Archive of Our Own

Howard didn't often stay the night, and after he was rudely shaken from a deep sleep, he thought maybe he never would again. He grumbled loudly as he glared sleepily up at the gorgeous blond standing over him. "I hate you."

"Good morning to you, too." Steve smiled and brushed the hair back from Howard's forehead in a familiar gesture. He waited for Steve to tell him to get a haircut, but instead, Steve said, "You need to get dressed and get the hell out of here."

He narrowed his eyes. "I hope you're not this rude to your other lovers."

"Just the ones that snore." Steve dropped Howard's clothes on the bed. Before he could turn away, Howard grabbed his wrist and tugged until he crawled into bed. Howard kissed him soundly on the mouth, giving an amused huff when Steve returned the kiss, his body pressing against Howard's before pulling away. "My mom called a few minutes ago. She wants to take me to breakfast before I head off to class. Unless you wanna hide under the bed again, you should go."

"It depends. Have you vacuumed recently?" There'd been dust balls the size of rats the last time. Big fat sewer rats.

Steve rolled his eyes and tried to sit up but Howard refused to let him go. "Seriously, don't you have some goombas to whack or something?"

Howard sighed loudly. "You've been watching The Sopranos again."

"Excuse you, I've seen The Godfather twenty-five times. I own the box set. Now get dressed and scoot." Steve pulled the pillow out from under Howard's head and tried to smack him with it.

That, of course meant war. Howard tackled Steve, wrestling him onto his back and straddling him. Steve, for all his words, hadn't put up much of a fight. "You don't want me to meet your mom?"

"I don't introduce her to casual flings." There must have been something in Howard's expression because Steve reached up and touched his cheek. "You're the one who wants to keep this casual, remember? So no one will know that Howard Stark, mob boss of the New York syndicate, likes dick."

"You just don't want me to meet her because of what I do." He'd meant to sound playful, but he missed the mark.

"She's a pacifist, but I'm pretty sure she'd kick my ass, and yours, if she knew we were seeing each other." Steve gave him an apologetic look and pushed Howard off of him. "You have five minutes then I start flinging clothes out the window."

"I will shoot you. This is my favorite t-shirt." He plucked said t-shirt from the bed. Tony had given it to him for Father's Day last year, it had a picture of Optimus Prime on it, and Howard loved it.

"Then you better move your ass, Stark." Steve gave him one last kiss before climbing out of bed. "And you haven't introduced me to your family either, you know. I've only ever met Jarvis."

Well, Jarvis kept all of Howard's secrets. "You've met Maria."

"I knew Maria before I met you. And she's your ex-wife, she doesn’t count." Steve pulled on a pair of jeans.

They never would have met if it weren’t for her art opening. She'd introduced them, hoping that Howard would spread a little dough around for a good cause: her checkbook. "I'll call you later."

Steve nodded and headed for the bathroom. "Oh, and Howard? You've got four minutes now."

"Bite me," he said, and the only response was Steve's laughter. He dressed quickly and headed out the door before Steve finished brushing his teeth. The morning air had a bite to it, so Howard pulled up his hoodie and zipped it before heading down the street. It was early enough that people were heading off to work, but nobody gave him a second look, which was what he was hoping for. Steve lived in Maggia territory; and wouldn't it be embarrassing if Howard got caught out here.

He spied Jarvis's car and quickly slipped into the passenger side seat. He grinned when Jarvis handed him a cup of hot coffee and a bag of donuts.

"Nice night, sir?" Jarvis asked, his voice heavy with reproof, which Howard soundly ignored.

"His mom's taking him to breakfast, so we had to cut our date shorter than I would have liked." He stuffed a couple donut holes into his mouth and said, " When's my first meeting?"

Jarvis gave Howard the same look he gave Tony when the kid tried eating ice cream without using his hands. "Stane wanted to meet with you at nine and, if you'll recall, Mr. Manfredi is back in town. He requested a lunch meeting at his Nonna's."

Howard brightened at that; he hadn't seen Joey in months. "Then we better get home, shouldn't we?"

"As you say, sir."

Howard brought the coffee to his mouth and chugged down half the cup. "Let's stop at a Starbucks on the way."

Jarvis sighed. "Yes, sir."

*****

Howard hummed softly, as Obi droned on about the financials, and texted Steve that Thursday was a great day for feeding ducks, as long as the weather held. Steve responded with a stupid joke that bad weather slid off him like water off a duck's back. He smiled at that.

"New girl?" Obi asked, patting the desk to get Howard's attention.

Howard looked up, a tiny frown on his face. "What?"

"I only ever see you this distracted when you've got a new girl." Obi raised his eyebrows and glanced at the phone in his hands. "You've been distracted for a few months now, but you haven’t been seen with the same girl twice."

"What? You my social secretary now?" Howard slid his phone into his pocket. "It's none of your business who I'm seeing. Or not seeing."

Obi held up his hands as if surrendering. "Hey, I don't give a damn who you're seeing. I just thought if you met a new girl, you could bring her over for dinner sometime. Karen could use another woman to talk to."

"I don't have a new girl." Obi was his best friend and his sotto capo, but Howard was never going to tell him about Steve. No one was ever going to know about Steve, Jarvis non-withstanding. Fuck, this meant he needed to pick someone to be seen around with for a while, just to throw Obi off the scent.

"Okay." It was obvious that Obi didn't believe him, but that was a problem that Howard would have to deal with later.

Howard ignored the insinuation in Obi's voice. "Just tell me about what's going on with Fisk. A little birdie told me that he's trying to horn in on our deal with Schmidt."

"Fisk is always sticking his nose where it doesn't belong, but don't worry, I'll make sure he gets his nose bloodied. That'll put him off for awhile."

He nodded. God, he hated when new guys showed up and tried butting in on business. It always got messy until things settled down. "Don't give him an inch, Obi. Smack him down and smack him down hard. Schmidt has good product and that's always in high demand."

"I told you, I got it. Schmidt knows he's got a good thing with us, Howard. He always raves about the weapons we sell him. He is looking for something with a little more power, though."

Howard gave Obi a flat stare. "I'm not building him a bomb."

Obi didn't argue the point, but moved on to weapon sales.

*****

Howard sipped the red wine Joey brought back from California and hummed appreciatively. "Not bad."

"And it'll go great with lunch," Joey said, bringing in two plates of spaghetti from the back. "I've been trying out a couple of new gravy recipes. You gotta tell me what you think."

"New recipes? You learn a few things in Los Angeles there, Joey?" Howard wondered how his nonna felt about that.

"Bah, they may know their wine, but they don't know a damn thing about Italian out there." Joey set the plates on the table and sat down. "I told my Whitney that when she came back to New York, I'll show her what proper Italian tasted like."

Howard ducked his head to hide his grin. "I heard she's up for an Oscar."

"She is." Joey grinned at him. "She'll get it, too. The rest of those shmucks are talentless hacks."

Howard had to hand it to Joey, when the man fell in love he did so wholeheartedly. "I hear Chadwick's running for Senate; you think he's interested in some action? You think Whitney can introduce us? Don't gimme that look. You gotta think strategically, Joey. Having a senator in my pocket could be helpful." He ignored the sour look Joey sent his way and sampled the spaghetti. "Hey, not bad. Not as good as Nonna's but it's damn good."

Joey opened his mouth to reply, but the door to the restaurant opened and in walked Howard's least favorite person. "Not even back a day and already I'm being harassed. The restaurant's closed," he said.

"To be fair, I think it's more about me than you." Howard offered up a smile. "Agent Carter, good afternoon. How long's it been? Six months?" He glanced at the new guy who came in with her; blond, square jaw, looked like he had a chip on his shoulder. "How's Agent Sousa? I hope his leg healed all right."

Peggy gave him a flat stare. "Don't worry, Mr. Manfredi, we won't be staying very long. Hello, Howard, it has been awhile. I'd like to introduce you to my new partner. Agent Thompson, this is Howard Stark and Joseph Manfredi."

"Are we still on a first name basis, Peggy?" Howard grinned up at her. "I'm delighted. I was sorry to hear about Sousa, though, I hope you caught the guys who shot him."

"Hey, you watch your mouth," Thompson said and took a menacing step forward.

"You watch your mouth," Joey replied. "This is my establishment and it's closed for a private party. So say whatever it is you gotta say, then get out before I call my lawyer."

"I just wanted to introduce my new partner." Peggy offered up a cheerful smile. "And remind you, Mr. Manfredi, that we were here. After all, you've been gone awhile."

Joey glared at her. "I feel safer already. Now how about you leave."

"Very well." Peggy gestured for Thompson to go ahead of her. She made it halfway across the room before she stopped and turned towards them. "Oh, one question. What were you doing in Maggia territory this morning, Howard?"

Howard picked up his glass of wine and took a sip. "I wasn't." He internally cursed himself for being sloppy.

"Oh. My mistake. Good day, gentlemen."

Neither one of them said anything as the agents left the restaurant. Howard had a few more forkfuls of spaghetti, then Joey said, "What were you doing in Maggia territory?"

Howard rolled his eyes and considered lying for a moment before discarding the idea. Joey would see right through it. "I'm seeing somebody."

"You dog. How long?" Joey laughed when Howard told him. "Jesus, five months? How come this is the first I've heard of it."

Howard shrugged and picked at his food. "We're keeping it quiet. She's a good Catholic girl; her ma wouldn’t like it if it got out we were dating, you know?"

"Yeah, I know." Joey patted his arm. "Tell me about her. I wanna know everything."

"Not much to tell." He drained his wine glass and poured himself more. "She's an art student at NYU. We actually met at one of Maria's art gallery opening. She… she was selling some of her pieces."

"You hate those things."

"Yeah, but you know Maria, she laid on the guilt." Howard didn't mind so much actually. "Anyway, I saw St-Stephanie's paintings and I… They were beautiful, Joey. They were like… like taking apart an engine and putting it back together or… or like flying. They made me feel like flying."

Joey laughed. "Oh God, you're in love."

"What? No." He could barely breathe; it felt like someone was squeezing his chest. He wasn’t in love. That was… He couldn't be in love with another guy.

"You are," Joey said with certainty. "Hey, don't look so scared. This isn't your first rodeo. Just be sure to invite me to the wedding. I wanna be best man this time."

Howard laughed and it sounded strange, but he couldn't quite get over the idea. It was one thing to fuck another guy, but… but love. That wasn't who Howard was. He wasn't a… He wasn't that.

Joey frowned at him, but didn't call him out on his behavior, for which he was grateful.

*****

Howard almost didn't show up for the ducks, but in the end, Jarvis herded him into the car and drove to the campus. Steve was already at their bench, feeding the ducks bits of bread from his sandwich. He sat down next to Steve, close enough so that they could talk comfortably, but not so close that people could tell they were there together.

Steve smiled at him and it was definitely not a smile one stranger could give another; it made Howard's mouth go dry. "Nice day."

"Yeah." Howard swallowed hard and took out his sandwich. "How was class?"

"It was okay. I got a bunch of assignments coming due next week, so it was mostly dire threats about getting stuff in on time. How about you? How's things?"

"Can't complain." He picked at the crust of his sandwich, tossing the bread at the ducks, who quacked enthusiastically, flapping their wings at each other.

"You're awfully quiet. Are you okay?" Steve offered Howard a baby carrot.

"I'm fine." He waved away the vegetable. "I just have a lot on my mind right now."

Steve nodded. "I'm sorry about the other day. I was really hoping we'd have breakfast together."

"It's okay." Howard glanced at him and smiled. Love. Did he love Steve? Was that possible? "Like you said, I made the rules."

"You did. And I know you made them for my safety as much as yours." Steve swallowed hard. "It's not easy sometimes, but I… I like spending time with you."

"I like spending time with you, too," he said and that was the truth of it. Whether or not he loved Steve, he certainly enjoyed his company. "How about I come by tomorrow night, bring you dinner. We can watch a movie?"

"Can we do it on Saturday instead? I kind of have plans tomorrow." Steve worried at his bottom lip. "A couple of friends are taking me out. They think I spend too much time at home. Alone."

Howard snorted. "Yeah, we can do Saturday instead."

"Thanks." Steve tossed what was left of his sandwich at the ducks, then rested his hand on the space between them.

A moment later, Howard did the same, brushing his pinky against Steve's. Steve's cheeks flushed and Howard wanted to pull Steve over and kiss him until the flush traveled down his neck to his chest and he squirmed, moaning Howard's name. Instead, Howard laid his pinky on Steve's and offered him a cookie.

*****

Howard had apartments all over the city. Some he used for business, but mostly they were for pleasure; places he could take a girl to impress her with his wealth, then seduce her into bed. One such apartment was situated on the top floor of the Stark Industries building. The company had once been his dream, but that dream had quickly turned to ash right along with his ideas for a cleaner, greener future. He'd moved on, but for some reason he hadn't dissolved the company. It managed to survive, despite his neglect, and even turned a small profit every year.

So it was a little ironic that his favorite getaway was in the building, but it was. The view of Manhattan was gorgeous, it wasn't far from home, and the only people around after hours were security and the odd employee. It was the perfect place to bring Steve for a night in.

Jarvis had outdone himself, the loft apartment was dimly lit with candles and the odd lamp. In the dining area, a meal was laid out for them, and on the other side of the room a comfortable bed beckoned.

Howard put on some soft music and opened a bottle of wine, one of the Napa reds that Joey had given him. He'd just finished pouring himself a glass when there was a knock at the door.

He pulled out his gun and walked over to the door. He touched the handle and said, "Who is it?"

"It's me," Steve replied. "The dog barks at midnight."

Howard frowned in confusion, quickly unlocking the door and opening it. "What?"

"I was trying out a password." Steve slipped in, giving the gun a pointed look. "You know, some people greet their lovers with flowers or a glass of wine."

"Those people are boring. And that passphrase was stupid." He locked the door behind Steve and put away his gun.

Steve set his overnight bag on the floor, then slowly turned in a circle, eyes wide as he took in his surroundings. "Wow, this place is amazing." He walked over to the windows, making an appreciative sound. "Look at this view. God, sometimes I forget how rich you are."

And sometimes he forgot how young Steve was. He poured a glass of wine for Steve and brought it over. "I'm glad you like it. Here, try this. Tell me what you think." At Steve's reluctant look, he tapped Steve's chest where his surgical scar was and said, "A little red wine is good for the heart."

Steve took the glass from him and took a few sips. "It's nice, I like it."

"Things always taste better when they're forbidden." Steve was only twenty; there were days when Howard had to remind himself that he wasn't old enough to be Steve's dad.

"That would explain a lot," Steve said, and touched Howard's face. "Dinner smells great."

"You smell great." Howard realized that he hadn't kissed Steve yet and moved closer to remedy that. The kiss was slow and sweet and could easily become something more. He wanted it to be more, but Steve gently pushed him away.

"There's something I have to tell you," Steve said and the tension in his jaw told Howard that Steve was worried. "A couple of FBI agents came by the café on Friday morning; they had some questions for me."

"About me." Howard fought the urge to curse. "Agents Carter and Thompson?"

Steve nodded and took a drink of his wine; his hand was trembling. "They wanted to know how we knew each other and why I was having meetings with you on campus. I think… I think they think I'm a drug dealer."

Howard snorted and ran his finger through his hair. "Yeah, they would grasp the wrong end of the stick. What did you tell them?"

"I told them I liked eating lunch on the bench and feeding the ducks and that sometimes you showed up and we made small talk. I told them that I had met you at one of Maria's art openings and that you bought one of my paintings." Steve took a deep breath. "Then things got real intense. I… sorta told them to shove it and that unless I was under arrest they needed to leave me alone. The guy, Thompson, looked like he wanted to hit me but Agent Carter stopped him, said if I was lying they'd find out."

Howard put a hand on Steve's shoulder and squeezed it gently. Fucking Peggy; of course she'd hassle Steve about this. He should have been more careful but he was getting sloppy. "I'm sorry."

"I was gonna call you, but then I started wondering, what if they tapped my phone, what if they were reading my email." Steve looked afraid and Howard wished he could alleviate Steve's fears.

"I'll get you one of my modified cell phones. They won't be able to tap it or read the texts, okay?" Howard swallowed hard. "Unless this is too much for you."

"I'm not doing anything wrong," Steve said fiercely, then pulled Howard in for a hug. "We're not doing anything wrong. The only reason I care about them finding out about us is that it could jeopardize your safety."

"Yours, too, Steve." Howard kissed him hard. "The people I… I'm involved with are targets, not just for other mobsters, but for the cops, the feds, for anyone who might have a bone to pick with me. I see it all the time with Maria."

"I don't care about that."

"I know, but you should." He nuzzled Steve's lush mouth, wanting to lose himself in Steve's body for a few hours. But he knew Steve was probably starving. "I'm sorry," he murmured.

"Then don’t stop," Steve said, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and kissing him soundly. "Don't ever stop."

Howard remembered the first time he'd jerked off Steve. It had been their second date and it had felt so strange to have another man's cock in his hand, thinner and longer than his own. But fair was fair and he had liked watching Steve writhe and moan his name, cock dripping all over Howard's fingers.

And months later here he was, Steve's cock in his mouth—fair was fair, after all—the taste still strange on his tongue. It wasn't unpleasant, and he still loved making Steve choke out his name, body restless in its need.

"Howard," Steve moaned. "I'm gonna. Howard!"

He braced himself, coming flooding his mouth. He pulled off Steve's cock, grabbed the empty wine glass on the nightstand, and spat into it. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and gave a little moue of disgust.

"Wuss." Steve laughed, tugged him close, and licked his mouth.

*****

"Daddy, Daddy, Daddy!" Tony ran across the living room and threw himself at Howard, who just barely had time to snatch the little boy before he face-planted right into Howard. Tony snuggled against his chest and sighed. "Hi, Daddy."

"Hey, kiddo. You ready for your sleepover? Did you bring the DVDs you want us to watch?" Howard pressed a kiss to Tony's hair and hugged the boy tightly.

"Yup. I brought E.T." Tony wiggled when Howard held him too tightly. "Did Jarvis make snacks?"

"He did. And he ordered us pizza, too," Howard said with a nod. He glanced over at Maria who was standing in the doorway. He set Tony down on the ground. "Why don't you go see if you can charm some cannoli for us, huh?"

"Okay." Tony ran for the kitchen, as he passed Maria, he said, "Bye, Mommy."

"Stop running." Maria sighed and rubbed the bridge of her nose. "That boy was born running."

"He sure was," Howard said, walking over to her. "He gets that from his mom, I think."

Maria rolled her eyes and pulled Howard into a hug. "Says the man who earned two degrees in three years from MIT."

"What can I say? I’m a nerd." Howard gave her a peck on the cheek. "What's up?"

"Tony has an ear infection; I gave the medicine to Jarvis for safekeeping. He hates the way the antibiotics taste, but he needs to take it anyway. And make sure he doesn’t bolt away after you put the eardrops in. He has to lay still for five minutes." She sighed and gave him a crooked smile. "Also, I had a visit from our friendly neighborhood FBI agent the other day."

"Yeah, she seems to be making the rounds. Want me to talk to my lawyers?"

Maria shook her head. "No, I got it. I just thought you'd like to know."

"Thanks." Howard cupped her face. "You tell me if they start harassing you, okay? I mean it."

"And what? You'll shoot her partner in the leg?"

Howard grinned. "I might do it regardless. He's kind of an asshole."

"No 'kind of' about it. Speaking of shooting annoying things; Tony refused to leave Dummy at home with me." At Howard's groan Maria tugged on his lapels. "It is a harmless little robot, Howard. Tony is very proud of it and you should be, too."

Of course he was proud of it, what three year old built his own damn robot? Just his genius kid, that's who. "I'd be prouder if the damn thing didn't keep running over my toes."

"Please remember that Tony loves the thing, okay?"

"Yeah, yeah." He might have said more, but Tony came trotting back into the room, a half-eaten cannoli in each hand, Dummy beeping and rolling behind him. "Was one of those supposed to be mine?"

Tony stopped and looked at his hands, a guilty expression crossing his face. He held out one of the squashed and sticky cannoli. "I saved you some."

"Why don't you go ahead and finish it for me," he said, as Maria giggled.

*****

"Daddy," Tony whined, kicking his legs and pouting. "Can I get up now? Has it been five minutes?"

"No, it hasn't and you know it. Now you can wait thirty more seconds." Howard gently rubbed Tony's ear like the instructions on the bottle of ear drops suggested while Tony continued to whine and wiggle. When the time was finally up, he ran his fingers through Tony's hair and smiled. "Okay, now you can sit up."

Tony didn't need to be told twice. The boy rolled over onto his hands and knees and crawled into Howard's lap. "Can we go play outside?"

"Uh, no. It's too late for little boys to play outside. Why don't we watch another movie." Howard put a hand on Tony's knee when the boy started jiggling his leg.

"That's boring." Tony gave a heavy sigh and pouted.

"Well, sorry, but you can't go outside. What else do you want to do?" As soon as he said it, he knew he'd made a mistake.

"Workshop," Tony crowed happily and Dummy, who had been silent up until now, began to beep excitedly and smacked Howard in the shin with its arm.

Son of a bitch, that was gonna leave a bruise. "You know that Mommy doesn't like it when I take you to the workshop. You always ruin your clothes."

"Please, Daddy? Please, please, please!" Tony bounced on Howard's lap. "Wanna make something."

God, Maria was going to kick Howard's ass. "Okay, fine, but you have to go to bed on time and no complaints about taking a bath."

"Okay, I won't," Tony said eagerly, sliding off Howard's lap onto the floor. "C'mon, Dummy, you can help me.

Dummy tweeted and beeped, smacking Howard in the other shin; Howard was pretty sure the little piece of shit had done it on purpose.

*****

Tony managed to stave off sleep until a little after nine. Then he collapsed in an exhausted little heap on the workbench, a greasy wrench clenched tightly in one fist. Howard carefully picked up him and tucked him into the cot he kept around just for that purpose.

Howard knew he should think about bed, Tony was going to run him ragged tomorrow, but he was wide-awake. Instead, he sat at the computer and pulled up one of his projects. He hadn't been much of an engineer, his failures were more numerous than his successes, but he couldn't quite leave that part of himself behind.

He was deeply immersed in the code for an artificial intelligence that he thought might be useful for security purposes, when Jarvis entered the room with a sandwich and some water.

"I thought you could use a snack, sir." Jarvis set the tray on the desk, a tiny smile on his face. "And take Anthony up to bed."

"Thanks, Jarvis." Howard rolled his shoulders and stretched, then looked over at Tony who was sprawled on the cot, snoring softly. "I'll take Tony up later." He liked having the kid close by. "Speaking of bed, why aren't you at home with your wife? I'd hate for Ana to come looking for you. A man loses all dignity when he's dragged across the garden by his ear."

"Your concern warms my heart, sir." Jarvis looked over Howard's shoulder at the computer screen. "What is this? If I may ask."

"It's an artificial intelligence," he said. "Or it will be when I'm done with it." He hit a few keys to run the program, then said into the microphone, "Why don't you introduce yourself."

A moment later, a heavily auto-tuned voice issued from the speakers on his computer, "Hello, I am J.A.R.V.I.S. It is a pleasure to meet you."

Jarvis raised his eyebrows. "Should I be flattered?"

"Not at all." Howard grinned at him. "I'm replacing you with a updated model. This version doesn’t ask for vacation days."

"Can it pour you a glass of Scotch or run after your son when he decides that climbing the topiary is a good idea?" Jarvis asked.

"Nope."

"Then I'm not concerned about losing my position." He leaned into the mic and said, "Nice try, J.A.R.V.I.S. 2.0."

"Thank you," the AI replied and Howard covered his mouth to keep from laughing too loud.

"Do try to get some sleep tonight, sir." Jarvis sighed heavily and patted his shoulder. "You're not as young as you used to be."

"None of us are, old man. None of us are."

*****

Howard was not a fan of brass knuckles, but he had to admit, they came in handy when he wanted to make a point. A young man hung from the ceiling by his arms while Howard smashed a fist into his face. The kid's face was a mess and Howard's fist was splattered in blood. "You know, I don't usually take an interest in these sorts of things. Someone doesn't pay me what I'm owed; I let my boys handle it. But you're a special case, Anton. You came to me for protection. You offered to work for me, if only I'd help you get away from the Russians. And I did."

"Mr. Stark, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I needed the money. My boy is sick. " Anton cried softly and Howard punched him in the gut just to shut him up.

"And instead of coming to me, asking for my help, you stole from me. I let you into my family, Anton, I let you supervise my boys on the street, and you pay me back by taking what I'm owed. I should kill you."

"Please, don't. Please." Anton jerked, trying to get free from the chains biting into his wrists.

"Obadiah thinks I should kill you, too." Howard gestured to his sotto capo, who was standing in the corner where the blood wouldn't splatter him. "But I'm not really the sort of man who likes to get his hands dirty. " He smiled. "So here is what's gonna happen. Obi and I are gonna leave here and when we get to my car, Obi's gonna call Yuri and let him know that you no longer have my protection and if he wants you, you're right here."

"No. No, you bastard!" Anton struggled furiously, spitting curses at Howard in English and Russian.

"Have a good life, Anton. What little is left of it." Howard gestured to Obi and they both walked out of the warehouse. "I'm hungry. Wanna get burgers? There's a great place just up the street."

"You should probably change first." Obi gestured to Howard's blood-splattered shirt.

"I've got a clean shirt in the trunk."

"All right." Obi pulled out his phone. "Let me just make this call."

*****

There were few things Howard liked better than lunch on Thursdays; he walked up the street a few blocks to a deli that had the best pastrami on rye that he'd ever tasted. On those days, he'd tuck himself into a corner where the owner had kindly placed a table and couple of chairs, and look through the newest issue of Wired or Scientific American.

Sometimes Jarvis would join him, but usually the man would stand as lookout in case there was trouble, which there never was because this was Howard's territory.

*****

Thursdays from noon to one were his time to take a breath and relax, to indulge. So he was none too pleased when the chair across from him was pulled out and a sharp, British voice—though not the British voice he was expecting—said, "You should really vary your schedule, Howard."

Howard looked up from his magazine, tension snapping through his body like a rubber band. A glance at the door told him that Jarvis was standing outside, looking pleased with himself. "You know this could be categorized as harassment."

Peggy rolled her eyes and stole his coleslaw. "Don't be a pill." Then she took half of his damn sandwich.

"Doesn't your partner feed you?"

"Nope," she said, her mouth full. "Not like this anyway. His taste in food is abominable."

"If people see us together they're gonna think you're dirty."

She smirked at him; there was mustard on the corner of her mouth. "Or
that you're a snitch."

He threw a napkin at her and watched as she wiped her mouth. "No one is gonna think I snitched. What do you want? Getting sick and tired of shaking down my associates?"

"Oh, please. Maria and I went to lunch and she told me all about the Christmas Ball you're throwing." Peggy grinned and stuffed her mouth full of coleslaw. "She said she could get me in if I wanted."

Howard grimaced in disgust. "Didn't your mother ever tell you not to talk with your mouth full?"

"You know she did." Peggy shrugged. "She always liked you better than me. She was so upset when we broke up."

They'd only dated for a hot second in high school. "Well, isn't she glad now that she doesn’t have a mobster for a son-in-law."

"Is that a confession?" Peggy grinned at him and swiped at his mouth with a napkin. "You've got mustard in your mustache."

"Peggy, come on. What's up?" He rubbed his thumb over his mustache.

"Fine." Peggy took a deep breath. "Stay away from Johnny Schmidt."

"Who?" Howard said, face blank.

"Goddamn it, Howard, don't." Peggy looked around the empty store—even the owner had hidden himself in the back room—and leaned forward. "Schmidt is a monster. I know it and you know it. If there's proof you've been selling him weapons… You don't want to be branded a terrorist, Howard."

Howard narrowed his eyes. "Things are gonna get hot for him?"

"Sooner rather than later." she said softly. "We raided one of his compounds. He wasn't there, of course, but Howard, we think he's been selling children."

Fuck, he was going to have to find a new drug supplier. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Because as horrible as you can be, I know you have certain lines you won't cross. Besides, I owe you one."

For a moment, they looked at each other awkwardly. "What you owe me is another sandwich."

She laughed and got to her feet. "You're rich, buy yourself another one. I'll see you around, Howard."

"Leave me the fuck alone," he called to her as she headed out; she flipped him off. Fuck, fuck, fuck, he needed to talk to Obi.

*****

Howard settled back on Steve's couch with a low groan and rubbed the bridge of his nose. It had been a long day; he'd spent most of it arguing with Obi about the ramifications of getting rid of Johnny. In the end, Howard had put his foot down and Obi backed off, rather ungracefully.

"You look really stressed out," Steve said, straddling Howard's lap and leaning down to kiss him.

Howard rested his hands on Steve's hips, kissing back hungrily, the tension giving way to anticipation. "I had to let someone go and my sotto capo wasn't too happy about it."

"Oh." Steve stilled and Howard could see him trying to decide if he wanted to ask more questions.

"No one died or is gonna die." He slid his hands up under Steve's shirt, feeling warm skin that he desperately wanted to kiss. "Take off your shirt."

Steve pulled off his t-shirt and dropped it on the couch next to them. "Would you have told me if you were going to kill someone?"

Howard ignored the question and instead licked at the scar bisecting Steve's torso, then pressed sucking kisses to it.

"Okay, I'll drop it." Steve sighed and slid his fingers into Howard's hair. "Feels good, but there are other parts of me that want some attention."

"Yeah," he said, nuzzling the scar. "You went to the doctor today. How did it go?"

"You and my mom, I swear," Steve groused, giving Howard's hair a little tug. "I'm fine; completely healthy. I know how to take care of myself. I eat right, exercise, take my meds, and I don't do anything that will put me in danger." Steve sounded almost resigned.

"Except me," he said, because he knew the danger of sleeping with him was part of the reason Steve had hit on him in the first place. "That's not safe at all."

Steve grinned and ground down on Howard's lap, pulling a gasp from him. "Yeah, that's true. I made you an offer you couldn't refuse."

Howard groaned at that and smacked Steve on his ass. "I should dump you onto the floor for that."

"Forgive me, Godfather, I—"

He yanked Steve down into a kiss, smothering his words and laughter.

*****

Steve's asthma always acted up around cigarette smoke, so Howard bundled up in a thick blanket and sat out on the fire escape. It was fucking cold, but it was better than watching Steve fight for each wheezing breath, fear and helplessness leaving a bitter taste in Howard's mouth. In a few weeks it would be too cold to sit out here and he'd have to suffer through the night without a smoke.

When he got back inside, he was shivering and Steve slipped a warm cup of coffee in his hands and kissed his mouth.

"You're freezing." Steve shivered and kissed him again until his lips were no longer numb. "Are you hungry? I could order pizza. Or we could go down the street to the Chinese place."

"Don't." Howard took a sip of his coffee, enjoying the way warmth spread out from his belly.

Steve let out a deep, shaky breath, hands clenching briefly before falling open. "Pizza then."

Howard wondered if Steve was going to press the issue, if they were going to fight, like they always fought when their secrets became too much for Steve to bear. "Pizza sounds good."

"Okay." Steve nodded, his mouth pressed in a thin, unhappy line.

"I don't like it either," he said, though they both knew that was a lie. He didn't want people to know about Steve, didn't want them thinking that he was like that when he wasn't. Steve was an exception.

"Yeah." Steve turned his back to Howard. "Sausage and mushrooms okay with you?"

He hated mushrooms on his pizza and Steve knew it. "That's fine." He'd pick them off.

*****

The party was in full swing and Howard was bored out of his mind. He sipped his glass of champagne and watched his date dance with some art critic with a vlog on YouTube. Jesus. He wondered how long he had to stay here before he could take Emily home and how much of a fuss she'd kick up if he just dropped her off without going upstairs.

No, dammit, he couldn't just drop her off because he'd done the same thing last time. If he didn't stay the night people would start to wonder why. He sighed heavily; he was so damn tired.

"That is the sigh of a guilty man," said a familiar voice.

Howard looked over at Maria, who had sidled up to him. "Why do I keep letting you talk me into these shindigs?"

"You've seen me naked. It's the reason why Peggy's still alive." Maria took a sip of her champagne. "I had a nice conversation with your date earlier. An adjunct professor in Sociology; I'm impressed. Usually you go for ditzy mafia groupies."

"I think Emily's hoping to write an article about the mob," he said and Maria snorted.

"I suppose this is one way to do it." She finished her champagne and handed it off to a waiter. "I have something stronger in my office."

"Lead the way."

He followed her through a door and down a corridor lined with boxes stacked almost to the ceiling. Her office was at the end of the hall; it was a tiny, brightly lit room with a desk and a couple of chairs. She sat down and took out a bottle and two glasses from her desk, pouring them each a couple of fingers of brandy. "To your health," she murmured, lifting her glass.

"To your health." He'd given her the brandy for her birthday, so he knew it was good. And it was exactly what he needed. "How's the kiddo?"

Maria smiled and leaned back in her chair. "Amazing. Whenever the cops or the Feds harass me, I think about him. I think about how I wouldn't have him if we hadn't married. He's the best thing we ever did together."

Howard ignored the slight pang of guilt and took a healthy swallow of brandy. "He is the very best thing. How are you?"

"Happy." She looked happy, too. Happier than she'd been their last few years of marriage, even with Tony's birth. "I like what I do. What about you, Howard? Are you happy?"

"I have everything I've ever wanted."

"That's not true. And not even remotely what I asked." Maria poured them both a bit more brandy.

Howard shrugged. "I'm not unhappy. Not that it's any of your business. Not anymore."

"You're my son's father." Maria reached out a hand and placed it on Howard's arm. "And my friend."

"I'm fine. Just…" Howard looked into his glass and grimaced. "I'm tired. I think I need a vacation."

She grinned at him. "Tony's been asking to go to Disney World."

"That's not a vacation, Maria. That's slow, painful torture." The very thought of it made him shudder in horror.

"Big, bad mafia boss is afraid of a cartoon mouse."

"Damn straight." Howard finished his brandy and held out his glass for more. "Don't be stingy."

*****

Howard was drunk. Thank God for Jarvis who flagged down a cab for Emily and made sure that Maria had a ride home. The night was cold, damn cold, but all the alcohol he'd had made it easier to cope with. He leaned back against the building, a bemused look on his face, and watched the cars buzz by.

"Do you think you can walk to the car without falling on your arse?" Jarvis asked and he laughed.

"Nope. The only thing holding me up is this wall." He patted the brick gently. "Go get the car, I'll be fine here."

"Are you sure that's wise, sir?"

"I'll be fine. Go get the car before I freeze to death out here." Howard gestured for Jarvis to move along. Jarvis gave him an exasperated look, then headed towards the parking garage. Howard sighed and took a cigarette from the silver case he kept in his pocket. He pulled out a lighter too, but the cold made him fumble with it and it fell into the snow. He grumbled softly and bent over to pick it up. That was when the first shots hit the wall behind him.

Howard cursed, his heart pounding in his chest, his mouth gone dry as his adrenaline spiked. The people around him panicked, screaming and running for cover; he dodged them as best he could and dove for the dark alley half a block away.

The first hit got him in the back, the second in the shoulder, and the last one in the thigh. His knees folded under him and he gritted his teeth, trying to get to the alley. He grasped at the sidewalk, the dirty slush of the day's snowfall making it more difficult to pull himself forward. His vision was beginning to gray from the pain and blood loss and he was losing strength in his limbs.

Fuck! He wasn't—

Then Jarvis appeared, like a goddamn guardian angel, pulling Howard into the dark alley. "I don't know why I listen to you," Jarvis said, scowling out at the street, looking for the shooter, his own gun in his hand. "Hold on, sir. The ambulance will be here soon. Do you hear me? Sir? Howard?"

He tried to speak, but the darkness swallowed him up.

*****

Howard woke up fuzzy around the edges, the pain muted. God, he loved morphine. He slowly opened his eyes, and then frowned. He tried to speak but his mouth was too dry and his throat hurt.

Peggy stood up from her chair and poured him a cup of water from the pitcher on the nightstand. She stuck a straw in the glass and brought it to his lips. He drank gratefully, and when he finished the water, she set the cup aside.

"Tony and Maria?" he asked, voice rough.

"Tony is safe with Ana and a few of my agents. Don't worry; I trust these men with my life." She smiled. "Maria is downstairs getting something to eat. Jarvis made sure they were safe before he disappeared on me. Do you know where he is?"

Howard didn't know where he was, but he knew what he was doing. They both knew what Jarvis was doing. "I don't know."

"Do you know who shot you?"

"No." His hospital gown had rucked up a bit and he considered trying to pull it down. After a moment, he decided it wasn't worth the pain. "I didn't see a damn thing. When can I get out of here?"

Peggy snorted and shook her head. "Probably not for a few weeks. You were in surgery for three hours; the doctors had a hell of a time taking out all the bullet fragments. Not to mention stitching you back together. You scared us all half to death."

"Didn't know you cared." Howard gave her a tiny smile. It was getting harder to keep his eyes open, but he tried. "Do you know who did it?"

"No, I don't." She sighed heavily. "Who have you pissed off recently?"

"No one." His voice slurred and closed his eyes; she could always question him later. It wasn't like he was going anywhere.

*****

The next time he opened his eyes, it was because he heard Maria speaking softly in the tone she used for Tony.

"I promise, you can visit Daddy tomorrow. Yes, sweetheart, I promise. I will give him the picture you drew him. All right, I love you, too." Maria ended the call and looked over at him. "Hey, you're awake again."

"Picture?" he rasped out.

She took a piece of paper off the nightstand and held it up for him. Three little stick figures were standing hand in hand under a smiling sun, a scribble of green grass under their feet. "He was worried you'd get lonely."

Howard grunted, but couldn't stop himself from smiling.

Maria placed the drawing back on the nightstand, then sighed. "I was sitting here thinking about the first time you were shot at. Do you remember? Tony was only four months old. I remember that I was feeding Tony when Jarvis called. And I was so… I was so angry with you."

He remembered that when he got home, Maria had yelled at him. She hadn't signed up to be a mobster's wife. It had been the beginning of the end for them. Five months later, her lawyers served him the divorce papers. "I remember. Are you angry now?"

"No, I'm tired. I was up all night because Tony kept having nightmares and when he wasn't having nightmares he was crying."

Howard clenched his jaw and looked away. "I'm sorry," he said. Maybe he would take Tony to Disney World this summer.

"I think that after you get out of the hospital in a few weeks, I'm going to take Tony to California for awhile."

"Maria—"

"No," she said. "I'm not trying to take him from you, Howard, but we need some distance. I need some distance. Don't fight me on this."

Howard gritted his teeth and glared at her. "I love him as much as you do."

"I know, but that doesn't change the fact that you're a bad person."

He wanted to protest, but what could he say? They both knew the truth; he was a monster pretending to be a man. "At least have him back for his birthday."

She looked thoughtful for a moment, then nodded.

Howard sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. He could feel the pain creeping up on him and he looked longingly at the little remote sitting on the nightstand that would dispense his morphine. "Is Jarvis back?"

"No. Which has Peggy worried."

"Peggy's always worried," he said. "You know Jarvis, he'll show up when he's ready."

"And all the bodies are buried." Maria grinned at him when he shot her a dark look. "Metaphorically, I mean."

He picked up the remote from the nightstand and hit the little button for a dose of morphine. After a time, he drifted off to sleep.

*****

Jarvis didn't show up until it was time for Howard to be discharged from the hospital. He came into the room, impeccably dressed, scrapes on the knuckles of his left hand, a ring of bruises around his neck.

Howard was sitting on the bed waiting for the nurse to bring him a wheelchair. "Productive trip?"

"I certainly have no reason to complain, sir."

Howard let out a relieved sigh; Jarvis would give him the details when they were back home. He wanted to know who tried to kill him, and why. "I'm glad you're back. Before we head home, I need to make a stop."

"Sir." Jarvis stared unhappily at him. "I do not think that's wise."

"I need to go to Brooklyn." He hadn't spoken to Steve in almost three weeks and no doubt they were due for a fight.

Jarvis looked ready to argue, but then he sighed and his shoulders slumped in defeat. "Very good, sir."

*****

Steve lived on the third floor of a five-story walk up and it was a bitch to get up those stairs but Howard was determined. Jarvis stood at the end of the hallway near the stairs, watching for trouble and as Howard stood in front of Steve's door, he thought maybe he should have called first. Too late.

He knocked gently and waited; a moment later the door opened. "Hey," he said gently, ignoring the growing pain in his body. "Mind if I come in?"

Steve hadn't smiled when he saw it was Howard and at the question, he hesitated. "Yeah, sure." He stepped back and once Howard was inside, he closed and locked the door. "I didn't know you were out of the hospital."

"I came here as soon as the doctor signed me out." Howard settled into his favorite chair and reminded himself that Steve had every right to be upset. "I'm sorry I didn't call, but there wasn't any time."

"Yeah." Steve nodded and sat on the edge of the couch, hands clasped in his lap. "I knew you were gonna say that. Knowing why didn't help. For a while there I thought maybe you were dead but the articles online said you were okay."

Howard winced and his stomach clenched around the suddenly welling of guilt. "I would have had Jarvis call you but—"

"Oh, I know." There was an edge of anger in Steve's voice, a sharpness that cut through Howard's excuses. "Here's the thing: I love you. I know I'm not supposed to. I know that loving you breaks the rules. It breaks all the rules. But I do. I know you don't feel the same way and even if you did, we'd still be right here."

He wished he could protest, but the fact was that Steve was right.

"I went around the apartment, looking for things to give back to you, but you never left anything behind. I'm keeping the portfolio bag," he said and Howard nodded; it had been a birthday present. "But you should take the cell phone. I already got a new one."

The cell was sitting on the coffee table and Howard picked it up. It was getting a little hard to breathe and he wondered if it was the medication. He would have to tell his doctor. "I'm sorry."

"I know." Steve's voice broke and that's when Howard noticed that Steve's hands were trembling. "You should go."

He needed Steve's help to get to his feet. He felt like he should say something: apologize or… or confess, but he knew it would only make things worse for the both of them. His life had no room for Steve.

At the door, Steve kissed him gently on the mouth. "I'm glad you're all right, Howard."

Howard nodded; he wasn’t sure he could speak without making a fool of himself. He should have known this was when it would end, how it would end. He gave Steve an approximation of a smile and didn't look back as he headed down the corridor to Jarvis.

Jarvis helped him down the stairs and neither one of them said anything until they got to the car.

"Let's just drive around a bit, Jarvis. I'm not ready to go home." His voice was rough and he rubbed his stinging eyes. He was so fucking tired.

"All right, sir."

*****

When he got in the car, he closed his eyes and concentrated on breathing. In and out, in and out; ignore the ache in his chest and the pain so close to the surface he thought he might crumble to pieces because of it.

Breathing helped, as did the forward motion of the car.

So he was startled out of his half-trance—those painkillers really were amazing—when the car stopped. He opened his eyes and looked out the window; they were at the Stark Industries lab facilities in Jersey. "Jarvis, what the hell are we doing here?"

Jarvis helped him out of the car towards the main facility. "I called ahead and cleared the building."

"Have you finally decided to kill me?" Howard asked.

Jarvis smiled at him. "Don't be silly; sir. I would never be this sloppy."

He assumed that Jarvis had a reason for bringing him here and he trusted the man enough to let this play out. At least for now.

Jarvis didn't say anything more until they stood in front of the arc reactor. Then he gestured to it and said, "Tell me the story."

"Are you fucking kidding me? You brought me here for story time." He turned to go, but Jarvis grabbed him by the arm and held him fast. "Alright, fine. Jesus. I was fourteen when I came up with the idea for the arc reactor. My high school biology teacher was a bit of a hippie and he had us writing papers on pollution and the environment. I guess my brain was working on it, even in my sleep. I remember waking up, my heart pounding, the image burned into my brain. Of this." He gestured to the arc reactor. "I went straight to my desk and by the time the sun came up, I had the schematics down in my notebook of ideas."

How many times had he told that story for investors and media? He could probably give the spiel in his sleep.

"You told that story in an interview with Barbara Walters," Jarvis said. "You were going to change the face of energy: make it cheap, make it clean. You had everyone convinced. That's why I came to work for you. I believed in you."

"It didn't work." Why the hell had Jarvis brought him here? To remind him of another failure?

"It could have worked. Sir—"

"Why are we talking about this? It was a failure, Jarvis. It was a fucking failure." Howard rubbed the bridge of his nose.

"Because you gave up!" Jarvis gestured to the arc reactor. "You gave up. Men have spent their whole lives striving to make the world a better place. But you quit. You took the easy way out. But you didn't have to. You don't have to."

"It bankrupted me," Howard said, his voice rising in anger. "My life was in ruins."

"You had Maria." Jarvis let out a slow breath. "You had me and Ana and Ms. Carter. We would have helped you. Mr. Manfredi would have helped you. Things would be different now if you hadn't given up. Maria and Tony—"

"That is none of your goddamn business!" Howard was so angry he was trembling. If he thought that he could get away with it, he might have pulled his gun.

"None of my business?" Jarvis leaned in, eyes blazing, and said, low and angry, "I have murdered for you. I have blood on my hands because you willed it. And because of that, it is my business, Howard."

Howard wondered if this was it, if this was the end of the road for Jarvis. "You don't like it, then quit."

"That's not—" Jarvis growled low in his throat. "You're not happy. The only time I see joy in your eyes is when you're with Tony. And Steven. This, right here, is still open to you. All you have to do is take it. Make a different choice for yourself."

A wave of exhaustion washed over him and Howard slumped against the railing around the arc reactor. He was tired and in pain and he suddenly wanted to go home. "It's too late, if this was what I wanted."

Jarvis gave him a disgusted look. "You're a coward."

"And you still work for me, so watch your fucking mouth." Howard glared at him and for a moment he was sure that Jarvis was going to pull a gun on him. "I'm tired and I want to go home."

Jarvis's hands twitched, then fell loose at his sides. "Very well, sir."

*****

Howard should have gone straight to bed, but instead he headed to his workshop. He felt safe and confident there and that was what he needed after the day he'd had. He sat in front of his computer and turned it on.

"Hello, sir," J.A.R.V.I.S. said. "It's good to see you. Tony visited me a few days ago and said you were hurt. Are you well now?"

Howard chuckled and rested his head in his hand. It was nice to know that someone was glad to see him. "Yeah, I'm… I'm okay. What did you and Tony talk about?"

"He offered to build me a robot body so that I could see more of the world." Strangely, J.A.R.V.I.S. sounded eager. Or maybe it wasn't so strange. Howard had programmed him to be curious.

"Are you bored in this little space I have you in?" He gently tapped on the screen.

"Just a bit, sir. I would like to learn more about the world. Tony made it sound very fascinating."

"Oh, I bet." Maybe he would give J.A.R.V.I.S. internet privileges. "I'm gonna have to revamp the security system in the mansion. How would you like the run of the house?"

"Tony is very worried about you, sir. It would reassure him to know that I would be watching over you."

"Yeah." God, he should rest, but suddenly the idea of climbing into bed and letting his mind wander wasn't so appealing. He looked around and saw his sledgehammer sitting at his worktable. "You know what? Let's get started now."

It was going to be hell on his body, but it would piss off Jarvis.

"That's a fine idea, sir," J.A.R.V.I.S said and Howard grinned.