Chapter Text
Like so many other things he ends up doing, signing up for a pen pal program is not Derek’s idea.
He didn’t even know something like that existed; much less know how or when to sign up for it. The only reason he actually learns anything about it is because he sees the pamphlets and application forms on Jackson’s bed one evening when the rest of his bunkmates are still messing around in the break room.
He grabs the pamphlets on a whim, figuring that they are good enough for pre-bedtime reading material. It’s certainly better than re-reading any of the three books he has with him for what would possibly be the hundredth time.
And that’s how Jackson finds him twenty minutes later--eyebrows supposedly hunched over a pamphlet, the application forms on his lap. Of course.
And, of course, the next thing Jackson did was gush about how they could finally have someone other than soldiers to talk to, someone who they didn’t have to see everyday or even ever so what did it matter what they said to them?
It would be cathartic, according to Jackson.
He thinks about it for a bit after everyone else passes out and he has a quiet moment to himself. He’s not really sure how he feels about talking to a perfect stranger, about telling them about his life and about learning about their life in turn.
He did the therapist thing after his parents died, Laura had insisted. And then he did it again after Laura.
This doesn’t have to be like that, he supposes. This could be different, but still helpful. And, like Jackson said, this person would be someone he would never have to see or personally interact with. That could definitely work to his advantage.
He decides to sleep on it.
The next morning though, he wakes up to a partially filled out form on his behalf in Jackson’s tiny chicken scratch. He snorts as he looks it over, taking in the cliché responses of ‘meat and potatoes’, ‘vanilla ice cream’ and the generic list of 70s bands under his favorite music.
He takes a minute after getting dressed to look into his bottom drawer where he keeps his personal items, taking in the Led Zeppelin CDs, the battered copy of American Gods and the worn picture of him and Peter at a Dodgers-Giants game.
He thinks about how long it has been since he’d had his favorite homemade vanilla ice cream and how much he would kill for a well-grilled steak.
And then he just wonders when exactly Jackson became the person that knew him better than anyone else in the world.
He doesn’t end up make any changes to anything Jackson had written down, just adds his age and hometown and on a whim, writes down Remember the Titans as his favorite movie. He saw that one for the first time in a theater with his dad and Peter and it’s probably one of the best memories he has of the three of them together.
He tries not to think about that as he gives Jackson the application to take over to the post room, and then just tries to forget about the whole thing altogether.
After all, you can’t be disappointed when you aren’t expecting anything.
--
Neither he nor Jackson receive a reply for months after that, and Derek has actually forgotten about the whole thing by the time Boyd drops a thin white envelope onto his lap during dinner one evening.
He’s a little confused at first--Peter only corresponds with him through email, and he hasn’t talked to Cora in years. When he notices the California area code on the outgoing post office, though, he dares to hope that maybe, finally, she’s reaching out.
It’s not Cora. Of course it’s not. It’s some high schooler with a ridiculous name who sounds completely bored with his life. Derek’s not sure what this kid is expecting from him but it sure isn’t going to be any sort of adventure or intrigue. He stuffs the letter harshly back into the envelope after he finishes it and in that moment, honestly doesn’t know if he’s going to ever respond.
He ignores the letter of the next few days as he tries to get over his disappointment. He isn’t sure why he would get his hopes up over Cora when she’s made it pretty clear that she’s moved on. Made it clear what she thinks of him and his decisions.
Derek actually feels a little stupid for even thinking for a second it would be her.
He can’t help but feel like he’s being unfair to the kid, though.
Stiles.
He knows that, most likely, the kid is as lonely as he is and could use someone to talk to.
Too bad for Stiles though, because Derek has no idea how to be that person.
When Jackson gets a letter of his own a little over a week later, he’s downright insufferable. Turns out his pen pal is also a high school senior, but a girl. There’s even a picture included.
She’s gorgeous, even Derek can admit that.
Isaac just scoffs and tells Jackson the picture probably fake.
In a stunning display of maturity, Jackson doesn’t even bother to reply, just disappears into their bunk room. Derek assumes it’s to write the girl back. He tries not to think about any other possibilities.
In the end, it takes a couple weeks for Derek to pull out his letter and even consider replying. He really only does it because he can see how excited Jackson gets over his first letter, and then how pleased he is when his response gets a response.
In the end, it’s Stiles’s I hope you write me back that really gets him putting pen to paper again.
Derek figures he could use something to look forward to.
He keeps his letter short and sweet (well not so much sweet as distantly polite) and sends it the very next day. He mentions to Stiles that he doesn’t need to be a priority and to call him Derek.
He leaves out any talk about his daily life because honestly, its probably better off that Stiles thinks he’s doing more interesting things than he actually is. It’ll probably keep the kid’s interest longer.
--
Before long, Derek finds himself actually looking forward to letters from Stiles, though he’s nowhere near Jackson’s level of adoration and glee.
They initially bond over small things like junk food and TV shows, and it should be mundane but it’s not. He realizes that after the first letter, Stiles doesn’t really ask him about his day-to-day activities and that makes him happy because Stiles is definitely more intelligent that Derek first assumed.
He and Jackson watch some of the Star Wars movies one Sunday they’re on the base and Derek’s first instinct is to tell Stiles about it. He mentions in the letter how much he was thrown off by how it started and how much he’s actually enjoying it now that he’s gotten back into it.
Stiles’s letter after he mentions that is long. He starts offering to send Derek CDs and DVDs and Derek is overwhelmed by the effort this perfect stranger is willing to go through. The most Peter ever sent him was a couple pairs of socks and the odd book or two.
Even more than that, suddenly Derek is learning about Stiles’s life. Stiles mentions an Ethan, a Danny and a Scott and talks about his latest visit to Berkeley and about his Halloween plans. The distraction from his own life and work is actually more soothing than he could have ever imagined.
As much as Derek loves what he’s reading though, he can’t help but feel a little punched-in-the-gut when he reads the stuff about Berkeley. His dad and Peter both loved Smart Alec’s and he can’t even remember how many times Laura had dragged him to Urban Outfitter’s and made him sit on the couches by the changing rooms while she made several rounds of the store.
A couple days, later, the hurt begins to thaw and it’s replaced by just general warmth when he rereads Stiles’s letter.
Hearing Stiles’s high school antics and talks of applying to college have Derek reminiscing in the best ways. He remembers days on and around the Berkeley campus with his dad, just taking in the ridiculous sights that are college students, nutty professors, and the eccentric locals unique to the area.
He remembers going with Laura and sneaking into college classes and pretending to be just one of the students the summer before Laura actually started college.
He even remembers T-shirt Orgy, and the way that Cora had dragged him in that store despite his flaming red face because she had to find the perfect shirt to give to her best friend at the time.
He writes his replies right away now; telling Stiles (somewhat shamelessly, he thinks) that he would loved some DVDs and CDs from him. He justifies that Stiles did offer, and it’s been so long since he’s watched something without subtitles.
He tells Stiles about his favorite Berkeley haunts, going to so far as to open up to him about Cora. He can’t bring himself to talk about Laura just yet. He means every word when he tells Stiles that he’s proud and impressed that Stiles is applying to Berkeley and basically demands Stiles tell him more about his juvenile delinquent ways.
He sends the letter the morning after he writes it, and for the first time feels a glimmer of anticipation about the future. He wants to hear more about Stiles’s life, about the city he left behind, about the life he left behind.
It hits him like a truck when he thinks about how Stiles is giving him a piece of his old life back.
It hits even harder when he realizes that it doesn’t really bother him.
--
If Derek thought he was floored before, it doesn’t even come close to how he feels when he receives a package (it’s a huge box, there’s no other word for it) from Stiles.
He opens it to see a letter placed delicately on the top of several wrapped packages in lurid Christmas wrapping paper, with a small post-it on the top: Disclaimer: unwrap prezzies before reading letter.
He follows the order (he is a soldier after all) and unearths tupperware container after container of what looks like different kinds of fudge. Wrapped in between tupperware containers are blank CDs with cramped chicken scrawl on them saying everything from pop-punk 00s to GoT S1. He has no idea what any of that even means, but he really cannot wait to figure it out. The weirdest part though, is when he unwraps two ziploc bags of different sizes with a smaller ziploc of salt and a bottle of vanilla extract inside.
Derek pulls out the letter then, reading it through as fast as he can without missing anything and he’s gotta say, by the end of it he’s reeling. Not even the incredulous look on Jackson's face registers to him right now.
Stiles said a lot in that letter, and there seemed to be a lot that went unsaid as well. Derek knew that Stiles had an undercurrent of melancholy in his letters, and he finally knows why. It doesn’t really surprise him one bit that Stiles is obsessive about his father’s eating habits given what he’s seen of Stiles’s empathy towards him.
He wants to reply, right away, he does. But he stops himself. If he takes some time to sort through everything Stiles has sent him, maybe even get through a couple of the DVDs, he knows that the reply he sends will be much, much better.
He just has to figure out a way now, to give Stiles even a fraction of what’s he’s given to Derek.
In the end, he ends up writing a reply to not only Stiles, but asks Jackson if he can include in Jackson’s latest email, a quick note from him to Lydia.
He’s going to need her help if he’s ever going to be able to give back to Stiles.
--
Lydia gets back to him alarmingly fast, and with her help, a couple emails sent back and forth, and a little strings pulled by Peter, he's able to put together a pretty decent package back to Stiles. It'll be a while yet before Stiles receives any of it, however, so he concentrates on the letters they exchange in the meantime.
He sends a letter telling Stiles how much he enjoyed his presents, especially the fudge and mentions how, as it turns out, Stiles and Lydia are writing to two soldiers in the same place. He throws in a line about his problems with Cora as a nod to Stiles's comment about his mother and leaves it at that.
He can't wait for Stiles's reply. He even writes it down in the letter.
He spends weeks after that thinking a lot about Cora and his family. He wonders what Cora’s up to now and if she would want to hear from him.
The next letter comes, not in an envelope, but as another huge cardboard box package. Derek and Jackson receive their packages at the same time this time and have the hardest time keeping the unearthed candy and treats from their bunkmates. Isaac, in particular, tries his hardest to steal the rice krispie treats.
After his treats are properly secured and hidden amongst his stuff, Derek settles back in bed with the latest letter, anxious and excited about how long it is and how heavy it feels in his hands. He learns that Stiles plays lacrosse, that his dad is the Sheriff, and that his mom died when Stiles was only eight to dementia.
He nearly stops reading for a bit when Stiles mentions not having recovered from that incident because it hits too close to home. Losing his family, and then Laura, and then abandoning Cora is something he has thought about every day, and everyday he knows that he made bad decisions. He hasn’t recovered from his own demons.
Derek’s relieved when he sees Stiles’s ‘SWITCHING TO A HAPPIER TOPIC’ note and is startled to see that Stiles knows what he looks like. He knows exactly what picture Stiles is talking about and can’t believe Jackson would send that without asking Derek’s permission.
Who is he kidding? Jackson would do exactly that.
Derek’s eyes linger over the words ‘beautiful’ and ‘photogenic’ and he’s overcome with the need for reciprocity.
He needs to know what Stiles looks like too.
--
Derek stews over what to write back to Stiles for so long that he ends up finishing it at a camp a three day’s walk from base, having taken paper and an envelope with him on his latest assignment. The reply ends up being almost nearly as long as Stiles’s letter. Uncharacteristically, he tells Stiles to ask as many questions as he wants and that he will answer as many as he is able to. He keeps things light at first, talking about Game of Thrones and the coincidence that is Lydia and Jackson, and even a throwaway paragraph where he somewhat baits Stiles by telling him that Derek has no idea what lacrosse entails. He does (Peter played it when he was younger), but he’s more curious to see how Stiles will respond to his feigned ignorance.
Then, to keep with the pattern of give and take they’ve set up in their letters, Derek decides to tell Stiles everything that happened with his family and then subsequently, how things went wrong with Cora.
Derek offers condolences to Stiles about his mother, and tells him sincerely about how glad he is that Stiles had people like Scott and Melissa in his life. He doesn’t lie one bit when he says that having people like that might have prevented things going the way they did between him and Cora.
And then comes sort of a sneaky move on his part. He can either send his letter ahead with some of his troop who are leaving for base early, or he can wait and send it himself (with an added picture of himself) in another week. He decides to go ahead and send the letter, with a request for a picture from Stiles, and tells Stiles that he will send a picture of himself in the next letter.
It’s only fair, even if Stiles doesn’t know it, he has seen what Derek looks like and Derek really can’t bring himself to delay seeing what Stiles looks like now that he’s got that idea in his head. He not only mentions wanting to put a face to Stiles’s letters, but a voice too, and once the letter is gone, waits anxiously to see how Stiles will choose to respond.
--
Derek spends the next few weeks carrying Stiles’s letter around with him, pulling it out on days where he feels frustrated and reading and re-reading Stiles’s words about his mom, Scott, Melissa, and his dad when he feels especially down. He uses Stiles’s comments of ‘beautiful photogenic friends’ to get him through the harder days, and constantly goes over the fond way Stiles talks about lacrosse to cheer him up. He likes to think about Stiles taking time out of his busy schedule just so he can write a pages long letter to Derek. It’s the first time since Laura that he’s felt like someone has done something for him just because they wanted to.
He doesn’t regret it at all that he told Stiles that he was the closest person Derek had to a friend besides Jackson.
When Derek gets a reply, he almost can’t handle the anticipation of seeing what Stiles looks like. He has nothing to go off of, besides knowing that the kid plays lacrosse on a nationally ranked team, so Derek assumes he has to be somewhat fit. In a strange burst of patience, Derek actually opts to read the letter first, leaving the picture in the envelope while he pulls out the multiple handwritten pages from Stiles.
The first thing he reads is about how Stiles has been accepted into UC Berkeley like he had always wanted, and Derek feels so proud of this passionate stranger that he can’t help but succumb to the huge grin that breaks out across his face.
The next thing he reads is that he, Derek my middle name might as well be antisocial Hale, is fifth on Stiles’s list of ‘people to tell important news to’ and he feels like his heart is about to beat out of his chest. Stiles has so many people around him who love him and care for him that it feels insane that Derek would be a part of Stiles’s inner circle.
Not even the solid block of questions that follow can dampen his mood.
When he sees Stiles’s response to Derek not knowing about lacrosse, how exaggeratedly annoyed Stiles seems to be, Derek actually lets out an amused snort. He peeks back into the envelope and sees that there actually is a stapled set of wikipedia articles that have everything from ‘Origins of Lacrosse’ to ‘Lacrosse list of teams’ to ‘High School Lacrosse’. Derek figures that that’s one quiz he might not mind studying for, especially if it’ll make Stiles happy.
What comes next threatens to bring Derek to tears. Stiles says he is incapable of eloquence, but that is not what he sees written here. His words are written hurriedly, but Derek can read the emotion and sincerity behind every single one. It feels like Stiles knows him and knows his pain and not only sympathizes, but actually feels it too.
He ignores the part about Cora, knowing that he’ll come back to it at a later date and jumps to where Stiles starts talking about the picture he’s sent. He’s glad to see the return of rambly Stiles and wonders if that’s a result of Stiles being nervous about sending a picture.
Derek pulls out the picture then, and can’t help but feel extremely surprised by what he sees.
He’s not sure why he was expecting Stiles to look younger, but he was definitely picturing someone like Cora and her friends back when he saw them last, despite the fact that they were fifteen years old at the time.
Stiles doesn’t look fifteen years old. He doesn’t even look like the seventeen years that he actually is. If Stiles had told him that he was in college already, Derek would have had no time believing it.
He doesn’t have any problem believing that the man (and it’s definitely a man, not a boy) in the picture is Stiles though. He feels like the match of that slightly mischievous face and the snarky words of the letters he’s received fit extremely well. He can see that face darkened in sympathy in his head as easily as he can see it amused and challenging in the photograph.
He stares for probably too long at Stiles’s upturned nose, the bow of his lip, and the planes of his cheekbones before moving to the slope of his neck, the curve of his jaw and the beautiful broadness of his shoulders. He has gotten as far as daydreaming about curling his fingers through Stiles’s soft looking chocolate brown hair before he catches himself.
He’s totally, 100% attracted to Stiles.