Chapter Text
It was suppose to be a normal day for the two of them. Equius was slowly reintroducing her into the world after he brought her back. His leg was still broken and in the big, pain-in-the-ass cast, so they weren’t able to do much but that was totally okay with the young troll. If the two of them spent the day on the couch, in the safety and familiar comfort of their own home, then it was a day cherished. Those times when Equius forced her out into a new area was harder for her-she was still adjusting to not have to kill to survive or the fact that nobody was going to lash out at her if she made eye contact with them. She was still really shaken up from all the events that transpired and needed both time to heal her mental and physical wounds.
Her tail was completely gone and it still bothered her to no end-but at this point, honestly, she was almost used to the pain and hardships her life had brought her. Some of her bones were either bruised, broken, or just completely numb at times. Her horns sometimes would ache in the middle of the night from the simple memories of being grabbed or smacked at. Her body ached so much that sometimes it seemed that even her blood was causing her agony. Often she would wake up from nightmares, the pain, or just simply being scared and unused to the area she was in. Sometimes, more often than not actually, she would simply have to stare outside her window, or stand in the hallway outside of Equius and Feferi’s room. She was always torn between waking them up for comfort, what she had done before, and just sucking it up and taking care of herself, what she had been forced to do so for the last year and a half.
It wasn’t easy adjusting to everything over again-even with her new moirail. He helped where he could and she felt grateful to him, she really did, but there was still so much emotional baggage she had to carry around. She didn’t want to give all of it to him. Nepeta also refused to give it to her therapist, as nice as she was, because...she was just a stranger being paid to listen to her. If Nepeta couldn’t feel comfortable talking everything through with Equius, there was no way she was going to talk to a stranger! Besides, she was old enough where she shouldn’t have to feel upset about nightmares anymore, anyway….She could handle it.
At least, that’s what she told herself before she went back to her room after she gave up her courage and retreated back to face her own feelings by herself. Nepeta didn’t want to disturb them anymore than she had to, and she already felt like she had done enough of that to last a lifetime. She could take care of herself, if she could survive the last two years on her own then she could sure as hell survive the rest of her life...right?
Equius, of course, had caught on to her distress. He was always so observant of her and would try his damned best to make sure that she had everything that she needed, but sometimes...it just wasn’t enough. And he couldn’t help her if she didn’t tell him what was wrong. She would tell him some things when he cornered her and cuddled her in the pile made of blankets in her room, but even then she was holding back and they both knew it. He felt useless, he didn’t want to force her to tell him everything that happened, but he knew that she had nightmares about what she went through, he knew that she woke up in the middle of the night, and he knew that she would stand in the hallway. The floors would creak when she paced in her room across the hall or the door would whine as it opened in the middle of the night.
He knew all of this because he too woke up in the haunting hour. Even just that one encounter in her abused period of time was enough to shock him to his core and keep him up. Of course, he dreamed of other things too. That moment in his life when everything just seemed to freeze up when he found out that she was gone, that petrifying cry of pain he heard as he and Dirk raced to save her from Gamzee, those months of depression when he would just sit at the table, waiting for her to run up and demand that he take her to the park. Even now, it was enough to bring tears to his eyes.
But enough was enough. He was tired of sitting on the couch with Nepeta only half heartedly paying attention to the cartoon playing on the tv. While it was only ten in the morning, he was already dressed and ready to go for the day, disregarding the fact that he usually didn’t go anywhere with his broken leg. It was healing nice and all, but it was always better for him to spend the day lazily watching movies and shows away with his moirail...when she was in a good mood that is. Otherwise he would fret the day away and try to make her smile, even if it was only just once or twice. Each smile at those points were victorious.
When Equius looked over at her for what seemed like the twentieth time in the last ten minutes, he noticed with a sad heart that she hadn’t really changed her position. It seemed like last night she had barely gotten any sleep because she was just sitting there with her eyes glued to one spot on the wall. Her legs were brought up to her chest and arms crossed over them to hold them in place. Even with one of her favorite shows playing on the television, the only indicator that she was paying attention to it was a twitch of the ear when something extravagant happened. As if her lack in enthusiasm weren’t an indicator enough, the deep bags under her yellow eyes were clear enough. Her shoulders were slumped and weren’t perky like they usually were when she was okay. Equius’s heart melted for her, it really did, but what else could he do except simply watch from a distance?
No. He was her moirail, dammit! He was going to do something even if it caused his leg some pain. She was worth it, she might not completely see that, but she was and he wasn’t going to let her just...go. With that thought sending chills up his spine, he sighed and readied his leg as best as he could. He rose out of the inviting couch to just simply rest for the day (once again), but he ignored the temptation. “Nepeta,” he caught her attention when he stood, but she was watching his leg to see if it would support him. He felt something squeeze in his chest when he realized that she was making sure that he wouldn’t fall, and if it was any indicator by the way her arm moved down her leg then she was preparing to catch him if she needed to. He ignored that for now and continued on. “Why don’t we go to the park?”
She blinked her owlish owls at him, foggy from exhaustion. “The...park?”
“Yes, I believe that it would benefit us to go visit something green and bright rather than just being indolent all day like normal.” He smiled at her to try and get a reaction but she had turned her head back to the wall. She relaxed her body and shifted so that her legs weren’t against her chest anymore, which was a good sign in his book.
“Maybe, Eq. I dunno.”
In his pause, Equius could hear the clock in the hallway chime three times. His leg felt like it was going to groan in pain and exhaustion when he shifted his weight anxiously and awkwardly. He had to get her to do something, he didn’t want her to fall into depression like it seemed she already was.
“Tell you what, Nep. If we go to the park and walk around, I’ll let you do whatever you want when we get home. We could play a game, read a book, draw, er…” He scrambled for more activities to list.
She watched him from her spot on the couch and rubbed at her eye. She knew he was really trying to reach out to her and that he was doing his best to help her. After mentally debating what could go wrong (the list was way too long so she switched it to what could go right instead), she nodded mentally and glanced back at her moirail. The young troll sighed inwardly at the idea and tried to put on a smile for him. “Alright, Equius. We can do that.”
Biting back the sigh of relief that was desperate to leave his lips, he nodded, gathered her off the couch and moved towards the door with hope in his heart. Maybe, just maybe, he would be able to get her back on the road towards being herself once more. Pausing only to adjust his crutches under his arms, he and Nepeta left their humble home and went out into the world to seek any form of peaceful entertainment for the girl.