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Summary
“Calm?!” Leon’s damn had broken, and there wasn’t much they could do to fix it now. “I’ve been remaining calm for a decade now, and where has that gotten me?! If Arthur describes Merlin’s chocolate hair one more time I’ll--”
Lance slapped a hand over Leon’s mouth. The man was still breathing wildly, looking rather like a tomato in his fury. “Listen, Leon,” the brunet said slowly. “It’ll all be over soon.”
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OR: the knights try to wingman for Arthur and Merlin through "secret admirer" letters, only for the two densest idiots in Camelot to get ready for actual war
-- a deleted chapter from "Wingman of the Century", but rewritten as a stand-alone
-- Chinese translation linked in the notes!!Series
- Part 3 of The Emotionally Constipated Pendragons
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Summary
Gwaine glared at her. "Alright. First one to get Merlin and Arthur to admit their feelings to each other is indisputably the Wingman of the Century." He turned on his heel and walked out, nose in the air. Some of the knights looked like they were going to argue, but with the new lack of unity (and the fear of Morgana) they shuffled out, all heading their separate ways.
Gwen sighed, looking at her lover. “Morgana, is this really necessary?”
“Of course!” the witch laughed. “With this mission in hand, I cannot rest. Not until they have fucked loud enough for the entire palace to hear.”
OR
Camelot's biggest Merthur shippers compete to get Merlin and Arthur to bone each other for the coveted title of "Wingman of the Century". Featuring Mom!Friends Gwen and Leon who really need to be paid more, scheming Gaius and the knights, Morgana enjoying herself way too much, oblivious Merthur, and enough cliches and fluff to rot your teeth. (crack taken seriously) (oop now there's angst ofc there is) (fluff central)
Sequel to oneshot "Last Line of Defense" but written so that it can be read as a standalone.
Series
- Part 2 of The Emotionally Constipated Pendragons
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Summary
“I’m the king,” Arthur says grumpily, swallowing around the stone that has settled in his throat, “I can wear what I want.”
“What about what I want?”
“I’m the king,” Arthur repeats slowly, since Merlin is being particularly thick, “and so you can also wear what I want.”
Or, Arthur dresses Merlin, which goes about as well as you would expect.
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“Gee, great idea Arthur!” Merlin said, throwing his hands up in the air. “Let’s just ask her what her plan is! Why didn’t I think of that?” He looked back at his king with a mocking smile. “She’s just gonna lay there and tell us what she has hidden up her sleeve and tell us how to stop it—"
“It’s my super secret weapon,” Morgana interrupted, leaving Merlin slack-jawed. “And it can only be stopped in one way.”
or
The Pendragons are awfully emotionally constipated and are incapable of confessing their feelings like normal human beings. Thanks a lot, Uther.
(crack!)
Series
- Part 1 of The Emotionally Constipated Pendragons
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Summary
“There is no way in hell I’m dressing up as a woman,” Merlin huffed, crossing his arms stubbornly as his breath fogged up in the cold air.
“Come on, you have to!” Gwaine pleaded, pulling his best puppy eyes.
“Why? So that Arthur can call me a girl some more?”
The prince made a face. “First of all, calling you a girl has nothing to do with your feminine figure and everything to do with how you’re an absolute pansy!” Percival laughed, earning a threatening glare from Merlin. “Second of all, you’re not doing this for me, you’re doing this for the good of all of us.”
“Hear that, Merlin?” Gwaine piped up. “All of us. This is the future of Camelot we’re talking about! We’re going to catch our deaths out here if you don’t do it!”
“Gwaine,” Leon sighed, dragging a hand down his face. “Please stop.”
Merlin grinned “Thank you Leon—"
“You’re not going to convince him by pressuring him or taunting him.” The red headed knight turned to Merlin, a pleading expression on his face. “We request this of you humbly, Merlin. Please dress up as a woman.”