his shoulder as the tale unfolded. As Luke told them both about his final meeting with Vader and the Emperor, how he’d almost fallen to the Dark for Leia’s sake, Han had taken Luke’s hand too. It had seemed like the thing to do.
Night had turned to day as they sat together like that, and in spite of everything Han had thought maybe they could all finally… well, it didn’t matter now. At a certain point, Luke and Leia had looked across Han, at each other, and he’d felt both of them tense up at the same moment. Then Luke had been getting up, saying he had to check on something, and the next time Han had seen him, a day later, he was getting ready to go off in search for some sacred Jedi planet that he desperately needed to see all of a sudden.
And since then, it wasn’t that Leia had been cold or distant, but the joyful camaraderie they’d all shared that first night of celebration had disappeared the moment Luke pulled away.
Han got it, he did. Couldn’t be easy to deal with Darth Vader being your surprise father, not to mention discovering that your secret twin was someone you’d known for years. And whatever Leia said about her feelings now, he knew that there had been something going on beneath the surface for all three of them before the Hoth evacuation, even if him and Leia were the only ones who actually did something about it.
Han dug through his satchel for a protein bar, but before he found anything, he heard the door to their quarters slide open. Leia walked in with one hand rubbing at her temple. Her eyes were tight, as they had been since Luke left.
“Hey,” said Han, standing to greet her. “You look about as pooped as I feel.”
“You sure know how to charm a girl, don’t you?” said Leia, but she managed a small smile as she said it.
“One of my many talents.” Han pulled her in close. “Tough day, huh?”
Leia groaned against his chest. “We don’t seem to be getting anywhere. We’ve got one promising lead on… but I can’t even talk about that.”
“‘S okay.” Some things had to be kept quiet until they panned out.
“I’m tired, Han,” she said softly, and he knew she didn’t only mean from lack of sleep.
“Yeah,” said Han. “I know.” He turned her around in his arms, and began to knead the tense muscles in her shoulders.
Leia sighed against him. “That’s nice,” she said softly. “I just wish… I wish I could turn off for a little bit, like Threepio at night.”
Han knew Leia had been having trouble sleeping. He suspected that she’d been having nightmares, though she’d never admit it. But there was a vulnerable note in her voice now, and that made Han’s heart twist. Back on Hoth, she’d been willing to share his bed often enough, at least for part of the night, but he was always in for a week or two of cold and lonely nights if he’d suggested that things were getting to her. Now though… she didn’t tell him everything, but she let him in more than she ever had before.
Maybe that was why his next words slipped out.
“Why don’t we then?”
“Why don’t we what?”
“Switch off. Look…” Han drew a deep breath. “The Alliance, or the New Republic, or whatever it is we’re calling ourselves now… we’re due to leave Endor in two weeks or so, right?”
“Yes, but…”
“Well, why don’t you and me take some time, when everyone takes off? You’ve given more than anyone else, more than anyone has the right to ask… so why not leave it to the others for a month or two? We can go get Luke from Set-whatever or wherever it is that he’s gone off to, and then we can all…”
Leia pulled away from him as though he’d just suggested murdering Ewoks. She turned to face him, her eyes hard and bright. “You know we can’t do that.”
“I was just--”
“Well, don’t.”
“Fine. As you command, Princess.”
“If you’re going to be like that--” Leia glared at him a moment longer, and then something seemed to deflate in her. “I don’t want to fight tonight,” she said.
Han sighed. “Me neither.”
“It’s just… I can’t. We can’t. You have to understand.”
“Yeah. Yeah, I do.” Han wasn’t sure that he did understand, not completely, but he didn’t have the heart to push it further.
This time, Leia stepped in to embrace him. Her hands curled up into his hair, and she pulled his mouth down to hers.
They were both tired. But not so tired, apparently, that they didn’t want a bit of a distraction before trying to sleep. They tumbled together onto their pallet and tried, at least, to push all their troubles away for a time.
* * *
Luke felt everything shift around him as his ship left hyperspace. The streaks in front of him resolved themselves into tiny stars, which formed the backdrop to the Na-Set system. Luke had programmed his jump to bring him in further away than usual, and he could see the entire system from his vantage point. Two planets circled the red sun, identical in size, diametrically opposed as they followed the exact same orbit in perfect balance.
To the left of the sun, the planet Sed was a tiny blue dot, while to the right, Rew shone green. The Force was strong here, a palpable presence.
“Well, we’re here, Artoo,” said Luke.
Artoo responded with a long series of beeps and whistles, to the effect of, We would have been here a lot sooner if this ship liked me. And if you hadn’t felt the need to stop all the time.
Luke smiled briefly. This ship, the Lysano-323, was a small ex-Imperial short-range transport, requiring only a pilot and an astromech. Though it was capable, its hyperdrive wasn’t designed for long journeys, and the ship’s computer hadn’t appreciated Artoo’s insistence that it was inferior to a humble X-Wing.
Mon Mothma would have allowed him to take a faster ship, had he asked for it. His status as a Jedi carried weight with her, and with many of the leaders in the Alliance -- or the New Republic now. They remembered the old Jedi Order. But Luke had no desire to take a much-needed vessel from their fleet. Nor had he wanted to take the Emperor’s shuttle. He had scoured it for anything that could be useful to him, and had locked away many more items that seemed dangerous -- but the thought of inhabiting Palpatine’s old ship made Luke’s skin crawl with the memory of the Emperor’s laugh and his own screams as lightning had coursed its way through his body.
Aside from all that, Luke had wanted to travel slowly. He’d needed time to think, and time not to think too. Twice, he’d taken the ship out of hyperspace and just let it float through deep space; he’d allowed his mind and feelings stretch out into the emptiness around him. It was strangely peaceful, to be the only complex living organism for light years in any direction, to be able to stretch out and feel… nothing.
Almost nothing.
Even in the depths of space, he could sense Leia, though her presence had been faint, so far away from anything. He didn’t know if he’d be able to communicate with her over such a distance, he didn’t know if he could sense her feelings, if he reached out to her… but she was there. And behind that… Luke thought he’d sensed Han too, though his presence was even fainter. It would have been easier if he hadn’t wanted to feel both of them. Easier too if he didn’t feel that same sharp pang of regret every time he’d let himself dwell on them.
Still, out there in the middle of nothing at all, it had been almost easy to ignore it, to let himself feel only the vacuum outside. The second time he’d done it, he’d switched Artoo into low power and had lost himself for more than an entire standard day. He thought it had only been Leia’s distant presence -- and Han’s -- drifting past his consciousness, that had brought him back into himself.
Luke hadn’t let himself drift again after that.
Now, as Luke looked out over the Na-Set system, he felt the Force flow through him, stronger than ever. Neither planet was inhabited by intelligent beings, but the entire system brimmed with life.
And… his sense of Leia was stronger than it had been since he’d left Endor. Luke drew breath sharply as his heightened awareness of her, and Han through her, made itself known. He hadn’t expected this -- the little he’d learned about these things had suggested that he and Leia would need to be in the same system to sense each other in this way. But he knew, with absolute certainty now, that they were both still on the forest moon.
For a moment an image brushed his mind, of Han and Leia curled up together at night. Han stroked her hair, while Leia looked upward, her expression troubled. She gasped suddenly, her eyes growing wide--
--and Luke forced himself to pull away from them.
He hadn’t meant to touch her like that. Luke’s breathing came in ragged now, and his hands gripped the edge of ship’s control-console. His chest tightened painfully. He closed his eyes.
I can’t let this control me. He was a Jedi, he couldn’t afford to… whatever he had hoped for, once, with Leia and Han both… it was dangerous, he’d come so close to falling already…
Luke took a moment to steady his breathing, and he released his grip. Simple exercises, some of the first that Yoda had taught him, to clear his mind. Focus on the breath, the gentle rise and fall of his chest…
...if only it hadn’t felt so good to see them both, in spite of everything. Even now, he was tempted to reach out again…
...but he couldn’t allow it. Leia and Han deserve to be happy, Luke reminded himself.
That was why he’d come here. To learn the best way to accept… everything.
“The records are patchy,” he told Leia, after she found him. “The holocron Ben left for me was corrupted, but it was clear enough on one thing. Rew is a place you can go to find answers… to let the Force guide you onto the right path. I think I need that now.”
Leia nodded, her face a mask that betrayed no emotion, though he could sense her turmoil underneath that. Luke didn’t want her to feel that way.
He reached out and took her hand. “I’m glad you have Han,” he said. He knew she could feel how deeply he meant it. “You both love each other so much.” He swallowed hard.
“Luke…”
“It’s okay,” he said softly. “It has to be this way. I’ll learn to accept it. I promise.” He’d let himself pretend, earlier, when all three of them had sat together as night became day. But he couldn’t keep doing that. How long before he just gave in to it?
Leia seemed to hesitate a moment, and then she leaned in to brush her lips across his cheek. “We both will,” she said. But he could tell that she didn’t quite believe it.
He’d promised her. He had to keep that promise.
Luke asked Artoo to set the coordinates for the real-space journey to Rew. He would turn the nav computer off when they got closer, and let his feelings guide him to the right place.
But as Artoo finished the coordinates, a series of long discordant notes began to emanate from the console. Luke startled, and began to look around for what had gone wrong.
Artoo chirped and whistled at him. Nothing’s wrong here, oil-brain. It’s a distress call.
Moments later details appeared on the screen: ship down on Sed, one humanoid being on board.
That was… odd. As far as Luke could tell, the Empire had done all it could to suppress knowledge of this system. He’d been lucky that he’d been able to retrieve the location from Obi-Wan’s holocron.
He had come here to let the Force guide him. Perhaps it had brought someone else here too. And all of that aside, someone needed help.
“Reset the coordinates, Artoo,” said Luke.
* * *
Leia swore as one of her delicate hairpins snapped. Everything today required the utmost formality, and that meant not a hair out of place. Normally this wouldn’t be difficult, but Leia didn’t exactly feel normal at the moment. A second pin met its end. Leia swore again.
“I love your dirty mouth.”
Leia turned as Han stepped into their quarters, and decided to ignore his words when she saw that he was holding a large plastisteel mug of caf. “Give me that.”
It tasted like it had been brewed with bantha dung, but Leia didn’t care.
“So, you gonna tell me why I’m all dressed up like this?” Han wore the most formal outfit he’d had tucked away, embellished with stripes that indicated his status as a Rebellion General. He’d protested that the appointment had only been temporary, but that didn’t matter today.
“An envoy from Andola has arrived. We need to commence talks immediately. If they agree to join the New Republic… that would be a big win for us.” She’d hardly dared hope, when the garbled message had come through yesterday. Certainly none of them had expected the Andolans to arrive so soon.
“Why’d they ask for me?”
“Mon didn’t say.” The message had come through just before first light, requesting both of them. “But I’m guessing that they wanted to meet one of the big Rebellion heroes.”
“Hero. Hmph. They’ll see right through me.”
Leia couldn’t help but smile at that. “I don’t know,” she said. “You clean up pretty well, for a scoundrel. Almost as well as Lando.”
Han assumed an affronted expression. “Almost as well?”
“Something like that. Come over here and help me with this.” Leia set down the now-empty mug and indicated toward her last loose braid.
With the help of both Han and the caf in her system, Leia managed to get it right this time.
They hurried toward the command center, where a not-quite-impatient Mon Mothma was waiting for them. Chewbacca was already there, wearing nothing but his usual bandolier, as Wookiee custom dictated.
The Alliance representatives arranged themselves in the reception area that just over a week ago had hosted their celebration party. The Ewoks had been more than generous with their resources.
Now, the Ewoks gave them a drumroll as Threepio announced the Luminous Harina Selwin of Andola, her two Chief Administrators, Davin Reed and Gretta-hi Neela, and Colonel Faren Dwenn, an Andolan citizen who had joined the Rebellion’s ground crew after defecting from the Imperial forces.
The Ewoks performed a ceremonial greeting dance when everyone was seated, and Leia took the opportunity to observe their potential new allies.
Leia had met Selwin’s predecessor back in her days as an Imperial Senator; the Luminous Yinn Dala had been a small, shrunken woman, beaten down by years of doing the Empire’s bidding. In contrast, Selwin sat proudly, her back straight, her eyes clear. Her optimism was reflected in the faces of her Chief Administrators. Dwenn, too, looked hopeful, though he seemed to be as tired as Leia felt; Leia knew he’d been working long hours with the beleaguered communications team.
Dwenn actually yawned as the formalities were observed. Only many years of diplomatic training prevented Leia from doing the same. She forced herself to focus on Selwin’s words: an all too common story of Imperial oppression, families torn apart, cultural artefacts destroyed, losses too great to be borne.
Leia was grateful when she felt Han rest his hand against the small of her back. No matter how skilled she was in keeping her face impassive, these stories were never easy to hear; they always brought back memories she tried to avoid.
Her expression betrayed her, however, when Selwin continued.
“Those of you who remember the Republic will also recall Andola’s special relationship with the Jedi order; our world considered it an honour that so many Andolan children were chosen to learn the ways of the Force, and we grieved deeply when the order was so cruelly overthrown.”
Leia felt Han’s palm move against her back as her spine stiffened. She hadn’t known this. Of course, discussion of the Jedi order had been dangerous, forbidden -- and she knew now that her parents had had other reasons not to encourage any curiosity in that direction. But that was something she couldn’t afford to dwell on at the moment.
“It is with great joy that we have received reports that you have amongst you the last of the Jedi. Though I understand from your leader that he is not present to greet us.”
Selwin’s gaze turned to Leia and Han. Leia returned her gaze. She ignored the tightness in her chest.
“Commander Skywalker,” Leia said smoothly, “has left us temporarily, to seek lost Jedi lore.”
Selwin nodded. “It is a shame he did not wait. There are many amongst us who remember; we would consider it a great privilege to assist him.”
“I feel certain that he will accept your offer gratefully, upon his return.” The formal mode of speech felt strange on Leia’s tongue after all her time with the Rebellion, but it made things easier, in a way.
Mon Mothma nodded. “Princess Leia and General Solo are close to Luke Skywalker,” she said. “In his absence, I will ask them to tell you the story of how he came to join our cause. A story that has become all the more interesting since we learned…”
Selwin raised a hand. “I look forward to speaking with her Highness and the General,” she said. “But I must make myself clear on this matter.”
“Please do continue.”
“The Andolan High Council was unanimous on this: we wish to support the New Republic. But we are cautious. The Empire was born of the Republic, and we would not join only to repeat past mistakes. But if you are aided by the Jedi once more… it would go far in reassuring our people. I must speak with Luke Skywalker myself before I can declare for you.”
Mon Mothma turned toward her. “Leia,” she said, “have you heard from your brother?”
“I haven’t,” she said. It wasn’t a lie, not really. She hadn’t even told Han about the brush she’d felt against her mind during the night.
“You know where he is, correct?” said Mon.
“We do,” Leia confirmed.
Han shifted behind her. She knew he was itching to volunteer. Leia reached behind her to take his wrist, and hoped it would be enough to stop him from doing anything stupid.
Selwin spoke before Han had the chance to say anything.
“The Jedi, Skywalker, is your brother?” she asked. A note of surprise cut through her formal tone.
Not for the first time, Leia silently cursed herself for the decision to make that knowledge public. It had seemed so natural, in the midst of celebration, to assume that it would help; that it would be easy enough, in the wake of victory, to come to terms with things that couldn’t be changed. She’d regretted it ever since Luke had walked away from her and Han in the morning light.
Leia realised now that she had delayed too long in answering Selwin.
“He is my brother,” she said. “We were orphaned and separated at the end of the Clone Wars. We don’t know much about the circumstances.”
“The Force led you back to each other,” said Selwin.
“It appears so.” The Force certainly had a cruel way of going about it.
Selwin smiled. “Princess Leia of Alderaan,” she said, resuming her formal tone, “on behalf of the Andolan High Council, I request that you go to your brother by birth, the Jedi Knight Luke Skywalker, and extend our invitation to meet with him, so that we might formalise our long-awaited membership with the New Republic.”
Leia wanted to refuse. She wanted to insist that someone else do it. But Leia had always known that what she wanted came second to their goals. With the New Republic so close to becoming a reality, after everything…
“I would be honored,” said Leia. She could almost feel Han suppressing a cheer. Forgive me, Luke.