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I have known my son for several long years.
I held him as a baby in my arms despite not birthing the strange small child from Jotunheim. He looked up at me with his beautiful green eyes and he stole my heart without uttering a word.
I loved him as he grew into a very curious child. His eyes were always bright and looking around, wanting to see everything and not miss a single thing. Loki grew to be my son. He loved me just as much as I loved him. Despite his curious nature, there were many things that frightened him and he always came running to my arms to be shielded from the things he thought would harm him. Thor made fun of him once for it and Loki was a little embarrassed about it so I had a small chat with him.
I told him that everyone is afraid of something, even Odin had a fear of his own. One that I choose not to share with Loki. He did not need to know of his father's fear that Loki would become a monster like the ones Odin had saved him from.
Instead, I told him of my fear. I told him how I feared fire, afraid of being burned, and how I deeply preferred ice instead. Loki hugged me afterward. He promised that he would become the God of Fire so that the flames would never burn me because he would control them.
I kissed his forehead and thanked him. He looked up at me with his bright eyes and I could see the promise he made kept there.
I went on to tell him that everyone pretends they're not afraid, that they wear a mask to protect themselves. Sometimes, someone can see through a poor disguise and other times, the mask is so good that no one knows a thing is wrong. Loki took this advice to heart because he was careful enough to hide his feelings and fears behind a mask.
Loki grew and grew until he was a young adult. His curious nature had become far too curious for his own good. I could see it in his green eyes when he was thinking deeply about something. I watched him from a far as that curiosity became his devious nature. He always wanted to cause fun but not all of it was harmless. He had been watching the Lady Sif for a week. I could see the intense look in his eyes and knew immediately what it was.
I looked to the Lady Sif and saw a similar look except she attempted to hide it and she did so quite well. She was careful to look at Loki only when Thor was around and I could see the hurt in Loki's eyes when he thought she was staring at his brother.
The hurt grew and grew in Loki's eyes until one morning when I had heard about Loki's "mindless prank" as he called it and seen the short dark hair on Sif. Loki smiled about it quite happily and I attempted to pull him aside to talk but he avoided me. I knew that this "mindless prank" was less mindless than it seemed. I knew Loki quite well despite the mask he attempted to wear.
Time passed after Loki's prank. Thor was declared the successor to the throne and the hurt in Loki's eyes returned. I knew I should have done something more. Spoken with Loki, told him about his past before everything went hurtling into chaos. Thor was banished, Odin fell in the Odinsleep and Loki... Loki became king and attempted to harm his brother. I could see the hurt in his eyes when Thor returned, having proved himself on Midgard. They fought a much more dangerous fight between themselves than two enemies on a battlefield.
And in the end, I lost my favorite son. He fell into the dark abyss never to be seen again...
but he was seen. Heimdall saw him. My broken heart repaired itself with hope and Thor went off to retrieve his brother. It was several long days until Thor's return and he brought Loki with him. I ran to him immediately and hugged my lost son. He stayed still and it was when I pulled away that I saw the cold blue eyes that had taken the place of shining green ones. He said nothing to me. His gaze at me was just as cold as the one he gave to everyone around him.
This is not my son. I know my son. My son loves me dearly and would never give me a look that cold. This was not him. This was something else. This man that stood before me was soul-less. He had no soul. He had no heart. He could care less about this place that he once called home. About the man that held his arm tightly who he had called brother. About the woman in his line of eyesight that I knew that he had loved briefly. About me, his mother that had always cared for him.
My son had not returned from the darkness that had swallowed him. His soul was locked away and they had replaced him with this - this monster.
They locked him away in the dungeons of Asgard and I cried myself to sleep that night.
I could not go down to see him in that prison nor did I want to. I wanted my Loki back. I wanted the intelligent, funny, mischievous man that I raised and not this manipulative, cold, dark monster that now resided in our realm.
I would wait for my Loki to return and if necessary....
I would die to see my son again.
And if that is what I have to do, then that is what I have to do and Loki will be on my mind as I breathe my last breath of air.