yondermoss



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    Pepper is pregnant. This has been widely regarded as a bad move. Many aren’t sure if Tony is ready to be a father – including Tony himself.
    Enter one teenage catastrophe magnet in a red-and-blue onesie, who drags Tony’s parental instinct screaming from its bed and waterboards it, simply by existing.

     

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    “I know all about your secret identity.”
    A beat of silence. “Um,” Peter said, bunching his sweater in his hands. “Which… which one?”
    --
    Peter has three secret identities: Spider-Man, the superhero who swings around the city to save people. Parker Benjamin, who gives Tony Stark unsolicited advice on his research. And NightMonkey, the Instagrammer who keeps uploading increasingly popular but embarrassing drawings of Iron Man.
    And he can juggle them all just fine, thankyouverymuch.

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    “That was a disaster. The press is having a field day.”
    “It wasn’t my fault,” Tony defends. “That Spider-Guy never knows when to shut up. He distracted me.”
    “Your reputation took a blow,” Pepper tells him. “Which will be fixed, of course. I’ve already set it up.”
    “Set what up? What, am I going to make flower arrangements with the elderly?”
    Pepper slides a piece of paper towards him. “Try an orphan. His name is Peter Parker. His biggest dream is to meet you. But…” She hesitates.
    “But?”
    “Apparently he doesn’t talk much. Sometimes not at all. Trauma-related.”
    “A smart kid who doesn’t talk? Perfect combination. If only all my employees were like that.”
    ---
    Or: Between Peter Parker barely speaking, and Spider-Man being the ultimate chatterbox, how was Tony ever supposed to figure out that they were one and the same person?

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