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Where The Duck Is Minerva McGonagall? by Rogue_Roxy
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
28 Jul 2025
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Summary
Welcome to a somewhat serious inquiry into the whereabouts of a very sneaky witch.
Hermione Granger (badass Auror working for MACUSA) has been summoned back to Britain by Kingsley Shacklebolt to help with an investigation. Of course, Hermione agrees; working with Harry again is going to be so much fun… only, it turns out that Harry is unavailable, and unfortunately, she gets stuck with Draco Malfoy.
Warnings:
- Hold onto your gold; there is a Niffler in this story.
- Draco Malfoy reserves the right to cast Aguamentis at hair he deems offensive.
- Whatever is said in the Cave of Plunderous Intent, stays in the Cave of Plunderous Intent.
- Approach any wine provided by the Icelandic Legend Erla with extreme caution.- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 160,702
- Chapters:
- 26/26
- Collections:
- 10
- Comments:
- 1,920
- Kudos:
- 4,974
- Bookmarks:
- 2,187
- Hits:
- 256,261
Bookmarked by monibq
05 Jun 2026
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Summary
It’s 2008 and Draco Malfoy is a secret assassin. It's legitimate - he gets paid for it, and some higher ups in the Ministry (probably?) know he’s out there… killing people. He’s quite good, but that tracks with his dubious accounting of rights and wrongs and his penchant for self-preservation. During his downtime he does a great job of acting like a pureblood in penance... mostly by drinking and shagging his way into oblivion.
This double life helps to numb Draco to the constant feelings of shame and guilt from his formative years in which he was an utter cunt- but everything is upended when his team (assassins can have coworkers, alright?) dies in action and he does not. Suspended and forced to go to therapy, Draco is adrift.
When Hermione Granger re-enters the fray, their hateful relationship that was once fraught with swotty bickering (erm, and the occasional slur) is suddenly tense in a very different way.
How will these two come together? How often will Theo say something terribly charming? Do we hate Ron or is Ron just, meh? Oh, and what’s going on with that one murderous witch who’s out to kill them all (forgot to mention that part…)?
Find out all this and more in: A HARD ROW TO HOE!
Series
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 250,248
- Chapters:
- 30/30
- Collections:
- 11
- Comments:
- 2,901
- Kudos:
- 7,154
- Bookmarks:
- 4,231
- Hits:
- 503,326
Bookmarked by monibq
15 May 2026
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Summary
During his brief stint as a prisoner of the Order, Draco Malfoy notices that Hermione doesn't look to be doing too well. He had always assumed that, given her brilliant mind and gentle nature, those on her side would ensure she is taken care of. Evidently not. Must he really do everything himself?
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OR: Dark Draco decides he'd rather like to keep the pretty Healer for himself, since it seems no one else can take proper care of her.
A story about love and power.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 128,107
- Chapters:
- 34/34
- Comments:
- 7,518
- Kudos:
- 21,421
- Bookmarks:
- 7,084
- Hits:
- 974,996
Bookmarked by monibq
16 Apr 2026
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Summary
Hermione is familiar with fighting: for respect, for attention, for justice. She’s even made a career of it; working on behalf of creatures and beings. But her battle against the Ministry’s marriage law is one she loses. Badly. And now, she has to contend with not only public derision and patriarchal politics, but her growing feelings for her government-mandated spouse.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 67,209
- Chapters:
- 14/14
- Collections:
- 5
- Comments:
- 2,854
- Kudos:
- 16,309
- Bookmarks:
- 5,362
- Hits:
- 587,717
Bookmarked by monibq
14 Apr 2026
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Summary
In the middle of a war, Hermione is stuck in the middle of nowhere.
With Draco Malfoy.
Without her friends, her magic, or her books, she has only her wits to rely on to survive her plight- to say nothing of her company. They've declared a truce, but somehow Draco keeps slipping past all her defences.Stranded together in the wilderness, Hermione and Draco are in for cold nights, endless snark, bad wine, and some interesting scars.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 39,811
- Chapters:
- 10/10
- Collections:
- 37
- Comments:
- 1,490
- Kudos:
- 16,132
- Bookmarks:
- 4,913
- Hits:
- 342,682
Bookmarked by monibq
21 Oct 2025