Chapter Text
"Got a minute, Rox?"
Roxy looked up from the small netbook she had resting on her lap, tedious lines of code filling most of the screen. She sighed heavily, but nodded at Dirk. She stood and closed the tiny laptop, tossing it onto her bed. Crossed her room. Stood at least a head shorter than Strider, who was in her doorway. Hands on her hips, she looked up at him with a face that simply read 'what' in all its deadpan glory.
"It's more like 45 seconds now, so talk fast." She pushed her bangs from her eyes, ignoring how fucking awful her cast felt under her long-sleeved shirt. She wore the pink hoodie to cover the hideous thing, but if anyone kept tabs on how awkward and stiff her movements were, it was a little obvious.
It'd been two weeks since the incident in which she'd 'fallen' off her balcony. When the agony of the only person to ever tell her they loved her lived hundreds of miles away caught up with her and she nearly suffered alcohol poisoning, the other blonde decided it was finally time for him to visit her. Save her from herself, basically. He'd been there a few days already. He had meant to talk to her about when he would be taking his leave, but... The words didn't find their way out of his mouth.
Neither of them had mentioned the incident since it had happened. That may have been why. He felt like it was an extensively important part of why he was there, so leaving without saying anything about it seemed... to make the journey pointless. Not that seeing her hadn't been absolutely fucking wonderful.
"Thirty seconds - Dirk, what do you want?" Her arms were folded across her chest now. If she sounded irritable, it wasn't at him, or because of him - the pain meds she was on were to blame entirely. Not to mention she obviously couldn't take them while inebriated. So, she was grouchy and sober. He knew her irritation wasn't at him. It didn't make him feel any better about it. A hand reached out, stroking her cheek gently. When she didn't flinch or shy away, he sighed.
"Are you doing okay, Roxy?"
"That's it? You want to ask me if I'm okay? Why the fuck are you HERE, Dirk? You're here because I'm certifiably NOT okay." Her tone rose in volume, little by little. "My mom left to some retreat because she couldn't handle me. You came here because I'm pathetic and can't take care of myself. You took all my booze so it didn't happen again - so tell me, Strider. How 'okay' do you think I am? One to ten. Take a fucking guess."
The small speech brought a frown to the boy's face, brows knitting just barely behind his shades. His hand fell to her arm, feeling the cast under her sleeve. His hand wrapped around it gently, then its pair joined - holding her arm delicately like one might something precious and fragile.
"Dirk, don't-"
But he didn't let go. He knew she wouldn't struggle out of fear of hurting herself. But it didn't stop her from slapping him cold across the face. His sunglasses flew off to the side, Dirk wincing a bit. Ah, fuck. Openpalmkind and fistkind seemed to be nearly the same. Almost immediately after she did it, she gasped; free hand flying to cover her mouth.
"I... I didn't mean..."
"It's okay. I probably deserved it." He didn't move his hands though, now staring at her with his intense tangerine eyes. They unsettled her - she glanced away for a moment.
"No... you didn't. That's why I apologized." ...she was, however, intensely in love with his eyes also. Looking back into them, she bit her lip. Roxy definitely looked worse for wear. She had circles under her eyes. She hadn't worn makeup since about a day after he'd gotten here, finding it pointless. Was she trying to impress him? "Your eyes..." Her hand reached up to his face, the girl taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly.
"Are ridiculous," he finished for her. She shook her head.
"No, they're beautiful." And they looked about as equally tired as hers. Thumb brushed against his cheek, fingertips eventually moving to delicately trace the sleepless circles that were similar to hers. He didn't blink or flinch. He just watched. "You, too, huh?" she asked, speaking of the sleeplessness. He looked away.
"I don't sleep well, knowing something's wrong with you." In spite of herself, she felt a smile forming.
"Maybe we'll bump you up to the second-floor guest bedroom. The bed's nicer."
"Maybe you can learn how to share."
His straight-forwardness surprised her, so much so she almost thought she had misheard him - or that he was... joking? Her laugh was nervous, a little high-pitched.
"Y-you're - "
"Kidding? I'm not." He took a step then, gently leading her to her bed. Or hoping to. "I think we need to actually talk about what happened." He paused. "Why I'm here, and all that shit." Nodding absently, Roxy let herself be led - eventually the backs of her knees came into contact with her bed, immediately sitting down. She held her breath, Dirk sitting next to her. He held to her arm still.
"Because I'm helpless, right? Because I can't take care of myself and -"
"Because, like I said already. You're wrong." She heard him clear his throat, as if saying these things made him uncomfortable. She knew they did, but she wasn't really in a mood to reassure him. Knowing that if she coddled him, he'd never say what he wanted to. Roxy wasn't aware of how desperate she was to hear it, either.
"Wrong? That's a lie, Strider. And you know it." Her tone was only slightly bitter.
"About what you had said." He shifted awkwardly. "About no one loving you." Roxy looked at him, then, seeing the colour tinting his cheeks and ears.
"I'm listening."
"Fuck you, Roxy. You know how stupid thi-" Her hurt look cut him off, the blonde shaking his head. "Not stupid. I'm sorry, I didn't mean that. It's not stupid. It's important. Rox - you wanted to fall off that balcony. I know you did. You told me." It was her turn to blush now, but more in shame than anything else.
"I did. I'm not gonna lie about it. But I just - I really don't think you understand." She laughed helplessly. "I was so fucked up, Dirk... I don't think I've been that hammered in my life." It had exacerbated the obvious problem living deep down under her skin. The loneliness thing. The whole fucking triangle of love all her friends had with one another. Leaving Roxy to be the mediator. Meddler. It had finally got to her. His hands had moved to close around her own instead of the cast, thumb gently rubbing over the tops of her bruised knuckles.
"Nothing is worth doing something that stupid. Not Jake, not Jane. Not me."
"I know... I know..." Trying very hard to not to cry, she brought her free hand to rub at her temples. "It just all caught up with me. But you -" She turned, facing him. "You really... helped." Even if he had sort-of started the whole thing. "I mean - I actually did slip. And Tequila Sunrise - God, you're so amazing." She freed her arm and wrapped around him, burying her face into his neck. Awkwardness took over, but his arms lifted around her, one of his hands sifting into the hair on the back of her head. The other rubbed her back in a slow, methodic, calming way. Because he felt her body shaking with gentle sobs.
"Calm down, Rox. It's really okay. It's going to be okay." He kissed the side of her head. "I came here because you're wrong. I love you, Roxy. I wouldn't be here if I didn't. I wouldn't have called, I wouldn't have sent you a fucking robot - I don't think you understand." He hushed her further, petting and soothing. She took in a shuddery breath, pulling back to look at him. Eyes were redder; wet with tears.
"I love you, too... I didn't know how to deal with it." She couldn't cope. Everything had leapt up to swallow her all at once. It had almost succeeded. He leaned forward, pressing their foreheads together. His eyes closed, and so did hers. It had... taken over her. The feeling. The love. It was everything she had and she'd been forced to shove it down, lock it away. Because her friends being happy was more important. So she shoved it away, and she drank to cover it up. Best way to handle a problem, clearly. But she hadn't known what else to do. What would her mother have told her? Something about marrying someone for their money and not any true feelings, no doubt. Or if Roxy was going to turn out anything like her mother, she'd be 40 before she found someone. Ugh. Cougars. What would Jane or Jake have said? Something ridiculously chipper and overly sweet, gushing with how she should 'just do it!' without even really listening to her plight. Fuck, would the conversation even have gotten that far? What with how absorbed Jake and Jane were in one another - oh. She hadn't even thought to ask how that had gone for Jane. Lalonde had been... very distracted the past two weeks. She'd spent quite nearly an entire one of them in the hospital, setting the bones back in her arm. She'd landed on it hard when Tequila Sunrise had caught her. Which sucked, but the fall would have killed her if not for that blessed robo cat. Dirk's voice brought her back.
"Learn. Because I will, too." It was a strange, alien feeling - not love itself, but the actual emotion being put towards someone. That's what confounded him. He had feelings, he wasn't emotionless - but he had difficulty expressing it at the right time. Which is mostly the reason why he came off as such an abrasive asshole. Unable to stop herself, she delicately pressed her mouth against his. It was brief and chaste.
"I'll learn. We both will." For the first time in two weeks, she smiled - really, really smiled. Her heart fluttered happily in her chest when he smiled back.
"Together."
