dscchrd



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    “If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?” Quickly, Ilya adds, “Don’t say that you want to know if you win the Cup.”

    “Why not? What if that’s my answer?”

    “Is so boring, Hollander. Of course you want to know this. But Ilya Rozanov and Boston Raiders exist in this world, so crystal ball says, so sad, but no.”

    “Fuck off. What are these questions even for, anyway? Are you interviewing me for something? Wouldn’t you have to, like, tell me if you were?”

    Ilya is quick to assure Hollander before his paranoia takes him right out of this phone call. “It is not for interview, Hollander. I am just wondering. Answer the question.”

    “And I can’t say that I would want to know whether I win the Cup.”

    “Yes, other than that.”

    “I guess… I guess I would want to know, like, am I happy?”

     


     
    Ilya reads an article about 36 questions that are supposed to make people fall in love. He decides to ask them to Shane.

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    25 Jul 2026

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    Ilya and Shane are broke roommates, until Ilya discovers streaming and starts making bank jerking off for the viewers
    Naturally, he offers his good friend Shane a chance at making money the same way
    And if they touch each other a little it’s only because of the tips, not because they are into each other

    ~~~~~~

    Shane and Ilya are both completely straight here
    #ISwearrr

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    14 Jul 2026

  3. Public Bookmark *

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    Then like an anomaly in one of his datasets, a green OPEN tag appears next to one of the restaurants. Shane squints his eyes, having difficulty seeing properly without his glasses.

    Irina's Kitchen
    4.02 stars
    3 reviews

    Shane doesn't bother reading them. He taps on the website and waits for it to load. Only to be met with error.

    Sighing he exits the page and keeps on scrolling. Nothing that is open catches his interest and the rest are closed. He's wondering how stale celery would taste dipped in pickle juice when his eyes land on Irina's Kitchen once more.

    There's a phone number under the address. Shane bites his lower lip and wonders if he should call.

    A woman with an accented voice picks up after the 5th ring.

    “Hello?”

    “Uh, hey, are you guys still open?”

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    10 Jul 2026

  4. Public Bookmark *

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    Ilya Rozanov is happier than he’s ever been and it’s all due to Jane. And yet, for some reason that Cliff can’t fathom, he refuses to propose to her. Cliff’s had enough. Rozy is going to buy a ring today.

    Cue Ilya buying a men’s engagement ring.

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    09 Jul 2026

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    “Hollander,” Ilya replied stiffly, trying his best to school his tone. “You never call me.”

    “I need–nngh–“ he panted out.

    Ilya froze, all of the questions in his head like “What are you doing?” and “Why are you calling me?” and “Why haven’t we spoken in so long?” immediately dissipating because that didn’t matter, not when it sounded like–

    “Are…are you touching yourself, Hollander?” Ilya asked, voice dropping low.

    “N-no,” Shane whimpered and fuck he missed hearing him like this. His thready breaths alone made Ilya grab at his sheets, his dick immediately perking up in interest. “I’m not–I’m not touching. I’m–fuck–”

    “You’re what?” Ilya demanded. “Finish the sentence.”

    “I’m humping a pillow.” The admission hung heavy in the air, and for a split second, Ilya lost all ability to speak.

    Shane Hollander wakes up with a vagina and can't get himself off. He calls the one person who can help him.

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    08 Jul 2026