paintwater



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  1. Public Bookmark *

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    God, Shane wants. Shane wants so much that it hurts, makes his whole body ache with emptiness, and what he wants more than anything after to be held and pushed into – by Rozanov – is to listen and submit – to Rozanov. He wants Rozanov, and it should be scary, but all he feels right now is a want, an impenetrable need that makes him swallow around glass shards stuck in his throat and slowly put his palms flush on the floor in front of his knees, watching Rozanov like he’s in a trance.

    or, being the best might be starting to take its toll on Shane, and Ilya knows how to help

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    28 Jun 2026

  2. Public Bookmark *

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    Yuna Hollander stares at the diamond engagement ring in slight horror as her husband laughs silently next to her on the couch. Her five year old son stares back at her with his doe eyes on her other side.

    “I'm sorry, sweetie,” she asks as calmly as possible, “did you say a boy gave this to you?”

    Or, a near lifetime from Yuna's eyes.

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    28 Jun 2026

  3. Rec *

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    There’s something else troubling Shane now, Ilya knows. He can wait; with Shane’s weight on his front, his face so close to his own, and the sun setting, he can wait forever. “You think she’d like me? If she’d met me?”

    The weight is still on his front, their faces are still close, the sun is still setting. There’s a new weight now; Mama’s cross, suddenly so heavy that he thinks he’s having trouble breathing, although that cannot be true. He doesn’t need to think about it, and he knows what he should say, knows the answer that would keep that hopeful glimmer present in Shane’s big, blinking eyes. But he also knows that Shane would see right through him. And they promised not to lie, not here.

    So, Ilya does. “I don’t know,” he whispers, barely whispers, and the admission burns his throat. He doesn’t know what it is, after that; the pre-existing knot constricting his throat, the ray of light that catches the edge of his crucifix and causes it to glow, like an agreement, or, most likely, the way Shane’s eyes widen just a fraction, before he conceals the shock and schools his features into something more neutral.

    or, Shane is curious, and Ilya tries to reconcile with his faith

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    28 Jun 2026

  4. Rec *

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    Shane can’t look at him. He can’t really look at anyone but he manages to lift his head and stare right back into Troy’s glistening eyes.

    “I never had that advantage, Troy. I never got to take it out on anyone, for any of it. All the times I got on that ice to play some hockey and some… fuckwit idiot like Kent, or whoever was calling me slurs— whether they were gay ones or racist ones… I couldn’t just hurl them back and call it a day like you did.”

    He swallows hard. He thinks he might be sick a little bit in his mouth.

    “You know how fucking lucky you are? To have gotten away with it? They love you, Barrett. This team loves you! You’re fucking celebrated because you overcame this big, terrible thing but for me it’s—”

    He thinks about his mom in that very split second. His beautiful, wonderful mom who’d coached him his entire life on how to be polite, how to be well behaved. How to answer to teachers the right way, to coaches, to cops to the press to the general public to his fucking teammates—

    He looks away. The fight suddenly drains right out of him and he goes back to his bag.

    or: shane decides to confront troy if no one else will

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    26 Jun 2026

  5. Public Bookmark 29

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    YOU - “Do you mean how do you decide who tops.”

    HAYDEN PIKE (MONTREAL 15th BEST PLAYER) - "Yeah that."

    COMPOSURE [Formidable: Failure] - You cannot *not* fuck with him. He's practically begging for it.

    ELECTROCHEMISTRY - Shane would think it was funny.

    Have you ever wondered "what if Ilya Rozanov was privately having a full Disco Elysium-style thought process?" No? Great, have it anyway. A compilation of several short snippet-jokes about exactly this concept, for some reason. Credit to the first chapter goes entirely to @rozanovx on tumblr.

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    24 Jun 2026