Chapter Text
"I'm so proud of you, Namaari"
Raya wasn't sure how many times she had said that exact same phrase over the last few days. She was sure, though, that she meant it every single time.
It had been over a week since Anh's birth and Raya couldn't recall a moment in her life where she felt so tired yet so full. So happy. The moment she had woken up to Namaari being in labor she knew that, no matter what, she would try to engrave the memories into her brain not to forget any precious second of them.
The final countdown to meet their child was a night she would never forget. She knew it was going to be a painful process, yet her wife, true to her warrior nature, went through it with determination and strength. She could practically see the look of pain that crossed her face with every contraction and feel the relieved sigh when they ended.
Raya tried to be a good partner. She made sure to get everything ready for her to be comfortable. She held her when the contractions hit, massaged her lower back and peppered kisses over her sweaty face when the pain started to fade away. In between contractions, she made sure to get her to drink water, to make her sit and talk with her or to just let her lay her head on her shoulder while she caught her breath, whispering how proud she was of her. How much she loved her. What a good job she was doing.
When her wife had said she needed to push, Raya tried to be strong for her, when in reality, she was terrified. She knew Namaari was in good hands, that her pregnancy was healthy and their baby was thriving. Yet her fear of losing her just how she lost her mother was nagging at her. Virana, knowing that, hugged her tightly before shifting her attention to her daughter.
Reassured, Raya kneeled next to her wife. The robe she had been wearing was completely discharged, Namaari not giving a damn anymore over her modesty. The midwife instrutec her through the contractions, Raya doing her best trying to swallow the lump on her throat to remind Namaari to breathe. To slow down between pushes not to hurt herself. Raya wiped her sweat away, not losing detail of how the veins on her neck and arms stood with every push.
"I'm so proud of you, Namaari"
A tear escaped Namaari, the most guttural scream Raya had ever heard leaving her mouth. She was panting, this push really taking a toll on her. Raya looked down in between her legs, feeling butterflies on her stomach the moment she realized what was going on.
"Your majesties, their head is out. Now breathe and, with the next contraction, push as you did now"
Raya heard the midwife, but all she could focus on was her wife. How she nodded absentmindedly, her fists clenching the comforter of their bed so tight her knuckles paled. She took a moment to look at their surroundings, knowing they weren't alone despite the feeling of being in their own little world. Light was beginning to shine through their windows, predawn painting the sky with the prettiest shades of purple that were soon to shift into orange. Before she looked back at her wife, her eyes fell on Virana. Her mother in law was smiling, her eyes glossy as she looked at her daughter. Raya smiled at her, her attention being quickly pulled to Namaari as she heard her cry out.
She pushed with all her might. Raya debated between holding her close or looking at the miracle of life happening before her eyes. Her decision was made for her, as when her wife took a deep breath after having pushed for what felt like eternity, their child came into the world.
Namaari panted, the midwife cheered, Virana applauded her daughter's efforts. Raya felt her pulse race, waiting for her baby to make a sound, to give a signal that they were there and okay. When it came, that powerful cry, Raya felt her eyes water.
The midwife congratulated them both, proudly announcing that their baby was a girl. Raya couldn't contain the tears any longer, feeling her chest swirling with emotions. Namaari held their child close to her chest, kissing her head sweetly.
That moment right there, Raya knew every single struggle they had faced to bring this child into the world, was completely worth it. Her wife sat down on her haunches, looking at the infant on her arms with nothing but pure, unconditional love. Raya quietly observed them, trying to hold back the sobs racking through her. She noted how Namaari was starting to be more aware of her surroundings and not just focusing on what her body dictated. Trying not to startle her, she touched her shoulder before peppering her face with smooches, smothering her with loving words and, of course, repeating to her how proud of her she was.
From the moment their baby came into the world until the whole process was over felt like literal days to Raya when, in reality, it had been hours. Namaari sat there, still kneeling before their bed, now with their baby wrapped in cozy blankets in her arms, Raya by their side, making sure Namaari got whatever she needed. Virana tried to protect her modesty, draping her robe over her shoulders while they awaited until the placenta decided to make an appearance. When pain flashed Namaari's face again, they knew the ending was close.
Done. The whole process was done. Their baby was born. After two hours of skin on skin contact, Namaari felt her arms empty when the midwife and her mother took her baby to the healer's ward to check everything was okay. After hours of being constantly accompanied, Raya and Namaari were left alone.
Although her wife worried about her wellbeing, Raya knew that the one that needed all the attention at the moment was Namaari. Giving birth wasn't an easy or clean process, so it was only normal that her immediate need was a hot shower. She saw worriedly how her wife tried to stand up on her own, her legs failing her miserably after so many hours on her knees.
"C'mere, dep la. Let me help you" Raya encouraged, offering her hands to her wife. Namaari took them gladly, wincing at all the pain she felt with every shift of her body.
They slowly made their way to the bathroom, so glad that Virana had called their personnel to prepare hot water in case it was needed. Raya left her wife by the counter, moving as fast as possible to get everything ready for her. A stool inside their tub so Namaari could sit, her favorite soaps and some clean towels. With her help, Namaari climbed inside the tub and took a seat, removing all the fabric she had draped between her legs and piling them on the floor.
The only sound in the bathroom was the gentle sloshing of the water inside the tub as Raya got it ready for her wife, the water previously hot now satisfyingly warm. Namaari was exhausted, although she denied it, it was evident in her posture and the dark bags under her eyes. Her muscles were fatigued, her body aching. Raya only wanted to help her relax, to soothe some of that pain away with her tender care.
Soap and washcloth in hand, Raya started to clean her wife's skin with feathersoft touches. From her collarbones, to her back, minding her sensitive breasts as she made her way to her belly. Namaari hummed, feeling a sense of comfort fell over her as Raya gently poured water over her skin to wash the suds away.
It was weird caressing Namaari's belly knowing that their baby was already with them, that she indeed was real, healthy and chubby. No longer a dream, a wish made between hushed whispers and giggly kisses. She softly cleaned the skin there, feeling under her gentle presses how the skin was no longer tense. Namaari sighed with an edge of sadness, meeting Raya's attentive eyes.
"I'm squishy now. Look" she said with a mirthless laugh, softly poking her belly with her fingers, Raya watching in awe how she, indeed, felt squishy. "I really hope this goes away soon, I don't think a soft belly suits me".
Raya gave her a stern look, yet her eyes only held understanding. Balancing her body over the edge of the tub to reach her wife's stomach, kissing it softly. Raya suppressed the urge to grimace when she licked her lips clean and It tasted like soap. Namaari watched her, amused and thankful.
"Give it some time, my love. Your body needs to recover. Still, I think you would be the hottest woman in Kumandra with a soft belly or without it" Namaari smiled timidly, caressing her cheek.
"I love you, you know that?" Raya nodded, turning over the hand caressing her cheek to place the sweetest of kisses on her palm. Namaari smiled and closed her eyes, letting her wife go on with her task.
They didn't speak after that. Raya focused on washing all the grime and fluids that had dried up on her wife's legs, paying special attention to her inner thighs. She made sure to apply some extra pressure on some spots, knowing they already felt sore. Namaari hissed through clenched teeth, the tension loosening up on her tired muscles feeling like bliss. As Raya got closer to her core, she paused to think about what to do next, hesitating if she should be the one washing a zone that was sure to hurt. Decision made, she got a clean washcloth and handed it to Namaari with a sheepish smile.
"I would wash you, but I don't want to hurt you. Try to do it yourself and tell me if you need help?" Namaari nodded, grabbing the offered item and kissing Raya's hand as a thank you.
Without much wincing, Namaari washed herself, her hair being the only thing left. Raya noticed her yawns were more frequent now and, if she wasn't wrong, the midwife would be back soon with their daughter. Grabbing Namaari's favorite shampoo, she tipped her wife's head back gently to start massaging her scalp. They've done the exact same thing thousands of times before, washing the other's hair gently after a long day. This time around, Raya could feel it was special. Maybe it was the way her wife's shoulders relaxed, the sigh that escaped her lips or the pleased hum she made on her throat. The Chief of Heart couldn't help feeling butterflies on her stomach, trying to show Namaari how she felt.
"You know, dep la. I couldn't be happier to be living this with you. I'm so lucky to have you. I'm so proud of you, Namaari. And I love you so freaking much" she ended her words with a kiss to her forehead, rinsing her hair of the products and massaging her shaved scalp gently only because she could. Namaari found her eyes when Raya shifted back into her vision field, the most precious grin in her lips, her eyes tender and loving.
"You have no idea how much I love you, how lucky I am to have you" she whispered, eagerly looking at the way her wife leaned in for a kiss. It was chaste, yet so full of emotion. Pulling apart didn't seem like an option, yet Raya knew they had to get out of the bathroom before Namaari's energy was totally spent. Placing one final smooch on her lips, she grabbed the towels to help Namaari dry off.
Feeling refreshed, clean, and wearing a new set of pajamas Namaari went back to their bed, gently sitting down not to trigger another pain wave. Raya plopped down next to her, looking a mess. Feeling how heavy her limbs had become within the last hours, from all the tension she didn't know she was holding. Namaari laid down gently and Raya immediately shuffled closer to her, leaning her head on her bicep. Namaari smiled tiredly, playing absentmindedly with her wife's disheveled hair. Raya could have fallen asleep right there, the comfort of their bed and Namaari's touch almost lulling her into a slumber. Just when she thought they might get some rest, a knock echoed in their room.
Since the exact moment Virana entered their bedroom with their baby in her arms, they knew sleeping wasn't an option anymore.
Anh's first day of life was one her mothers would never forget. After deciding on a name and the conversation they had about it, Anh started crying. Her chubby face grew red by seconds, tiny fists clenched on either side of her chest. Raya worried something was wrong with her, growing anxious the longer the baby cried. Namaari tried to lull her to sleep, only getting an idea when she observed how her daughter was aiming to suck on her own hand.
She was just hungry. They just were overreacting.
Effectively, Anh calmed down the moment her lips sealed around her mae's nipple, sucking with such vigor tiny droplets of milk dribbled down her cheek. Raya took a deep breath then, bursting into a fit of laughter thinking about how stupid they might have looked.
"We're a mess, huh? I'm sorry Anh, we're new to this parenting business" Namaari said, her voice amused despite the pain she was going through. Raya smiled, reaching down from her seating position to brush her baby's hair aside from her forehead.
"I think she doesn't have any complaints right now. Looks like she's enjoying her meal".
It indeed looked like that, her tiny body molding to Namaari's as she drank, her eyelids growing heavy by each passing moment. Before they knew it, she was sound asleep.
"That… Was too easy" Raya whispered, observing how Namaari brought Anh to her shoulder and patted her back softly.
"Don't claim victory already. We haven't dealt with dirty diapers yet. And you're going to have the honor of changing the very first one" Raya groaned, flopping into the bed dramatically. Namaari kicked her shin playfully, prompting her to move. "Go have a shower and get properly dressed, you can't walk around just wearing a robe all day".
Raya protested, worried Namaari would need her the moment she went into the bathroom (as if they didn't have guards and servants just outside the door). Reluctantly, she grabbed a fresh set of lounge clothes and made her way to the bathroom.
The shower helped tons with the ache that had set on her bones earlier that day, feeling much better and energized even. She was just toweling her hair dry when she walked into their bedroom, seeing Namaari lying on her side fast asleep with Anh cuddled close to her chest. She wanted to capture that very image to herself, to cry because of how perfect it looked. Overwhelmed with love, Raya left their bedroom for the first time in the day. After all, being beside her wife wasn't the only way to take care of her.
When Namaari opened her eyes after that nap, Raya was already there. She was lovingly looking at their daughter that stretched out her short limbs in a very sleepy fashion that reminded Namaari of the woman holding her.
"I can't believe we made her. How is she real?" Raya mused, brushing her thumb over her baby's eyebrow. "I brought some food for you. And water. You should stay hydrated now that you have to feed her too" Namaari felt a fuzzy feeling take over her. Was it from Raya being so in love with their daughter or was it from Raya taking care of them? Either way, she hummed and seated up slowly, fishing the tray sitting on her nightstand. She was pleased to see Raya had followed her mother's and her midwife's advice on Namaari's diet once the baby arrived. Plenty of green papaya, a side of nuts and a plate with various snacks for her to munch on to recover some energy; a tall cup of unsweetened green tea and a pitcher of water. Just for her. Namaari hadn't felt hungry until she eyed the food, now she had to force herself to eat slowly as she watched the two loves of her life together.
The room was filled with baby noises, tiny coos and sniffles that made her mothers' hearts squeeze. Namaari ate her meal, now just enjoying a moment of lying prone. Raya held Anh, wanting to savor every single moment she could get with her. She was just thinking about how grateful she was to be a mother when a sound pulled her attention back to reality. Namaari snorted, watching Raya's baffled face. "My love, I think that's your cue to change her diaper. Go on, I will be here if you need me". With a pat on her shoulder from her wife, Raya made her way to grab the supplies needed.
Seeing Raya, a fearless warrior, changing their daughter's diaper was an experience Namaari would never forget. At first, she was just afraid of hurting her by removing her clothes. Then, she wrinkled her nose in disgust when she took in the state of the fabric wrapping the infant's privates. Namaari laughed the whole time, watching her wife retire the old diaper before cleaning her and putting on a fresh one. Anh, to their surprise, just protested lightly when the cold air of the afternoon brushed her bottom and looked at them with big, curious eyes afterwards.
That night was a completely different story. They had dinner with Virana in the small dining hall after Namaari insisted she wasn't sick, just tired, and her body needed to move. The meal was spent sharing stories with the grandmother, who held the baby with the biggest grin Raya had ever seen on her. They left with full bellies and high spirits, walking back to their bedroom at a slow pace, just enjoying the quiet of the palace at that time of the day. That quiet being disrupted when they were just a few doors away from their room.
Anh, who had spent the whole dinner sleeping peacefully, had woken up with a powerful cry. She hiccuped, upset, tears running down her reddened cheeks. Raya, who had been holding her, was startled. Not knowing what to do, knowing that she probably was hungry but she didn't have the tools to solve that. Namaari quickened her pace, trying to get to their room as soon as possible to feed her. In the end, she calmed down the moment her skin came in contact with Namaari's, drinking away as if nothing happened. Raya sat next to her wife, handing her a pillow to keep her back supported.
"She gets angry when she's hungry. I wonder who she takes after" Raya said, gaining a grumpy rumble from her wife.
Neither of them spoke after that. Namaari sat there, on their bed, feeding their child while Raya walked around the room getting ready to go to bed. When Anh was finally asleep, Namaari took the opportunity to get her ready for bed too. Raya had placed her sleeping clothes and a fresh cloth diaper next to her, so she didn't have to go find them. She undressed Anh slowly, trying not to rouse her from her slumber. Namaari paused when she was down to her diaper and admired her.
It was such an incomprehensible thing that, just hours before, that tiny body had been inside her. She admired her, counted all of her little fingers and toes and kissed the sole of one chubby foot. Raya sat gingerly next to her and wiped a stray tear on her wife's cheek. Namaari laughed wetly, rushing to get the baby changed and dressed before she got cold.
"It's just amazing, you know? To think that we made her and she's finally here. And she's healthy and chubby and so beautiful." She sniffled, trying to keep the tears down. But Raya could hear the emotion in her voice, the love she felt for the baby sleeping before them. "It's kind of silly, but I'm going to miss feeling her inside me. At least we're going to live attached to the hip for the foreseeable future" Raya approached her, tucking her hair back before kissing her temple.
"I don't think it's silly. I'm also going to miss having excuses to touch your belly" Namaari snorted, giving her a look. "Don't look at me like that! I know I'm always all over you but I can't resist it, okay?"
Namaari laughed, but her attention shifted back to Anh. She finished putting on her pajamas and placed her next to Raya. "Don't fall asleep without me, I'm going to get ready really quick".
Raya told her to take her time, knowing Namaari's nighttime routine had to be longer after giving birth. Over half an hour later, Namaari reappeared in their bedroom with her new pajamas . It was weird seeing her being bare of any makeup or jewelry for so long, her features soft and the signs of exhaustion evident. She got under the covers next to her, as always. Yet there was a difference this time.
Ever since the first time they slept on the same bed, Raya and Namaari had found comfort in each other's arms. Now, the beautiful life they've created together was sleeping between them. Raya saw Namaari's discomfort, reaching over Anh to cradle her cheek. "I know this is different, but she needs you more than I do. We're going to be okay. You need to rest, my love" Namaari nodded, reluctantly shifting to lay on her side. Her eyes fixed on their daughter, yet within a couple of minutes, they started to close. Raya smiled triumphant, shifting so she could also get some sleep.
Not even two hours later, Raya found herself waking up. Her mind racing, her heart beating wildly on her chest. What if Anh had stopped breathing? What if she was hungry or had a wet diaper and didn't cry? What if she accidentally rolled over and something fatal happened? She sat up, seeing that Anh was peacefully asleep, indeed breathing and okay, and Namaari gently snored next to her. She took a deep breath, double checking that her daughter was indeed okay. Reassured, Raya laid down again, trying to get her mind and heart to slow down so she could get some rest.
Raya wasn't sure how much time had passed, perhaps a minute or maybe an hour, when a cry woke her up with a start. This time, Namaari heard it and was wide awake even before Raya had the opportunity to sit up. She got into action quickly, untying her top and getting Anh close so she could eat. Raya's sleepy mind playing caught up, somehow knowing that a diaper change was due as well. She got up and retrieved all the items from the baby's dresser, going back to bed only to find Namaari asleep while Anh ate.
As soon as she sat on the bed, Namaari roused. Smiling ruefully at Raya. Raya laughed, laying down again so she could wait until Anh was done eating to change her. She saw Namaari's face scrunched up with pain, feeling those postpartum contractions stronger now that she had some rest. "Do you need something, dep la? Want me to get you some tea?" Namaari shook her head no, her eyes fixed on Anh's face. After a moment, she reached over her daughter to find Raya's hand, squeezing it tightly in her search for comfort.
They survived their first night. And the second. And the third. Anh was a surprisingly calm baby, just fussing when she needed something. Falling asleep in her mothers' arms was her favorite activity so far, to the women's relief. When the sun started rising on her fourth day of life, a knock echoed in their room.
It was gentle, yet Raya heard it anyway. She woke up and went to the door, only to find one of Heart's emissaries with a gentle smile on her lips. The woman announced something that made Raya's heart leap with happiness, her Ba had arrived in Fang to meet his granddaughter.
She made sure to let Namaari know she was leaving their room, insisting she called for her the moment Anh woke up. Raya let them sleep peacefully after that, going to meet her Ba in the small tea room.
Benja awaited for his daughter there, offering her a big smile and an offer to step into a tight hug. Raya accepted it gladly, squeezing him back as hard. When they pulled apart, Benja placed his hand on Raya's cheek, kissing her temple lovingly.
"Tell me everything, dewdrop" he said, a warm smile plastered on his face as Raya sat down to start pouring their drinks.
A couple of hours later, Namaari woke up. Her whole body still felt sore from the birth, her mind foggy between hormones and lack of sleep. She hadn't worn makeup or jewelry in days, her hair freed from her usual braid and probably sporting a big bed head. She straightened, trying to shake the sleep from her body. Anh was asleep next to her, her chubby cheeks rosy from the warmth of their bed. After placing a kiss on her head, Namaari placed some pillows around her to keep her safe, although she knew Anh wasn't able to move like that yet. Praying she could have some time for herself, she went to the bathroom.
It was short lived. Having a newborn baby was exhausting and demanding. She had enough time for a quick shower and started getting dressed before Anh cried loudly. She sighed, picking her up and bringing her to her chest. The baby immediately calmed down, tiny fist relaxing as she placed it on her mae's skin.
Namaari had to laugh. Some years ago, if someone told her that the whole palace had to see her walking around basically topless, she would have freaked out. Now she only felt pride in it, her body enough to comfort her child, to feed her and be the main source of nourishment. The staff, the guards, her family. All of them only had warm smiles and sweet words every time they witnessed such an act. There was a gentle knock on the door and she knew, without having to look, that her wife was the one entering the room.
"Hey…" she softly whispered, sitting beside Namaari after placing a kiss on her cheek. "I see you two have already started the day. How are you feeling?"
Namaari felt a fuzzy feeling spread over her. Raya had always been attentive, had always worried about her and had soft caresses and words for her. Yet since the beginning of the pregnancy, her caring side had transformed into something softer and full of love and devotion. Nurturing. Namaari couldn't fall any harder for her, yet here she was. Feeling butterflies after years being together.
"I feel tons better today. Still sore and tired, but the cramps had died down in intensity. How is your Ba doing?"
Raya smiled brightly at that. "Good. In no time you won't feel them anymore" her gaze fell from her wife's face to her daughter's, watching how awake she seemed to be that morning. "He 's doing great. He told me that he wants to talk with you, that he'll come up here if you don't feel well enough to have breakfast with him in the tea room".
"I'll meet him there. I just need Anh to finish so I can take care of this" she signaled her hair with the hand not holding the baby. Raya laughed, her wife's hair still wet and tangled from a rushed shower.
"Let her eat calmly, I'll do your hair for you".
Miraculously, Namaari made it downstairs only ten minutes later. Her hair done as usual for the first time in days, wearing something soft and comfortable that weren't pajamas or lounge wear. Anh was cuddled close to her body, held by the soft fabrics of the baby wrap tied around her torso. As soon as she entered the room, Benja came up to her to offer a tight embrace, minding the baby between their bodies.
After the greetings, they both sat down to start eating their breakfast. They chatted back and forth, the conversation light and amicable. That's it, until Benja cleared her throat to interrupt his previous speech.
"How are you feeling, Namaari?" Namaari was fast to answer. She smiled at him and told him that she was okay. He shot her a look full of disbelief that made the resemblance with his daughter more evident.
"I should have known you weren't to take that for an answer" she laughed, patting the baby's bottom softly when she whined in her sleep. "Physically? I'm tired, but my body is recovering well. Mentally?" she sighed, a soft smile taking over her features. "I'm both exhausted and bursting with happiness".
Benja knew the sensation. Although he wasn't the one to go through childbirth, he had to deal with the insane amount of feelings that welcoming your daughter into the world brings, mixed with the grief of losing his partner, the love of his life. He reassured her, explaining her emotions were valid and she should seek help should she need it. He moved to sit next to her when his words started to get her misty eyed, draping his arm over her shoulder as they spoke softly about the rocky starts of parenthood.
When there weren't more words to be spoken, Namaari sniffled and shifted to look her father in law in the eyes. "Are you ready to meet her?" The smile Benja gave her could melt the toughest of hearts.
"I'm dying to".
Benja wasn't a shy man when it came to showing his emotions. Namaari had seen him cry more times over the years that she knew him than she had seen her own mother in her entire life. Yet, this time, as she saw him pick up her daughter and bring her close to his chest, Namaari could only describe his expression as deep awe.
He ran his fingers softly over her face, enticing an involuntary smile to spread over the infant's lips. "I…" he tried, taking in a shaky breath. "She's…" a stray tear ran down his face, his grin only growing. He cleared his throat, trying to regain his composure. "She's perfect, isn't she? The resemblance with the two of you is–" he took a deep breath, finding his words. "Amazing. I see so much of my Raya on her." That brought a smile to Namaari's face, pleased that their daughter took after the both of them.
A moment of silence passed. Namaari just sat there, looking at Benja. Benja couldn't bring himself to tear his eyes away from his granddaughter, wetly laughing when she furrowed her eyebrows grumpily. "Yeah, that look it's all Raya's. She's going to have quite the temper" Namaari laughed along with him, not expecting to hear the next words that came out of the man's lips.
"I'm proud of you, Namaari. You two are amazing mothers already".
Namaari could only smile gratefully, feeling the tears on her eyes threatening to spill if she spoke. Benja knew, despite her reaction, how moved she was to hear him say that.
Meanwhile, on the other wing of the palace, Raya paced like a headless chicken in the library. She had neglected all paperwork for the last few days, her focus solely on her wife's and daughter's wellbeing and comfort. She had to go back to work, to get all those papers signed and those trades petitions proofread. She also had to go back to train Fang kids for Namaari. And supervise the chefs followed Namaari's new dietary restrictions. And be there for Anh. And change her diapers.
And…
And…
And…
A hand pressed gently on her shoulder, Raya being so caught up in her mind that she hadn't noticed someone joining her. She stopped the pacing altogether, finding a known face looking down at her with concern.
"My morning dew," Virana said. Her voice was soft yet firm. "Come sit with me"
Raya followed her to the nearest couch, trying to get her mind to stop as she waited for her mother in law words. Virana took a deep breath before speaking, breaking her stoic demeanor for the umpteenth time since Anh's arrival.
"Tell me what's going on in that head of yours" Raya gulped, struggling to put her thoughts into words that made sense. After taking a reassuring breath, she spoke.
Virana listened with rapt attention, nodding along to her words. When Raya smiled awkwardly after finishing her rambling, the older woman took the opportunity to speak up.
"Raya. I want you to look at me" Raya did, feeling vulnerable after telling Virana about her insecurities. Her mother in law placed her hand on top of hers, giving it a comforting squeeze. "It's normal to feel like that right now. Everything is new and bad feelings and fears are bound to arise. It's normal to feel so overwhelmed by the love you feel for Anh, because it's such a strong sentiment. The thing is, Raya," she shifted, giving her a gentle look. "Namaari is not the only one going through changes. Your life has changed forever as well. It's true that you didn't have to go through childbirth and its consequences, but you're still adapting to this nonetheless. So, I'm going to ask you to do something." Raya nodded eagerly, trying to show she was ready for it. Whatever it was.
"I'm going to ask you to take care of yourself. Forget about Chief responsibilities, forget about being with Namaari and Anh every hour of the day. Your Ba and I will bear all the work while you two adapt and enjoy this new life. Namaari needs the help, sure, but she needs you to be rested and strong for her as well. Go find her, take a walk along the gardens. Enjoy the early morning sun and the feeling that comes from forming a family ".
Raya hadn't realized she was crying until Virana handed her a handkerchief. She took it and wiped under her eyes, looking at the woman in front of her with a kind smile. "I don't know how to thank you. I was so afraid I was going to mess everything up because I can't manage to be everywhere at the same time" she sniffled, exhaling a shaky breath. "Namaari is the one that seems like she can handle everything. I never learnt to do it and I can't thank you enough for your help"
"Always an overachiever, that one" Virana laughed, her eyes crinkling in a way that made Raya think about her wife. "She wants to handle everything, but she can't. That's why we need to step up and help you two out when it gets impossible to handle. Please, stop worrying about work. Go take some time for yourself, I'm sure it'll do you well". Raya nodded, shyly stepping into the embrace Virana offered.
When they pulled apart, the older woman tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, just like her wife always did. Smiling, Raya thanked her one more time before standing up to leave the library. When she got to the door, Virana called for her. She looked back to see her soft expression, such a rare thing on her usually neutral face.
"Don't hesitate to come talk to me if you need to. Even the most meaningless of things, I'll be here for you". Raya tried not to tear up again, murmuring a soft 'thank you' before closing the door behind her.
Time seemed to pass differently after that. Raya wasn't as stressed, Namaari seemed to be more confident in her actions. They both took care of Anh, taking turns and trying to let the other have some alone-time between feedings and diaper changes. Benja stook around for a couple of days before going back to Heart. While he was in Fang, he tried to get some quality time with his granddaughter, letting her moms get some rest or just to take a breather.
The umbilical cord fell on her seventh day of life, making it the day they gave Anh her very first bath. It was something they both had feared, but the midwife and Virana tried to give them both all the advice possible for the situation. They both got everything ready. The small baby tub over the counter of their bathroom, the warm water, the cozy towels, the oils and lotion they would use on her skin… Raya wondered how such a tiny body could need so many things, their bathroom filled to the brim with their baby's things.
Namaari wanted them to share the moment, so she was the one to gently get her in the tub, supporting her body with her forearm. Anh didn't cry, much to their surprise. She looked around with big eyes that made Raya laugh, her daughter's expression going from shocked to relaxed when she started to clean her with a soft washcloth. Anh's favorite part was getting her hair washed, Raya massaging her scalp gently with the most delicate of shampoos. The baby fell asleep before they rinsed her head, Namaari laughing at her blissed out face.
"We should have known she would fall asleep with that. We both love getting our hair played with" Raya commented, rinsing her hands to fetch the towels from the other side of the counter. Namaari lifted Anh from the water, letting Raya wrap the towel around her body so she didn't get cold. Namaari laid her down on the makeshift changing mat, trying not to rouse her from her slumber.
Raya got the oils and the lotion, massaging them gently over her baby's skin. Namaari watched her with a dopey smile, so in love with the both of them. So focused on the way her wife pampered their baby, neither of them paid attention to the forgotten diaper and the very naked infant. That's it, until Raya noticed a warm liquid wetting her clothes.
She shrieked, trying to cover Anh's crotch with the discharged towel. Namaari, who had yet to react, bursted into a fit of laughter when she saw the disgust on her wife's face. Raya frowned, not happy about having piss on her clothes. Yet the way Namaari bent with laughter, made her crack up too.
It took them a while to recover. Namaari was still giggling by the time Raya got Anh properly dressed and ready for bed. She took the baby from her wife's hands, kissing her cheek as an apology. "I'm sorry. But you should have seen the look on your face" she started chuckling again, making Raya's grumpy look falter, a smile threatening to appear on her face.
"You both are lucky you're cute. Otherwise I'd be so pissed" Raya said with crossed arms, uncrossing them when she noticed the wetness again. Namaari snickered, cradling Anh close before turning to leave the bathroom.
"Take this as an opportunity to have a shower, I'll go feed her" Raya nodded, peeling her clothes off no sooner had Namaari spoken.
Motherhood was a hell of a ride. One moment you think you're getting the hang of it, the next you find yourself at the verge of tears because your baby cries just a little louder than usual. Namaari thought she was going insane, two weeks after Anh was born and she had yet to leave the palace. They took walks around the building, going as far as she could with a recovering body and a nursing baby. Yet Namaari still felt like she missed something, a sorrow finding its place within her that she didn't know how to solve.
Raya, apparently, did. She observed her wife through the days, how she would get this melancholic look in her face when they talked about their missions, about going out of Fang with their beloved pets. She knew Namaari missed her serlot, the cat missing her as well judging by how Diwa mewled at her every time she went to take care of TukTuk. So, she got a plan.
Arranging everything was the easy part. She informed Virana and their personnel about it, just to not have anyone interrupting. Now, she only had to convince her wife of walking the distance between their room and the stables. Stretching her limbs lazily, Raya yawned.
"My muscles are all stiff. I think I need to stretch them a bit" she made a show of standing up, groaning the whole way so she got Namaari's attention. "I think I'm going for a walk, let the sun warm me up. I may take this precious roll with me, what'd you think, Anh?" The baby looked at her with curious eyes, Raya finding it extremely adorable even though she knew her daughter wasn't understanding a thing.
"Then get the baby wrap, you'll get tired carrying her around for so long" Namaari said, not even bothering to look up at them, reading some documents by the healer's recommendations.
"Actually, why don't you join us? You could use the fresh air as well" that got Namaari's attention. She looked at her with furrowed eyebrows, the expression dissolving away when she saw Raya tying the wrap around her torso.
"Sure. Just let me use the bathroom really quickly".
The morning sun was a welcomed surprise on their stroll to the stables. Winter wasn't very harsh on Fang, yet the low temperatures and the lack of sunlight were felt by everyone. Raya spent the whole way looking at her wife and daughter. Observing how Namaari took a deep breath when they passed by her favorite flowers, how she saluted the guards standing by the training grounds. Observing how her daughter yawned adorably, how she started falling asleep the moment Raya played idly with her hair. She slowed her pace when they approached, noticing Namaari's surprised face.
"Why did you bring us here?" She whispered, as if speaking any louder would disturb the peace.
"Someone has been waiting for you to visit. Maybe we could introduce Anh as well" Namaari nodded, entering the area with a grin already adorning her face.
The moment the great cat saw her owner, happy mewls filled the room. Namaari laughed merrily, Diwa showering her with kisses, almost tackling her to the ground when she placed her front paws on her shoulders. "Easy there, girl" she breathed between fits of laughter, the cat purring loudly when Namaari finally got her off her, scratching behind her ears. "I missed you too, Diwa" the serlot purrs got even louder, making Namaari's heart melt.
Raya cleared her throat after giving them a moment to reunite, her wife immediately ordering the cat to sit and stay put. She got Anh out of the carrier, handing her to Namaari carefully so as not to wake her. Namaari picked her up, not without placing a kiss on her chubby face first. When she had her secured in her hold, she presented the baby to her serlot.
"Diwa, this is Anh. She's your new princess. And I'm sure she's going to be your new terror when she grows up a bit" the cat saved the distance between them, sniffling the tiny human curiously. "You must protect her until she's old enough to get her own serlot. Okay?" Diwa mewled, as if answering Namaari's question. She bumped her nose with Anh's tiny fist, as if giving her approval. Her owner smiled, engulfing her in a hug after handing the baby back to her mother. "I missed you, big softie"
Later that day, a visit awaited for the Chiefs and their offspring in the palace. Raya and Namaari had been waiting for them, eager to introduce Anh to them and catch up on the latest gossip of Kumandra. Raya entered the room, opening the door for Namaari and Anh. She hadn't opened the door all the way, when three ongies jumped on her. She laughed, trying to ease them off her body.
"Hi guys, I've missed you too. Mind if you give me some space?" They did, not without trying to steal one of her hair rings before jumping away. Namaari, behind her, just smiled at the familiarity of the scene. Around the table, their friends were seated having tea.
Tong, being the wiser one, had instructed them all not to tackle them, knowing the baby and Namaari could get hurt with their usual roughhousing. They allowed the couple to take their respective seats, a round of questions rousing the moment they got comfortable.
"Where's the baby?"
"When are we going to go back to missions?"
"Wow, Namaari. You look awfully exhausted, girl"
Raya tried to get them to stop by calling their names, but both Sisu and Boun were too enthusiastic to notice. Tong, who sat closer, whistled loudly. It worked, all the eyes in the room directed to him. All, except one. Anh, who had been peacefully asleep on her baby wrap, got startled, crying loudly. Namaari tried to soothe her, whispering sweet nothings until her sobs subsided.
Boun laughed uneasily, scratching the back of her head. "Sorry about that. I was excited to see you guys". Namaari just shrugged it off with a gentle smile, insisting she wasn't mad with them. Tong took the opportunity to redirect the conversation, asking the new mothers about their wellbeing and about the little girl that was now trying to fight sleep on Namaari's arms. They told them about everything, keeping their story PG knowing Boun and Noi were paying attention. After Raya finished telling them about the diaper incident, Noi broke the silence to ask something she had been dying to.
"Is she going to play with me any time soon? She's really boring right now" the adults around her laughed, Tong patting her head twice sweetly.
"Yeah! When are we going back to explore Kumandra? Babies are lame" Boun chided in, getting a scolding look from Tong.
"I'm sure she'd love to, Noi. But right now she's too small and her body needs lots of sleep and food. Give it some months and you two will be causing trouble together" Namaari answered, offering the girl a reassuring smile. She directed her attention to Boun next "As for you… I think we can go back to our adventures soon enough. My body needs to recover first, but I can assure you that I'm really looking forward to it" That seemed to be enough to make him happy, his attention drifting from the table and back to the little game he had been playing with Noi.
After some moments of quiet conversation, Namaari offered Tong to hold Anh. True to his nurturing nature, he hugged the baby close to his chest, snuggling her with a happy grin. "It's amazing how much she looks like the two of you" he commented offhandedly, observing closely the baby's chubby face. Sisu, who had been awfully quiet, got closer to Anh before a rush of emotions passed through her face. Raya observed her with hidden amusement, waiting for her to word-vomit whatever had crossed her mind.
"She's really cute, guys. Look at those cheeks! She's so sweet I want to eat her up" she told them, her smile soft but her eyes focused. She was studying Anh closely. "But how in the world did you guys create her?"
That almost made Raya choke on her tea, coughing it out and receiving a pat on her back from her wife. Tong, seeing them, started to answer. "You see, Sisu. When a mommy and a daddy love each other very much… Well, it could be a daddy and a daddy too, or a mommy and a mommy!" He got sidetracked, Namaari's expression growing uncomfortable as he spoke.
"You know what, Sisu? We'll explain it to you another day, it is too much information for a single afternoon" Namaari said, watching the dragon face become curious again as she dropped the topic and thought about yet another one. Namaari braced herself for the question, yet this one only made her huff a laugh.
"Okay, but how come she doesn't talk or walk yet? Like, her mothers' are the best warriors of Kumandra and Raya could talk anyone's ear off if she wants to. Why is she so… weak and tiny?" Tong, who handed the baby back to her Mae, patted Sisu's paw to get her attention.
"You know what, Sisu? We should get going, I'll explain everything about babies on our way home. What do you think?"
The blue dragon only nodded eagerly, already working on her goodbyes to the couple and their baby. The rest of the gang followed her, promising to visit again really soon. Raya and Namaari hugged them tight, missing their adventures and silly reunions as much as they did. Knowing that, the next time they went on a mission, Anh was going to be there with them.
That same night, Raya sat on the windowsill with her back turned to Fang. The views of the city bathed on the glow of a winter full moon were breathtaking, yet the only thing she wanted to look at was right in front of her.
Her wife, bare of any makeup or jewelry, sitting topless on their bed. Her daughter, safely held by strong arms, wrapped in cozy blankets as she peacefully ate. The love on Namaari's look, the softness of her touch as she caressed their baby's face, was so intense Raya could feel them from the other side of the room. If anyone had asked her about having a family some years ago, she would have said no. Now, as she took the spot beside her wife on their bed, she couldn't be happier to have chosen to form one with the love of her life.
Moving closer to her, she laid sugary kisses along her wife's exposed skin. Her cheek, her shoulder, her arm. Namaari hummed, feeling pampered. Raya only felt the love for her growing stronger. Before she could succumb to sleep, she made sure to kiss her temple and whisper close to her ear about those feelings of hers. Knowing Namaari would melt, she made sure to say it with an extra sweetness to it.
"I'm so proud of you, Namaari"