Work Text:
You know I’ve been hurt before
Yeah, you know the score and I know you want more
You want me to thaw out
Steve sat next to me as I was watching the wall. I could feel the heat radiating from his big, strong body. I could feel the way he wanted to say something but hept his mouth shut just not to scare me away. I glanced at him for a moment. Our eyes met… His soft blue eyes full with worry and care, met my cold (y/e/c) eyes. He gave me a small smile. Tiredness written all over his face. He gently held my hand and massaged my wrist with his thumb.
“I am with you (y/n). Till the end of the line.” he said softly kissing my hand.
But you know I get ice cold, I get cold
When you don’t go slow, but I know you want more
You need me to thaw out
I pulled the blanket around me thighter. Steve let go off my hand he knew I still was not ready. I was not ready for physical contact. After everything that happened. The way they raped me, the way they abused me, the way they beat me… I knew Steve still remembered the moment he found me there. In the HYDRA base. Laying on the cold hard ground, half naked, bloody and dirty. I knew his heart broke at the sight. He was too pure, too gentle for that sight. Sight of me violated.
I still had nightmares. I knew he had nightmares too. But just for a moment, I hoped at least one of us could forget what happened.
And I know you were worth it
And I know this could work if
I could only let you in
But I am freezing
It was quite the first time I went to the entertaiment room after the ‘kidnapping’. Two months after the kidnapping. Team was visiting me in my room. Mostly Steve and Nat but… It was strange for them to look at me with kind eyes and me standibg there frozen. Was I really ready or was I doing this for Steve to be happy? But it was too early? Natasha stood linked her arm with mine and sat me between herself and Steve. Steve gave me a big stunned smile and his eyes shined with happines. Well, that was the reason I did what I did so…
I’m not running away
I’m not running away
I’ll feel the pain and stay
I’m not running away
I’m not running away
Even though I’m scared baby
It was past midnight and it was one of those nights that nightmares became too much for me to fight alone. Both Nat and Wanda were at the mission so no female was here to help me and… I was scared of men. But Steve… I could go to him. It would be hard but Steve was nice. Steve was gentle. Steve was good. Steve would never ever hurt me. So I put on my fluffy socks and went to his room. My hands were shaking in front of his door but I could not do this alone. I was not that strong. I slowly knocked on the door. Few seconds later the blonde super soldier openes the door. His sky blue eyes were full of sleep, usually combed blonde hair was looking at the all directions it made me smile a little. He looked cute. Heaet warming cute. He was not wearing any shirts. So I could see his perfect chest and beautiful abs.
“(Y/n), darlin’ did something happen?” he asked still sleepy.
“I… I had… Nightmares.” I whispered softly. Steve was Steve but still he was a male so it scared me a bit.
“Come here darlin’ tell me.” he said letting me in.
“I usually go to Natasha or Wanda but…”
“They are both at the mission.”
“Yeah.” I nodded slowly.
“Come here doll I won’t hurt you. You know that right?” he asked kneeling in front of me as I sat on his bed, getting on my eye level.
“I know.”
“Do you trust me?” he asked his warm hands holding my cold ones. The way his warmth went through my skin was kind of… Nice?
“I do.”
And I won’t freeze you out
Like I have been
I won’t freeze you out
My heart is melting
“Tell me what happened?” he asked. His hands still around mine, still kneeling in front of me.
“I was there.” I said. “They had me.”
“They will never have you there again (Y/n). No one will. We took care of them. They payed for everything they had done to you darlin’. They had payed the price. Don’t worry about it.”
“I know but… It is too hard Steve.” I cried. Tears running down my cheeks. He sat next to me and pulled my body to himself. His big strong arms went around me and my head rested on his chest. My tears ran freely down my cheeks to his naked torso.
“I know doll. I can only imagine how hard it is for you. Because I know how hard it is for me. To know what they did to you, how they hurted you and to know that I was useless. I could not save you soon enough darlin’. I could not get to you soon enough.” he said, whispered in my hair. And for a moment I felt his tears falling down on my head. He was crying with me, for me. I held onto him thighter.
“Will it ever go away?” I asked him. “The pain? The fear?”
“I don’t know. But I will do anything for it to leave you alone.” he said pressing a soft kiss on my head.
So here’s my heart for you to hold
Feel it beat, feel the warm blood flow through my cold
Feel it thaw out
After that night, it was Steve who I went when I could not sleep or when I was scared. He always welcomed me. Talked with me, held me until I calmed down and cuddled me to sleep. I was more comfortable every day with Steve being around and touching me. Sometimes I could feel the others watching us as Steve was keeping his arm around me or when I stood too close to Steve when someone was around.
It was easier to deal with what happened when Steve was by my side.
Yeah, I have felt the fear but I push through
It’s so worth loving you, you wanted more
And so I thawed out
It was strange when his lips touched mine softly. Not demanding anything. Not asking permission to take off my clothes. He was not trying to get anything. He was focused on the kiss. His big warm hand holding my waist, other hand in my hair. My hands resting on his broad chest, his heartbeat under my fingers. Getting faster each moment. He kissed me gently. His lips moved slow and loving against mine. And I answered. He rested his forehead on mine for a moment.
“Is it too much? Are you comfortable darlin’?” he asked.
“Yeah…” I nodded. He smiled and kissed my nose. It made me giggle. I giggled. It was the first giggle I had since 5 months. He smiled at me and kissed me one more time.
And I won’t freeze you out
Like I have been
I won’t freeze you out
My heart is melting
It was a little after we started this kissimg and holding each other thing that I realised I was deeply in love with Steven Grant Rogers. And I was down for anything he would ask me. Even though I was scared shittles. I could do anything amd everything for him.
“Hi darlin’.” he said as he hugged me from behind. His lips dancing on my neck. Softly kissing and gently biting, sucking the sensetive skin. I relaxed into his warmth. He was making my head spin. He was making me dizzy. He was making me crazy.
“Hi Stevie.” I said putting my hand on top of his. He kissed my hair and rested his chin on top of my head.
“You look deep in thoughts you know?” he asked finger tips softly grazing my ribs. “What makes you think this much? I am starting to get jealous.” he said smiling. Even though we never named this what was between us. I knew we belonged to each other and it was something more than just a relationship.
“You.” I confessed.
“Okay maybe I am not jealous.” he said kissing my shoulder. “Did I do something doll? Are we okay?” he asked.
I won’t freeze you out, my heart is melting.
“No. You are perfect.” I said. And he turned me around to face him. His large hands restong on my hips.
“Than what are you thinking about doll? You are too deep in that pretty head of yours…” Could I tell him? Could I confess him how much he meant to?
I won’t freeze you out, my heart is melting
“Steve,”
“Yes darlin’?”
“I just…”
“Come on baby girl you know you can tell me anything.”
“Yeah. I… Steve Rogers, I love you.” I said. A small silence followed my confession. He looked at me with soft smile and slowly kissed me.
“I love you too, darlin’.”