April03
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The War of the Malfoys by MissiAmphetamine (Kaleidoscope)
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
16 Feb 2026
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Summary
When a pandemic of Runespoor Fever sweeps through the wizarding world at the end of 2003, leaving a full quarter of its victims infertile, the International Confederation of Wizards takes drastic action. A marriage and reproductive law is enacted, throwing the wizarding world into upheaval.
Lightly inspired by the 1989 film The War of the Roses, (but without the animal death,) and our own recent pandemic.
She was wearing one of her neat, buttoned-up outfits as always; brown herringbone trousers and a silky cream blouse that covered her from throat to wrist, her hair braided around her head but not quite as neat as usual. He stopped several feet from her and frowned. “Why do you smell of smoke, Granger?”
“Does it really matter, Malfoy?” She skewered him with a glare, arms folding across her chest. “Perhaps I took up smoking.”
“And did you?”
She gave him an ‘are you mad?’ look. “No, I burnt down my office,” she said exasperatedly, as if it should’ve been obvious, and he tried to refrain from giving her an ‘are you mad?’ look in return.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 365,318
- Chapters:
- 47/47
- Comments:
- 4,751
- Kudos:
- 3,247
- Bookmarks:
- 1,677
- Hits:
- 242,620
Bookmarked by April03
14 Jun 2026
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Summary
It’s 2008 and Draco Malfoy is a secret assassin. It's legitimate - he gets paid for it, and some higher ups in the Ministry (probably?) know he’s out there… killing people. He’s quite good, but that tracks with his dubious accounting of rights and wrongs and his penchant for self-preservation. During his downtime he does a great job of acting like a pureblood in penance... mostly by drinking and shagging his way into oblivion.
This double life helps to numb Draco to the constant feelings of shame and guilt from his formative years in which he was an utter cunt- but everything is upended when his team (assassins can have coworkers, alright?) dies in action and he does not. Suspended and forced to go to therapy, Draco is adrift.
When Hermione Granger re-enters the fray, their hateful relationship that was once fraught with swotty bickering (erm, and the occasional slur) is suddenly tense in a very different way.
How will these two come together? How often will Theo say something terribly charming? Do we hate Ron or is Ron just, meh? Oh, and what’s going on with that one murderous witch who’s out to kill them all (forgot to mention that part…)?
Find out all this and more in: A HARD ROW TO HOE!
Series
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 250,248
- Chapters:
- 30/30
- Collections:
- 11
- Comments:
- 2,891
- Kudos:
- 7,118
- Bookmarks:
- 4,207
- Hits:
- 500,065
Bookmarked by April03
10 Sep 2025
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Summary
Three years have passed since Voldemort was defeated. Hermione Granger has forsaken magic in search of a quiet life in London, trying to run from the trauma that plagues her heart. The few Death Eaters who escaped prosecution have been forced underground, angry and volatile.
The Death Eaters want to finish what their leader started. When an accidental spell links Hermione’s life force with theirs, she becomes their greatest weakness. The Death Eaters imprison her at the Malfoy Manor, intent on keeping Hermione away from anyone who might want to use her to strike the last of Voldemort’s followers from the planet.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 85,938
- Chapters:
- 22/22
- Collections:
- 2
- Comments:
- 289
- Kudos:
- 988
- Bookmarks:
- 438
- Hits:
- 36,075
Bookmarked by April03
06 Jul 2025
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Summary
After years, Lucius Malfoy thought he could have a peaceful life, alone. He learned how to take care of himself, found comfort in the small things, and then Minister for Magic Kingsley Shacklebolt signs the Pureblood Marriage Law. Lucius is suddenly drawn back into the world, this time with a sly, seditious wife he did not ask for. The allure of the chaos of his past, and the fact Lady Malfoy wants to overthrow the government, is far too tempting to ignore. Maybe old dogs can learn new tricks, after all.
My first and only attempt on the Marriage Law trope. Slow burn, lots of political maneuvering, and Lucius Malfoy being a god of sex.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 221,870
- Chapters:
- 12/12
- Comments:
- 565
- Kudos:
- 1,833
- Bookmarks:
- 619
- Hits:
- 71,934
Bookmarked by April03
02 Jul 2024
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Summary
The owl appeared late at night and left just as suddenly, he recognised the handwriting immediately and ripped open the envelope.
She is yours.
If something happens to us, I want you to hide her. Name her Hermione, for she will have my last libation before I sleep and be the messenger of dreamers.
Moony and Mary know.Three words. Three words that forever changed the course of the war.
Series
- Part 1 of The Missing Sister
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 652,975
- Chapters:
- 75/75
- Collections:
- 6
- Comments:
- 4,597
- Kudos:
- 15,624
- Bookmarks:
- 6,236
- Hits:
- 1,448,883
Bookmarked by April03
08 Jun 2024