Chapter Text
Rey leaned over to inspect a watch at the store in the mall. It had a leather band and a sparkling clock. With a crinkle of her nose, she decided it wasn’t good enough for Ben.
Ever since he had asked her to spend Christmas with him, she had been freaking out about getting him the perfect gift. He had given her so much already; she wanted to make him happy.
His gift had to be perfect.
So far, she was not finding the perfect gift. She had perused around probably twelve stores, and nothing caught her eye. But, from those twelve stores, she had found Rose multiple gifts.
One was a floral handbag that Rose had been admiring the last time they went to the mall together. She had also bought Rose a silver necklace that had a charm of a small heart. A stop past Auntie Anne’s made her cave and buy a gift card, too. Her roommate couldn’t get enough of their cinnamon pretzel bites.
Rey felt her mind wandering, so she shook her head to focus. Ben . This is who she was here for. An idea crossed her mind. Maybe his present didn’t need to be bought….
~~~~
Ben groaned in frustration as he paced through aisles of junk in the department store. Rey didn’t want any of this. She wanted something heartfelt; not anything money could buy. He ran his hand through his hair as he wracked his brain for ideas of what to get her.
“Sir, do you need help?” A store associate placed her hand on his shoulder as she asked the question. Out of desperation, Ben decided a bit of help wouldn’t hurt.
“Yes, please. I just started dating this amazing girl, I mean you wouldn’t believe how amazing she is,” Ben trailed off as he noticed the employee tapping her foot. Shit , he was rambling. He cleared his throat and continued. “Well, we’re spending Christmas together, and I want to show her that I love her before I tell her.”
“That is adorable, oh my gosh.” The employee smiled and patted Ben again on his shoulder. “Well, lucky for you, I’m great at picking out gifts. What’s her name, if you don’t mind me asking?”
“Rey.” Ben smiled. “With an ‘e’, not an ‘a’.” Something that resembled recognition flashed in the employee’s eyes, and she gave him a small smile.
“Well, my name is Rose.” Ben gave Rose his name as well, and she smiled. “You look like a Ben. Now, let’s find this lovely lady a gift.” She gestured for him to follow. Ben felt a weight lift off his chest as he followed the short lady.
~~~~
Rey stood outside of Ben’s apartment that evening; he had invited her over for dinner. She knocked on the door vigilantly, not wanting to stand in the freezing winter air for long.
“Hey Rey, sorry I was taking the plates out of the cupboard when you knocked.” Ben said and let Rey step in; he followed her into the living room where she sat her bag down. They had hung out a lot, so any formality was out the window. Rey flopped on the couch and smiled up at him.
“It’s okay, I just like to see you.” Ben leaned down and kissed her. Rey ran her hands through his hair and tugged him closer. A soft groan left his mouth as he deepened the kiss. After a few moments of scrambling, Rey ended up on Ben’s lap, grinding harshly onto his crotch.
Beep! Beep! Beep!
“Fuck.” Ben unwillingly pulled away as he placed Rey onto the couch. “That’s the pizza. I can’t let it go too long, it burns really quick.” As he speed walked into the kitchen, Rey trotted behind him.
Once Ben had gotten the pizza out of the oven and cooling on the stove, he turned back to Rey. A wide smile broke on her face as she hugged him. Ben was a little startled, not expecting it. His arms tightened around her waist as her arms were slung around his shoulders.
“Ben, you’re amazing.” Rey looked up at him. “Seriously, you have kind of been everything to me lately. And I feel like I never do anything in return for you.”
“Rey, just being here and being you, that’s all I’ve ever wanted.” He kissed the top of her head as they swayed in the kitchen.
“Are you sure?” Insecurity peaked through her voice, like the sun streaking through a curtained window. Ben pulled back slightly to look her in the eyes.
‘Yes.” He kissed her. “One.” He kissed her again. “Hundred.” Another kiss. “Percent.” And another. “Now let me feed you dinner.” Rey giggled as he kissed her again.
As they ate dinner, they chatted about silly, stupid things with silly, stupid smiles on their faces.
“Ben, this is so good!” Rey exclaimed, pointing her fork at him. “You always say you’re a terrible cook, but this is literally the best thing I’ve ever tasted.” Ben gave her a look of disbelief.
“Probably not the best. Your parents probably made you really good food.” Ben chuckled unknowingly as he ate another bite of the caesar salad.
“Nope. I wouldn’t know.” Rey muttered as she shoveled food into her mouth, trying to divert from the topic at hand. Concern gripped Ben as he wracked his brain for the mistake he made.
“Rey, what’s wrong?” He could sense the second she became upset. Her head lifted slightly, and he saw the water collect in her eyes. His hand laced into hers as he comforted her.
“It’s kind of a sensitive subject. I don’t really like to talk about it.” She whispered as she gripped his hand as though it was the only thing keeping her tethered to the current reality.
“You don’t have to tell me. In fact, you don’t have to tell me anything.” Ben reassured her. He definitely didn’t want to force her to unpack her trauma. They had only really been together for a month or so.
“No, I,” She took a deep breath and swallowed any fear she was holding onto, “I need to tell you. I am very serious about us together. I can’t hide shit from you.”
“Just don’t feel pressured. Because I’ll wait for you, Rey. I will always wait for you.” He tilted her head up with his hand as he said the statement. He wanted her to know how much he meant it. How much he loved her.
She nodded, collected herself and told her story.
“I was born in this tiny town in England called Rye. My parents gave birth to me, brought me home. For two weeks.” Tears started to fill her eyes as she recounted the memory. “After that, I guess they got tired of me, so they dumped me outside of the orphanage twenty minutes away. I was raised in the orphanage until I was eight, then I was adopted.” Rey paused to wipe her running nose and teary eyes.
“Rey, I’m so sorry. I had no idea. I wouldn’t have mentioned parents if I knew your story.” A wave of guilt crashed onto the shores of his soul. Rey held up a hand to signal she wasn’t done, and Ben quieted. It was her story to tell, and he would let her tell it.
“There’s a big stereotype about foster parents being evil, and that was proven to me. I was fostered by this man, Plutt. He had a few other foster kids as well as a few of his own. The favoritism was apparent; his “real” kids, as he would call them, got a bed and food everyday while the ‘fake’ ones wouldn’t. We were the ones to take care of the household. I mean, it was pathetic that anyone would entrust a child in his care.” Tears were freely falling down Rey’s face now. Ben wouldn’t comfort her, not yet. He knew she had more to tell; so he held her hand as she continued.
“And then, when I turned thirteen, the worst part started. I guess Plutt started seeing me as a ‘woman’ or something.” Rey’s eyes turned cold as she stopped crying. Sometimes being numb to trauma is the only way to cope. The sadness that had bloomed in Ben’s heart took a sharp turn into anger as he saw where this was going.
“He started touching me. Just subtle ways, like a brush down my arm, or a graze of my thighs. It escalated after that. He told me if I told anyone that he would kill me.” Rey recounted the memories, spitting them out as if they were acid. “He never truly raped me, but there was a lot of assault and perversion there.”
“Rey, baby, I’m so sorry.” Pain laced through Ben’s heart as he imagined teenager Rey being exploited and taken advantage of.
“It’s okay. It was a while ago. In fact, the day I turned eighteen, I left. I had secretly been applying for colleges and scholarships, so once I got this amazing offer. I left. I left as fast as I could. I haven’t seen him since.” Her voice shook as her story concluded.
The anger that had been surging through his body wilted as he saw the vulnerability in her face. Rey, his Rey , didn’t deserve a single thing that she was forced to endure. His heart felt as if it was breaking, seeing her usual carefree, lovely attitude dampened by her traumatic past.
Ben stood up and grabbed her face in his hands, forcing her to meet his eyes. After a few moments of intimate eye contact, he kissed her nose, then her forehead. His mouth trailed to her ear as he whispered a sentiment.
“Darling, you’re not alone. Not anymore.” Rey, almost inaudibly, gasped at his endearing, comforting words. No one had ever professed that to her. That was all she wanted, to BE wanted. More tears welled up in her eyes as she nodded against his hands cupping her face.
“Neither are you.” Her shaky voice fluttered out the words, and his embrace shifted from her hands to her whole body. His warm, big arms wrapped around her waist as he pulled her onto his lap.
One might think it was a sexual gesture, but not at the moment. This embrace meant something, it went past simple physical attraction. The word flashed in Rey’s head, but she pushed it away. She didn’t need to ruin the moment with another huge revelation.
After who knows how long, Ben murmured a question into her hair.
“Do you want to go to bed?” Rey’s body slumped with exhaustion as she realized how utterly tired she was. She pulled away to sneak a glance at his face.
“Yeah, I didn’t even realize how tired I was. I guess hashing out old trauma makes a girl tired.” The joke fell flat in the aftermath of the intense conversation. Ben smiled and unfolded himself from her. They both got up and ready for bed.
They showered together, brushed their teeth together, and climbed into bed. As Ben wrapped his arms around Rey’s waist, a flash of a potential future flew through her mind. A future full of love, honesty, respect, and not being alone.
Rey smiled as she drifted off to sleep thinking of her and Ben growing old together.
~~~~
It was Christmas Eve. Rey sat in her apartment, waiting for the first moment she could go to Ben’s without seeming totally clingy. Rose had flown out to see her family a week prior, so Rey had been left to her own devices.
Christmas had always been a mediocre, nostalgic holiday for her. Since she never had any family to celebrate with, she never celebrated. When she was young, she often dreamed of her parents returning on Christmas Eve to take her back, to tell her they made a mistake and that they still loved her.
That never happened.
By the time she was 10, she stopped imagining. It hurt too much.
But now, she had something to celebrate. Something to look forward to.
Even if she was terrified and insanely apprehensive to become attached to someone again.
Shaking off her apprehension, Rey decided to head to Ben’s. She did not want to be late.
She checked herself in the mirror before she shut the door.
Ben said to dress very casual because it would just be her and Ben. After three hours of debating, she decided to wear black legging with a crocheted red sweater; silver earrings in the shape of an ornament donned her ears. They were a little silly, but Rey thought they communicated her cheer well.
The earrings weren’t the only that communicated her cheer; a smile had appeared on Rey’s face the last time she left Ben’s apartment, and it hadn’t left her since.
~~~
Ben heard the doorbell ring and sighed. He took the pie out of the oven and set it onto the kitchen counter. His eyes checked the table to make sure he had made everything. This was Rey’s first real Christmas, and he wanted to make sure everything was perfect.
Walking to the door, he took off his oven mitts and opened the door. Rey was standing at the door with that beautiful smile of hers that Ben couldn’t get enough of.
She was perfect. From her dress to her earrings to her hairstyles (which was an unusual three bun style), he loved her. He was going to tell her tonight. He couldn’t keep it in any longer.
“Hi.” Rey said, stepping into his apartment. She shivered and took off her coat. Ben hurriedly went behind her and took it from her, hanging it onto the rack beside her. She whispered a quiet thanks.
“Rey, remember our rule?” He held his hand out, and she placed her phone into his hands. They had made this rule a few weeks ago. They agreed that on Christmas Eve and Day, no cell phones would be used. No distractions. Just each other. Ben deposited both of their phones into a cabinet in the kitchen, and turned around.
“Merry Christmas Eve, Rey.” Ben brought her into a hug and kissed her. A soft gasp left her lips as they deepened the kiss. Before anything could escalate, Ben reluctantly pulled away. A pout appeared on Rey’s face as she responded.
“Merry Christmas Eve, Ben.”
They continued the night with a dinner that consisted of a small honey ham, mashed potatoes and gravy, and pumpkin pie to finish it off. Ben wanted to make Rey’s first Christmas as traditional as possible, seeing as she doesn’t even know what that is like.
After dinner, they headed to the couch to watch stupid Christmas movies. Rey relaxed into Ben’s hold as they laughed over silly romantic pick-up lines.
“Look, Ben. If someone told me ‘Are you a jingle bell? Cause I think you’ll go all the way,’ I would not be flattered!” Rey laughed as she defended herself. THey were watching a Hallmark movie, something Ben considered a staple to Christmas.
“Okay, let me tell you why you’re wrong,” Ben started and held up a hand as Rey tried to interject, “One,, I’d be extremely flattered if something said that to me. Second, it's incredibly clever.” They both laughed at the clear sarcasm.
“For an english professor, I’d expect better from you, mister.” Rey poked a finger in the middle of his chest, condemning him to his terrible pick up lines.
“Well, I would say I’m only picky about literature. Anything that makes me laugh is quality to me.” Ben kissed her forehead as she laughed.
“Me too. Except the literature thing, reading is not my favorite.” REy admitted. Ben’s eyebrows rose in surprise.
“Are you serious?” Rey nodded, and he continued his assault. “You’re so intelligent. I never would have pegged you for anything other than a reader.”
“Well, when I was young, I didn’t really have a lot of resources to read. The closest library was about five miles, so I couldn’t walk to get a book. And if I wasn’t doing some type of chore, I was passed out exhausted.” Rey reminisced on the subject with wistful eyes, and Ben cleared his throat.
“Rey, you don’t have to say anything else. I understand.” He gently said the words, not wanting her to confuse his encouragement with control. Rey shook her head as if she was clearing the memories.
“You’re right. I don’t need to dwell on that. I’m happy and well now, anyways.” Ben stroked her hair as they directed their attention back to the cheesy movie. They sat in silence for a few minutes until the credits rolled. Rey turned around and brushed a hand through his hair.
“Can I give you your present now? I’m kind of nervous about it.” Rey asked, not looking him in the eye. Ben noticed the odd behavior and touched her face to spur eye contact.
“Rey, whatever anxiety you’re feeling, you can tell me.” He watched as Rey took a breath.
“I’m scared you won’t like your present.” Ben scoffed at the silly worry.
“Rey, you could literally bring me a rock, and I would put it in a glass display case. I will love anything that comes from you.” He looked her in the eye and saw reassurance fill her gaze. She nodded and removed herself from his grasp. “But, can i give you your present first, please?”
“Yes! I’d rather that. I honestly had a lot of trouble getting your present because I had NO idea what to get you. Nothing seemed right, to be honest.” Rey admitted as she picked up the small box she had sat under the tree.
“Me too. I don’t know what it was, but nothing seemed right, either.” Relief flooded her gaze as she handed him the box. He picked up the small box that her gift was in and gave it to her. Anxiety filled his stomach, because what if she hated it?
As Rey fiddled with the box, he gave her a nod to signify she could open it.
She lifted the lid and smiled. Her hands gingerly picked up the gift. It was a silver necklace with an “R” engraved. It wasn’t a silly necklace that you would find at Target or Walmart. Rey knew it must have cost a fortune, but in that moment she didn’t care. Upon noticing Ben’s nervous glance, she reassured him.
“Ben, this is beautiful.” At his insecure gaze, she continued her praise. “Ben, I’m serious. I love it. It’s so me. Will you help me put it on?”
“Of course.” Ben took the necklace from her hands and draped it around her neck, then fastened it. It hung perfectly. She turned around to give him a kiss.
“I’m never taking it off.” She smiled as she handed Ben his gift.
“I’m glad, darling.” He took the box from her and gave her a questioning look.
“Go ahead and open it. But do not make fun of me. I am a terrible present buyer.” Rey watched as he took the bow off of the box.
As Ben’s hands gingerly took the top of the box off, his eyes peaked into it curiously.
Inside was a small painting. It depicted teo people, obviously lovers, holding hands as their bodies were intertwined in an embrace. The painting was far from realism; there were bright splashes of color that created the image.
A lump formed in Ben’s throat as he stared at the gift. It was so, intimate . No one had ever took the thought or care to do anything like this. Rey cleared her throat.
“I know you might not be able to tell what it is, but I thought it would be a nice addition.” Rey muttered, eyes glancing away. Ben’s head snapped up in disbelief that Rey might think he didn’t absolutely love it.
“Rey, did you commission someone to paint this?” Ben quietly asked. Rey nodded, confusion lacing her eyes.
“Yes. My friend, Poe, is an art major.” Tears welled in Ben’s eyes.
“Rey, this is-“
“You don’t like it.” Rey said, dejection in her voice. “I’m sorry. I tried really hard to find somethi-“ She was cut off by a kiss from Ben. A sigh left both of their mouths at the touch. Ben gripped her arms and looked her in the eye.
“Rey, I love it.”
“You do?”
“Yes. This is, absolutely beautiful. Nothing can compare to this beautiful, carefully crafted gift. Rey, I have to tell you something.” Ben gestured between the two of them.
“What is it?” Concern sprang into her voice. She focused all her attention on his voice and his words.
“I love you.” Rey gasped as Ben expressed himself. She blinked and launched into his lap; her head fit into the space between his should and neck. After a few moments, she pulled back.
“I love you, too. Ben, I think I always have.” Her voice shook at her confession. A smile appeared on Ben’s face as he made their lips meet once again.
This kiss was different. It wasn’t lustful. It wasn’t comforting. It wasn’t even passionate.
It was intimate. It was the kiss you dreamed about in your sleep. The kiss that was only talked about in story books. It was pure bliss and connectedness. It felt as though everything had locked into place. They felt wanted. Loved.
The rest of their night consisted of confident touches, loving embraces, and absolute relaxation.
As Rey laid her head on Ben’s chest after their shower, she felt at peace. Ben felt the same.
They drifted to sleep, breathing and living in sync.