i twist like a sunflower at the sound of your voice
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It’s only been a year, really two, but his heart’s beating so fast and his breathing’s funny. He wants to look away, look down at his phone or just leave but the person in the front is still turning around and he looks straight at Julian. His mouth closes, and he frowns. Not angry, but Julian can hardly tell, and he just looks like Julian is some strange alien that’s crawled up from the center of the earth.
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Julian meets an old friend that he's tried to forget.
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“So you’re gay now, right?”
They’re lounging in Landon’s apartment after classes. Julian’s sitting on the floor below Landon, staring at the junky TV; they’d spent the last three hours watching modelling shows, even if neither of them knew a thing about fashion. Landon kept insisting that certain patterns and palettes were making or breaking the decisions in outfits, but Julian thought it was just the static interference making things look weird. Either way, all their favorite models lost within the first few episodes.
Julian turns to look at Landon. He’s sprawled out across his couch, one leg propped up on the opposite armrest and the other dangling by the blond’s ear. Pushing at the foot with one hand, Julian irritably says, “Does it matter if I am or not?”
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Julian spends the night at Landon's apartment. They talk about things, watch modelling shows and have a sleepover.
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Landon watches Julian walk away, cigarette held disinterestedly in his left hand.
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Landon smokes and thinks about Julian.
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“I need to tell you something,” he says quietly. Immediately, his mind starts spinning lies to tell Isaiah: ‘My sister’s sick, I failed a test, I don’t know what to get my mother for her birthday.’ Nothing sounds genuine. Sickness wells up in his throat, burning against his skin and making his body shake. This was a mistake, him being like this was a mistake, too cowardly and unusual to be like everyone else.
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Julian has something to tell Isaiah. Emotions make it difficult.
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Only ten minutes or so had passed since they pulled on their winter jackets and left the comfort of their room. Ten bitterly cold minutes that Julian spent in his own thoughts, brooding on what could go wrong on this outing. Perhaps it was simply his mood, but he could not find the spirit to think otherwise. Something like this was in its own field of potentially life-crushing disaster. Despite the fact that there had already been a plethora of assurances from his best friend that it would be fine, and that everyone would enjoy this visit.
Julian stops mid-stride, blinking. Isaiah stops two after. A few feet before them begins the aged brick exterior of a cafe; in front of it, Landon.
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Julian, Landon and Isaiah get coffee and get caught up with one another.
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