Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Peter asks Tadeas to look after the cats for a few days, he and…Elias will tend to some business and will return in a few days. Elias calculation of how fast they could do this was not exactly the best, but he is not about to say so to his face.

His first mate agrees, already used to the animals, so that's not a problem, he seems however reluctant about his choice of companionship, but that's not something Peter pays him to care about so he better stop that.

Elias for his part buys the plane tickets, rents a motel to stay for at least two nights and then tells him to prepare. He does without much of a fight left in him, the last few days have taken a toll on Peter and he is mostly just tired.

He packs for a short trip and then just goes along with Elias to the airport. Peter puts on sunglasses though, the place is so…sunny. Elias or Ethan as the other insists that he calls him now, gives him a few glances that he ignores. He is always weird when Peter wears glasses of any sort, has no idea why.

He added a beanie too, to cover his hair a little bit, which is mostly because…he feels once more like he is being watched. Not as terrible as it was in London, but like a slow creeping sensation of eyes on the back of his head whenever he goes out without Elias.

It sends shivers down his spine and makes him feel sick, so he would rather not be recognizable, not as easily. He doesn't tell him of course, he will tease him about being paranoid and its not something Peter wants to deal with. Its hard to know if what he felt back in the UK was due to the lack of sleep and…grief.

The word tasting vile on his mouth, he looks from the corner of his eye to Elias who is staring out the window of the cab they hired. Alive, in whatever way he is, and breathing, he is not dead.

Dont'thinkaboutitDont'thinkaboutitDont'thinkaboutitDont'thinkaboutitDont'thinkaboutitDont'thinkaboutitDont'thinkaboutitDont'thinkaboutitDont'thinkaboutitDont'thinkaboutitDont'thinkaboutitDont'thinkaboutitDont'thinkaboutitDont'thinkaboutitDont'thinkaboutitDont'thinkaboutitDont'thinkaboutitDont'thinkaboutitDont'thinkaboutitDont'thinkaboutit

His hands shake so he shoves them in his pockets, the feeling of blood and the gelatinous sensation of how it feels to touch an eye make him nauseous. He can smell the blood even now if he focuses on it enough.

Antiseptic and blood.

Bile rises up his throat.

Elias cold body, the neck bruised and bent. Gone.

Grief sustains his family, grief is like a ritual, funerals are like weddings, the most important thing for a Lukas to celebrate, if you can call it that. Dead spouses and children, siblings and cousins.

Their home and cemetery is a testament to their "grief", but he wonders now about it, is it really grief? Or is it just a performance, because he doubts anyone in his family felt the way he did at that moment. Or perhaps he is wrong, perhaps they did feel that awful hole in their chests at each loss, but none of them did anything with it other than to use it to feed Forsaken.

Something he failed to do.

The favored son and yet he failed at all the tasks given to him. The ritual, his choice in partner, even his grief he couldn't weaponize in the right way.

Now he is here, with the man he brought back out of desperation, he pulled him back together and even then he failed too.

Elias came back wrong and he couldn't handle it either. Ultimately he left him alone because he didn't know what else to do with him. He is fine now sure, but once he knows what he did to him, then well.

Peter will be alone once more.

He will loathe him, that's the thing that keeps bouncing on his head, Elias will hate him for real. He will complain and be mad and it won't matter that Peter didn't know what else to do, won't matter that it left Elias unable to function properly.

It won't matter that Peter was desperate at all. Elias will see it as a violation against himself because the man values his memories too much, even if said memories were quite literally killing him. Well, he is not sure if killing him, but they were sure doing something fucked up with him.

Would it matter if he explained what led to it? He doubts it, no matter what, if he tells him the truth, it will end poorly, but he can't hide it forever either.

Elias is not stupid and he has plenty of time now to think, he will realize that there is a lot left unsaid.

Question is, will Peter be able to live with it? Now that he has shown his weakness for Elias? If the truth comes out and he confesses, because the alternative is the other figuring it out and that will end even worse, would he be able to manage? He will be rejected and abandoned by the one person in his life that he actively…cares for.

That, unlike everything else, would feed his patron, would spare him even. It would be the right thing to do as an avatar, as a man however…

Well he doesn't like to think about it.

Peter likes to think there is very little of a person left in in him, however, he is still unfortunately human and has limitations and needs that go against his patron.

They arrive at the airport at last so he can stop overthinking things for a while. He will likely nap through the flight, he could watch a movie though, but he thinks a nap would do him will, besides, lately he has been able to fall asleep quite quickly which is a nice contrast to the way he could barely sleep when Elias died.

"Stop staring come on" Elias nudges him as Peter seemingly zoned out, so he hurries behind him without a word carrying their bags. Yes, he is taking a nap for sure.

Or so he thought, because he forgot one thing, which is that Elias hates flying, he also hates going on ships too, but flying? He grips his arm tightly as the plane takes off and he looks sickly as they rise in altitude, so Peter has to distract him by talking about…anything really that comes to mind, because Elias looks like he will start crawling through the walls of the plane if he doesn't keep his mind off it.

"Why didn't you take something to relax beforehand?"

"I'm sorry I wasn't able to procure medication to knock me out beforehand in this backwards country—!" Elias hisses out the words in a mock whisper as Peter pinches the bridge of his nose with his free hand. "Besides, I don't know how this body works yet with certain medications. I would rather find out in a safe environment, this is a three hour flight, I don't want to be woozie when we land or sick"

"…Okay that makes sense, well we can watch a movie if you want—"

"Just…talk"

"About what exactly?"

"Anything! Whatever comes to mind, just…" Thank god Peter sat next to the window, Elias would probably flip otherwise. He is not sure if he doesn't like flying because he hates heights, or because he is afraid the plane will crash and kill them all. He doubts this is a good time to ask that considering how twitchy he is.

"I can see you wanted me to come in the end to use me as a stress relief toy. If you keep squeezing my arm that tight you might cut all my circulation"

He doesn't stop squeezing, in fact he tightens his grip even more, so Peter winces and lets out a sigh. Its as good enough of a distraction as any, at least for himself too so he stops thinking about…well.

Unpleasant things.

"If it matters, I made the funeral happen in Scotland, I couldn't justify burying you next to your mother, but close enough to her. I figured that's what you would have wanted"

Elias grip goes slack for a moment, Peter stares at the back of the seat in front of them, they were in first class of course, he refused otherwise, even if its three hours, being stuck in a small space with too many people gets on his nerves and using the lonely here is…perhaps not a good option. Although admittedly it would be interesting…hm, perhaps next time he could try to see what happens if he sends someone to the lonely in a plane, it must be very upsetting.

Yes, maybe on the trip back, that way Elias has something to focus on—

"Why?"

Peter blinks, Elias is staring at his lap, he may not be squeezing him, but his hand is still grasping his arm.

"…why not? You always spoke of her fondly, even if reluctantly. Did you want to be buried elsewhere?"

There is a pause, before he shakes his head, he doesn't look at him, but his voice is terribly soft. "No, if I were to be buried anywhere, that's where I would like to be, other than the Panopticon I suppose"

Yes…an empty spot.

"Do you think if you were to…leave a body there, when you change, it would work the same way? The prison still exists after all, its power of the eye remains so" Peter never considered before, but now that he says it, it makes sense, if Elias were to swap bodies…

"No, I doubt it works the same, besides, you said someone got rid of my body so they knew where the Panopticon is, therefore, its not safe for me to leave anything there"

"Oh" Peter struggles for a while about what else to say, but Elias beats him to it.

"What did you do…during the week I was gone?"

He jolts and one of his hands grab the armchair of his seat. Elias is leaning against his side, practically pressing against him and pinning him in place. Peter tries to push him away but he resists.

"I—well not much, like I said I couldn't decide wether you were gone or not, so I just—" Words get stuck on his throat for a moment, but he swallows and forces himself to give a lukewarm grin and continue talking. "I tried to do my own thing as usual, I did have to organize the funeral, but I suppose I have a knack for such things considering my background so I did that mostly on autopilot I suppose"

Elias looks up at him. Still odd to see a new face, but the eyes at least are the same and that brings him some relief.

"You put my things in boxes"

Its a statement, Peter hides a wince. Doesn't want to dwell on what led to that. "Yes, well, the cats kept trying to hide in your clothes and it was starting to drive me a bit insane so I put them in boxes. Rest assured, everything of yours is in the laundry room and your office. Its perfectly safe and with maybe a bit too much cat hair on it, but that's not too much of an issue in the grand scheme of things for you I believe"

He can see him huff and pout, which is relieving, its the truth, just the most simplified version of it that doesn't include the mental decline he experienced during that week.

Why is he questioning him here is beyond—no actually it makes perfect sense, Peter can't actually escape him. He is iffy about his domain while flying through the sky, would the beach manifest? He could go into the empty plane, exist as a bit of a shadow inside the space, its what he does in the Tundra, but Elias is far too close to allow him that.

"…did you miss me?"

"Do you want me to die?"

His partner sighs and looks warily at him, Peter swallows down hard and looks to the window. Fluffy clouds and clear skies.

He doesn't fly often, preferring his ship due to obvious reasons, but its one of those instances where he does understand Simon a bit more. Should he tell Simon Elias is alive? No, maybe Elias should communicate that, he can make something up about backups and that he cannot be killed that easily, even if that's a lie.

"No, contrary to what you may think I don't, I know you did, otherwise I wouldn't be here"

"The bet—"

"There is no bet Peter and even if there was, even if you owed me for whatever reason, it doesn't actually explain what you did"

"I don't want to talk about it Elias, you know I don't, why can't you leave it alone? Why dig on something that we can both just pretend its not—"

He hugs his arm, Elias leans against him, Peter shivers at the touch. He hugs his arm and looks up, cheek smushed against his shoulder. "How did I look? When I was dead?" Peter's mouth goes dry.

"What?"

"You heard me, you don't want to admit the thing we both know, the unspoken part, well? Tell me about something else then, what was it like?"

For once, he cannot muster the anger he wants to feel, should feel, nor the disgust either. Peter can't muster the will to feel anything at all other than discomfort that settles deep inside his gut. Like an arrow that was shot through his gut and that he can't remove, constantly stabbing him and making him bleed.

What was it like?

A body laying on a cold slab of metal, naked, which is something Peter felt actually quite disturbed about. The second time he saw him, there were the marks of cuts on his chest, they had opened him up.

When James swapped to Elias he wasn't there to see it, he just got to the funeral. He never saw the body being dumped and changed for the new one, never had to see James cold dead unmoving body.

Just an empty casket.

Peter has never been afraid of death, he was a child who had seen death from a young age, funerals happened just as often as weddings. He was told at age fifteen that he did in fact have a congenial heart disease, that his heart was comparatively quite frail. They talked about surgery, but it never went through, it could be fixed, but his family trusted their patron more.

He will live as long as he is useful. Peter has known from a young age that he would die, not when, of course, he doesn't have the expiration date tattooed somewhere so he has to fret over it, but he grew up with the knowledge that any day his heart could simply burst and he would drop dead, nothing to be done about it. He had time to come to terms with it.

Didn't mean he wanted it to happen, he wants to live, its a natural thing of course, he is not actively seeking his death. He is not afraid of death as the concept it is, he is not afraid of people dying either, way too desensitized to it.

Or…

So he thought.

But when his mind takes him back to the night at the morgue and the sight of Elias dead body, let alone at the memory of his fingers popping his eye sockets out of his—

Don't think about it—

His mind drifts towards the memory of the dead bird with the broken neck and there is a lot to be said about it.

Some sort of bizarre and fucked up parallel that makes him want to shove his hands in his pockets, in fact, he does. He jostles Elias but he shoves both hands into the front of the hoodie he was wearing. They were shaky and he didn't want him to see.

Holding something that you care for, seeing it twisted and bent out of place. The bird he buried, it never came back, Elias he buried as well but Peter put him back together.

For all the good that it did.

He has a corpse clinging to him, that's it isn't it? The low temperature and heart beat, Peter fucked up, Elias should be dead, he died. He haunted his dreams and his nightmares and he is right here, he—

When he looks down at his face once more, Peter sucks in a breath and in a panic pushes him away, his eyes hurt, Elias face, not Ethan's. Its Elias empty eye sockets with tears down his cheeks, a bruised and bent neck, that's what he sees.

He closes his eyes tightly.

"Peter—"

He unbuckles himself and goes to the bathroom. Fear at last.

Peter stays there for a while, he washes his face, sees he is much more pale than usual, which is a lot because he is quite literally as pale as one can be. He looked sick really.

Why did he see that? Why couldn't he just say…he must look like a fool. Elias might had the most issues between them at first, but fuck, Peter is starting to think that he himself is not at his best. Aside from all his allowances, ones that he knows are dangerous to him. His emotions have been all over the place since…since Elias died.

What the hell is wrong with him?

He almost laughs, out of the two of them it seems that right now Peter is the one with his shit less put together than he wants to admit. Elias had a complete mental breakdown after he got him back, he may be moody now, but he is still his infuriating self.

Peter lately has felt all sorts of things that he is just not…able to process.

Perhaps all that emotional child neglect has finally taken its toll on his frayed mind and this was just the outcome. Maybe this whole thing involving Elias is just some sort of big mental breakdown due to his childhood. A long downwards spiral that started since birth and simply got triggered by seeing the corpse of the only other person he has ever loved in whatever capacity he is allowed to feel such thing.

If that's the case he doesn't like it one bit.

Maybe it was all that birds fault, who the hell knows at this point?

He stays there for…a bit longer but knows he has to return, so after washing his face once more he leaves the bathroom and goes back to his seat. Elias was sitting stiffly, the only other sign of anything amiss, was that he lowered the window's blind so as to not show the sky.

Figures.

Elias moves his legs to let him sit and then once Peter is back in place, the two of them remain silent for a while. His partner not bothering to latch onto him again or saying a word.

Closing his eyes, he wonders if he could just finally sleep this off, let Elias stew on his discomfort, he has it coming.

He really, really does, but it keeps bothering Peter. Not that Elias is scared of the plane, no, it bothers him that he reacted so much, that he likely seemed…weak.

Peter has contemplated leaving Elias due to the nature of Forsaken, but it never quite crossed his mind that the other could maybe just…grow bored of him. Okay, it has, but it was always just a vague amused thought.

"…You were just lying there, pale and with your neck all bruised and bent weirdly, face was bruised as well. Your eyes were surprisingly lively, or maybe its normal for you. The second time however you had the…surgical marks on your chest of the—"

Elias lays a hand on top of his wrist.

"I take it back, I don't want to know"

"…Okay" He breathes out the word tiredly. It was odd, but Elias is weird about death and Peter was also concerned, now that he thinks about it, that it may trigger memories.

They could go back to silence, watch a movie, maybe nap. Peter surely wants to, he feels like he ran a marathon, but Elias is sitting ramrod straight and he can see his leg bounce nervously, so its not like he will be able to ignore it.

"I did have some weird dreams, or…nightmares I guess, I think I slept like maybe 12 hours that entire week total. Felt like shit most of the time, which probably explains a lot of my behavior in retrospect. I think I was starting to go a bit crazy due to the lack of sleep, I swear I kept turning the tv off, but I always woke up with it on, weird right?"

Elias wraps his hand on his wrist. "Very"

"Really weird, one day I was sure cameras on the street were following my movements, I had to hide in the lonely. Honestly at this point I'm not sure if it was something supernatural or the lack of sleep actually made me start hallucinating. How long can you go without sleep before you start seeing things?" He is trying to joke, because in all honesty, if Peter is honest, his recollection of that week is a blur now. He knows what he did in big strokes, but he also knows he has mental gaps between moments.

He is not new to that, the lonely actually gives him a lot of mental gaps if he stays in his domain for a long while. Its just weird that it happened outside of his powers.

"Three to four days actually, plus all the other side effects which can include hormone unbalance, mood swings, paranoia, psychosis and delusions"

The way he says that, almost like a list he is mentally checking out is familiar and does make his lips twitch.

"Ah, I see then I was tripping then, It was probably nothing then"

He says that, but he still feels uneasy, he remembers that day on the street too well and it frightens him.

"…What were the nightmares about?"

What were they about huh? Some were about Elias, yes, others more related to his childhood, but the ones that simply woke him up and wouldn't let him sleep…

"I…I am not sure. I can't remember"

"You said—"

"I know, I just…I would wake up suddenly and feel like I lost my breath and then no matter how hard I tried I couldn't fall back to sleep. It didn't happen the first few days, just the later half of it, that's when I just started to lose it"

"Is that why you came to see me?"

Ah…

"I was seeing stuff I suppose, at night, I thought…maybe it was just my brain playing tricks on me"

Elias leaned against him once more, his thumb brushing his wrist. "What did you see?"

Peter's head fell on top of Elias, oddly he felt like his eyes could barely stay open… "I saw…words, on the telly, which is weird cause I was sure I left it off" Elias nudges him and he tries to stay awake but maybe the plane is soothing or Elias shampoo is familiar even if his face is not or maybe…

"It was just…it told me to go, to come. Figured it was just…hah, I thought it was my mind just slipping, maybe it still is"

"And you came for my eyes?" His tone was weird, he could not pinpoint why at the moment. Peter hums, unable to open his eyes, but settling against Elias more comfortably.

"Thought I was going crazy"

"You certainly were with that little sleep on you dear"

"Rude"

"Don't fall asleep, the plane—"

"Sleep too, you will wake up there, its…tis will be okay, just close your eyes, yeah" He is slipping further and further.

"Peter? Wait, don't just—can you knock that off? Let him be" Why is he always so grumpy about him going to sleep?

"Ssleep El—" He is supposed to call him… "E…Ethan?"

There is a moment of silence. He tries to crack an eye open and he catches a glimpse of the man making the most affronted expression he has ever seen him make so far. "You said—"

"I know what I said, I just—"

Don't like it. He can hear the unsaid words and he hates that he knows him that well. "You'll get used to it, you have done this so many times before, whats one more?"

Elias moves closer, curling up against him. "Shut up, its just odd, I usually pick, I get to know the names beforehand. This is just…new, I will get to it in time, just…"

"Yeah"

"Just give it time"

Peter nods, eyes closed. Elias sighs and says to stay up, he tells him to relax, to just relax and sleep…

"Peter, please" But he can't. He goes out immediately.

"Why?" He can't leave out the vitriol in his hushed tone. Jonah, who is creeping at him next to the hallway says why not?

"I can always help you sleep too, albeit I won't bother with your dreams, I am fairly sure we will cause each other mental damage if we did, better to stay apart"

Clenching his hands he looks at Peter who is once more out like a light, he despises it, not because he doesn't want him to sleep, but because he knows its not normal. He knows this asshole is doing it on purpose, for what reason is beyond him, or perhaps it is simple, maybe he really just wants to meddle with Peter's dreams.

"Are you so desperate for being able to interact with him that you keep cutting our time short?"

Jonah lets out a noise, like tv interference, the screen on his face goes black and his hands grip his wrists painfully. Elias glares but it holds no effect.

"Either sleep or watch a movie, Elias, take your poison. I have a date so I shall be generous just this once, would you like me to knock you out or not?"

He would like for him to be chucked out of the plane and never have to see him again, but once more he is reminded that he needs him, despite the fact this entity that was formerly him in another…place, actively wishes to usurp his life and steal his husband for himself. The only thing that stopped him was that Elias was stubborn enough to cling to life against his wishes.

Did he want to sleep? Not really, but having to be fully conscious on the remaining of the trip on his own felt even worse with nothing tangible to distract himself. A movie won't cut it when he knows he is flying thousands of feet in the air.

"Fine, just…do it quick, I don't want—" And huh, is this what Peter feels? His eyes are suddenly so heavy he can barely keep them open, he slumps against the lonely man, who likewise was pretty much using him as a pillow, the two of them pressed together keeping each other up. "Asshole, why can you even…? We never could—"

"I don't know" There is unease in his tone, Elias tries to look at him, but Jonah is sorely staring down at Peter, the screen shows two eyes this time. Two very familiar ones at that of course. "Now sleep, you will wake up before we land, it won't do to have you all groggy to get off the plane"

Elias hums, he wants to curse him but his mouth feels numb and his head lolls to the side. He finds the perfect spot to sleep against Peter who is pretty comfortable as usual…He is still warm and Elias seeks it out like a moth to a flame. He dreads to think what will happen when they have to split up, as Peter likely plans to leave once Elias is deemed to have everything he needs to survive, which is bullshit because he has barely anything in mind to—

He passes out mid thought.

"Idiot"

But Jonah pays him little mind, preferring to stare at Peter's dreams, slowly herding him away from the thing that seeks to catch him. He still is unaware of what happens if the archive gets to him, but he is not willing to find out, not when he knows it has a personal vendetta against the man.

Softer, this version of him is so much softer, he doesn't understand why, was his Peter capable of this? Has he always been capable of such things, but he never realized because he was never pushed into it?

Would his Peter have tried to save him?

Yet he thinks about their bet and him having Martin kill his original body. Would he regret it? Should he have gotten what he wanted would he then come to regret it? Once he got his true solitude. Would he realize it wasn't as sweet as he thought?

This Peter fascinates him, because he sets a new precedent, it forces him to rethink things about his own Peter and he doesn't…

He jolts and shivers as he angrily lets himself slip inside his dream.

Jonah doesn't get to have it anymore, he can't interact with this man, can't see his own husband anymore, his world and institute is gone and he is trapped in a shape that is a perpetual punishment. He hates.

Yet above all else, he envy's these two because they are alive and they have what he can't.

The only comfort he has is that he knows that at least the archive is having a worse time than he is. Small mercy that it is of course.

They arrive without further issues, Elias wakes up first apparently and he in turn wakes him up. Peter complains a bit, he had been having a nice…nice dream, or he thinks so at least, as usual he simply wakes up with a vague feeling of not happiness, but comfort he supposes. He can't actually remember what he dreamed about.

For some reason Elias face turns sour at hearing that, he even seems offended as he turns his face away from him crossing his arms as if Peter wanting to sleep longer was a personal slight against him.

He really doesn't understand him at all and that's the way he likes it.

They reach their hotel, check in so they can leave their things for the two nights they would be staying there. Peter asks if Elias is going to the foundation now, but the man shakes his head and scowls.

"I have a meeting with the head of the foundation at around four"

Its almost lunch time. "Why can't you just…go now? You are already here" Elias sighs and paces while Peter sits on the edge of the bed watching him.

"You having privileges to come and go as you please doesn't mean most people can, I doubt she would appreciate me being there earlier than established" With a snort he says if Peter could do that it was only because Elias let him. His partner makes an offended face as he says he always scolded him for coming over not at the agreed time. "I have in fact made it very clear I hated that you would just come to the institute whenever you felt like it. I gave you a time to be there and you would either come an hour later or two hours earlier just to spite me"

Peter couldn't help the slight grin on his face. "You were always so fastidious about it too, it was quite funny"

"Funny—!!!"

He feels better, the nap certainly helped, Elias is acting more normal than usual, its…okay.

They go back and forth for a while till eventually Elias flops in bed next to him. Peter could definitely sleep a bit more, he feels like he kind of wants to…

He gets a slap to the chest that jolts him awake. "Stop trying to sleep! You slept three hours already, how tired can you possibly be?" Grumbling, he rubs where he hit him and says its none of his business how tired he is.

"Besides what does it matter how long I sleep?"

The beholder looks at him until it makes him uncomfortable. "You only sleep that much when you are having one of those…moods"

The depressive ones he means, which Peter appreciates him not calling them for what they are. Its not like that, or it doesn't feel like that, its not the lonely…its not this feeling that he doesn't want to move or exist for a few hours, he is just tired.

Normal tired.

Maybe at last, now that Elias is finally normal, after all the stress and his mind kind of playing tricks on him, Peter's body finally has time to actually recover. He hasn't had nightmares in a while, he feels actually rather refreshed when he sleeps.

Would it be so bad if he just took some days off to rest and recover…?

He has been stressing over Elias for more than a month now. Especially with him being all weird on the ship. It was a constant worry that ate at him.

"I'm just tired Elias, its been a long month, can't I just take a break?"

"I'm sorry you are not used to the normal stress levels of the rest of the humans down on earth and you only ever have to worry about who to sacrifice next" The jab at him falls flat, because this was a very unusual and downright terrible time for him. He could be mad, but he can't even muster the energy for that.

Looking up at the ceiling, Peter lets out a long breath and contemplates how pointless and detrimental it would be to tell Elias why he was so tired. He won't care and without full context of what happened…

Which Peter still should admit, because otherwise if Elias figures it out himself or remembers randomly it would be worse for Peter and…Elias too.

The idea of him going back to that shell of his former self haunts him a bit.

He itches to say so, he opens his mouth to say it, but he simply shuts up. Not…right now, not this moment, maybe after Elias gets his statements and artifacts and what not. Maybe when they return to New York. Yes, that would be better. Peter catches sight of his expression, its expectant when he sees him about to talk but when he ends up saying nothing it falls into neutral.

"Do you think the statements will be enough? For the trip back I mean"

"I believe so and since they are ones not stored in the institute they are actually fresh, or well, still stored with the eye, but new enough for me to be able to keep myself fed"

It sounds good as a plan, but he points out that seems more like something that would feed the archivist not Elias. "Your way of doing things isn't the same—"

"I know" Elias tone is harsh, Peter makes a face at him, he can see him breath in and out before speaking in a less bitter tone, more controlled. "I know its not ideal, but when I first started this, I did dabble on being an archivist, after all, before the institute and being able to hire more staff for me to handle the new influx of statements, I was the only one who was there to read and received the letters, my friends called me a workaholic, albeit not with that term. I didn't get powers in one fell swoop you—"

Another deep inhale and exhale. "What I mean to say is, no, its not my usual, but since I likely won't be able to feed from your employee's, knowing you, I have to keep myself fed on something else in the meantime. At the very least until we can reach land again and I can go off on my own"

Frowning, he tries to recall a bit of what he did keep information wise regarding Elias past. He asks then about the friend he and his great grandfather sacrificed. "Clearly you had powers by then, you told me you saw him perish in the lonely"

Elias sighs but seems almost impressed that he retained that information at all. "I did, hmm, you see, I officially opened the institute in 1818, however before that I had been collecting stories from my friends and dabbling with the supernatural at home. That had been going on for a few years, so by the time I had my original institute running my powers were already manifesting, it did take of course a lot of effort. Barnabas was the last nail in the coffin so to speak, for both myself and your predecessor. After that my abilities solidified until their eventual power up with the Watcher's Crown"

He mulls that revelation over. Its not like it doesn't make sense, Peter's own abilities grew from when he was a child as well. He couldn't quite control it at first, but with enough practice it became second nature. He imagines it must be like that for the avatars whose abilities aren't just an innate thing. The slow turning of their bodies into something else.

"So without the body in the Panopticon you are at the start of your powers again? Is that it? Death kind of reset them? Or Beholding I suppose?"

He turns his face to look at Elias, his question was out of genuine curiosity, it would mean that Elias needs to what, bulk up? Perhaps that's why when Peter tried to help him feed it went wrong. When he first got the baby bird as a child, he tried to feed it full worms before realizing it couldn't swallow them yet, he had to smash them into smaller bits. He tried to feed Elias something that at the time he wasn't able to actually consume, probably why he got sick as well.

You eat too much and it has to come out somewhere.

Well that's problematic and a bit annoying, but Peter is fairly sure they can catch him up. If he has to do little feedings like a baby bird until he can actually chew out someone fully mentally, then they can arrange something plus the statements…

…

Well that would explain why he is so tetchy too, Peter would be probably losing it if he had the same amount of power he had when he was twelve.

Now, he didn't really expect much, but Elias expression at his statement was…

"No, I'm not that weak" Which startles him a bit. "I can still know things, it just takes a bit more effort that's all" His eyes keep looking at him and behind him, which is the one thing that he still carries from before he got better for some reason. No explanation either about it either, there is nothing behind Peter at all. "I will have it under control soon"

…

He supposes Elias won't be able to inform him of good sacrifices or try and tell him about the personal lives of the people he is trying to feed on, a bit of a…a pity really, but he can still find his own victims. Hm.

The thoughtful thing to do would be to let some of those people leave and not kill them and then have them tell Elias what happened. Which makes him shiver in disgust, but it would be like feeding him bits and pieces.

Like the chunks of worms. He reckons if Elias heard that he would slap him for the gross comparison, he can't quite blame him, but its the easiest way for Peter to think about it.

Should he do that? He is already in thin ice with his own patron, perhaps that is a bit too much. Too generous, he doesn't want that.

"I know? Not to offend you, but that seems pretty on par with the situation. I suppose I should have figured that there would be more consequences to the whole thing, that's my own oversight, but it's fine. Well not fine I imagine you must hate it, I know I would if it happened to me, but all things considered at least you are alive to try and get back your powers to their normal state, that must count for something"

For whatever reason Elias face crumples at his words, which is not the expression he thought he would make, Peter thought he didn't say anything actually bad. Unless he offended him about the power thing in general, but what is he suppose to reply to that otherwise?

I'm happy you lost your powers because they annoy me? I don't care you lost them? Its annoying that you can't use them to help us feed more easily? All statements are to a degree true, he could say all of that and worse, but with what purpose? Making him feel bad about it will only make Elias more tetchy and angry than he already is and Peter, for all that he is an asshole, understands that a loss of powers is a much too greater hit on one who has had them for so long.

Hell, if he lost his own abilities he would be probably much worse off than Elias currently is, by a long shot. The lonely has an effect on his emotions and Peter dreads to know how he would be without it. Elias is all things considered doing remarkably well now that he realizes the extent of his situation. Sure he has shitty moods and weird behaviors, but hell so would Peter if he died, got brought back, lost most of his powers do to outside forces and also as the cherry on top, his beloved ship was destroyed by some stranger with a vendetta against him.

Peter would be handling that in a much worse way than the man next to him is and he knows it.

"You know I don't mind right? It's inconvenient sure, but its not exactly—"

A hand covers his mouth, Elias takes a shaky breath and tells him to shut up for a minute.

"Why are you being so obtuse? Is it on purpose or you just want to fuck with me? Don't answer that" Peter opens his mouth even with the hand covering it, he closes it at his words. "What? You think its fine? You must think me an idiot. Are you going to consume me?"

Peter raises both eyebrows at that, what a stupid bloody statement. Considering all the blasted effort he made to keep Elias alive even if it could potentially kill him, why would he let the lonely actually take him and consume him?

He licks his hand, which prompts Elias to pull it away and complain about him being disgusting. "I'm going to be perfectly clear just this once, but, considering all the effort I did, why would I waste it doing something like that?"

Elias jaw was locked in a painful way, he could see him glare, Peter wasn't even upset, just confused and mostly tired. What the hell is wrong with him?

"As if you wouldn't take advantage of it!"

"As if you wouldn't do the same!" Peter rolls onto his back again and groans. "If I was the one doing poorly you would be tracking my every move and making plans you bossy freak of nature. I don't care. At most I wonder about logistics because guess what? We are stuck together, at the very least until you come up with something regarding the thing that killed you"

"You would keep me around? Like this?" The tone at the end makes Peter have a nasty flip inside his gut.

Peter doesn't respond, not because he doesn't have an answer, but because he already gave an answer. This whole ordeal is his answer, Peter has kept Elias alive despite all the reasons why that was a bad idea. Despite this all being a mistake, he has already made his bed and laid on it.

The truth is, he is in fact a failure of a heir to the family name, all because he has been unable to do the one thing he knows would serve him well as an avatar, and that is to let go.

Its the very first lesson he learned as a child, as a teen and an adult, its the one ideal that was smashed against his head over and over again.

Its the basis of his entire power and his family.

That Peter couldn't let go, that he did a very human thing and was unable to deal with loss and so he searched how to undo it despite the backlash against him, that was on itself the answer to Elias stupid question. Even when the man was sick and unable to function he couldn't even muster the thought of putting him out of his misery, he tried once more instead to cheat his way out of it again.

Over and over he tried to sidestep Elias being dead.

His heart hurts badly all of a sudden and he loses his breath, pins and needles crawling all over the left side of his body, he feels a bit numb and his mouth tastes like static.

Elias slaps him in the chest and the pain strangely goes away. "Peter"

"You are here aren't you?"

A non answer, a confirmation, its whatever Elias wants it to be, Peter will never be able to say everything he thinks or feels or it will consume him instead, so he gives this.

Its all he can say on the matter.

Elias grips his hoodie, right over his heart. Peter is uncomfortable and he contemplates leaving, his edges feeling blurrier. No…he will leave, he has to, this whole thing was too much for him already.

Too many feelings involved. Let Elias simmer in his own, let him make whatever conclusion he wants to make about him and his behavior, if he wants to think Peter would kill him at the sign of weakness then he can think that. He decides he won't correct him.

The truth would probably help, but it implies being way too open about things he cannot live with.

Peter slips away and Elias lets him, he hopes he has luck with his meeting in the afternoon, he doesn't want to hear about any of this anymore from now on.

Let him sort out how to feed on his own and leave him out of it.

Elias ruminates about Peter while waiting for the time to go to the Foundation. Jonah watches him from the bed, stealing the spot Peter was just in, some part of him wonders if he is seeking to try and feel the warmth he left behind on the bed but he waves that off.

"What is wrong with him?"

He has to think that, because he can't accept that Peter would just not mind his lack of powers, Elias is not a burden, he is not, he still has the means to make something out of the ashes of what he has. Peter doesn't see it.

But he does, doesn't he? He didn't doubt that, he seems to genuinely believe that Elias can in fact handle himself, hell he thinks it will be easy for him to work around it, that he is a workaholic and he can make a plan to start over before they go back to London.

Its both flattering and a bit too much. Elias is trying yes, he can make something, but he lacks resources and he depends on Peter's good will which he seems to be draining.

What happened in the plane was just an accident. He hadn't meant to—he didn't think he could—!

He felt his fear.

Like he used to with beholding, he felt that spike of terror when he mentioned his death, same way he knew something was up when they were buying suits. Yes Peter reacted negatively but there was that sense, that sixth sense that just made him feel like he wanted to pry him open with his bare hands.

He knew he was afraid and he wanted it. For once it wasn't the fear of being perceived that he was used to, it was the fear of death. The most strange part of that, its that it wasn't Peter's own fear, it was a fear born and based around Elias death.

It was not his intention to scare him, either way, albeit he is very confused why the suit he wore that day on the store seemed to make him react like that.

Elias can't say he found any pleasure in the expression on his face, likewise even if he felt better, on the plane after Peter made his escape to the bathroom, he didn't feel good about it. It's not right.

Its not how things between them go, its not how he should feed from Peter. They have a…a game a repertoire of sorts, this wasn't IT. He is connected to the eye yes, but very weakly. His new…connection to the end however is stronger and more jarring and its not one he asked for, not consciously at least.

But he made a choice to stay alive didn't he? Its just unsettling, he can do it to strangers, but now Peter reeks of that fear and he knows he is the cause. He has fed from his husband, from his fear of being perceived by him, same way Peter has fed from his own loneliness. Its a mutual thing, but this time it wasn't mutual was it?

Peter is not aware why its happening, usually he would complain about him spying on him, but he didn't, he couldn't. Elias took without him knowing and it distressed him and yes he lives for this, they hurt each other, but its…there are rules of sorts, after so long. They have ways to do this.

He runs his hands through his hair several times, feeling a deep unease.

The truth is, he doesn't know what to do with Peter, not when the axis of their relationship was tilted, when now he is not in steady ground and he doesn't know where he lands. Peter seems to have faith in his abilities, but its relatively misplaced.

He—

"Many things are, but this is unusual"

Right he forgot about him. Elias paces and stops, stares at the thing in bed. Its hands were over its chest, clawed fingers interlaced together as he laid on its back.

The screen was completely black, not a single display of eyes in it, so he was even harder to read.

"Your version of him wasn't like this?" He asks in a sardonic tone, can't help himself, yet Jonah for once doesn't take the bait, he shrugs and his frame seems to be set in discomfort, as much as he could read that from his strange body.

"I do not know, he didn't succeed with our bet so i didn't die. I don't know if his behavior would have been the same had it gone through. Could he always had the capability of being this soft or are our worlds significantly different in this one regard? They seem the same in many others, i don't think its a matter of time travel, i firmly believe this is a world very similar to my original one, but i do not know how many other differences are there"

"That doesn't help much"

"It was never meant to"

Great, just great. Elias bites his thumb harshly, the pain grounded him. "I can't tell if he is pretending or being genuine, is he that ignorant of my situation? Not being able to tell how precarious is the place i stand on? How i depend on his help but at the same time how easy it would be for him to rescind it should he get a temper and decide I'm not worth it? Is he that foolish? Hopeful? I can't say he is naive, that doesn't fit him, but it just—" Wincing at the tv interference noise, he glares at Jonah who lifts his "face" a little bit to look at him.

Or he would if he manifested any sort of eye imagery as he tended to do.

"He gave you an answer didn't he?"

An answer that encompasses…a lot and relies on feelings to explain his behavior, the sort that would doom him.

"You are being generous today, i thought you told me not to trust him"

"I said he will think you crazy if you tell him about me, and he would, he would think you developed some sort of psychosis after being brought back from the death and he will be trying to hide his worry and attempt to maybe suggest going to a doctor, i can almost see it and so can you. Peter is many things, but he is reliable and simple minded, two qualities that would usually make someone boring, but that he somehow defies, doesn't mean it doesn't have its downsides"

He is right, he is right and he hates it, he can almost even see how he would think its his fault. All because he messed up the process of the eye transfer or because it took him too long to do it, likely causing Elias "defect". Better or worse? Probably worse. He is not crazy.

None of the things he has seen are made up, this is real.

He also makes a mental note about Peter's comments regarding the time he was alone, he played it off on the plane, but Elias admits that what he said was concerning.

"Was it you messing with him? When he mentioned the tv being turned on and off or the message before he acquired our eyes?"

Jonah makes a humming noise before he says yes.

"So you were driving him insane—"

"Not insane, but i was merely attempting to…reach out and keep the archive away from his mind. You know, keeping him safe. You are welcome"

Approaching him he stands above him before nudging him with his knee, Jonah lets him, it feels weird.

"And now? Making him fall asleep so fast? To spite me then?"

"Told you, yes, but also…its better if I'm the one who does it, for safety, like i said, he is being hunted down, what happens if he gets caught is not something I'm aware of currently but i can't imagine its a good thing and we both want him alive don't we?"

"Do we?"

Finally he manifests a pair of eyes. They glare at him, but then they relax the tone is mocking, making him grind his teeth. "You said so yourself, you need him, he may be dumb enough to not realize it, or perhaps he knows and is messing with you, who knows? Point is, we need him"

The fact he can finally understand why so many people found him obnoxious enough to want to punch him does not make Elias reflect on his behavior. On the contrary, he is quite happy to continue being his own enigmatic self, it just makes him want to punch Jonah square on his…screen.

Could he break it if he did? He will have to find out.

"No, i need him, you want him because you are desperate. You want him and need me to be your proxy to achieve that because you are basically a digital ghost and i am the only thing you are able to interact with directly which must drive you insane with rage, i know. I would feel quite similarly and we are the same person"

Jonah sits up, the tape around his body coils against him like bindings.

"You need me as well, or would you rather be powerless? Because i can grant you that easily, make no mistake, I am being generous and if you waste my efforts then well, i suppose we will simply be stuck together because i doubt Peter will live long without my interference and then where would you be? Should we go back to making deals? Working from the dirt up? Should we suck some dicks for—"

He punches him on the "face".

He hears a crack, his hand hurts, but the screen splits with several spiderweb cracks, the screen goes white and then crackles with interference as the eyes become fragmented in the pieces of the punch.

Like a kaleidoscope. "Fuck you"

Jonah grabs his wrists and pulls it away, then he touches the cracks on his face and before Elias can step back, he punches him on the stomach making him double over and lose his breath.

"No, fuck you, you want to play rough? Want to mock me and pretend you don't actually love the man? Fine, be my guest, i can be your little soundboard, but rest assured I'm your mirror and what you see is what you get. This is the final outcome of all our choices and one of those was to put Peter in our game. You want to play it cool? Say you don't care? That you don't ache for the man? Fine. At least he and I understand, we both had to see what is like to live without each other, at least i can appreciate it, at least i can be honest about that now. I lost the world and i lost him as well and now i am here with you and i can't have either, not even the most simple pleasure of touch"

Jonah grips his own face, cracking it further. "I exist in constant agony, every second feeling every electrical current powering this mockery of a body, i exist without feeling and my punishment, my karma is that i can only feel you, and you repulse me. I am free from death, but my entire existence is based on being unseen and untouched. This is not being the king of the world as we dreamed of, this is hell and you are staring right at it"

Elias looks and feels dread, maybe guilt too, hard to say. Jonah's voice is cracking like his screen, more of a broken mix of voices and a screech, from the broken fragments of his screen there is static dripping out of it. Like tears.

His chest is heaving as he spits out the bitter words at him and for a moment he feels pity. He must see it because he tries to tackle him, but he manages to move out of the way in time. "I—I'm not going to apologize" Jonah is scrambling in all fours like a spider which unnerves him too much to keep looking at him. "I am not, you hate me and i hate you, its a mutual thing, we need each other and we both…we both love that bastard"

The sound of whirring and metal scrapping gets louder for a moment before it becomes more gentle Jonah stands looking down at him but he keeps his distance.

"We need each other. You are right, you are a bad reminder and i don't like looking at you because of that. Same way i am a bitter reminder to you"

"Yes"

"I won't say sorry, because neither of us want that, in the meeting i will need your help. I…am frustrated, by everything and you do not make it easy either, at least recognize that"

"Hm"

It was too much to hope but—

"I do appreciate your help, even if its out of necessity for both of us and Peter"

The creature seems to slump a bit, before he finally lets out a sigh, the cracks on his face keep bleeding. He cannot tell if he is crying, as much as he would love to know out of morbid curiosity, he feels great discomfort about it too.

"I still loathe you, that won't change, but we do need each other. I do not know what Peter thinks" And Elias knows he is lying, he is, because he can, unlike him, see.

He can know and he is for whatever reason keeping him in the dark, which doesn't instill much trust. Not that he trusts him at all, but necessity makes one accept scraps, beggars after all, cannot be choosers.

"But i can say that he is being helpful and constantly undermining that will bring more trouble than we need. Or did you not ask him to come because you realized something would break? You saw his face back in New York, we know him enough" His voice drips with poison, Jonah moves closer with him, his steps are jerky and uneven. Elias steps back but he grips his arms so tightly he winces.

"We know him enough to tell when he is about to do something monumentally stupid. Would you rather have him leave us? Would you rather have him drag himself back to his family to try and make up for the sin of bringing you back? You know how his brain works, he is loyal like a dog, misplaced as it is, not to his family but to forsaken, but to him that is one and the same. Would you rather see him leave and marry someone else to erase us?"

The grip becomes more tight, Elias grips his wrists, but it hurts. He curses as he feels the tapes that cover his body burn as if touching acid. He pulls away instinctively but Jonah presses his screen right against his face. Static brushing his nose and forehead. Light blinds him as it turns blue. A blue screen with broken up words he can't read in the splintered glass.

"He brought us back, stupid man that he is, out of desperation, out of sentiment" His laugh crackles, the noise echoing in the empty room. Elias can't stop staring at the blue, the light makes his eyes ache.

A high pitched noise comes from the back of Jonah's….throat would not be the right word to describe it, as he lacks it.

"And here you are, he brought you back, his little bird" Elias almost kicks him, but Jonah releases his wrists and before he has time to step back, he is being grabbed by the waist as the creature moves forwards forcing him back and making him fall into a dip.

The only thing holding him from falling to the floor was himself. This twisted broken up version of himself.

"He would never leave" Jonah stares and Elias swallows, he wasn't sure, when he saw him and he asked…there was something in his disposition, in the way he sat and looked at him that had rattled him. Not like their usual fights, but there was something deeply wrong about it. "He always comes back" Its weak.

"Not always" It drips onto his face. The static that slips out of the broken jagged pieces. It hits his cheeks as Jonah looms over him. "Not this time"

The question of wether he knew something he didn't doesn't come out, its obvious, same as Jonah's lie about not knowing what Peter was thinking. Out of the two of them, currently only he has the ability to fully know the way Elias was used to.

It burns, but he has to accept it. He will have to work his way upwards once more.

"He is loyal to us as well" Jonah hums and Elias clenches his jaw. "And I'm not a little bird"

He did not expect for a third arm to unfurl out of the tape that makes Jonah's body, it reaches towards his face and caresses his cheek, with sharp metallic talons. "But you are, you are the little bird that haunts his dreams. His own creature that he put back together with the pieces he could gather, we are the creature, his hubris. Sentiment and a refusal to buckle to god, to death"

His mouth feels dry. Elias knows what he is referencing with the bird, has seen that particular memory play out when Peter was sick and feverish. A moment of unwarranted cruelty towards a child to instill a message that he would follow for years to come.

A lesson that would be hammered and also rewarded every time he behaved the way they deemed worthy, to separate him from his peers, from his own siblings, a Pavlovian response.

Trained like a dog to reject companionship from the moment he was born. He chose it, in million ways, yet he never had a chance.

Elias is aware of it, Peter is aware of it even if he hates to admit it. He could have chosen differently, but his family's heart issues are a detonation bomb waiting to explode if he steps out of line.

Better man than him have tried and failed to escape it. There is no salvation, only acceptance and Peter is comfortable in his place.

Is he the bird from his nightmares?

A broken up thing that he loved for a short moment in time that was taken from him out of cruelty, a snapped neck. He can see why that would bring back old memories, why it would make him spiral.

Childhood trauma—

"Stop analyzing him, you knows he hates that" And the sheer gall to call him out on that is enough to startle him and say:

"Oh fuck off"

"You are spiraling, getting lost in your own head by picking him apart is not going to be as conductive as you want and it will only serve to make things worse. Yes i am a hypocrite i know, but i can promise you, this won't lead anywhere new and will only make you more paranoid and right now, as funny as it is, its not exactly thrilling to see you step into the same minefield knowing you can blow us both up"

"I'm not spiraling"

Jonah finally makes him stand up straight, albeit he spins them in place making him latch onto him, hands getting buried in the tape, this time it doesn't burn him. "You have been doing nothing but spiral since the moment you woke up again, i think i preferred it when you were less...mouthy" The way he says that makes him feel an itch in his brain, like there is something about his words that rubs him the wrong way. He tries to think about it, but nothing comes to mind.

He has never been silent.

"What does that even mean?" Jonah finishes the spin and pushes him backwards which makes him fall onto the bed.

"Thats for me to know and for you…to figure it out. Make time Elias, you have a meeting in a few hours, i will leave you to it until then, i think some time alone will do you wonders"

"Wait-" But it takes a single blink of his eyes for Jonah to dissapear, leaving him alone. Elias takes a moment to stare at the spot he was in before he curses and punches the bed in a fit of rage.

Fuck him, damn him! He never asked for any of this, let alone for Jonah to come into his life with his issues from his universe and screw him over. This was all his bloody fault.

"You asshole"

There is no answer, so Elias just stays there and thinks about the conversations he had and feels his head hurt as he tries to grapple with both Jonah and Peter at the same time.

He doesn't know how to deal with either of them.

He doesn't know how to deal with himself either.

Elias or Ethan waits patiently for Lisa Thorn to finish reading her emails. She gave him a brief glance when he entered and then continued to work, he has spoken with his fellow beholding avatar on several occasions, she informed him of Gertrude and Gerard coming over to visit before the old woman's passing.

The fact she is playing mind games with him is not something he is a fan of, but he has to respect it as this is her domain. She is not like him, the head of the Usher foundation is not a case of a single human working the same job over and over again, but of individuals with the right skills being chosen to take on the mantle.

He finds it a bit dreary but to each their own.

Elias eyes drift towards Jonah who chose to manifest right behind Lisa, he was looming, he found the fact he could not cast a shadow strange, as sometimes he seemed able to do it, or perhaps its because he is the only one who can actively perceive the shadow of the man over himself.

After a while Lisa sighs and looks up at him with apprehension. Lips pursed as she places her hands on her desk, fingers interlocked as she puts on a fake mask of politeness.

"Mr. Wilde, its a pleasure to make your acquaintance, i must say i was surprised to receive your email, as it was sent to my private account. You made some implications, i would like them to be confirmed first"

"Of course, ask away" She looks for a moment before she nods and goes straight to the point.

"Are you the head of the institute of the Magnus Institute?"

"I can neither confirm or deny that claim. We are not alone Miss Thorn" And he taps his face, next to his eye. Frowning, she lets out a sigh before picking up something from her desk drawer.

"I understand your concerns, you illustrated them well in your email, i can assure you whatever is discussed here, no one will know, not even the one who watches"

Jonah frowns, at least the eyes on his screen do, then he nods jerkily towards Elias who smiles as she opens the box and carefully places a snow-glove on top of her desk.

Its not a normal one because instead of the water you would expect inside the glass, there was only some inky darkness that you could not see anything from, light seemed to bounce off it as well.

"So, are you the head of the Magnus Institute, yes or no?"

Seeing as the room was currently protected, he lets out a sigh before saying yes. "I am, its been a while Lisa"

Her expression barely changes, but she locks her jaw. He ignores the knowledge of her fear, the sort that he wishes he could pull away from her. There is a reason she is where she is.

"How?" She is curt and to the point, he elects to be as honest as possible for now.

"Hm, an ally procured the necessary means to keep me alive, kept me in hiding from the one who…destroyed my institute, faking my death was the smart choice considering what happened to the building and my body"

"I see"

A pause. Jonah crouches slightly to be at her height. It looked rather disturbing, all the sharp limbs bent. Like this he truly did look like some sort of bizarre mix of a mechanical bug. His screen was back in one piece once more, not a single crack in sight.

As if they never existed to begin with.

"What do you want from us?"

Ah.

"Nothing major or that would cost you, i wish for photocopies of statements for me to take and…" She tenses at the and. "Artifacts. only a few, like the snow-glove something of the dark, maybe two of them and then one of the lonely"

"I see" Her eyes narrow and he keeps his expression neutral. "Why should i help?"

"Well we have been friendly these past couple of years have we not? But i suppose i can always give you an incentive"

"Our relationship was strictly professional and i will be frank, i do not like you"

Letting out a breath he says he knows. "I am perfectly aware of the rivalry between organizations and that you found my distasteful, was it because i had better control over beholding than you perhaps?"

Her grip on the desk is painful.

"You are not being very convincing Mr. Wilde or should i call you Mr. Magnus? Oh or is it perhaps Lukas now? Wouldn't surprise me"

"Wilde is fine for now"

Jonah makes a noise, low in frequency. He can see her jaw lock, maybe not consciously, but part of her can still listen.

"Tell me why should i help you? Let alone give you some of our artifacts? Your institute is gone, there is no coming back from that and neither of its sister organizations are going to help to rebuild. So, what do you have? Except a name that is worth nothing in this time and age?"

The insolence is a bit too much, locking his jaw he tries to smile politely but it must come off as a bit more menacing. "Well, how about i do not reveal your secrets in exchange of this small favor. I will not even try to get involved with the Foundation again afterwards of course, all for the small prize of some statements of my choosing and some artifacts that i deem useful"

She crosses her arms and raises an eyebrow. "Bit on the nose to go with the old blackmail"

With a shrugs he says drastic measures call for it, she wanted a reason so he gives it.

"Should i disclose what happened to your daughter?" What he recognizes now as the fear of the end is overwhelmingly coming out of her.

"No"

Jonah laughs at her answer, a wispy cruel thing as he tilts his head and gives her a look of delight. Elias did his homework, he didn't need Jonah for this, but it was nice to know he was appreciated for it.

"Really? Because I'm sure any hunter worth their money would love to find the creature you like to pretend is your daughter. Remind me how did she die again? Ah, right, she found out what you were doing and confronted you and when she wouldn't stop talking you—"

"Enough, you made your point" Her face is pale, but she looks more annoyed than rattled. "I get it. I do not like this and i expect to never have to deal with you again, our work relationship was fine, but you are a menace"

"I have been called worse"

"Oh i bet, which is perhaps why you lost everything, i can't imagine any other reason for that to happen than pure hubris, who did you piss off? Enough to have them decimate everything you worked for? I have to applaud them probably"

For once he and Jonah are in sync, as the two of them turn to look at her with such venom in their eyes. She laughs a bit at him and he grits his teeth. "I do have to wonder how long before it comes for you"

That grabs her attention, Jonah likewise stares at him and shakes his head. Elias sits casually, looking at her with fake kindness. "What came for me was a creature of the eye, seems quite miffed at me and others of my ilk, i can't say how long it will be before its powers stretch over towards you or the Pu Songling Research Centre. I think it has a personal vendetta against avatars. You should probably keep an eye out for that, anything strange and unusual could be a sign of its power spreading"

And this was a lure, because Jonah was helpful but useless as he retained information from him. If you threw the perfect bait with a shiny lure at the right fish…

Well.

They will bite.

"You are bluffing"

"Unfortunately and with great regret, i must say that i am not. I can promise you what happened to me, was not an isolated encounter and i believe this situation may be more dangerous for other avatars and organizations. But you don't have to believe me, you can just wait and see, I'm sure there will be statements coming about any time, if they do, i would love to hear about it. Well, regardless, may i have what i ask for or do you need for me to give you another reason to?"

Lisa looks like she wants to crack his head open. "Tell me the truth"

The sensation of a compulsion hits him quite hard, the tingly sensation. Of course, she did used to be an archivist before she was promoted by the previous head of the establishment. The need to reveal what he knows makes his throat itch and hurt, he tries to resist.

"That is…tingly, hah, haven't been properly compelled in a long while, not even my archivist dared to such a thing and you saw how Gertrude was"

"I did, not answer me" And the pressure makes his head hurt, he feels weird, funny. Like this had happened before or something similar enough, even if he knows that's not the case. His head starts to hurt the more he bits his tongue to refuse to answer.

He is not going to buckle he…it hurts.

It hurts and hurts and he has to answer, his throat is on fire—

Elias takes a sharp breath and before he can spit out a reply, unnatural hands cover his eyes. The pain subsides immediately and the compulsion fades away. He starts coughing as Jonah keeps his fingers over his face.

"I told you that you would need my help"

He wants to curse him out but he merely keeps quiet. "Nasty trick, but you will have to do better Lisa, i haven't been around this long to fall such things, you may think me weak but i am not. How is Clara? How have you been feeding her?"

Jonah snorts, but he mock whispers next to him. "She has been feeding her some of the statement givers, her little zombie, couldn't handle the guilt of killing her own daughter and brought her back like an end creature to fill the void"

"How many statement givers has it been?"

Fingers pull away and he can see the paleness on her face, the shaky hands. "Screw you Magnus, but fine, you win, just pick what you need and leave our esteemed institution alone"

"Of course Lisa, if you could guide me to the archives and storage so i can take my pick, i will be out of your hair soon"

They are left with a very tense stare off, but ultimately he wins. Small mercies, despite their conflict, he needs her intel, even if she doubts him there is a chance she will pay attention and if he is right she will contact him.

Its just a matter of waiting.

Things will pan out yet, he just needs to prepare for it. He is not going to be caught without backups. Not again.

He has to keep himself safe.

…

He has to keep both of them safe, because as much as Jonah is interested in Peter, Elias would rather be the one who takes care of him.

Peter returns with dinner, Elias was watching tv in bed, he could see that they were a pile of papers on the chair along with a box on top of them. He drops the Chinese food on his lap making him grumble and complain but nevertheless thank him as he eats without questioning his whereabouts.

Not that he wants to tell him.

He doesn't ask about his day either, he surmises due to the papers that he was successful. Peter had a lot of time to think on his own, in the lonely and walking around the city unseen. Not much to do other than to dwell on your issues and your life.

What would your life be anyways, in the future, what do you do with that?

Yes…what do you do indeed? The thing is, his ideal world, his ideal outcome, is for things to go back to exactly as they were, with his trips, coming back home to Elias and the cats, his partner going to work and annoying him.

The old song and dance, however…that is not quite feasible right now is it?

He eats his food silently, watching whatever Elias had been looking at on the telly without much thought.

What do you want to happen is the question now. What will the future bring, what happens once they are back in London? Knowing Elias powers are halved and that there is some weird eye monster trying to kill him, what then? What about his family? They will have questions, won't be too happy if they realize Peter was the one who stole his eyes and kept him alive.

Not one bit.

Elias made the point that his family wouldn't give him any more money now, not without the institute.

So…so where does that leave him?

And Peter didn't think about it before, between the chaos and the ultimate goal of bringing Elias back it didn't even cross his mind.

What then? His new body is employed by him, his degree is probably useless to Elias, if he wanted to keep working on the general same line of work. Maybe the man could convince his uncle to give him a job working with his family in a business related to his expertise, but that's a bit of a toss on wether he would do it or not.

Its all so very…complicated, why can't things be easy? Peter doesn't want to dwell on this, let alone think about possibilities, this is all for Elias to worry about not him, he should be the one deciding what to do and Peter will just nod along and continue on as usual.

(But none of this is the usual, is it? Peter flipped the board and now he is stuck not knowing what move to make or if he lost the game at all)

They eat silently and it starts to stress him out. None of this is right and he doesn't know how to fix it or bring it back to their normal, their usual. How do you rebuild from ashes? What does their relationship even go—

He hates that he is even thinking about it, focusing on that. It feels wrong, its not what they do.

"Elias—"

"I got you a present, well two of them really, the head of the Foundation wasn't very happy to part with artifacts, but that's besides the point, i actually got them for us"

Peter frowns and is about to tell him that he doesn't really care, that in all honesty he doesn't really need any of this. Maybe once they reach New York again he should leave, but before he can mutter a single word, he gets a full body shudder as a chill runs down his spine and he has this awfully familiar feeling of nails scrapping down a chalkboard.

"Knock that off Elias" The man blinks and looks at him confused before his expression does something complicated and it settles into a thinly hidden glare.

"If you weren't projecting so hard" Which is something he is used to, it brings some small relief into him.

"I am not! You are just trying to poke at my brain and quite badly i must say, i shouldn't feel like someone is scratching their nails on a chalkboard next to my ears, its distracting, you are better than that"

His expression goes through a journey, too quick for him to read. Clenching his jaw Elias says through gritted teeth that he can't quite help it. Which…yes, right, his powers are very…weak.

It stands to reason that he is very obvious with it now, still, is the principle of the matter.

"I get that, but can you just not? I'm not in the mood to deal with that now"

Frowning, his partner simply shrugs despondently and stares at the half empty box of food. Peter is not that hungry to be honest, he barely ate his own noodles and honestly he thinks he may just throw them out. He is a bit nauseous.

Elias seems morose but then his shoulders tense and he snaps to look at him all of a sudden staring at his face searchingly. Peter winces and wonders how much did he get to see, if he—

"You are not leaving me"

Ah.

"Hm, i always leave"

Elias puts the half empty food box on the nightstand so Peter does the same. He sees him grasp the blankets tightly as he says in a soft tone that makes his gut flip unpleasantly: "Not like that"

He wants to defend himself, he truly does, but nothing comes to mind, its a constant battle of wanting and not wanting to go.

"I will behave myself if that's what it takes" Peter blinks, confused, Elias voice is not shaky per se, but there is an edge he can hardly identify— "I can be less demanding if that's what pleases you"

The nausea comes back full force and a flash of a memory of a helpless body just going through the motions pops into his head so fast he just moves his hands to grab Elias by the shoulders and says no.

"Don't" Licking his lips, he adds— "Don't do that, its not—that's not necessary. This whole situation is just a bit beyond my patron's….you know what i mean" Elias looks at him and then asks then why does he want to leave him.

"I always—" But he is right, he is thinking of another kind of leaving, a permanent one, he….Peter laughs, anxiety, dread, unclear why he laughs, but he does. He laughs and laughs and he feels like he is going to throw up. "Fuck"

When he calms down he has let his hands fall back against the bed as he leans on the headboard. Elias is looking at him with a mix of worry and confusion. "…i want things to go back to what they were before this whole mess started, i just want that, i don't like any of this, i don't like having to make so many decisions. I was happy with my corner of the world i carved for myself and to let ourselves clash for whatever time we had before we went back to our own lives"

Peter stares at his hands, clean and…bloody if he lets his imagination run.

"This is way beyond me Elias, I'm a lonely avatar, none of this is for me"

"No, its not, but i did think it was supposed to be all in sickness and in health, or something like that"

Did he just—

"Those were not my vows!" He can't help the mild outrage at that implication, Elias looks at him neutrally and says he never had any vows as far as he can recall.

"We just married legally, signed papers and we were done with it, the way you liked it, something about not celebrating a wedding in Mooreland…"

What an unreasonable prick "You would have hated it, we both know that, you would have also made everyone uncomfortable and if i had to be the center of attention i would rather kill myself" Elias huffs and crosses his arms, saying it would have been fun, besides his family would have been less tetchy with them if they had. "Wh-no they would have not, they still would have hated you"

"Yes, but at least i did their ritual so they would have to accept it"

And there is so much he could say, part of him would have liked it, not because of his family at all, god no, Peter would have hated that, but one thing he always did like as a child was the weddings as a concept. He did vaguely picture himself marrying one day, and he did! Just not with a wedding at home.

There is also the fact Elias would had to be sent to the lonely and that…well, he already did that didn't he? To help, but he sent him away.

"Why are we talking about weddings again? I thought you were mad at me"

"…I told you, i can be nice"

Close your eyes, count to ten, breath.

It…doesn't work, Peter lifts his hands and presses the heel of them against his closed eyes. Its just unbearable.

"I don't want nice, I want what we always had"

The silence that stretches fills him with dread, Elias answer makes him feel like he got gutted, his voice is careful and soft in the way you try to handle cracked glass so it doesn't break. "…I can't give you that anymore"

Like a shot through the chest huh?

"Can't or won't?"

"Peter…"

Right. Right.

"I'm not a pet, or a weakling or—"

Jesus, he doesn't think less of him, he doesn't, not really, he doubts he ever could, this man is grander than life, he is a pain in the ass, he is a cockroach constantly surviving against all odds, he is unbearable and he is everything.

He hates him so much and he can't help but love him, he ruins Peter, has ruined him forever.

This was meant to be a game, was meant to be just them feeding from each other and having some affection for one another but it turned out into something much more complicated.

"Would you be lonely if i married someone else?"

The silence that follows, that stretches over the room is deadly.

"…You wouldn't"

"I can take you home, i can give you the apartment, the cats, i can give you enough money for you to live comfortably for at least two years if you want. No strings attached, i can give you all that, sign whatever contract you want to ensure i will not screw you over, you can even write it yourself" Peter lets out a breath, his eyes still closed. "I can give you all that and i just go and you never have to see me again, wouldn't that be nice?"

"What do you want?"

Peter almost opens his eyes, but he refrains. "Nothing"

"No, what do you want from—what do i need to—what do i say?" The last question sounds off, feels almost like he is asking someone else for an opinion.

"Elias there is nothing to say, I just don't—"

"You think you can be more miserable with someone else? I doubt it, i doubt anyone could ever want you enough to fulfill that itch in your brain, you want loneliness but you can't have it if there is nothing for you to grab onto. You can't leave me because I'm the only thing holding you together, I'm the one feeding you, no one will ever love you enough to ever fill that hole in your chest and it will never be enough to feed your patron, you sorry excuse of an avatar" He feels the bed shift with Elias moving he straddles Peter who finally opens his eyes but only looks at his chest not his face.

"You can't leave me in any way that matters, you will keep thinking about me even if you marry some poor girl your mother and uncle find for you"

"…Isn't that the most lonely thing i could do?"

Elias wraps his hands around his neck, Peter lets him. "Look at me" He doesn't. "Peter look at me"

"You never answered my question"

"Your question is stupid, what kind of—you won't" He sounds almost so sure and Peter hums, there is that feeling…

"You would be lonely"

"No"

"You are" Elias squeezes painfully, jabbing his thumb onto his throat. Peter doesn't fight it, his dream is to die alone, but honestly if he kills him like this then so be it. He would like to sink into the bed and sleep and not have to wake up and deal with any of this anymore.

"Why are you doing this? Why— has it been so insufferable taking care of me? Have i been such a burden? I am trying to pick up my weight, you can't leave me, i won't let you, first dead than to let you leave, you can't leave me" And the panic is there, the loneliness that drips out of him like a cloak, leaving him is the only choice.

The only good one.

"E-" He is choking as he squeezes at his neck.

"Look at me!"

And Peter does look up, Elias face is breathtakingly beautiful in its rage and misery.

He has spent a more than month trailing after him, spending his every waking hour worrying over him. Trying to justify himself.

This justifies everything.

They both take from each other to their detriment, but its how they live. Elias new face is still something to get used to, yes, but its his. He knows this face, he knows these expressions.

He knows him.

For better or worse.

Peter sees black spots in his vision before he uses his own strength to push Elias off and pin him in bed before he leans down and kisses him. Its violent and needy, but Elias reciprocates all the same, scratching his back with his nails clearly trying to hurt him. He grunts at the pain but he ignores it as he deepens the kiss.

He is right in something, there is no one that would make him feel the way he does. No matter with who he could possible, he will always think about him, he is just like a parasite, he dug deep into him and is now unable to get him out.

Peter's hands slide under his shirt, touching as Elias presses closer, he is cold, so so cold.

A dead body barely functioning, his little monster. He could care less about how he looks as long as he is there. Elias gasps and he bites his jaw, his neck. He lifts the shirt up over his chest and tries to go down to kiss—

"Ss-stop a moment, we haven't—" He slides a hand under his boxers and Elias just shuts up and spreads his legs. "Fuck"

Yes, indeed.

The thing that he realizes that makes this worth it, is the fact that Peter loves Elias more than the man could possibly ever love him. Elias just wants what he can give, but he will always move on, Elias loves himself more than he could ever love anyone else.

Even him, that…actually makes Peter feel relief.

All he has done, is still in service of his patron, because there is nothing more miserable than loving someone more than they could ever love you, a one side relationship is perfect. Elias loves him, to a degree.

He would never do what Peter did, he would always let him die to save his own skin or to watch what would happen, he is just another man in his life, one that he will eventually remember fondly while telling his story to some poor idiot. He hates that by the way, but its how Elias is.

Unlike his father who could not live with that, Peter can, he can and he is relieved.

They still feed each other, they still need each other like two snakes eating one another. They love…albeit one has more weight, that is all.

He kisses him down on his core and Elias moves his face to do it again, which he goes with willingly. He wants this, him.

How lovely.

Peter kisses him much more slowly at the end, he keeps thrusting, albeit its more tired, Elias is kissing him back and just enjoying the feeling even with the overstimulation, he refuses to let go. Peter too.

He latches onto him, hasn't stopped touching him since he suddenly flipped them over and kissed him. He seems awfully keen on getting to touch every part of him. When his movements get a bit more sloppy and his kisses stop so he can pant and moan softly against his ear, Elias knows he is going to come. He relaxes and kisses his face, Peter moves a few more times and then stills before letting out a soft noise that makes his gut warm up. Elias is the one who moves this time, squeezing and grinding on him as the other shudders and holds him so tightly and close to his chest he feels like he cant breath.

Jonah has gone missing a while back, he does not bother asking where he goes.

When its over, and the two of them stop moving, Peter is half on top of him, his body a night warm weight. He is still buried inside him, not that he is pushing him away, he likes the feeling.

Always had.

Elias takes his moment to kiss his neck and scratch his back idly. Peter snakes one arm under him and buries his face on his neck, breathing slowly, he is not asleep, not yet, but he is quite comfortable it seems.

After a while he runs a hand through his hair, their conversation from before, back in his mind. "Peter…"

"You are right" Elias pauses at those words "No one could ever make me feel like this, just you, the good, the bad and the terrible" Shivering and biting his lip he asks then if he is going to leave. "No, no more than usual i suppose. I don't want…hah, I don't want anything else you little monster. Look what you have done to me"

Somehow the relief doesn't wash over him, the reassurance for what it is, doesn't make him feel better or like he won. It feels…a bit empty.

"I want you" Peter hums, Elias pulls at his hair but he barely lifts his head. "I do"

Peter seems happy, but there is that undercurrent of nothing in his voice, a chill that makes him feel unease. "Alright"

"You will stay with me?"

"You know me, I will stay when i can, i can't avoid that" Which is fine, Elias can live with that, but there is still something that unnerves him.

Elias presses. "Do you love me?"

The answer takes a bit longer, which is normal at least. Eventually Peter manages to wrangle an answer.

"Yes" There is reluctance, but a deep seated candor that makes his face burn even if he is sure his cheeks are not flushing. He should be happy, he is happy, yet something still bothers him, he just can't voice what it is.

"You wont go marry someone else?"

"I-" He lets out a warm sight against his skin, it feels lovely. "No, I don't think so, i thought about it, but I don't believe i want to go through that, is the questioning over? Are you happy now?"

Is he? He should be, he has said the right things, he means them, which is what matters most.

Yet there is no satisfaction, it almost feels like he has been robbed of something. He just doesn't know what. Peter finally pulls away, rolling away from him which feels like a great loss, his body feels cold instantly as he sees him clean himself up and throw away the condom into the trash.

When he is done he turns towards Elias looking him up and down. He doesn't feel any shame what so ever. The new body is still something to get used to, but its not something new for him. Elias says nothing, Peter crawls under the covers and goes to lay half on top of him again.

"I will see your magic loot tomorrow"

"Don't call it that" Peter hums and says why not? Its what it is. "Yes, but that's disrespectful"

"To whom?"

"Oh shut up"

…He should go wash his teeth, Peter too, he wants to kick him out to do it. He latches onto him, much more affected by what the other said than he wants to admit, Jonah's words bouncing around his head.

This whole day has been a lot and even if he won, somehow he feels like has just taken all the wrong steps to get to the right ending. Its not nearly as rewarding as he wants it to be, something is amiss and it drives him a bit nuts that he cannot see it.

Jonah was the one who told him with alarm what Peter had been considering, his sudden interjection and Peter confirmation of feeling beholding against him enough to quickly set him out into damage control.

Yet none of this feels controlled. There is still so much he doesn't know or has an answer to, things Peter is not saying and Jonah is likewise keeping hidden. About the man and about the creature hunting them down.

Peter holds him for a while, he even seems to doze off, Elias tries to relax, but his body is tense now and at some point he moves away and goes to the bathroom. To relieve himself and to wash his teeth, he hates going to bed otherwise.

He makes a point to avoid looking into the mirror.

…

Once in bed he turns to Peter who is out like a light. He wants to hate him, he does hate him, but he can only stare at his face and touch it with his hand, rubbing his cheek with his thumb. The thought of him leaving scared him, not only because the lack of support or resources eventually, even if Peter promised otherwise.

He cannot fathom the idea of him being gone, truly gone, let alone marrying someone else.

It makes him violently sick, and the thought that he would kill whoever got their hands on him is there, quick and unprompted. He belongs to Elias, they are married, or will be. In spirit they are which is what matters.

"I will tear you to pieces myself first before letting you leave me"

Its not the first time someone he loves left him out of fear or disgust over his actions, each time he was bitter about it. This time…maybe it was Jonah's words, but he does not want to see Peter go.

For whatever is worth, what he has done for him to keep him alive and safe and to ensure that he has something to go back to, Elias knows that he owes him for it.

He owes him, that is the ultimate truth, Elias owes Peter and its a big thing, not just a small favor or some gratification, he owes him his life. He wants him to stay with him, he wants him to live, he wants the truth, he wants…

And his previous words echo.

He wants things to go back to what they were too, but he knows that's not going to happen, because much as Elias doesn't want to think about it, or Peter for that matter, the man changed.

During his time being dead, Peter changed and its a frightening idea that he did without him there to see and now he is here, staring at a man he knew so well and yet he feels different. Not in a bad way, but a rather confusing one.

Setting out a maelstrom of feelings inside him.

"Fuck"

…

"Jonah?"

But there is no answer, no monster at the end of the bed, his shadow is gone and Elias is left alone with his own thoughts and with a man whose mind he can't properly touch right now.

For now, he will just play along, later he will pay him back for all of this. They will keep each other alive, Elias will find a way to deal with that archive or at least to dissapear from its sight.

Then he rebuilds, its all he can do.

For now.

"What is wrong with her?" Gerry is not exactly thrilled about this, but even he has to admit a certain level of worry. Julia had been sickly for a while now, seemed to be getting worse and no matter what Trevor did, it did not seem to help her in the slightest.

In fact, she seemed to be getting worse.

"I don't know"

"Liar! You know things that's why we keep you, what is wrong with her, what is wrong with Jules?!" Sympathy is hard when you are faced with the people who kidnapped you, but Trevor's genuine concern for the girl was just the slightest bit moving.

He still keeps his tone flat though. "Look, i don't know, but whatever it is, i don't think there is much we can do, i…think we may need to take her to a hospital, soon. Its getting harder for her to wake up, at this point whatever thing is messing with her will have her under soon enough, until you find what it is, better leave her somewhere safe. Besides…"

And Gerry has to keep his face calm.

Trevor doesn't look that much better, Julia got sick fast, but whatever she has, Trevor seems to be picking it up too, the only difference he thinks, is that the old guy has been avoiding going to bed to care for the girl. And throw some food his way.

Gerry has mixed feelings on this whole thing, he also wonders why has Gertrude never come to find him. He woke up sick after surgery, miraculously got his tumors removed and then he was alone, no old woman, just himself.

A few months post surgery he got kidnapped by a pair of crazy hunters so here he is. Stuck.

"You don't look that much better"

The old guy scowls but doesn't correct him, which is probably a testament to how dire the situation is.

"I have a job" Gerry tries to reason with him, but he tells him to keep an eye out for Jules while he goes to work, there is a new lead, whatever it is, he will follow it, especially as the woman told him it may help.

"Why would you trust—"

"I don't, but she sounded rattled on the phone, afraid, that means something so, you know the drill"

Unfortunately he does, he is a prisoner after all. He really hates this.

Gerry would love to go back to London, hopes that if he convinces Trevor he may take the three of them there and somehow he can run away.

At least, being with the hunters had kept him safe, even if he cant really tell if they see him as prey or part of their pack in some weird and fucked up way. Maybe a bit of both.

Whatever it is, he simply sighs. Killing Julia while she sleeps would be pointless, Trevor locks the room they are in and if she dies, Gerry is as well as gone. So this is all there is, tending to the unconscious and half delirious girl who has started to talk in her sleep.

When Gerry comes closer to listen, he realizes she is narrating.

She is narrating about her father and her encounter with the dark as a child.

She…is giving a statement in her sleep. Which seems to be filling her with dread and once more, sympathy, despite his situation, wins out.

Gerry stays with her and cant help but wonder what is going on.