Chapter Text
“Let me see him,” Pepper says the moment she steps into the living room, ready to meet a god’s eyes without flinching. She’s ready to burn the heavens above if it means keeping Tony safe from heartbreak just this one time. She’s failed too many times already. “If he’s hurt, I swear to god-“
Loki opens his eyes and breaks his meditative stance, standing. “He is unharmed, as he should be,” says he. “He is peacefully resting in the nursery. Thor is watching over him as we speak. Can I offer you a cup of coffee?”
Pepper purses her lips and crosses her arms. “I want to see him first, and then we can have coffee.”
Loki gestures placatingly, pointing to the door. “As you wish.” Pepper takes that as her cue- she definitely isn’t asking for permission- to enter the room, keeping her steps light. She has to know that Tony’s okay.
After last time…
She can’t lose him.
After everything they’ve been through together, she can’t lose him. She’s come too close too many times. She doesn’t know if he can just spring back together this time.
As Loki told her, Tony’s asleep, curled into himself even in sleep, all the softer parts of him hidden by elbows and knees. It’s a defense position.
Pepper remembers a time when Tony didn’t sleep like that, even if it’s been years since. She remembers seeing him before Afghanistan, before John, before the Avengers, before Steve, before the Civil War.
There’s a lot of before’s for Tony.
She hopes that this time there’ll be an after too.
Pepper runs her fingers through his hair, knowing it calms him down even when he’s asleep. The furrow of his eyebrows uncrease, his breath evening out.
Rest, my love.
She turns and follows Loki out the door. “I’ll have that coffee now, please.” She blinks when Loki hands her a coffee that materializes out of nowhere, not even surprised or confused anymore. “Thanks.”
“You worry about him,” Loki says, taking a seat on the sofa. He makes a cup of tea for himself, watching Pepper carefully.
Pepper blows on the drink, taking a seat and crossing her legs. “Well, he’s a dear friend of mine, you could say. We’ve known each other for years.” She takes a cautious sip. “And what about you? Why are you here?”
Loki shrugs, not knowing the answer to the question. He doesn’t have a reason to care for Anthony, but he wishes to nonetheless.
He doesn’t know why he’s here yet, only that he wants to be. And wanting is such a foreign feeling, even after all this time, that he doesn’t understand it. For so long, he’s only been told to do as he’s told, to want what the Mad Titan wants, that now he still cannot understand what it means to long for something, to choose.
“You are a machine,” the Titan says with a small laugh, putting down the scalpel on the metal table. “Perhaps not physically, that’s true. I don’t think I want to spoil your unmarred face with steel and iron. I prefer to keep you like this- untainted on the outside, yet corrupted on the inside. Is that not the true definition of being a monster, after all?”
Loki writhes against the restraints as Titan turns on the machine hooked to his chest, clenching his teeth around the scream building in his throat. The Titan continues his speech, “You will do as I order. Once this procedure is finished, you will know nothing but your mission and you will do nothing but the tasks I order you to do. You will be my weapon and perhaps, when you are finished with your mission and I feel merciful, I might even let you live.”
But he wants to be with the Midgardian youngling, and he chooses to care after him. Surely that cannot be meaningless?
“I read your files,” Pepper says, and Loki’s eyes flick over to her. “They did psychological examinations on you upon your entry to earth alongside all the others. You submitted to all of them except for the Pavel- Woodley Test. You didn’t want to get classified, you said. Why?”
Loki bites his lip, remembering little of that day except that he’d said no and they’d accepted his request not to take the test. Then again, after listening to him talk about his trauma for several hours straight, one would be hesitant to deny his choices, so it might have been simple Midgardian mercy. “I used to be a caretaker. I don’t want to discuss this further.”
Pepper squints at him for a few long seconds before she nods once. “I understand. There are other matters I need to discuss with you anyway.”
Loki nods. He’s not the best at this- this communication thing- but he does try. Most days, anyway. Days when he has the effort to put into actively trying to maintain conversation and interaction with others.
Today, he feels okay. It’s going to be a good day.
He’s okay.
It’s going to be a good day.
His therapist tells him to remind himself of that every morning so that he’s ready for the day. Positive thinking, she says. He does it out of mere habit at this point. Saying the day will be good does nothing to stop the onslaught of madmen that come his way.
“Alright,” says he, gesturing for her to continue, tapping his fingers against the side of his ‘Never Stop Dreaming’ mug that he got from a Sakaarian gift-shop.
Pepper uncrosses her legs, then crosses them again before she speaks.
They talk about many things- the public’s discord over Tony and Steve, the fact that Tony and his suit are literally one and he can control nano-technology with just a thought, the fact that Loki’s therapist says that he’s now “fit for integration into human society”. They talk until the sun is high in the sky. Loki doesn’t mind her presence.
She reminds him of Mother. Her strong-willed and no-nonsense yet gentle personality reminds him of Frigga and her warmth, her brilliance. He can understand how Tony was drawn to Pepper and he wonders why it didn’t work.
The soft padding of feet is what brings their conversation to a halt, both of their eyes immediately flickering over to the door. Tony stands there with his eyes fixed on both of them like a deer caught in the headlights, shifting from foot to foot as he regards them warily and uncertainly. Loki opens his mouth to speak but Pepper beats him to it. “Tony,” she says, stretching out her hand to him. “Come here, honey. Good morning.”
“Mornin’,” Tony mumbles, pressing himself against her side without hesitation, knowing that she won’t push him away. “Why’re you here? Work?”
Loki watches them curiously, noting that Tony’s speaking more now than he did the entire night before. Pepper shakes her head, running her fingers through his hair on habit. “I just wanted to say hello to my favorite little guy in the world.” Just to make sure that Tony doesn’t misconstrue her words, she clarifies. “That’s you.”
Tony hums, his head on her shoulder. “Why?”
“I missed you,” she says, glad that she can say that now without things being awkward between them. She’s glad that they can put the past behind them without it affecting their relationship. They did, after all, end on a peaceful note of mutual understanding that they just weren’t in the right place in their life for a relationship. It was their last break-up after several. They’d kept on breaking up and then Tony just couldn’t take it anymore. Pepper couldn’t take it anymore.
Tony looks at the cup in his hands, running his fingers over the giraffe drawing, silent as Pepper takes a seat across from him. The question of 'what do you want' hangs in the air between them for a long time before Tony answers. “I don’t know what I want, I just… I can’t do this anymore, Pep. You and I fight all the time, you want me to stop being Iron Man and I can't, people have started to use you against me, and I-” he stops, trying to find the right words.
Pepper doesn’t speak for a long time, but Tony knows she heard him.
“I’m scared all of the time I’ll lose you. Last week-“ he swallows against the rise of emotions in his chest. “They got you. They could have hurt you and it would have been my-“ My fault, he wanted to say past the ice in his chest but he couldn’t even bring himself to say the damn words. "Pepper, please. You have to understand. I love you, but... but I can't let them hurt you and I can see that this relationship is only hurting you."
Pepper nods, placing her hand on Tony’s. “I get it. I… I think you’re right. This is driving the both of us into the ground.” She wipes a tear from her face. "I do love you, Tony, I always have, but this... this is not what we need right now. There's too many things pulling us apart. Maybe at some point we could try again, but... for now, I think it's best we go our own ways."
“Can we still… be friends?” Tony hesitantly asks.
Pepper gives him a hug and Tony closes his eyes against the tears building in them. “Of course. Don’t think you can get me out of your life that easily,” she says with a wet laugh. “I’ll still always be here for you, when you need me.”
Tony smiles and lets himself melt into her arms, a sigh of relief leaving his lips. He was so terrified she'd leave for good, that he'd lost another person due to his own flawed nature. "Thank you."
“How’s Karla?” Pepper asks, looking up as Iain walks into the room, blinking at her. As much as she loves Friday, U, DUM-E, and Butterfingers, she can’t deny that she finds Iain and Karla the most human out of them. They do, after all, possess human-like bodies that are almost indistinguishable from ordinary humans. If it isn’t for the patch on their shirts with their name in blocky letters, Pepper might forget that they aren’t human.
She sometimes thinks that the reason for the bots’ creations must have something to do with Tony’s need to make something human out of steel and code.
She sometimes thinks it’s just Tony’s fear of being alone.
Iain gives Pepper a small smile. “Good morning, Miss Potts. Good morning, Loki. Today is a good day with good weather ahead.” He quickly turns without listening to their responses, organizing the shelves until they are in pristine order.
“Karla’s good,” Tony responds easily, rubbing a hand over his eyes. He doesn’t feel as small now that he’s well rested and the words come to the front of his mind easily, the cloud of littleness no longer affecting his vocabulary. He’s at maybe 5 at the moment. If he’s lucky, he might even be able to get to the lab by the end of the day when everyone else is fast asleep.
He tries to avoid Loki’s gaze, feeling an odd stirring inside of him at the memories of last night, being held in Loki’s arms like he was something delicate. There’s something in his chest that doesn’t make sense, feeling painfully close to an ache even if he knows that his insides are in perfect condition- thanks, Thaddeus. After Thaddeus’ invasive surgery, Tony was driven to find some way to claim it back as his own, so he did the only “rational” thing (while sleep deprived of course): turn his own body into armor with nano-bots in his bloodstream, run by an RT node to enable the armor to respond to mental commands.
It lets the armor self-repair and lets him manifest anything he wants from his body. If he wants to make his hand look like a giant donut, he absolutely fucking can.
Iron Man and I are one.
Loki doesn’t look at him with disgust or disdain though, instead giving him a soft smile.
Tony doesn’t understand, but he doesn’t mention it and thankfully, neither does Loki. He doesn’t want to think about the way that Thor had carried him without question, with Loki and Bruce walking a bit behind them as Thor took him to the nursery.
He doesn’t want to consider what this means. He’s been trying to keep them at arm’s length, pushing them away every time they tried to poke at his little side.
But now they saw him as he had a breakdown over a stupid interview. They know.
Loki’s eyes track the android as it kneels to sort out the bottom shelves. “Is that a robot?” Tony’s taught him a bit about the machines he creates, but this one is not something he’s seen before. It looks human and although that’s slightly disorienting, he finds it a curious thing.
“Yes,” Pepper answers, running her fingers through Tony’s hair one more time before she stands and walks to the coffee maker. “That one is Iain. The woman is Karla. They were made to care after people who have no one else to tend to them, as well as providing aid in difficult situations when humans are unavailable.”
She knows because the bot has dominated the robot industry, boosting the SI’s reputation by about 17% in the short time that the bots have been made public.
They’ve sold numerous copies, helping people all over the country, from the elderly to the babies to the people who needs someone for panic attacks. The beautiful thing about the bots is that they adapt and learn how to care for their patient no matter what their patient is dealing with.
“Fascinating,” says Loki, watching as the bot, Iain, turns and gives him a curious look. It’s brilliant, Loki thinks.
Iain’s lip twitches. “I’m glad you think so. You are, according to my definition of “fascinating”, fascinating as well. I highly like the history of Asgard and Vanaheim.”
“You know of Vanaheim?” Loki tries not to notice the way his stomach sinks, eyes darting around the room for a second. Pepper makes a cup of coffee for herself, back turned on them. Loki’s vaguely aware of Pepper telling Tony that she’ll be right back but he focuses on the machine.
Iain nods once. “I have done my research on the topic after coming across a book on Norse gods in Tony’s room.” Iain pushes the bin back into the bookshelf before he stands, scanning the shelf for other things out of place before deciding that it’s a good enough job for now. “Frigga is one of the most honorable of the goddesses, I believe. I find that her grace while being married off to the king of Asgard after Vanaheim had been conquered highlights her strength as an individual. Her way of seeing the future also shows her skill with seidr.”
Loki ignores the dry feeling in his throat, giving the robot a sad smile. “I agree. She is the strongest person I know.”
Tony sits up straight, heat jumping to his face. Frigga is never a topic to casually mention. Little or not, Tony knows this. “I- Loki, I- I didn’t know he would- He isn’t programmed to…” The words don’t line up right, too many things spinning in his mind for him to grasp onto one single thought. What he wants to say doesn’t match with what leaves his lips.
“It’s fine,” Loki responds with a wave of his hand. Mother would have been enraptured by the technology.
A tense silence fills the room, during which Iain stares between the two of them for a second before walking to the other cabinet in the room and working on organizing that instead. Tony estimates that his heart rate is at 122 bpm and rising steadily.
The tension is broken when Pepper walks in with Thor and Bruce in tow, the latter’s hair being insanely messy, curls covering his forehead. Both turn to look and by the time they both look at each other the atmosphere feels easier to breathe. Tony’s hands unfurl from fists, falling to his side.
“You’re a sneaky one,” Thor says with a kind smile, running his fingers through the hair he’s still getting used to having. “I didn’t even notice you were gone. How’d you sneak past me, eh?” He walks over and places a hand on Tony’s shoulder playfully, watching as Tony leans into his touch without knowing it.
Bruce slides past them and heads straight for the coffee that Pepper made for him, needing something to wake him up. Karla steps into the room and scans Bruce with a slight frown. “You should have that coffee with a meal, Bruce. It would be much healthier.”
Bruce turns and gives Karla a small, confused smile. “I… I’m fine, thank you. I’ll eat later on.”
“You need to eat, Bruce.”
“I’m not… hungry.”
Karla frowns slightly and Bruce hurries to turn away so that he doesn’t have to face her disappointed gaze. Pepper watches and smiles. “Karla’s more used to caring for everyone, Bruce. She often works in daycares, nurseries, hospitals, schools, and more. She’s been programmed to make sure everyone receives optimal care, regardless of their actual need for it.”
Bruce nods, a blush creeping up his neck as he observes the bots. He’ll probably never get used to being acknowledged as a human being by anyone, human or android doesn't really matter. “It’s… interesting. I wish I was here while Tony was making it, so I could have studied the code.”
“You can, if you want?” Tony says, and Bruce turns and sees the glimmer of hope on Tony’s face. With that face greeting him, he doesn’t know how anyone could possibly say no. He nods, and a smile brightens up Tony’s eyes. “Yay! We can work on something like, like a robot, if you’d like?”
Bruce smiles. “Sure, we can work on a robot. What type?”
Tony rattles off something about a simple alarm clock that they could then improve, eyes beaming like a kid in a candy shop. Bruce feels himself smiling before he registers it, feeling himself growing as excited as Tony just by listening. His happiness is contagious.
It’s the moments like these that he remembers that behind the public façade, Tony is made of tar-black heartache in his bone marrow, his bones made of Corinthian columns, his mind clutching desperately to logic and rationality as his only weapon in a world of beastly men and man-like beasts.
Tony takes by the hand and drags him to the building station, Karla following them, and Thor and Loki exchange a look before they both decide to go as well. Pepper watches them go with a small smile.
Yes, this seems like it could definitely work out.