quakeward
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On the 31st of October, an eleven-year-old girl will bring about the end of the world. According to prophecy, anyway, and everyone knows those are infallible.
Fortunately, the world has unlikely heroes in the form of Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy, who've selflessly agreed to put aside their mutual hatred and long-standing prank war in order to find the girl and stop the apocalypse. If only they could be certain they have the right child…
For fans of Terry Pratchett and dramatic irony, a comedy of errors about two people so stubbornly in denial, Fate itself decides to step in.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 116,391
- Chapters:
- 14/14
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- 13
- Comments:
- 1,772
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- 3,750
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Bookmarked by quakeward
17 Feb 2026
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It’s 2008 and Draco Malfoy is a secret assassin. It's legitimate - he gets paid for it, and some higher ups in the Ministry (probably?) know he’s out there… killing people. He’s quite good, but that tracks with his dubious accounting of rights and wrongs and his penchant for self-preservation. During his downtime he does a great job of acting like a pureblood in penance... mostly by drinking and shagging his way into oblivion.
This double life helps to numb Draco to the constant feelings of shame and guilt from his formative years in which he was an utter cunt- but everything is upended when his team (assassins can have coworkers, alright?) dies in action and he does not. Suspended and forced to go to therapy, Draco is adrift.
When Hermione Granger re-enters the fray, their hateful relationship that was once fraught with swotty bickering (erm, and the occasional slur) is suddenly tense in a very different way.
How will these two come together? How often will Theo say something terribly charming? Do we hate Ron or is Ron just, meh? Oh, and what’s going on with that one murderous witch who’s out to kill them all (forgot to mention that part…)?
Find out all this and more in: A HARD ROW TO HOE!
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- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 250,248
- Chapters:
- 30/30
- Collections:
- 11
- Comments:
- 2,919
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- 7,274
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- 4,294
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Bookmarked by quakeward
20 Jan 2026
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Draco Malfoy and the Case of the Brighton Beach Butcher by augustaoctavia
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
03 Feb 2025
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A serial killer is on the loose--and the DMLE is struggling to crack the case. Head of Homicides, Draco Malfoy, works closely with Unspeakable Hermione Granger as she develops a groundbreaking technique to pull the last imprinted memory from the victim's bodies, in hopes they will be able to track down the person responsible.
Meanwhile, Draco struggles to track down a one-night stand who rocked his world, then disappeared. Draco throws himself into solving these mysteries to distract himself from the growing tension between him and Granger—which is becoming harder and harder to ignore.
PODFIC by @Pensieve_Podfics NOW COMPLETE!
PLEASE DON’T ADD TO GOODREADS, etc. Please refer to insta or my profile for other policies.Series
- Part 1 of Malfoy Mysteries
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 179,520
- Chapters:
- 28/28
- Collections:
- 5
- Comments:
- 1,787
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- 2,377
- Bookmarks:
- 1,464
- Hits:
- 143,727
Bookmarked by quakeward
16 Jan 2026
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please leave a message by subcorax
Fandoms: Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
18 Dec 2025
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Sarah
Does anyone have the number for Shane's girl from Boston? I feel bad that they've been seeing each other for this long and we've never added her here.Jackie
Oh good point! Let me ask Hayden.Jackie has added Lily to the conversation
Lily
what
what is thisOr: Ilya Rozanov is, apparently, one of the girls.
Series
- Part 1 of You Have (81) Unread Messages
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,407
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Comments:
- 3,534
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- 115,276
- Bookmarks:
- 21,568
- Hits:
- 998,244
Bookmarked by quakeward
11 Jan 2026
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The day after graduation, Ted Wheeler gives Mike Wheeler enough money to buy a car.
Mike Wheeler does not use it to buy a car.
Or:
El runs across the world. Mike follows.
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Bookmarked by quakeward
08 Jan 2026