YellowMustard
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Summary
“...Mr Teach?”
“Mm-hm. Says right here, the substitute that covered your class yesterday was an Ed Teach.”
Stede laughs out loud.
“You mean to tell me,” he says, “that the substitute’s full, government name was Education Teach?”
“Edward, I’d expect,” says Lucius, giving Stede a look ordinarily reserved for the particularly dim-witted.
(Or: Stede has taken one day off. ONE. His classroom is a complete disaster. Who the fuck IS this Ed Teach? He can suck eggs in hell, as far as Stede is concerned. A modern-day enemies-to-lovers teacher AU, because the author is deeply self-indulgent and needed it to happen)
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Podfic of "Stede's Very Bad, Unacceptable, Abonimable Day" by unencryptid by Temporal_discounting, YellowMustard
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
18 Jun 2026
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Summary
Stede is in the middle of calculating how many days of hiding in his cabin it will take before he shows his face on deck when he hears the soft whisper of bare feet on the sand.
Ed comes into view, regarding Stede with a look of such fond concern that Stede can feel his bottom lip wobble treacherously. “Oh, sweetheart,” Ed tuts. “You look miserable.”
Blinking back tears, Stede musters up a weak smile. “I am feeling rather poorly, if you must know.”
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Through entirely no fault of his own, Stede gets a sunburn.
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Summary
Our saltwater solution reduces gravity’s pull by over 80%, ensuring you'll effortlessly stay afloat! We keep the water at a steady 36 degrees—matching your skin’s temperature. This blend of weightlessness and warmth blurs the lines between your body and the water, as your nerves can’t tell where you end and the surrounding environment begins.
Weightlessness. Yeah. If anything’s gonna be Ed’s cure-all, it’s gotta be weightlessness, right?
Ed’s carried around weight for most of his life. He’s tired. His muscles ache. His joints are all ground down to dust.
Also - the word solution is right there. Which proves it.
This is it. This is Ed’s solution.
(Or: Ed's on a wellness journey for his fuckass brain. It's not going great. The guy at the float tank place is being way too nice about it. Please mind the tags!)
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Summary
Ed jerks his head in the direction of the couch in the nearby waiting nook, and prepares himself for impending disaster.
The impending disaster follows. Eagerly.
“I’ve organized everything chronologically,” he says, setting the overstuffed briefcase down and thumbing through some of the piles. “But I can, of course, rearrange the presentation order based on your personal preferences! Alphabetically? Most-to-least amusing? Oh! Or a mystery draw - just pick a random folder without looking! That could be fun, couldn’t it?”
Somewhere, deep in Ed’s soul, a very tiny, very tired voice goes: there is something deeply wrong with you as a man, Ed. You’re into this. Don’t even try to fucking deny it.
(Or: Stede Bonnet is getting his first tattoo. Maybe. If Ed is able to rifle through Stede's entire briefcase of ideas and pro/con lists and flow charts and excel spreadsheets, and figure out what he actually wants. Which might take some time. A Reverse Big Bang 2025 fic with art by bbyteach!)
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Summary
“Shhh,” Ed says, though who he’s shushing, Stede has no idea. His head lolls helplessly, and he lurches forward into Stede’s arms like a sack of sexy, drunk potatoes. “Shhhhhh, s’late.”
“It is,” Stede agrees, amused. “Did you have a good time?”
“Mm. We stayed in. Fang made old fashioneds.”
“You hate old fashioneds.”
“Made old fashioneds for him,” Ed clarifies, his voice slack against Stede’s neck. “For me, he made. Uhh. This thing with, like. Birthday cake vodka?”
“Sounds yummy. What were the other ingredients?”
Ed loosens himself from the embrace, teetering backwards to squint at Stede.
“What other ingredients?” he slurs.
(Or: Ed comes home plastered. Stede has a few moral reservations about giving him what he asks for. A modern era two-shot about communication, vulnerability, consent and birthday cake vodka. It's mostly drunk sex. Happy birthday, SD!)
Recent series
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Podfuckery 2024 by 1happydaiz, adhduck, Baby_kraken, bizarrelittlemew, caribbeancrocs, cheesecake3, cheesecake3pods (cheesecake3), ClaireGregory, cochineal, darcylindbergh, Deanbird, depressionrobe, elky, emi_rose, fullofhope137, Gemagination, ghostalservice, happydaiz_pod (1happydaiz), Judysoranges, Kninjaknitter, littlefingies, LoopyDangerFrog, LyndziM, nomadsland, offsammich, Permanent_Ink, petrichorca, PilotPiratePods, SD_Ryan, shipmates, smallestchurch, Tipsy_Kitty, tragicallynerdy, veeagainst, with (cheesecake3), with (Tipsy_Kitty), xoxoemynn, YellowMustard, yerbamansa, Yourgentlemanpirate
Fandom Our Flag Means Death (TV)
01 Jan 2025
Summary
It's a PODFUCKERY!
a group of authors have all taken the same beginning and end of a story and filled in their own delicious middles.... and they don't know who's going to be narrating them!
A group of podficcers have each been given a story to narrate.... and they don't know who wrote them!
Join us through the month of December as we take a journey through nearly 40 different creators!
Hosted by 1happydaiz, BabyKraken, and ghostalservice!
- Words:
- 31,394
- Works:
- 21
- Bookmarks:
- 12
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- Words:
- 26,290
- Works:
- 2
- Bookmarks:
- 10
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- Words:
- 9,845
- Works:
- 2
- Bookmarks:
- 16
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Wordplay by YellowMustard
Fandom Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
27 Sep 2023
- Words:
- 19,321
- Works:
- 3
- Bookmarks:
- 42
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- Words:
- 12,696
- Works:
- 2
- Bookmarks:
- 20
Recent bookmarks
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Summary
They’re in bed early. The sun has only just set, but they had an early dinner, and they went for a swim, so they’re both tired. Ed, especially, his eyes fluttering open and closed. He looks, bare against their sheets, like he’s melting straight into them. They’re a little drunk on wine, which is not at all a bad thing to be.
Bookmarked by YellowMustard
02 Jul 2026
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Skin to Skin by hoko_onchi for St_Lispenard
Fandoms: Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
26 Dec 2025
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Summary
Ilya’s eyebrows raise. “This is a thing you want? For me to come inside you?”
“Yeah—yeah.” Shane clears his throat. “It’s hot. Isn’t it?”
“Can you not decide whether bare cock in your ass is hot?”
“Fuck you. See if I let you—”
Ilya takes Shane’s hand and presses a quiet kiss to his wrist, then the center of his palm. “You will let me.”
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Or: Shane asks Ilya to fuck him without a condom.
Series
- Part 1 of The Cottage
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,836
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 140
- Kudos:
- 6,124
- Bookmarks:
- 1,095
- Hits:
- 60,082
Bookmarked by YellowMustard
09 Apr 2026
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Fucked to Death by the Gentleman Pirate - A Love Story by ingydar
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
04 Mar 2026
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Summary
Back in the day, this is where sex would end. With Ed, it’s different. All things are, to be fair. Friendship, affection, romance, love, sex. Completely different from the way Stede has come to know those things. Where love used to be a task, this comes easy.
Bookmarked by YellowMustard
05 Mar 2026
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ride it out, hollander by rumraisinnnn
Fandoms: Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid, Heated Rivalry (TV)
23 Jul 2025
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Summary
The Ottawa Centaurs go to a bar after a game. There happens to a be a mechanical bull, and everyone puts money on who can last the longest on it. Everyone underestimates just how experienced Shane is at riding.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,478
- Chapters:
- 2/2
- Comments:
- 413
- Kudos:
- 26,560
- Bookmarks:
- 3,610
- Hits:
- 199,659
Bookmarked by YellowMustard
07 Feb 2026
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Just Can't Get Enough by oatmilktruther for anathxmadevice
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
26 Jan 2026
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Summary
Ed should know better.
Does know better, did know better.
Did know, when him and Stede were kissing-turned-making-out-turned-not-so-dry-humping, and he said, "Oh, you poor, needy thing, you," when he gave Ed that particular smile, the one hiding the razor glint of his canines, when he said, "Do you need to come?"
Ed absofuckinglutely knew it was a trap, and probably not a fun one.
So of course he said yes.
Bookmarked by YellowMustard
26 Jan 2026