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Tea Towels and Other Weapons of Courtship by sportfucker (SportFucker)
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
26 Apr 2025
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Summary
Draco Malfoy thinks he's courting Hermione Granger.
Hermione Granger thinks Draco Malfoy is experiencing a very slow, very polite breakdown.
Nothing about this is graceful.
They're both doing it anyway.Expect:
-missed signals
-disaster courtship rituals
-deeply amused Slytherins
-Ginny Weasley gives dating advice
-a tea towel that counts as an act of war
-"this is fine" energy
-Hermione Granger, missing every signal
-Draco Malfoy, sending them like distress signals from a sinking ship
-nothing, absolutely nothing, remotely gracefulChallenge: April Showers Bring May Flowers
Aster:
Patience, elegance
Required Tag: Cultural Misunderstandings or Slow Burn- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 21,000
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 121
- Kudos:
- 1,381
- Bookmarks:
- 395
- Hits:
- 17,827
Bookmarked by firstsecond
22 Jun 2025
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Summary
He’d been here before, somehow. With her. His mind, that was always moving, slowed.
Draco met her eyes and Granger looked as confused as he felt but they kept dancing. He closed his eyes. He felt the magic that was bursting inside him at all moments start to alleviate, leaving him not hollow, but right. Everything started to become in its right place. He felt delirious. He felt warm as if cradled by the light that was flashing behind his eyes.
***
Subversion of the Veela trope. What if the Veela's mate felt the bond before the Veela? Draco has been overwhelmed with magic and emotions and he doesn't know why.Series
- Part 3 of Draco is a Veela and he loves Hermione
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 10,107
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 3
- Comments:
- 46
- Kudos:
- 1,113
- Bookmarks:
- 143
- Hits:
- 14,943
Bookmarked by firstsecond
20 Jun 2025
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there's always a straight way to the point by b_lovedhunter
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
21 Oct 2023
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Summary
Hermione becomes an Animagus just in time for the start of her 8th year. Surprise. She's a cat. While roaming Hogwarts, she comes across a very distressed Draco Malfoy. Against her better judgement, she decides to comfort him.
It turns out Draco is a cat person.
****
“Granger came to find me in the library today.”
She stopped purring.
He kept stroking her absently. “She said she forgives me. I don’t know how or why, but she does,” He sighed deeply. “I believe her. Maybe you’ll meet her one day. She has a lot of wild hair and she’s a swotty, annoying sort–”
WELL.
“But she’s good. She’s good, and brilliant. Pretty too. She’s always been all of that, even when she had rather large teeth.”
Well.
“Don’t worry, love. Not as pretty as you.”- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 13,168
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 10
- Comments:
- 307
- Kudos:
- 4,466
- Bookmarks:
- 1,005
- Hits:
- 51,035
Bookmarked by firstsecond
19 Jun 2025
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Summary
“I’m joking. Merlin, you’re wild.”
She sneered. “Are you going to compare me to a wild animal because I’m a Mudblood now, Malfoy?”
Malfoy continued to polish the cauldron in front of him. “Not because you’re a Mudblood.”
She listened to the scrape of the cloth against the cast iron, round and round. He set it aside, leaned forward.
“No, at this point you’re just an animal, nowhere close to human.”
This time when she leapt for him, he was ready.or, a no Voldermort AU where Hermione is isolated, angry, and ready to draw blood. No one sets her off more than Draco Malfoy does. She has his attention and eventually his father's attention.
Series
- Part 4 of Tales of the Morally Grey for Charingfae
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 14,798
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 98
- Kudos:
- 602
- Bookmarks:
- 152
- Hits:
- 12,747
Bookmarked by firstsecond
19 Jun 2025
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AITA for being "obsessed" with my childhood nemesis? by RainstormRadish for beta_vulgaris
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
14 Nov 2023
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Summary
Alrakis • I [24M] attended a small boarding school in the UK. There was a boy in my year, a couple of months younger than me, and he became my nemesis after we developed an intense rivalry. My friend [25F] told me recently that our dynamic was "weird back then" and that "it’s even weirder" that I still think about him today. She argued that I talk about him all the time, but I believe the amount I talk about him is reasonable. AITA?
prongymcprongface • i completely get what you mean. i had a nemesis (like a school one, separate to my other nemesis) and we had a dynamic super similar to what you are describing. having a nemesis is a very cool and normal thing dw about it. NTA
In which Draco asks the internet if he's being reasonable. Only one commenter is sympathetic. They start talking.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 4,289
- Chapters:
- 3/3
- Comments:
- 1,332
- Kudos:
- 8,330
- Bookmarks:
- 1,632
- Hits:
- 44,376
Bookmarked by firstsecond
19 Jun 2025
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Ungentlemanly Warfare by RainstormRadish for Dreadful_Pears
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
04 Dec 2023
Tags
Summary
Aurors Malfoy and Granger are on protective detail for the Minister and his wife as they make a series of appearances over the festive season. The best way to liven up the long and boring shifts? Challenge your colleague to a magical prank war. But in the heat of battle, anything can happen.
Featuring weaponised Christmas songs, magical topiary, and Minister Percy Weasley and his wife Pansy, who are desperate for some alone time.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 7,651
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 45
- Kudos:
- 443
- Bookmarks:
- 84
- Hits:
- 5,160
Bookmarked by firstsecond
19 Jun 2025
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Follow the Butterflies by RainstormRadish for nanneramma
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
12 Nov 2023
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Summary
There is a visitor. A new beast in the Forest. It has four legs, like the centaurs, but it’s unlike anything Aragog has ever sensed. Cold, metallic, clanging. Few dare to venture deep enough into the Forest to reach Aragog’s lair, and those who do creep and hide, avoiding the Acromantula. The visitor makes no effort to be stealthy. It tramples through the undergrowth, loud and unapologetic. Foolhardy. Reckless. Intriguing.
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Summary
Sometime after the Battle of Hogwarts, Hermione wakes up with a mark on her wrist she can't remove.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 5,763
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 2
- Comments:
- 66
- Kudos:
- 1,090
- Bookmarks:
- 152
- Hits:
- 10,483
Bookmarked by firstsecond
17 Jun 2025
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Believe Me, There's a Better Frankenstein For You To Bride by Chash
Fandoms: The 100 (TV)
02 Jul 2016
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Summary
Two weeks before her wedding, Clarke finds out her fiance is cheating on her. Weirdly, it wouldn't be that much of a problem, except that it's her job to give people relationship advice, and screwing up her own relationship this hard could reflect poorly on her.
So she figures she can just marry someone else. That works, right?
Bookmarked by firstsecond
12 Jun 2025
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Tags
Summary
“I… Neville, I need flowers.”
He frowned and dropped his hands. “Well, I can certainly help you with that. But your letter made it seem like you had a much more dire issue.”
There was no point in keeping anything from Neville.
“Something is wrong with me,” she whispered. “Neville. I wake up hungry and I want to eat flowers. I keep dreaming of being a tree, a flower— vines.”
“...What?”
or, Hermione's concept of love has always been twisted due to her experiences. When she confesses her love to Draco Malfoy, something inside her snaps and she develops an appetite for all the flowers.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 23,868
- Chapters:
- 6/6
- Collections:
- 4
- Comments:
- 128
- Kudos:
- 917
- Bookmarks:
- 264
- Hits:
- 12,149
Bookmarked by firstsecond
11 Jun 2025
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we don't pray for love, we just pray for cars by b_lovedhunter
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
17 Feb 2025
Tags
Summary
Draco more than anything after the war wanted to be left alone. Draco wanted to be a passive observer in his own life. He wanted to watch his friends experience their stupid issues.
He thought he could pull it off.
Then Granger happened to him and hadn’t she always?
or, Hermione Granger is a badass bitch and Draco Malfoy is just along for the ride. Featuring car chases, wandlore, book clubs that aren't really book clubs, a Miata, bad driving, and a hopelessly, pathetically in love boy.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 20,725
- Chapters:
- 3/3
- Collections:
- 3
- Comments:
- 155
- Kudos:
- 672
- Bookmarks:
- 190
- Hits:
- 9,669
Bookmarked by firstsecond
10 Jun 2025
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Tags
Summary
Every living creature is driven by biological urges colloquially known as the Four Fs. Fighting. Feeding. Fucking. And… Flying?
It’s no secret that Hermione Granger has never been a particular fan of Quidditch. But when the Derbyshire Dragons offer her a position as the team’s healer, in return for a blank check for her research, she’s not about to let the attentions of one man derail her, let alone two. No matter how tempting they may be.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 159,257
- Chapters:
- 22/28
- Collections:
- 3
- Comments:
- 932
- Kudos:
- 2,106
- Bookmarks:
- 1,022
- Hits:
- 117,256
Bookmarked by firstsecond
06 Jun 2025
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Summary
No one could argue it wasn't a bit unconventional for an unmated omega to share her flat with an alpha. But Theo’s propensity for wandering into her bedroom uninvited aside, Hermione and Theo have a perfectly workable system in place. Hermione has her heats at the Ministry-run clinic. Theo sneaks off to his mate for his ruts. And their flat is blessedly sexless.
Correction. They had a perfectly workable system.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 81,711
- Chapters:
- 13/13
- Collections:
- 3
- Comments:
- 996
- Kudos:
- 3,508
- Bookmarks:
- 1,060
- Hits:
- 115,528
Bookmarked by firstsecond
04 Jun 2025
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Rule One: Don't Be Afraid by TheAmityElf
Fandoms: Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
08 Jun 2026
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Summary
"It was a day significantly lacking in clouds, so all of them were confined to the house. On the whole, they were at peace. And then Alice gasped, and Edward was treated to a brief barrage of images:
A brown hand tucking a small, dark braid behind the shell of an ear. A slightly uncomfortable smile. An indignant frown. A school classroom. Blood, and entirely too much of it. A tiny, pale hand holding a warm human hand, applying nail polish. And a few more in a similar vein.
It was doubtful that Jasper would much appreciate that Edward had seen his second mate– or flashes of her, anyway –before he had. So, out of respect, Edward sprinted out to the woods, where he could busy himself finding some deer to joylessly exsanguinate until Alice was done explaining her vision."
...
Sadie Gilder is a high school student with a love for psychology, a strong moral compass, and a fair amount of curiosity. She is also Alice and Jasper's foreseen new mate.Series
- Part 5 of Yandere Characters
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 167,477
- Chapters:
- 19/?
- Collections:
- 3
- Comments:
- 785
- Kudos:
- 2,519
- Bookmarks:
- 764
- Hits:
- 132,935
Bookmarked by firstsecond
24 May 2025
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Summary
At first, it's exhausting, but not terrible, working with Johnny. He gets on your nerves all the time at work and always follows you around the store, sort of like an annoying kid brother, but he's handsome and tall so you put up with it.
Then he opens his mouth.
or: the creepy coworker au
Bookmarked by firstsecond
22 May 2025
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Public Bookmark 1224
Mystery Work
Part of Private Ceil
Summary
This is part of an ongoing challenge and will be revealed soon!
Bookmarked by firstsecond
21 May 2025
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Tags
Summary
After the war, Draco Malfoy seeks refuge from infamy in the Muggle world. A friendly Muggle couple takes him under their wing, but there’s a problem: they are intent on setting him up with their best friend, Hermione Granger.
Or, in which the Muggle friends Hermione Granger undoubtedly would have had will not take no for an answer.
Series
- Part 1 of The Meet Your Match Universe
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 121,611
- Chapters:
- 26/26
- Collections:
- 58
- Comments:
- 2,752
- Kudos:
- 22,060
- Bookmarks:
- 9,186
- Hits:
- 1,165,391
Bookmarked by firstsecond
20 May 2025
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Summary
“Alright, Hermione. Tell me what having a work flirt means. It’s no skin off my back whether or not you engage in an office romance with your former bully, but last I checked, you had a boyfriend. One you could anytime flirt with.”
“Draco’s not actually interested in me. He’s engaged to Astoria Greengrass.” It stung a bit to say it out loud, even though it was the inescapable reality. Ginny knew it. Everyone knew it. “It’s just a bit of fun. Makes the work hours go by a little faster. It’s stimulating—intellectually and physically.”
“Physically, eh?” Ginny lifted a cautiously interested brow.
“Well, just in the sense that it makes my heart race a little.” She picked at a fleck of dirt beneath her thumbnail, embarrassed and exposed by Ginny’s persistent line of questioning. “You know, a little…thrilling.”
“Flirting with Draco Malfoy is… thrilling?”
Or, Hermione and Draco are relentless work flirts, because they think it's all they can ever be. They are mistaken.
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Summary
He knows she sees it then, by the way her eyes flare, fixing on the glint of silver.
Pansy had tsked when she’d first seen it, a pejorative “Good lord, Draco” coupled with a bemused, “Merlin, has your mother seen this?” (No, she hasn’t—because the Manor allows for fucking glamours.)
Granger doesn’t tsk or chastise. She stares for a moment then laughs, soft and disbelieving. “Sorry, was that…is your tongue pierced?”
He hums an affirmative, then clicks the barbell against the back of his teeth. “It is indeed.”
---
Or, Draco has a pierced tongue and knows how to use it
Series
- Part 5 of Pierced Draco
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Tags
Summary
In the middle of a war, Hermione is stuck in the middle of nowhere.
With Draco Malfoy.
Without her friends, her magic, or her books, she has only her wits to rely on to survive her plight- to say nothing of her company. They've declared a truce, but somehow Draco keeps slipping past all her defences.Stranded together in the wilderness, Hermione and Draco are in for cold nights, endless snark, bad wine, and some interesting scars.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 39,811
- Chapters:
- 10/10
- Collections:
- 37
- Comments:
- 1,507
- Kudos:
- 16,239
- Bookmarks:
- 4,938
- Hits:
- 345,125
Bookmarked by firstsecond
05 May 2025