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a smiling Mads Mikkelsen in a pink flower crown



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  1. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    Shenanigans ensue when one middle finger to the Academy too many gets Starfleet Cadet James T. Kirk booted off planet for a summer internship aboard the V.S.S. Sh'Raan.

    He's hiding a major secret from the oh so earnest and helpful Vulcans, but the longer he's on the ship, the more Jim starts to wonder if they're keeping secrets from him, too.

    ---

    Captain Spisee handed Jim a heavy sheet of rich, cream paper embossed with gold dusted Vulcan calligraphy bearing the ship’s name. It was a bit cheap by the standards of Vulcan stationary aesthetics, but shipboard life meant some sacrifices. In the most elegant handwriting he’d ever had the privilege to lay eyes on, it read:

    Human Enrichment and Optimal Health Program:

    - One (1) Daily Shoulder Pat (more provided upon request)
    - Seventy (70) Seconds of Hug Time Per Week (divided between crew members as you deem necessary)
    - Three (3) Discrete Instances of Daily Praise
    - Three (3) Structured Entertainments per week
    - Minimum of One (1) Social Companion per meal (more available upon request)

    “We would appreciate detailed weekly feedback on the efficacy of our Human integration efforts."

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    108,888
    Chapters:
    28/40
    Comments:
    3,603
    Kudos:
    3,142
    Bookmarks:
    1,166
    Hits:
    70,250

    19 Jul 2025

  2. Rec *

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    "Are you going for the course?" Lovegood asked. "You have the NEWTs.”

    “What course?” Draco said, then, “No, don’t be ridiculous,” when he realized she meant the notice pinned up on the board he’d been staring at: Applicants To The Introductory Mediwizard Course For The Coming Term Shall Present Themselves In The Chief Mediwizard’s Office By August 24th.

    “Oh, I thought you might,” she said. “Well, goodbye.” And off she wandered again in her addled way.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    46,905
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    1,671
    Kudos:
    26,190
    Bookmarks:
    9,688
    Hits:
    407,038

    12 Dec 2024

  3. Rec *

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    [Text Sent From Ciri] Is there a reason why a love letter to Yen and Geralt is in the British Museum signed from you?? -C

    [Text Sent to Ciri] Because Historians are nosey pricks. Do NOT tell your parents. -J

    [Text Sent From Ciri] ;) – C

    The winking face of a semicolon and a bracket stared up at him, composed of unforgiving pixels. She wouldn’t, would she? No. No. She couldn’t. She wouldn’t.

    She wouldn’t.

     

    -///-

    Or, an exploration of the reason (immortal) Jaskier hates historians (hint: it's because they keep stealing his shit and putting it on display)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,462
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    259
    Kudos:
    5,802
    Bookmarks:
    899
    Hits:
    36,927

    30 Nov 2024

  4. Rec *

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    Jaskier has the flu. Geralt, Eskel, and Lambert think he's dying.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,141
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    256
    Kudos:
    7,387
    Bookmarks:
    1,138
    Hits:
    45,292

    29 Nov 2024

  5. Rec *

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    Summary

    The voice had terrified Ciri the first night -

    It had rasped and creaked out over the floorboards up into the air -

    Brushed by her ear -

    “Don’t scream. Please.” It had begged, and Ciri had been too frozen to make the decision to do so or not.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,151
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    182
    Kudos:
    7,770
    Bookmarks:
    1,173
    Hits:
    33,074

    27 Nov 2024