Chapter Text
The sun hasn’t yet risen over the houses but the kitchen is washed with pale light that streaks in through the window. Jack sits at the small dining table with a cup of tea cradled in his hands, the rim of it pressed to his lower lip as he stares outside. He hasn’t drunk from the glass since he filled it. The tea is oversteeped but he hasn’t noticed, his mind far from the warm cup in his hands.
“Jack?” Kozmotis calls quietly down the stairs. Seraphina is still sleeping in her room, it’s too early for even her to be awake. Jack’s sleep schedule has never been regular, and Kozmotis is not unused to waking up alone in their bed. He finds Jack at the table, staring out the window with a dazed expression and dark bags under his eyes. Kozmotis doesn’t say anything to announce his presence. He just walks up behind Jack and wraps an arm around him, kissing the top of his head before resting his cheek there.
Jack doesn’t react at first, though he does lean back into Kozmotis’ touch. Slowly he pries his fingers from around the cup and sets it down, the tea dark and murky from leaving the tea bag in too long. Jack stares down at it, trying to remember what he was doing.
“It’s five in the morning.” Kozmotis says softly, catching Jack’s attention. “I heard the kettle go off about twenty minutes ago, and when you didn’t come back upstairs I came to check on you. You could sleep in, you know. It’s Sunday, and we don’t have any plans.”
“I know.” Jack murmurs. “I couldn’t sleep.” You can never sleep, Kozmotis thinks, and he holds Jack a little tighter.
“How do you feel?” He asks, already knowing what the answer will be. Jack plays with the cup on the table, spilling tea onto the polished wood. He smears out letters with his fingertips, spelling nonsense words that only have meaning to him. Kozmotis wants to shake him, bring Jack out of that place he goes to whenever he’s not fully there with Kozmotis.
“Same as always, I think. Maybe better today. It all bleeds together, though. Did you want tea?” Jack seems to realize that his tea is cold and too bitter to drink when bites his ring finger, which is bare because he forgets to wear the small silver band Kozmotis gave him. It used to bother Kozmotis that Jack would always leave the ring on the nightstand. It’s the least of their troubles now.
“I’ll pass. I’d like to go back to bed, but only if you come with me. Have you taken your medication?” Kozmotis glances to the counter at the orange bottle of meds that is more full than it should be after three weeks. Jack is saved from answering when they hear the stairs creaking under the weight of small footsteps.
“Daddy? Jack?” Seraphina peers around the corner, blinking tiredly at them. “I couldn’t sleep…” Kozmotis and Jack exchange glances, and Jack gets out of his chair to grab his prescription bottle from the counter. Seraphina and Kozmotis watch him as he spills two pills into his palm and then swallows them dry.
“Come on, baby girl.” Jack hoists Seraphina up into his arms. “You’re getting too big for this. Koz?” He passes Seraphina off to her father and Kozmotis tucks her against his chest, carrying her far more easily than Jack.
“Let’s go to bed.” Kozmotis says. He heads for the stairs, glancing over his shoulder to make sure that Jack will follow. Jack stands awkwardly in the kitchen, looking small and lost in the sterile space. For a moment Kozmotis doesn’t think that Jack is going to come with, but Seraphina adjusts herself so that she can see Jack.
“Can I sleep with you and Jack?” She asks, making eye contact with him. Clever girl, Jack thinks, and he gives her a wan smile.
“Of course you can. There’s always room for you.” He says. Seraphina beams at him and she watches carefully as Jack follows Kozmotis up the stairs. He sits on the edge of the bed while Kozmotis situates Seraphina beneath the sheets and crawls in after her. Jack almost gets up, almost walks away from the bedroom to avoid the dreams and missing pieces of his life. There are too many things that he doesn't understand, too many things in this room that are lost to him. Kozmotis holds open the sheets and Jack slides under them to curl around Seraphina's tiny body.
He has lived here for five years. He has shared this home with Kozmotis for that long, and helped raise Seraphina into the amazing child that she is. Jack knows that those things are real, they are fact. There are documents and photo abums to prove it. He closes his eyes and prays for a reprieve from the dreams. There are only so many fantasy worlds he can conjure in his mind before reality starts kicking in the door. He wants to dream of things as they are now, imperfect and sharp and beautiful. He wants his dreams to be about real things, not imaginary lives hundreds of years ago.
The medication kicks in and he can't force his eyes open any longer. Jack dreams of London, of art school and sirens and flames licking the tops of buildings. It's a nightmare, one that feels familiar despite having never dreamt of it before. Jack wakes up shaking alone in bed, Kozmotis and Seraphina's voices wafting up from the kitchen with the smell of pancakes.
Jack stays in bed, trying to remember what the day is, and where he put the ring that Kozmotis gave him.