Chapter Text
Eric’s jaw hung slack for a moment or two; his mind racing to piece together why his Uncle Howard would be there in his house today of all days. Lost inside his own train of thought, Eric could only think of snapping his mouth closed in an attempt to seem less like a scared dog caught with his tail in between his legs and more like someone who had the foresight to see this coming from a mile away.
Forcing a grin, Eric closed the door behind him and said the first thing that came to mind.
“I’ve been expecting you."
“Really? Coulda fooled me.” Howard replied. Opposite of the hand that clutched the familiar sandwich was a cane that the older man fiddled with as his cloudy eyes peered at Eric over his glasses. “A moment ago you looked like you walked in on a ghost goin’ down on a motherfuckin’ Chupacabra. Now how ‘bout you go on and tell me how you really feel about seein’ your ol’ Uncle Howard?”
To say Howard looked different from the last time Eric had seen him would be an understatement. The warden stopped allowing Howard use of the videoconference room soon after his escape, so there was no more TV linking his family to the prison after that mess. Eric thought this Uncle Howard, with his thinning curly hair and limp leg, looked more like another grandfather than an uncle. Even his Uncle Stinky looked better off than Howard, and they were only five years apart. Eric wondered if prison had broken Howard’s spirit, but regardless of his motivations for being here, he needed to steer the older man away from the whys and reasons for his 6-year silence.
“35 years, your times up. I’d knew you’d be here, it was just a matter of time.” Eric shrugged nonchalantly, throwing his coat and bag to the floor on his way to the kitchen. “Just didn’t know that time would be, well, today. School and all, you know how it is.” Wait, did he even finish school? Eric thought to himself.
“Well, excuse me! Didn’t mean t’ disrupt your ‘busy life’! It’s not like I’ve been locked away for 35 fuckin’ years waitin’ for the day I’d actually getta chance t’ see my nephew when I’m not on the God damn lamb.” Howard yelled from the couch, his voice raised but weathered from its over-use and poor health. “God forbid I’d think you’da been a little more pleased t’ see me!”
Eric was not used to being yelled at in his own house. His first instinct was to laugh, but judging by the terrified way Liane shook her head at him from the sink, he kept a lid on it and instead snagged the sandwich that she had already prepared for him on his way back into the living room. Laughing might be out of the question, but Eric wasn’t about to let that fucker treat him like that in his own house without repercussion.
“Take that stick or AARP card out of your ass, old man.” Eric sneered, sitting on the piano bench to leer at his uncle from across the room. “I’m more pissed about you stealing my fucking sandwich than showing up out of the blue.”
Howard chuffed. “If you’da taken the time t’read the letter I sent you a couple weeks back, then maybe this wouldn't have been ‘out of the blue’, you ingrate!”
“Ingrate? Are you fucking senile? What in the hell have you ever done for me?” Eric took an angry bite out of his sandwich, swallowing hastily before snapping back, “Are you talking about that stuff you’d mail to me back when I was a kid? I sent you little thank-you notes, what more do you fucking want?”
“I ain’t talkin’ about the gifts, you little asshole! Jesus Christ, you ain’t even aware, aren’t you?” Howard cracked a smug grin.
Eric glowered, not knowing what to expect now that Howard’s entire demeanor changed before his very eyes. “Aware of what?”
“Hmph. Well I don’t mind reminding you about what I still consider the best day of my life.” Howard boasted. “I was in the mess-hall when someone handed me a newspaper. It took me a second t’register what I was readin, but the moment I saw your name and the ‘Mel Gibson fanclub’ you made, I was sure. By the time I got t’ the part about the march you organized, I fuckin’ knew right then that you were made for this.”
Eric continued to hold his no-nonsense glare as he finished up his sandwich. “Made for what?"
“Don’t play stupid with me, boy!” exclaimed Howard, grabbing his cane to shove it pointedly towards Eric’s face. “The club, the message, the march – where’d you think you learned all that? South Park? Hell, this place was overrun by them hippies by the time I got thrown in prison. Now that dyke’s in charge of the government and her lover’s the principal of the elementary school and I hear the angry kyke gets her bigass Jewnose in every board and community function in this town!”
Eric couldn’t help but chortle, “Yeah, it sucks.”
Howard, however, did not find this humorous at all. With a struggled grunt, he sat back up and leaned forward for emphasis. “Don’t you geddit, you little bastard?”
At the mention of that particular word, Eric’s smile melted into a scowl.
“Youda been just as drugged and brainwashed as the rest of your little ‘friends’ if it weren’t for me! Hell, you’d probably be a treehuggin, whale-saving, pansy like the Marsh’s boy if it weren’t for me! You’d think that I’d at least get a letter back sayin’ 'Thank you Uncle Howard for all your guidance’, but somethin’ tells me you’re just as unappreciative and god-forsaken like the rest of America’s you-”
"Just shut your mouth, you fucking idiot," Eric interrupted.
Howard did a double take. “Whaddyou say to me?”
"I’d tell you to use your fucking brain for once, but now I’m convinced that you’re probably mentally retarded.” Eric laughed sardonically, tilting his head in a condescending manner. “Think you asshole, what would have happened if the police found out I was in cahoots with you, huh? No offense -Uncle Howard- but you are an ex convict, and had there been a connection between us, I could have been considered a co-conspirator with your little ‘group’.
Before Howard could retort, Eric bolted out of his seat to pace coolly across the room, recalling a rather pertinent story. “I did go to Juvi once, you know. And I’m almost positive they used me as an example because I happened to be related to the founder of the Midwest’s largest hate group.”
After throwing a callous nod to the fuming man hunched over the couch, Eric resumed his cautionary tale. “If it wasn’t for the fact that Token’s Dad spoke on my behalf, I'd probably still be in Juvi. I’m pretty fucking sure they won’t go so lightly on me now that I’m older...”
“Don’t you ge-”
Eric pounded his fists against the coffee table. "Don’t you get it, you old fuck?! I didn’t contact you because I was protecting you!"
It was a lie, but he still kept direct eye contact with his uncle to convince him otherwise. "Yet your massive ego wouldn't let you just sit by– no. You had to keep sending me those stupid letters, and word travels fast in this Podunk town. You could have ruined everything!”
Howard took a moment to reflect upon Eric’s words, sliding his withered hand over his mouth and muttering mostly to himself, “Has it really gotten this bad…”
“The only chance I ever really get to speak my mind is during Debate, and even then I have to pretend I’m just defending the ‘unpopular’ opinion.” Eric narrowed his eyes, forgetting for a moment that he was supposed to be putting on an act.
“Well then, I came at the right time, didn’t I?” Howard perked up.
“Right time for what?” Eric asked, warily.
“To take you and Liane back t’ Nebraska, of course.”
Eric held his breath in anticipation for the inevitable “Nah, I’m just joking” or something of that nature. When it did not come, he glanced at his uncle and then towards the window as though a part of the conversation had flown out of it at one point during their discussion.
“Psh!” He turned back to Howard to glare at him indignantly. “Look, I know you were raised alongside a bunch of high school drop outs, but I’m not dropping out of High School to lead some ignorant-ass group of skinheads. What do you even take me for?”
“Well, they won’t be a bunch’a ignorant-ass skinheads if you’re there t’show them differently!” Howard combated. “Screw the American Public School system! Their contorted curriculum demonizes white-Americans and lowers the standard for the sake of “affirmative action”. We have teachers for the cause back in Chase County that can give you a quality education at home without all the bullshit! Plus, you’ll be doing what you love at the same time.”
Eric huffed in amusement, ready to humor him at this point. “And what might that be?”
“Rallying the troupes and leading them into battle. Like Robert E. Lee, right? I remember reading about that too.” Howard recalled warmly and started thumbing the edge of his cane. “You’re a natural born leader, and I’m not about to let you miss out on what is obviously your calling in life.”
Giving his uncle an awkward nod, Eric sat back down on the piano bench to idly skim through his sheet music. “I’ll think about it.”
Howard looked abash, fidgeting uncomfortably before grunting from the couch. “What’s there t’think about? I’ve already gone over it with your mother. Every weekend for the rest of the semester you’ll be flying back home to Imperial with me.”
“Hah! Over my dea-”
Eric was interrupted by the sound of something dropping in the kitchen. From the way the living room was set up, he was the only one who could lean back to see what caused the noise. This proved fortunate, for the noise was no accident and it only took one glance at his mother’s petrified expression for Eric to understand that this was not something he could just blow off. There was clearly something else written between the lines of her brother’s offer that she knew and he obviously did not.
“Wait, you’re not joking?” He shot back at his uncle, loosing some of the cockiness in his voice.
“Does it look like I’m joking?” Howard growled, having obviously caught on to what just took place between the two. “Your mother’s staying in South Park for the time being until she finalizes the move. In the meantime, as I said, you’ll be flying to Imperial with me every Friday night.”
“Flying?” Eric repeated frantically, trying to find a logic loop in any of this to get himself out of this predicament. “How do you expect me to pay for all these fucking flights?”
“The contributors! Don’t you know Imperial has it’s own airport? They’re all very excited for what you have t’offer.”
“What about my grades?” Eric kept it up, trying to think the way his uncle would. “These Liberal-ass colleges will find any excuse to throw out a white guy’s application these days; I can’t just leave school to be homeschooled. What about my debate tournaments and German club events?”
Howard coughed dismissively. “Homeschooling is a legitimate form of education, Eric. Besides, this’ll be your last semester at this sorry excuse of a school anyway. Those clubs can’t be that important.”
Eric scoffed, searching for other any other excuse to halt this plan. “Why can’t I just start recruiting people here and make my way towards Nebraska?”
As soon as those words left Eric’s mouth, he knew he went too far. His thoughts were confirmed when his uncle leered at him from across the room with this look of disgust and unfamiliarity.
“What’s wrong with you, boy? You’re actin’ like I’m out t’break your balls, here. Ain’t this what you’ve been dreaming of? Ain’t this what you tried t’do when that Dark Lord came outta the ground? Well that ain’t happenin’ again any time soon, so now you get a chance to do it the real-world way with real people and real support.”
Clenching his fists, Eric could feel a surge of something start to boil from within; something that he’d kept bottled up inside him for the sake of fooling those around him into thinking he had actually changed his ways. Eric didn’t expect it to come from someone like Howard, but nevertheless his uncle was actually coaxing that something out of him, and it felt so incredibly right. However, he couldn’t have Howard think that this was his doing.
“Enough of this bullshit, when did I ever fucking indicate that this wasn't what I wanted? Yet unlike you fucks back in Nebraska, I care enough about my future to avoid setting myself up for a disaster. I mean, look how you ended up!” He mocked, making his way towards the staircase to end this nonsensical discussion once and for all.
“No offense, but I’d rather stay here in Buttfuck, Colorado and duke it out amongst the hippies than spend the rest of my life in a fucking prison cell.”
“The only way you’ll end up in a prison cell is if you don't take care of your enemies right away. That’ll be your first task, Eric – eliminatin’ mine.” Howard grumbled, struggling to get out of his seat. “They’ll fuckin’ pay… those corrupt lawyers and that hippie fuck who filed charges.”
Eric was about to put this whole debacle behind him until he heard his uncle mention ‘lawyers’.
“Wait,” he turned back around to face his Uncle with the straightest face he could muster. “By ‘corrupt lawyers’ you don’t mean ‘Broflovski and Jackson’… right?”
His uncle was clearly in his own world, consumed with rage and revenge to the point of delirium. “Those fuckers and Marsh took away my livelihood, so I’ll have my troupes take away theirs. I’ll watch on as their houses burn and families perish, just as my hopes and dreams did the moment I heard my sentence.”
Eric froze. All excitement and annoyance that he felt during this exchange vanished in an instant once his Uncle Howard confirmed his suspicions. He realized, right then, that his maniac uncle and his group were no longer some pesky inconvenience. No, this whole thing was now an immediate threat to his own life, happiness, and dear plans that he wouldn’t sacrifice for the whole fucking world.
Howard obviously mistook his grave expression for awe, and concluded with resolution.
“This is happenin’, Eric. Be ready t’leave Friday at midnight.”
The continual sound of small talk and polite laughter emanating from downstairs did not help Eric’s anxiety one bit. It had been two days since his uncle arrived, and his mother’s fear for her brother clearly outweighed her willingness to intervene. There were obviously serious consequences for either one of them if something were to go wrong, but Eric knew that there were going to be consequences no matter what. Howard had laid out his hand and there was no time for Eric to fold.
Eric could only think of a handful of times where Kyle was put in danger due to circumstances outside his control, and in each one of those circumstances, he made sure that death didn’t take him before he’d have his chance. This time, however, he was going to need something more than just Butters and a stolen hazmat suit.
Hours went by before Eric noticed the chattering finally stopped. Moments later, he heard someone leave through the front door rather abruptly. Waiting patiently for any kind of clue as to who it was, he suddenly heard the sound of delicately clinking dishes. This indicated, to his utmost relief, that his uncle was no longer in his house after having staked out the couch for the past 48 hours.
Jolting up from his desk, he pocketed the notes he spent the past couple of days coming up with and threw on his jacket and scarf. When he reached downstairs, everything looked normal, as though his uncle had never been there at all. A part of him wished that were actually the case, but judging by the eerie silence coming from the kitchen, he understood that part of him to be quite foolish.
When Eric rounded the corner, he caught his mother precariously washing a teacup over the sink. She didn’t even turn around to look at him.
“He’s not coming back, right? You kicked him out and told him to never come back?”
Liane let out a sad laugh before responding with forced optimism, “Oh, honey - it doesn’t work like that. Your Uncle Howard may seem a bit odd, but he’s a powerful man who can do more for us than I could do on my own.”
“And I’m sure he’s the one who told you that.” Eric snapped, sure that his uncle had used the same manipulation techniques that he himself had used on her his whole life.
“Well, yes. Bu-”
“Mom, listen to me -you’re a great mom! You’ve done it on your own for 16 years and it’s only going to get easier once I’m able to drive and shit! Yeah times got tough when we were short on cash, but we always made it through! Why do you need him now? You never needed a fucking guy to handle things!”
He paused, reconsidering that last statement. “Well, besides me – but still!”
Liane sighed, drying the teacup as she turned around to offer him a defeated-looking smile. “You’re right, poopsikins. But I already gave him my word, and he gets testy when he doesn’t get his way.”
Eric couldn’t believe how passively she was taking this. There was something else laced in that pathetic look she was giving him; something that told him there was literally nothing either one of them could do to stop this.
Of course, Eric knew that was simply not true.
Livid as all hell, he marched over to the sink and swiped the teacup away from his mother’s hands. “You’re not telling me something. You shouldn’t be treating this like its some minor inconvenience when he’s literally uprooting our lives! What’s going on? Why are you so afraid of him?”
Her expression worsened the moment the teacup was snatched from her grasp. With nothing to distract herself with, she dropped the act entirely and placed her hands to her sides to explain rather gravely, “He has a ‘list’, Eric, and he’s not above putting his own family members on this ‘list’ – especially ones that cross him.”
She ran her fingers through her hair, growing more shaken by the second as she continued, “I was nearly put on his list when I decided to leave Imperial on my own, but when I got pregnant with you, his attitude towards me changed. Now I know why.”
Eric grit his teeth. Like hell he was going to be made into Howard’s prodigal son.
Liane nodded sympathetically. “If we play along, we’ll be protected. If we oppose him, we’re no better off than the people already on that list.”
They both took a moment to let that sentence sink in, but after a couple fleeting seconds, Eric shook his head in denial once he remembered who was ‘already on that list’.
“What makes you think that he’ll be able to get away with this?”
“Howard has a way of getting what he wants,” Liane replied solemnly. “He knows people in high places who aren’t afraid of helping him now that he’s done his time.”
“If he’s that freaking powerful, how did he end up in prison?” Eric asked, incredulously.
“It was his choice. He could have gotten a pardon easily, but he knew that there was nothing more valuable than being viewed as a martyr.” She faltered for a second, and then dared to say. “He’s smart, Eric. He’s been doing this for a long time.”
“Well this is bullshit! I’m not afraid of him and I’m not about to let him fucking dictate our lives!”
Eric kicked one of the cabinets closed on his way out the back door. Once outside, the first thought that came to mind was ‘September wasn’t supposed to be this fucking freezing’. After a moment to fix his scarf, he took the mind-numbingly cold gust of wind coming down from the mountains as guidance and allowed it to shove him out onto his driveway and into the dark street.
The wind was blowing westward, so that’s where he ended up walking. Eric had no destination in mind since the only thing on his mind was that his uncle wanted him to orchestrate the deaths of the whole Broflovski family.
Objectively, this was the easiest thing in the world for Eric to accomplish; he already had a whole notebook full of plans ending with Kyle’s death when he used to obsess over it. Eric actually considered giving that notebook to his uncle, considering he would at least know what to expect, but then he remembered the other shit about Kyle he had wrote in it and scrapped that idea completely.
Sighing, he buried his neck in his scarf and tried to come up with another idea. There was always the easy option; putting a cap in his uncle’s head and calling it a day. He already had a gun and its not like anyone would think twice about the death of a racist asshole. The more he thought about it, the more this idea appealed to him, but he couldn’t help but wonder whether Kyle was really worth the risk of spending the rest of his life in jail.
Eric stopped in tracks, balling his hands into his fists as he mulled over that thought for moment or two. Taking a deep breath, he exhaled though his nose in amusement as a peculiar line of dialogue from his past suddenly surfaced.
“Empty and Hollo-”
“You asshole!”
Franz collided into him from out of nowhere, nearly pushing him to the ground before grabbing onto his coat. “Just look at where your nonchalant attitude about your uncle landed us! Can you explain this fucking note that was left inside our house? Is he actually in town?”
Reeling from the ambush, Eric took one look at the note that his classmate was shoving into his face before swiping it away. “Jesus Christ, Franz. I really don’t have the fucking patience to deal with your problems right now. I already have a fuckton of my own.”
“Like hell you don’t!” The blond boy raged, growing more hysterical by the second. “I warned you that he’d come around and mess with us, and now he’s leaving threats! We’re all in danger, aren’t we?”
“Franz, I swear to god.” Eric jabbed his elbow into Franz with an aggressive grunt. His patience was running thin and he sure as hell wasn’t ready to address the level of danger his uncle brought onto their families. “You can either move out of my fucking way or I’ll move you myself. I’m more than aware of what’s going on and the last thing I need right now is an insignificant fuck like you getting in my face about it!”
“This isn’t about me, asshole!” Franz cried out, getting into Eric’s face to remind him yet again, “Your uncle still hasn’t forgiven my dad for losing his case! Lord knows what he’s going to do to the Broflovski’s for winning the Marsh’s!”
Eric had been a ticking time bomb ever since his uncle delivered the news about his plan, and when Franz finished that last statement, it was all he needed to hear to finally set him off. A second later, Eric was delivering a stone-hard punch to the boy’s face. The satisfying crunch traveled from his fist up to his shoulder and it made him shiver in delight. For a few sanctimonious seconds, he forgot about his uncle’s demands and his part of a plan that could foil the ones he had been developing for years. Eric watched from above as Franz tripped over himself and he followed gleefully, pinning him down and taking fistfuls of his hair to bash his head back against the concrete.
Yet just as Franz was about to retaliate, a disembodied voice brought Eric back into the real world.
“Well well well, Franz. Here I am gone for one night and you are already scouting the neighborhood for a new playmate.”
The girl’s speech was low, throaty, and somewhat reminiscent of the Marlene Dietrich songs Frau Anke would play in class. There was something inherently oracular about the way she spoke, but Eric could tell that superfluous quality to it was only a useful front.
“I did not know you were into bears with anger issues. I guess I need to start eating more of Bert’s pastries to catch up.”
She saddled up next to them, her hands on her hips and a smirk on her lips. Eric could now recognize her as the German exchange student who gave him lip in class the other day.
Franz wriggled out from underneath Eric and turned his attention to the familiar girl seated on the curb in front of them. “Ulla, what you doing out here? Where’ve you been all night, I’ve been looking for you everywhere.”
“Aus (out).” She spoke directly to Franz, sliding off of the curb to cup his face and wipe some of the blood running from his nose. “Though, I heard about the break in - do I need to start sleeping outside to make sure no other crippled, old men sneak into the house?”
“Wait, how did you know he was crippled?” Eric interjected, not one to be ignored.
She scowled at him, flicking something in her wrist before tugging Franz into her arms. “I saw him leave. I figured the damage was already done, and there is no real point in taking out a wobbly old guy no matter what the context. You always end up looking like an ass.”
“This is different, Ulla.” Franz warned, coughing against her as she began to inspect the bump on his head. “If you see that guy coming near the house again you have to call the cops. He’s after our whole family and has a bunch of goons at his beck and call."
He sneered at Eric. “Like this asshole.”
“Ay!” Eric called out in protest. “Just what makes you think I have anything to do with this shit?”
Franz slid out from Ulla’s grasp to confront Eric head-on, getting up in his face until they were nose to nose. “I don’t know, maybe your years and years of being a Hitler Groupie and an Anti-fucking-Semite?”
Eric reeled his head back to headbutt that motherfucker back onto the street, but a nicely manicured hand fell in front of his face preventing such action.
“Ach so.” She began, withdrawing her hand and turning Eric around to face her now. For how cold it was outside, she was sure wearing one sleek outfit. It was black and fluid, only stopping at her shins where the tops of her stealth boots wrapped around her muscled calves. On top of her parted blonde curls was a stately black cap, and beneath it, her blue eyes shot daggers into his morally ambiguous soul. “I take it that the crippled old guy was your uncle?”
Eric stopped staring at her long enough to grab her hand off of him and growl, “Why are you even getting involved in this? I don’t know you from Adam! Or well, Eve or… whatever!”
Ulla crossed her arms against her chest. “Because the two of you are panicking and it seems like I am the only one disconnected from this situation enough to think logically. So what is going on exactly?”
Franz sighed and placed his head in his hands. “Cartman’s uncle’s out of-”
“Yes, Franz. I was in class that day; I know that much. What is the situation now?” Ulla snapped.
Eric actually chortled in approval, but once her hardened eyes fell on him, he came to and replied without hesitation.
“We need to stop my uncle’s plans.”
“What?” Franz spoke up in confusion. “You’re actually going to work against your uncle’s cause? I thought you’d dive at the chance!”
Eric took in a slow, dangerous breath. “Now’s not the time, Franz!”
“Easy then!” Ulla replied lightheartedly, turning to a strung-out Eric and shrugging her shoulders as if the answer was simple. “All you need to do is destroy his plans before any sort of attack takes place.”
As if that answer wasn’t obvious already, Eric scoffed audibly and threw up his hands in the air in frustration. “Really? You don’t say. And how the fuck do you suppose we do that?”
Ulla did not falter, still grinning at him as she crooked her neck to the side. “Mit Poison, naturlich.” (With poison, naturally.)
Franz choked on some of the blood draining from his broken nose. “What?! I’m not killing anyone!”
Eric, on the other hand, perked his brow in serious contemplation.
Ulla gave a light snort and raised her hand to dismiss Franz’ concerns. “Not literally, Liebling (Dear). I meant poison their minds; driving them into the ground before they can even take off.”
Franz still wasn’t bought. “We’re not in some ‘Inception’ movie, Ulla! Think realistically here!”
“I am not talking about you or me, Franz.” She replied, her eyes glowing with premise as she turned to Eric and hinted, “Es muss jemand sie nehmen Aufträge aus sein.” (It must be someone they take orders from)
It only took a moment for Eric to grasp what she was insinuating, and all of a sudden, the thought of leading the hate group didn’t seem like such a bad idea.
“Wait, what’s happening? What’s he going to do?” asked Franz.
“Enough, the problem is solved.” Ulla placed a finger to her boyfriend’s lips, her other hand smoothing over his stomach as she revealed to him the object she had flicked in her wrist when she first arrived at the scene. “I will intervene if need be. No one’s family will get hurt.”
Snapping out of his moment of clarity, Eric watched in bewilderment as the look of anxiety seemed to dissolve from Franz’ face at the sight of the mysterious object.
Perturbed, he puffed up his shoulders and intentionally bumped into Ulla on his way back to his house. “Right, you’ll sass them to deat-”
He didn’t have time to reel from the fall; something had wrapped around his ankles so quickly that his face had planted into the sidewalk before he could even finish his sentence. Not only that, but he could feel someone kick him off the curb and onto the street as something sharp wrapped around his whole body.
Coming to a stop, Eric spotted Ulla looming over him and watched in horror as she ground her boot into his groin. As much as he wanted to curl up in pain, he couldn’t move a single muscle; every time he thrashed to get loose, the wire she used to subdue him just dug deeper into his clothing.
There was blood already seeping through his khakis.
Flipping the remaining coil of wire in her hand, Ulla proceeded to drag her boot up to his face as she taunted, “I have taken out over fifty men at a time who were much larger, much stronger, and much smarter than you.”
Eric’s breath became labored and his rage peaked by the time her heel reached his mouth.
“Doubt me again? And I will castrate you to make sure none of your little Neonazi children ever see the light of day.”
Finished with her warning, she kicked him back over the curb and uncoiled her wire from his body, leaving him in the street as she began to walk away with Franz in tow.
Once he could move, Eric rushed to inspect his sore and bleeding ankles. He had half a mind to run up to that cunt and shove that wire up her ass, but now that he had seen what she was capable of, he had second thoughts.
Instead, he got to his feet and called out to her with an enraged snarl, “Fick dich! Ich zeige dir ein Neonazi” (Fuck you! I’ll show you a Neonazi!)
He heard Ulla laugh in the distance, watching on in fury as she glanced back at him with a taunting smile stretched across her face.
“Stimmt! Du bist jetzt ihrem Führer, nicht wahr?” (Right! You are their leader now, correct?)
Eric remained standing there under the streetlamp, counting down from ten in his head. When he reached one, he exhaled into the cold night air and resumed breathing normally. He realized then his right hand was still caked in blood; the flakes crinkled against his knuckles as he flexed his fingers. There was somewhere he wanted to go tonight, a place that usually helped him clear his head when everything got to be too much.
Yet as tonight’s events replayed in his head, it didn’t seem like such a good idea anymore.
School seemed so paltry to Eric now that his life had taken such a turn. Ever since his uncle's visit, he would watch his peers go about their day in silent envy. He remembered when he used to care about how dumb an assignment was or how poorly a teacher taught a subject - to think that was only a couple days ago.
Everything that he didn't want in his life was happening too fast and everything he did want in his life wasn't happening fast enough. It was enough to drive a sane man over the edge, but Eric was not sane. No sane man would go along with a plan like this.
His ultimate goal at school was to make sure no one caught onto his change in attitude, but it was harder than he expected. He tried to crack jokes at lunch, start arguments in class, and be his normal, loveable self throughout the school day, but his attempts were in vain. In the back of his mind, he knew it was all for nothing.
Every so often, his uncle’s rant would play on repeat in his brain - especially the part when Howard said ‘leading his own army was a dream of his’ or something of that nature. Because he was right, he always wanted to lead his own personal army.
After all, it wasn’t like Kyle couldn’t take care of himself when all was said and done. Kyle sucked anyway; Eric couldn’t even remember the last time he paid him one of his nightly visits.
And then Eric remembered another someone who apparently liked sneaking into other people’s houses in the dead of night.
His breathing hitched. It wasn’t that Eric was necessarily afraid of what his feeble uncle was capable of, but whenever he let his mind wander he'd start to think of things like... what if Howard discovered that most of the Broflovski’s windows could be accessed from the outside?
Psh, Kyle sucks anyway. He repeated in his head, but cognitive dissonance could only work so many times.
“Just to let you know? We’re not hanging out at your place tonight. We’re going to go somewhere out in the open where you can’t trap me or whatever.”
Eric suddenly came to. He was on a bus and it was Friday afternoon. The school week had ended.
“What?” He asked, following the sound of the voice. It was Kyle, and he was glaring at him from over his seat.
“Oh sorry, did that ruin your plans? Fucking Christ, that was your plan, wasn’t it?” Kyle mused.
“I don’t- oh!” Eric flung his eyes open in shock once he remembered that they were supposed to hang out tonight. He couldn’t believe he actually forgot. “Right, fuck. Yeah lets just grab something to eat or whatever. Pacific Rim’s supposed to be good, we could go see that.”
Kyle stared at him blankly, his jaw slightly agape. “Wait, did you actually forget we were supposed to hang out tonight? Could I have just not said anything and skipped this whole fuckmess with you none the wiser?” He hit the back of his chair in wild frustration. “Well, fuck me!”
Eric didn’t skip a beat. “Not so fast, Jewface. We still need to get through the other bases."
Kyle shot him a rather morbid expression.
Eric held in his laughter this time, breaking eye contact with the other boy to stare ahead in the distance. “No I didn’t forget. I’ve just been feeling off, that’s all.”
“Uh huh.” Kyle perked his brow, studying him for a second longer before pointing out, “You haven’t bugged me since Tuesday. It felt nice… albeit a little suspicious.”
“Hah, yeah, you’d think that.” Eric nodded slowly, still gazing ahead before snapping out of his daze. “No really, I’m looking forward to it. It’ll be nice to get my mind off the shit I’ve been dealing with lately.”
“You look like shit.” Kyle stated bluntly. “I’d dismiss this as another part of your plan or whatever, but Kenny said you’ve been acting this way around everyone, not just me.”
“Ugh.” Eric rolled his eyes, knowing there was no real point in following through with any of his ‘plans’ anymore. “Okay, Kyle. You’re not stupid, so I’ll be straight with you. There might have been a 'plan' in the beginning? Like, when I came into your room and gave you shit? But-”
He paused and released a quick sigh, cursing inwardly that everything had to come out like this. “It’s changed. I’ve got other shit to deal with now and I quite honestly just need to get out of my fucking house and remind myself that I still have a life of my own.”
Kyle recoiled slightly, clearly not expecting this kind of response. “So there was a plan?”
“You called it right in the beginning! Congratufuckinglations!” Eric exclaimed and hung his head in embarassment. “But then I realized it was fucking ridiculous and extremely petty in the scheme of things.”
“What were you going to do to me?” Kyle asked furiously.
“I don’t know, get you to like me? Make you realize Stan’s a dipshit? It was middle school bullshit that doesn’t even matter anymore.” Eric didn’t dare look up, knowing his face was probably redder than Kyle’s mess of hair.
Kyle didn’t answer right away, and Eric thought for a second that the fucking Jew just left him there to hang. Yet just as he was about to lift his head from his hands, the other boy began to speak, “Well first off, you don’t need to convince me that Stan can be a dipshit even when he’s at his best. I already know that. Secondly…”
The redhead exhaled. “God, either you’ve got something crazy cooked up or there really is something going down. You’re being way too up-front with me, what made you decide to come clean? Or is this part of your plan too.”
“God DAMN it Kyle, there IS no fucking plan!” Eric shouted as he raised his fist in the air and slammed it back down on his seat. “I already told you, there was one, it was dumb, and I’m over it.”
If his face wasn’t red before, it was definitely red now. In an attempt to calm back down, he closed his eyes and released the tension building up in his shoulders.
Opening them back up, he stared ahead, deadpan, and asked Kyle point blank. “You know when I’m lying, am I lying now?”
Kyle returned his stare with a quizzical look, visibly uncomfortable but perplexed enough to continue the dialogue. “Well, I know you’re not lying about there being a plan. Whether that plan is gone, I guess I’ll have to see for myself.”
Eric wasn’t sure what Kyle was insinuating, or he did, but he didn't want to give his hopes up. “So you’r-”
“I’ll stick around, whatever. You’re right, I can tell when you’re lying so I’ll be able to tell when you’re fucking with me- but you’re always fucking with me, so I guess I’m fucked, aren’t I?” Kyle cocked his head to the side with a derisive grin.
Eric didn't hold his laughter back this time. “Yeah, I guess so.”
When their stop came, Eric noticed Kyle let him pass in front of him on their way out. Once they were far enough away from everyone, he figured out why:
“You know I’ll never ‘like’ you, right?”
Eric heard from behind; the fucker didn’t want to make eye contact with him when he broke the news.
“Yeah,” he swallowed, shoving his hands in his pockets.
“Good, I’m glad we could get that out of the way.” Kyle immediately responded, and then he was walking next to him. “That would have been awkward. I do want to see Pacific Rim tonight though, you paying?”
Eric laughed, “Well I MIGHT have paid if you didn’t say that whole ‘I’ll never like you’ bit. The whole point of paying for a date is to get something out of it, right?”
“It’s not a date,” scoffed Kyle.
“You’re the one who asked me! Though I’m not too surprised, you being a stingy Jew and all-”
Kyle elbowed him in the gut. “Fuck you, fatass. I was planning on seeing it tonight regardless.”
The movie started at 9 o clock and lasted two hours, and for those two hours, it took every ounce of self-restraint Eric possessed to not continually chuck popcorn at Kyle’s hair to see if it would stick AND if he’d even notice.
Eric was sure Kyle thought he’d try to hold his hand or attempt some other romantic gesture during the movie, but all he really wanted to do was make a smiley face on his head. He’d miss this kind of shit the most if he actually ended up moving.
Luckily, Eric made it all the way through the movie without even a joke. As a reward, he bought himself another bag of caramel popcorn on his way out of the theatre.
“Damn! I really wish we could have learned more about those Russian pilots, did you see them?” Eric proceeded to shove his face with another handful of popcorn.
“Yes Cartman, I was right next to you in the theatre the whole time,” answered Kyle, lackadaisically.
“No but seriously, they were the most badass out of all of them.”
“Clearly not, they died first.”
“Nuh uh!” Eric exclaimed, rolling up the remainder inside the bag. “That fucking brother did!”
Kyle grabbed the bag out of Eric’s hands and took his own handful, if only to spite him. “I was more into the fucking guy with the English Bulldog and his dad. They knew what they were getting themselves into.”
Eric huffed, glancing back to Kyle as they both took a left down the street towards their houses. “What, that Aussie asshole? Figures you’d be into the animal lover.”
Groaning, Kyle shoved the bag back into Eric’s hands as he upped his pace. “What can I say, I have a type.”
“You sure do, and look where those types get you.” Eric jabbed, stuffing the rolled up bag of popcorn in his coat pocket as they continued down the road.
“Thanks, I really needed that right now.” Kyle pursed his lips in contempt.
“You’re welcome!” Eric called out to him in jest. “It’s about time you and me face facts and change our taste in… men or women, or whatever.”
“Men,” answered Kyle.
Eric kicked a can into the street, “Yeah, maybe for you.”
Kyle suddenly stopped in his tracks and turned on his heel. Eric could tell by the stern look on his face that he was about to get a mouth full.
“Cartman,” Kyle began slowly, peering down at his feet before getting to his point. “You know you didn’t really have to pay for my ticket, right? See, it’s shit like this that makes me think that you’re actually into me.”
Eric was taken aback, not expecting a confrontation like this at all. He actually found it quite hilarious, or rather; if he weren’t laughing about it, he’d probably be sweating. “Someone’s a bit presumptuous! You know, maybe when I said “get you to like me” back in the bus, I meant as friends, okay?”
“Well you know how I feel about that, so you should just stop.” Kyle continued his rant, pulling his hands out of his pockets before crossing his arms in a defensive stance. “Also I know you like me more than just a friend because remember that night when you came into my room? When I felt your-”
“Stop, okay?” Eric interrupted, knowing exactly where Kyle was taking this conversation and instead rushed by him on their way towards the houses. “That had nothing to do with what was going on.”
“Yes it was!” Kyle argued, following him down the sidewalk in a hurry. “Don’t try to fucking skirt around it!”
Eric turned around to face Kyle again as a passing car flashed its headlights at them. “Why are you so fucking fixated on this anyway? Now you’re weirding me out!”
“Because I can’t figure out what the fuck is going on with you!” Kyle shouted before colliding into him and shoving him into the nearest evergreen. “First you’re up to your old shit, scheming and coming on to me WAY too strongly, and today you’re acting like the fucking world’s about to end and you’re just along for the fucking ride; like you’ve got nothing to hide anymore - except for the fact you like me, which you might as well just come out and say!”
There were pine needles sticking out of every nook and cranny of Eric’s coat, but the frustration exuding from Kyle’s flustered face made it all worthwhile. Plucking a pinecone from a nearby branch, he chucked it playfully at Kyle’s hair and shot back, “Nah, it’ll be fun to crush your hopes and dreams.”
Kyle tried to duck out of the way, but the pinecone still caught onto one of his curls and got itself tangled in his hair.
Eric broke out in laughter, watching in delight as Kyle slowly tugged it out.
Once he finally untangled it, Kyle chucked it back at Eric’s face and snapped, “Don’t flatter yourself.”
The cone hit Eric square on his forehead. “Ow! You’re the one who keeps bringing it up!”
“Well I still can’t tell if this honesty bullshit is part of your plan or not!” Kyle exclaimed, fixing his hair by raking his lithe fingers through his thicket of messy curls.
Eric caught himself gawking before shaking his head and turning away from the sight. “I already told you, the plan’s dead.”
Yet he couldn’t help but take a second glance, and when he did, Kyle undoubtedly caught him in his mesmerized gaze.
Coughing, Eric tried to save face by asking him, “Regardless, did you or did you not enjoy yourself tonight?”
Kyle eyed him curiously, and after a moment or two of reflection, he smiled at him with his signature know-it-all look that he gives whenever he figures something out in that ridiculous head of his. “I don’t know if I’d go so far to say ‘enjoy’, but I guess it was a healthy enough distraction from my recent state of affairs.”
“Yeah, and I’m pretty sure that was the whole point.” Eric concurred and joined Kyle’s side again. “Now it’s back to reality.”
“You still haven’t told me what’s going on with you.” Kyle spoke up.
Eric frowned. “I figured you didn’t give a fuck about my life.”
“You’re right, I don’t - but I can’t help my curiosity.” Kyle stretched his arms out in front of him and cricked his back. “Now I’m starting to think you made it all up so that you had an excuse to throw me off your trail.”
Tilting his head up, Eric noticed that they were about to pass their bus stop. That little clearing in the trees had been their meeting place every school day since first grade, and Eric knew that if he fucked up in Nebraska? He might never see it again – along with a certain redhead.
When that realization dawned upon him, he shoved his own hands in his pockets and exhaled a jagged breath. “Starting tonight at midnight, I have to fly back to my Grandparents’ place in Imperial every weekend and do something I really don’t want to do.”
Kyle came to an abrupt halt, obviously not expecting something that drastic. “What, are you serious?”
“Yup, I only found out a couple days ago. There’s a real possibility that I could be moving away from here for good – which is awesome for you right? You’ll be finally rid of me!” Eric cheered in jest.
“Yeah… that sucks for you though. What does your mom think?” Kyle took a reluctant step forward as they resumed their slow walk home.
Eric matched Kyle’s pace and gazed blankly at the starry sky. “She has nothing to do with it, but yeah she’s not too happy about it either.”
“What do you have to do?” asked Kyle.
Shutting his eyes closed, Eric dwelled on that question for a moment or two before chuckling to himself in contempt. “Something stupid, it’s really not even that big of a deal –which is why it sucks!”
He opened his eyes again, returning his attention back to Kyle. “But yeah, that’s why I did this 180. I mean, I might as well - it’s not like I have much time left here anyway.”
“So you’re just going to go along with it?” Kyle questioned, incredulously. “That’s not like you, what’s the catch here?”
Eric let out a hum of disapproval and intentionally bumped into Kyle as they turned a corner. “I’ll cut you a deal – I won’t bring up your homo relationship with Stan anymore if you don’t bring up anything that has to do with me going to Imperial.”
“Who says there will be another time where you can bring it up?” Kyle jeered and hopped back onto the sidewalk to deliver his own push. “Tonight was okay, but it wasn’t spectacular by any means.”
Once Eric regained his balance, he flipped Kyle’s hood up over his head knowing full well he’d have to fix that hair of his again. “Oh, so you were expecting me to dazzle you tonight?”
Kyle cursed under his breath before inevitably freeing his mop of curls. “To tell you the truth, the only reason I agreed to this outing in the first place was because I wholly expected to throw my drink at you halfway through the movie and storm out of the theatre. That didn’t happen, so I don’t know if I felt ‘dazzled’, but I guess I was impressed that you didn’t try to pull anything on me.”
Eric felt an odd sense of pride surge through him. “Well I’m happy I was up to par, Mr. Broflovski. Shall I offer you my coat and escort you to your door?”
“We’re going in that direction.”
“So you want my coat?”
“It probably smells like a combination of Fritos and a sweaty ballsack, so I’ll pass.”
“It’s called Febreeze, asshole. Didn’t you and Stan use it on your bed to cover up the ass and come smell?”
“Hey!” Kyle whirled around and shoved a finger in Eric’s face. “Whatever happened to that deal?”
“So you’re saying there will be another time?” Eric lit up, not able to hide the anticipation in his voice.
Kyle stopped to linger by the street corner, leaning against a telephone pole in quite contemplation before speaking up.
“When are you moving?”
“Apparently at the end of the semester.” Eric answered anxiously.
Kyle nodded soundly and headed down his street, leaving Eric standing by himself. “I think we can hang out again then, considering you’ll be gone for good in a couple months. Might as well get all my insults in before I can finally wash my hands of you.”
“Likewise.” Eric called out to him, exhaling a longing breath before turning towards his own street.
“What was your plan, really?” Kyle’s voice sounded out one last time.
Eric faltered, gazing down the road at the halo of curls reflecting off the neighboring house’s floodlight.
Feeling something curdle deep within, he gritted his teeth and barked back, “You’re the smart one, Kyle. Figure it out!”
Dashing away, Eric forced himself to not look back. His bags were already packed, his flight was already set to leave, and his uncle’s plans were already set in motion. There was no time to reconsider; it was go-time.
When midnight came, Eric reluctantly dragged both his and his uncle’s luggage to the car. Liane watched helplessly from the front door, saying her silent goodbyes and only stepping aside once his Uncle Howard appeared behind her.
“Hold on! Not so fast there, Eric. We’ve still got this to throw in.”
Eric opened the trunk and haphazardly tossed in both suitcases, but just as he was about to reach out to grab whatever his uncle was handing him, his blood ran cold.
From the corner of his eye, he could spot someone quickly approaching his driveway from the other side of the street - someone who should never be in the same vicinity as his crazy-ass, homicidal Uncle.
“STOP!” Eric shouted in horror, hoping that would deter him from approaching any closer.
By the grace of God, his warning seemed to have worked. But then he heard his Uncle perk up from behind the trunk in concern, “What? What’s wrong?”
Bolting from behind the car, Eric maintained eye contact with his uncle so that he couldn’t spot the other boy standing only a short distance behind them. “There’s no more room back here, we’ll have to throw it in the backseat.”
“Oh, okay. That’s fine.” Howard huffed, handing him what appeared to be a garment bag before circling around to the drivers seat. “Damn, boy. You nearly gave me a heart attack.”
“Yeah well, we don’t want anything smushed.” Eric retorted and shot the other boy a grave look.
Upon tossing the bag in the back seat, he suddenly heard something heavy and metallic clank on the pavement below, but whatever it was, it wasn’t as important as getting the fuck out of there as soon as possible.
“Careful with that thing! It's priceless!” His Uncle shouted and started up the car. “Now lets get a move on. We only have an hour to get to Central Colorado Regional.”
To his utmost gratitude, Howard was a piss-poor driver and didn’t look out any of his mirrors upon exiting the driveway. Eric did look, however, and as they pulled away from his house, he watched Kyle walk up his driveway and pick up whatever metal-something had fallen out of the garment bag.
Curious as to what it could have been, Eric reached back over the median and grabbed a hold of the bag in the back. Pulling it onto his lap, he hastily unzipped the front until he saw something shimmer at him - silver buttons on black wool.
His heart stopped. Eric had only seen these buttons and medals on online forums and in his dreams, but even then, he had an inkling as to what he was looking at.
With bated breath, he peeked under the right side of the garment bag until he could spot the color he was looking for, and to his utter disbelief, he saw red.