Emella
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Summary
If Dean's honest, his life is pretty much a chick flick, at this point, and it’s fucking awesome. Seriously. And Dean’s been getting better at letting go of that Chuck Norris fantasy he had as a kid, uses his spare change to buy silly socks and skinny jeans and his Kiss the Cook! apron, which ain’t stuff his dad would have let him wear in a million years. He cooks dinner and lunch and he’s a neat-freak about his kitchen, and he’s become the kind of guy who nags Jack about wearing a jacket when he goes outside, so maybe he’s not much like what a man ought to be, either.
(or: dean and gender)
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- Words:
- 53,694
- Works:
- 3
- Bookmarks:
- 241
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Summary
The five seconds before Dean's fully awake are the best moments of his day. In that quiet space between sleep and wakefulness, when dreams are still clinging to the edges of his mind and all he feels is the soft mattress and the warm sheets, he can pretend that everything is fine. That when he opens his eyes and stretches himself awake—joints popping, bones cracking—there'll be someone waiting for him in the kitchen with a hot cup of coffee and an off-center smile.
It's only five seconds. A handful of heartbeats. One painful inhalation and exhale. The blink of grit from his eyes.
Not nearly enough time before it hits him all over again.
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Cas wakes up on the coast of Maine. He makes his way home.
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Getting used to Heaven is something of a marvel. It ain't perfect, and Dean thinks he'd hate it if it was, which is probably why it isn't.
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"You don't understand," Dean whispers, exhaling shakily. "I know you don't, because even I don't. The instant you were gone, I wanted you back. Cas, I wanted you back. I wanted—I wanted—"
Cas stares at him, searching his face. After a moment, his own face falls slack, eyes widening just so. "Oh," he breathes out.
Dean wants to be furious that Cas has figured it out before he has—whatever it is—but he's not even that surprised. Cas knows him too well, always has, even more than Dean knows himself. He's been kicking Dean in the goddamn teeth with how deeply he understands him, even about the things Dean doesn't, ever since they first met. You don't think you deserve to be saved, that's what Cas had said. All bundled up in impossibilities and power, this being that looked at Dean Winchester and knew every single inch of him, as if he had a right to each part.
"What?" Dean grits out.
"I love you, too."