mataydood



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  1. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    It happens in an instant.

    Over Ilya’s shoulder, Shane sees the doctor and Wiebe give each other a look, and in a sudden bout of impatient anxiety, Shane ends up saying the words that come to ruin everything.

    “Don’t touch me.”

    The effect is instantaneous. Ilya’s hands fly to his sides, and Shane gets a front row seat as Ilya’s heart breaks before his very eyes. Eyes dimming and lips trembling in slow, painful technicolor.

    It causes Shane’s heart to break, too, and he vows, immediately, never to see such a look cross his husband’s face again.

    OR Shane embarks on a mission to heal his husband’s heart, one PDA at a time.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    39,658
    Chapters:
    5/5
    Comments:
    1,040
    Kudos:
    30,712
    Bookmarks:
    7,525
    Hits:
    509,327

    29 Jun 2026

  2. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    Shane Hollander woke up early on the morning of the MLH Awards. He went for a run. He had lunch with Hayden Pike. He kissed Ilya Rozanov in a bathroom. He fucked Ilya Rozanov in his hotel room.

    Shane Hollander woke up early on the morning of the MLH Awards.

    Again. And again. And again.

    (Shane relives the 2014 MLH Awards over and over again. Alternative title: Shane Hollander learns to ask for what he wants.)

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    46,125
    Chapters:
    27/27
    Comments:
    1,105
    Kudos:
    1,444
    Bookmarks:
    364
    Hits:
    30,055

    26 Jun 2026

  3. Public Bookmark 41

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    Summary

    Shane Hollander knew that this thing he had with Ilya Rozanov couldn’t last. There were a thousand reasons why he should walk away and never look back. But maybe hope was enough of a reason to stay. And maybe he wasn’t the only one hoping they could be something more than what they were.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    55,889
    Chapters:
    12/12
    Comments:
    3
    Kudos:
    88
    Bookmarks:
    41
    Hits:
    2,490

    24 Jun 2026

  4. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    This thing that they have—whatever the hell it is—it’s good. It’s easy. It feels like the only thing keeping Ilya afloat sometimes.

    He can’t let it get to a place where it’s more than just a good, convenient fuck and some fun teasing in between. Even if sometimes, in brief moments of tenderness, it already feels like it’s more than that. Or at least like it’s something that can be, if they just let it.

    But they don’t. They can’t.

    Although sometimes, Ilya does find himself giving in to the urge to look at Shane just a little bit longer, to let his touch be just a little bit gentler, more reverent, than what it would be for something as casual as they claim this to be—albeit sparingly.

    Sometimes, just for a moment, he lets himself indulge. He lets some of that affection bleed out of him because he feels like he’ll implode if he doesn’t.

    But he always catches himself before it can linger.

    ***

    or

    where six months of ghosting is shane’s final straw and he cuts contact with ilya after vegas, tired of the wall that just keeps getting higher each time he tries to chip away at it

    so ilya is forced to reckon with his feelings much sooner

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    43,487
    Chapters:
    8/8
    Comments:
    389
    Kudos:
    1,921
    Bookmarks:
    713
    Hits:
    49,475

    24 Jun 2026

  5. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    Shane Hollander is the sweet, loyal, quiet househusband omega. His beta husband can't get him pregnant, so he turns to a porn star for help. He discovers he likes a bit of real domination, especially on camera. Over time, their casual arrangement becomes more and more intimate, until they can't deny it any longer ...

    The smut is a vehicle for feels.

    ***

    Fic complete!

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    158,224
    Chapters:
    31/31
    Comments:
    1,758
    Kudos:
    1,685
    Bookmarks:
    457
    Hits:
    69,240

    20 Jun 2026