Couldebegayer



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    The pounding on the door is what jolts Shane awake. Instinctively he tries to jump to his feet and rush to get it, but a heavy weight around his torso and on top of his legs prevents him from moving. As consciousness slowly returns to him, breaking through the haze of his hangover—and possible still-drunken state—he realizes that he is being held by Rozanov.

    “Shane Hollander, open the door, now!”

    “Oh my god, oh my fucking god. Jesus fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fucking hell. That is my fucking mother.”

    OR

    After getting drunk at the 2016 NHL Awards, Shane Hollander wakes up married to Ilya Rozanov

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    21 Jun 2026

  2. Public Bookmark *

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    Tweet by @OttawaCentaursOfficial
    March 1, 2022

    You asked, we…did something slightly different. Tune into our Instagram starting next week for Centaurs on Centaurs, a brand new series of short episodes where you’ll get to see your favorite hockey players interview each other!

    Or, the Ottawa Centaurs' version of Actors on Actors.

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    21 Jun 2026

  3. Public Bookmark *

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    “If you ever talk about my fiancé like that again, then I will end your career.”

    The words are pure vitriol, dripping from Shane’s mouth like venom from the fangs of a snake. He doesn’t raise his voice, he doesn’t even sound angry, he just sounds lethal. Like a man you don’t want to cross. Like a man who fully intends to honour his promise…or threat.

    He’s met with stunned silence.

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    20 Jun 2026

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    Ilya Rozanov is in love, closeted, catastrophically lonely, and apparently incapable of referring to Shane Hollander in present tense.

    The Centaurs come to a- given the circumstances- reasonable conclusion.

    Or:
    Five times the Centaurs thought Ilya Rozanov was mourning his dead wife, and the one time they discovered his wife was actually Shane Hollander.
    Shane, for the record, is alive and really confused.

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    20 Jun 2026

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    Haley
    Hi Shane! Just messaging about our heater again. Do you think we could get it fixed today?
    Shane
    So sorry for the late reply, Haley! I’m at the Olympics and my time zones are all messed up. Messaged my HVAC guy and he’ll be there in the morning.

    Haley
    screenshot.jpg
    Wtf?
    Katie
    Is this guy fr???

    Or: the trials and tribulations of renting from Shane Hollander.

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    20 Jun 2026