PatentlyAbsurd



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  1. Public Bookmark *

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    Shane had told his manager, verbatim, that he “trusts her judgment” to pick the opener for his first ever world tour.

    Her “judgment” shows up to soundcheck with a parking ticket in his hand and a crimson hickey on his neck. Her “judgment” is Russian DJ, Ilya Rozanov.

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    5/5
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    29 Jun 2026

  2. Public Bookmark *

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    ---
    "You do realise half of our fans want to fuck you?" Shane exhaled, watching the fireflies dance in the evening sky. Ilya shrugged.
    "They want to fuck all of us, that's how it works. What, do you think they don't want to fuck you?" He lowered his voice, teasing him. "Because I read some interesting things on Twitter."
    "Shut up."
    "You are very popular with the girls. Good boy, bass player, good looks, gentleman, probably they think you are a beast in bed."
    ---

    Shane Hollander is the goody-two-shoes Canadian bassist of Ice Crawlers. Ilya Rozanov is their loud Russian drummer. As the band reaches unprecedented levels of success and fame in the early 2010's, these two can't stay away from each other - even though the last thing their careers need is a sexual scandal between two of the most popular rock stars of their time.

    Rockband AU!

    If you're like me and Hollanov hit you the same way Larry Stylinson did when you were 12, good luck and have fun.

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    English
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    315,662
    Chapters:
    27/35
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    30 May 2026

  3. Public Bookmark *

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    In which Ilya comes back to room fourteen ten.

     

    Canon divergent from, and following directly after, s01e01 when Ilya leaves Shane's hotel room. Contains Ilya being a provocative dick, Shane being unable to resist rising (ha) to it, too much discussion of chicken, some David Attenborough, Shane negotiating his feelings and interpersonal relationships with all his classic suavity and skill, and as much sex as two nineteen year old professional athletes can fit into one evening.

    Language:
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    1/1
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    22 May 2026

  4. Public Bookmark *

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    Ilya is not going to steal Shane Hollander's dog. That would be illegal. And wrong. And someone would probably find out and make Ilya give him back.

    So. Not stealing.

    But there is nothing wrong with giving Chernysh all the pats and treats that he deserves, is there?

    Nothing wrong with encouraging Chernysh to spend more and more time at Ilya's house until he doesn't even remember who Hollander is.

    Because Hollander is stupid and boring and does not deserve a dog as good as Chernysh. No, he doesn't, does he? Because Chernysh is the best boy in the whole world, yes he is.

    Language:
    English
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    Chapters:
    4/4
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    22 May 2026

  5. Public Bookmark 45

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    07 May 2026