Archive of Our Own

It was incredible what a day off with lots of sex and even more touching could do. John hadn't felt this at home in his skin in years. Still, the thought of sitting next to Rodney and yet being unable to touch made the upcoming meeting more than just a boring event. It made it torturous as well. Boring because the meeting was mainly about the last mission and aside from Rodney and himself, nobody could know the truth anyway so what was the point? Uncomfortable because, yes, he might be slightly sore and sitting for so long would be a bit challenging, which was unfortunate and wonderful all at the same time. He could have healed himself, after all, but he didn't want to, he wanted to feel it, wanted to have at least that, if he couldn't even look at Rodney the way he wanted to. Torturous because Rodney would be there, so close and yet out of reach.

John sighed. Rodney had been very firm about flying under the radar to protect John. It was heartening how much more Rodney cared about John's career than he himself did. Now, still feeling their lovemaking, John just wanted to crawl back into bed and curl up around Rodney. Instead, he focused on the people who were gathering in the conference room.

"The data Rodney collected on the outpost is gone," Radek said the moment he entered the room, his hair more tousled than normal, like he'd been pulling on it repeatedly. "Gone - all of it. The hard drive on the laptop was empty and the scanner pristine, like new."

Cursing silently, John plastered a confused expression on his face. Of course, Radek would notice. Risking a glance out of the corner of his eye, John had to admit that Rodney was a better actor than John had ever given him credit for.

"It is?" Rodney asked, his whole body language saying 'oh my god, that can't be true'. It was very disturbing considering how honest Rodney usually was. "What have you tried to get it back?"

John didn't even try to keep track of the technological jargon being thrown around by the two scientists with Carter butting in ever so often. It was easy to forget that Sam wasn't just military, she was a scientist as well. She really could hold her own against both Radek and Rodney. It was kinda fun to watch.

"… that's really rather weird. When we left, there was a second energy spike. I remember seeing it on the scanner. No idea what it was doing, maybe some part of the self-defense system that deleted our data," Rodney was just concluding his side of a rather heated argument when John tuned back in. He didn't really know what else had been said, nor did he care. There was no way John could add anything on the subject without raising suspicion anyway. What he did care about was that even though Radek looked upset and Sam looked immensely disappointed, they appeared to buy Rodney's explanation without too much fuss.

"We should go back, try and download the data again, without triggering defense system," Radek was saying, sending a pleading look in John's direction. "Might be important, if system reacted violently."

John wanted to laugh at that, he really did. If the facility had been one of the top secret ones with the interesting stuff, John didn't think they would have found it in the first place. The self-defense mechanism wasn't part of every outpost; it had been an ongoing project to outfit them. Unfinished by the time they'd fled..

"What I saw of it wasn't important. There was a lot of information on farming and I'm sure our agricultural experts and the botanists would have had a field day with it. However, I'm fairly sure the same information will be in our own database. I don't see why we should put ourselves at risk by going back," Rodney argued, his mouth pressed into a thin line. John wanted to lean over and kiss the pinched expression from Rodney's face. "I'm sure Sheppard will agree with me on that."

Instead of agreeing - and John really wanted to agree with Rodney for so many different reasons he couldn't even pick his favorite - John shrugged and kept his answer deliberately vague. "I don't think it's a good idea to go back, either. But I guess if we're very careful and don't touch the military stuff …"

"Military data was protected, yes? Then must be important," Radek interrupted, apparently at the end of his patience. "Self defense system is obviously malfunctioning or Rodney would not be here now. Maybe the installation wasn't completed on that outpost before Ancients went back to Earth. And even if we cannot access military data, there is still the other information. What the outpost was for, maybe data about technology and you said there was agricultural information. Worth going."

It did sound reasonable for anyone without further knowledge. Even Rodney gave a half-nod and John instantly wished their question and answer session yesterday had included the utter uselessness of some of the outposts scattered around the galaxy. Agricultural outposts never had any of the important research data. If they were lucky, the level of information matched that in the Atlantis databases. If they weren't, it was even more outdated and there was no point in going back.

"I wouldn't mind going myself," Radek said at that moment with a pitying glance at Rodney, like he was going to break down any minute. "I'm sure Major Lorne and his team would take me, if Rodney does not want to go back. Would be completely understandable, not going back," Radek added quickly at a glare from Rodney, but John saw Radek swallow and he looked everything but happy at the offer. Radek hated going off world, but he'd go, for Rodney. It made John feel incredibly proud of the scientist.

"No," was John's immediate gut reaction to that, earning him funny looks all around. Even from Teyla and Ronon who had been remarkably quiet up to now. "This was our mission and if anyone goes back, it'll be us." The look of reproach on Ronon's face could easily be mistaken as murderous rage, but John knew him too well to misinterpret. They'd already established that those two days had been the most boring and useless of all boring and useless days spent on missions ever in Ronon's opinion. Practically volunteering them for a retake wasn't going to win John any favors with the part of the team that didn't know what Radek would have found in the logs and scans if he'd gone. Damning himself, John wished he'd taken the moment to delete everything that showed his interference at the outpost. Sometimes, his own stupidity was quite remarkable. "No telling how long it'll take to get into the system though or if we can do it at all. And I still think it's too dangerous to risk doing that again, but we could at least grab all the other data from the outpost. That should be worth something to us as well, right?" He willed Rodney to pick up on the undercurrent, but Rodney just looked at him with the frowny face John was sure meant that Rodney was holding back remarks about the number of John's brain cells. "Right?" he asked again, a little desperately.

Rodney met his eyes for a moment, then seemed to catch on and nodded once, "Right."

If Ronon didn't kill John next time they sparred, Rodney might throttle him when they were alone again. Of course, Rodney thought he would have to do most of the work, which wasn't John's intention at all. After all, John had some previous experience with outpost systems. If it took John an hour to copy everything, he'd lost his touch.

"Well, gear up then," Sam said. It had never crossed John's mind that they'd leave right then and there. "You have a go. John's right, we shouldn't risk it. I want you to leave the military data alone." Sam obviously wanted the military data as much as Radek. She just wasn't prepared to sacrifice someone for it. Neither was Radek, by the look of relief on his face

John heaved a sigh, hiding it by getting up and being the first to leave. There were so many things he'd have rather gone back to, right then. But well. Whatever it took.

"What the hell?" Rodney hissed when they were far enough away from Teyla and Ronon, who had stayed behind by the 'gate. John had tried to leave them on Atlantis because it would only be a short trip. But Teyla had just looked at him in her serious way and said that Ronon and she could guard the Stargate while Rodney and John retrieved the data. It had made sense at the time. "Why didn't you back me up?" he asked, clearly upset.

"I couldn't, Rodney, can't you see that? If I were in their place, knowing only what they know, I'd have wanted to come back here as well. You know I couldn't tell them that the data's not really worth it," John tried to explain, but the expression on Rodney's face made him think he wasn't quite managing. "We go in, you connect the laptop and let me do the rest, that's all. If this takes an hour I'll be surprised."

"It's not as easy as it looks and you can't make me work faster by …" Rodney started, then stopped himself with a funny look in John's direction. "I see," he finally said.

John stopped and put a hand on Rodney's shoulder, holding him back. "Is this going to be a problem?" he asked and at Rodney's perplexed expression he pulled Rodney closer, mindful of the P-90s clipped to their tac vests. "Is it going to be a problem that I can do these things? That my Ancient is better than yours and that I can work the system faster than you can?"

Rodney made a derogative sound and glared at John for all he was worth. "No, you moron. The problem is that we could have made sure no one came back here just by saying that it was too dangerous and next time someone could die. We don't need to be here." And John could hear the unspoken 'and you should have backed me up' only too clearly at the end of that sentence. "It wasn't hmpf …"

John kissed Rodney. Not only to shut him up, but because he missed it and because he'd wanted to undress Rodney, slowly, and rub himself against all that warm skin since he'd first sat down in the conference room. Thoughts like that carried the kiss on longer than John had intended and he let go of Rodney reluctantly. "My name is in the log," John said when they parted. "Yes, the defenses are volatile and utterly stupid, but they're also unreliable and if someone else comes here and figures out that I'm around then people would start hunting me. For whatever purpose. And that doesn't sound like a good thing to me." He kissed Rodney again, his tongue running over Rodney's lips briefly, before he pulled back. "And, boring or not, you want that information just as much as Radek or Sam do."

At that, Rodney blushed. "Yeah, alright, so I wouldn't mind having that data, doesn't mean I absolutely have to have it," Rodney muttered, conceding the point in typical fashion.

They did however start walking again, side by side, their shoulders touching, and John was glad the strained silence between them made way to a more companionable one. He really hated it when Rodney was angry with him. The outpost hadn't changed since they'd been there last and connecting the console to the laptop again was the work of a minute. Rodney was already finished with that part of it while John was still looking for anything that would show how Rodney had nearly died and then been revived by John's powers. With Rodney standing next to him, looking over his shoulder at what he was doing, John finished the deletion, then started the transfer of the data. For all the trouble it had given them, he hoped it would make Radek and Sam happy at least.

"So," Rodney said once John's hands had stilled on the console. It came out sounding strangely hesitant and John turned to him, waiting for him to continue.

When Rodney just stared at him mutely, John smiled and asked, "So?" He watched as Rodney's tongue peeked out, moistening his lips and he couldn't help staring back.

"What now?"

John frowned. "Well, we wait for the data transfer to finish and-" Then Rodney was there, pressing him against the edge of the console, his lips on John's, hands on John's hips. John moaned into Rodney's mouth, his hands drifting up to cup Rodney's ass.

"That sounds … boring," Rodney said when they came up for air, "I thought you hated waiting?" And there was a mischievous glint in Rodney's eyes that made John's whole body tingle in anticipation. He loved it when Rodney was like this, confident and possessive.

"I hate waiting," John agreed breathlessly, rubbing circles on the small of Rodney's back with one hand. "Wasted time and all …" his words were cut short when Rodney started nibbling on the sensitive skin of John's neck and all he could do was groan. "Rodney," he muttered and he wanted to ask him to stop, say that they shouldn't do this off world, but what came out was "don't stop" in a broken voice that John barely recognized as his own.

"I'd love nothing more than to bend you over this console and fuck you right here and now," Rodney murmured against John's skin.

"Then, why don't you?" John asked, breath catching in his throat, beyond caring what he sounded like or if they should have sex during a mission.

"No lube. And way too messy. Can't risk coming back from a mission smelling of sex. That'd raise all kind of questions I really don't want to answer," Rodney replied, regret coloring his voice. He reached down and rubbed his hand over the bulge in John's pants and John hissed, tempted to tell Rodney he didn't care. Tempted to tell him that he was an Ancient, he could get them lube and clean them up in a way no one would notice they'd had sex.

But that just wouldn't do. This was still too new, too intense, too raw to rush through. He wanted to bask in the closeness, wanted to smell Rodney on his skin while they were lying in a tangled heap. Wanted to taste himself on Rodney's skin when they'd recovered enough for another round of languid lovemaking. This just wouldn't do for now. Not if he had to wipe all traces of what they'd been doing immediately after. "I know," John said instead, and by the way Rodney's eyes darkened with desire John knew he'd heard the 'I don't care' in the tone of John's voice anyway.

"John," Rodney muttered, arching into John's body, rubbing himself against John's hips in a manner that drove John out of his mind.

Beep.

They practically leapt apart, Rodney stumbling in his haste to get away from John and ending up on his ass. "Ow." He just lay there for a stunned moment, then said, rather weakly, "I think I broke something."

John's heart was still racing from the scare as he knelt next to Rodney, running his hands over the body spread out before him. "No, but you'd bruise spectacularly," he answered, grinning like an idiot even as he healed the injured area. "Come on, let's get back home, I can't wait for you to bend me over your desk and fuck me," he teased and held out his hand to help Rodney up. The smoldering look of promise put a bounce into his step all the way back to the 'gate.

"Come on, Rodney, I've gotta show you something," John wheedled, knowing full well that Rodney couldn't say 'no' to that tone of voice. It was why he kept it for times of need, like when he wanted to get Rodney out of the lab early.

Rodney rolled his eyes. "What is so important that it can't wait till later?"

John grinned at that, but wasn't surprised when Rodney kept following him instead of going his own way. Times like this. it hit him just how much he loved Rodney and John had to swallow around the intensity of the feeling. "Because I'll have to hack the database later and the more I mess around in it, the easier my manipulations can be detected. So you'll either have to come see it now or you can wait until everybody knows who I really am."

"You're going to what?" Rodney asked, his eyes widening.

John laughed; he liked it when he could make Rodney go bug-eyed with outrage. "You heard me." He opened the door ahead of them, then grabbed Rodney's hand after checking that they were alone.

Rodney rolled his eyes and turned to John, whining, "I know the hologram room, John, there's nothing here that I'd like to see." But John ignored him completely and pulled him into the room, closing and locking the door behind them. He pressed Rodney against the door, his hands slipping easily underneath the shirt and just looked at him. Rodney sighed. "Alright. Go on. Show me," he said.

Grinning, John stepped onto the platform and when he put his hands on the panel, it lit up as it was supposed to, but instead of the usual interface, John looked back at them. Well, not John. "Commander Tural Nah," the hologram said calmly with John's voice after a moment of absolute stillness.

Rodney blinked and opened his mouth to say something, then closed it again. Looking between John and the hologram almost helplessly, he stared, obviously trying to find differences. There was no doubt he found the whole thing highly disturbing. Tural was wearing something unassuming and white, the total opposite of what John usually favored, but his face … Rodney was still staring when he came closer, stepping onto the platform beside John. He half-turned towards John, his hand coming up to cup John's face for a moment , thumb mapping the angles. The only real difference John himself could see - and remember - was the short cut of Tural's hair. Otherwise, they were exactly the same. Genetically there wasn't a lot that was separating them, anyway. It was strange for John to watch Rodney stare at the two of them in turn, his look somewhere between intrigued and disturbed. "This," Rodney finally muttered, stepping up to John, "could be a problem."

"Ya think?" John asked laughingly, enjoying the glare Rodney gave him too much. "I'm just glad no-one asked me for my surname and looked me up in the database before. I had a rather common name. There should be hundreds of entries. Unless someone stumbled over the picture they wouldn't know for sure." The hologram room didn't draw energy from the Atlantis power grid; John was taking a leaf out of Morgan Le Fay's book and powered it himself. No one would realize they had even been here. "I'm going to lock my file on a command level. No one will be able to open it again until I reverse it. Personal data, career, pictures, it'll all be classified," John explained with Rodney looking on avidly.

"Won't that look odd, though?" Rodney asked nervously, glancing around like he expected someone to jump out of the shadows at any second to catch them red-handed. "We've yet to come across a file we couldn't access."

John scrunched his face up in thought. "No. There are over a thousand locked files in the database if not more. They just won't show up at all unless you've got the clearance to look for them in the first place." It was ridiculously easy to get into Atlantis systems, not surprising, considering his security level. Hacking the systems of Atlantis that the expedition used to connect their own equipment and changed subtly to suit their needs was harder. Still, while Rodney stood next to him, muttering comments now or then and one spectacular 'no no no', John did quite well. When he was done, the hologram faded away and John heaved a sigh of relief. One less problem he'd have to worry about. "We're done here," he said and allowed himself a long look over Rodney's body. "I think we're both off-duty now."

Rodney looked at him, heat in his eyes and they were drifting closer together when John felt a disturbance in the air around them. He instantly pushed Rodney behind him, forcing him further towards the door. There was no time to warn Rodney before a glimmer of light came together in the middle of the room, the hologram activating, cycling through the profiles so quickly the figures were nothing but a blur, until Chaya stood before them.

"Tural," Chaya said, probably trying for seductive and missing the mark my miles. She didn't even look at Rodney.

Chaya's serene beauty hadn't worked on John the way she'd wanted until she'd nudged him that way and now it worked even less. John's dislike flared up as soon as he caught sight of her. In all his long existence, John had never felt so … angry. It ran through him like a hot wave until he felt he was literally glowing with it. "Chaya," he said coldly, hoping his voice conveyed exactly what he thought of her. "I was hoping you'd know better than to show up here."

Instead of doing the sensible thing and leaving, Chaya smiled brilliantly at him and said, "We are destined to be together."

Like that explained her presence on Atlantis perfectly well. It probably did, in the twisted thought process going on inside her head. But John didn't even want to think about it, never mind delve deeper into her madness. It was enough that her presence was polluting the very air he was breathing. John wondered if she'd even heard what he'd said. "Bullshit," he finally growled. "If either of us have a destiny, then yours is to stay as far away from me as possible. Preferably at the other end of the universe. I'd really like it if you took yourself there right now." He pretended to be thinking. "Oh, but I forgot… you're shackled to Proculus, forced to protect the people there for the next … what was it again? Oh yes, another two generations or so. Almost done, huh? Pity they didn't sentence you to stay there indefinitely. You know, keep you on Proculus until you see reason. That would mean you'd have to stay there even if the people die out. I'd have loved to see you, forced to stay on an empty, cooling rock of dirt. Funny what a moment of pretending to care can do to you, isn't it? I'm sure by now you're wishing you hadn't answered their prayer-like pleas." He knew he'd hit her low, but he was so angry and the flush on Chaya's face from the verbal rebuke was balm to him. "You're nothing to me, Chaya. I never cared for you and I will never be with you. Never. You can stop trying."

For a moment, he thought she'd leave, her confused, hurt expression and the fading of the light a tell-tale sign. She'd never enjoyed confrontations, something he'd exploited quite a few times over their acquaintance. But then Chaya solidified again, a smile returning to her face. He wanted to wipe it off with a punch.

"Now, Tural, don't be like that," she reached out to him, as if she wanted to touch him, but John didn't back away, knowing Chaya couldn't actually move away from the hologram projector field. "Come to me, come with me, become what you were always supposed to be. My offer still stands. You could be my mate. The people of Proculus will hail you as a god where they cannot do that for me. I'll help you ascend and you can take your rightful place by my side. We will be magnificent together."

John took a sharp breath at her words, repulsed by the mere thought, then he collected himself and stepped into her direction, getting some space between himself and Rodney. If he had to defend himself, John would need some distance. Chaya suddenly smiled, most likely thinking he was actually joining her. Feeling his neutral expression slip, he saw Chaya's confusion, then her fear as she recognized the danger. He wasn't even trying to shield his emotions, she might as well know how distasteful the whole thing was for him. Maybe she'd reconsider her actions then, but John wasn't too hopeful of that. "No," he said firmly, "leave now."

It was scary how quickly Chaya changed from afraid to aggressive and John had to suppress a flinch as her face contorted with rage. "I will not be sent away like that," she hissed. "If you don't come with me I will make sure your little humans find out who you really are. I know you don't want that. We will rule over both Proculus and Atlantis together, like king and queen. You and me. Reconsider your decision, before you regret it." Chaya's eyes went to the console. The bitch had probably spied on them while they'd been locking his profile in the database.

John felt himself tense, ready for a fight, knowing if she didn't leave soon, there would be violence and he needed to protect Rodney. "Atlantis is mine," he said with forced calm, using the ritual words of their kind, "and I bid you to go."

"And I refuse," Chaya answered serenely.

Unimaginable hatred burned through John at the pleased expression on her face, at the smugness he could feel coming off of her in huge waves. Chaya wanted him for his potential of ascension more than anything else. Of course she wasn't about to share her full plans with him, but John could very well imagine the thought behind the idea. Being married to John - an ascended John - would help her regain her standing with their peers. It would automatically become his responsibility to leash her more questionable views, giving her a freedom she hadn't known for a long, long time.

They both knew Chaya didn't love him that she just wanted a way out, wanted to shackle him to her in ways that were irreversible and would free her. His hatred must have been strong enough for even Chaya and her limited empathy to pick up, because she leaned away from him as far as she could, her eyes widening in fear. "Atlantis is mine, Chaya. Mine. My responsibility, mine to hold, mine to protect. You have no business here." His voice was quiet even though he was angry to a point where he felt like it was about to explode out of him. "If you return again I won't hold back the urge to destroy you. As is my right by ancient law," he informed her coldly. "You know the rules as well as I do. They are older than you and I. As long as I'm part of the human world and you are tied to Proculus, you have to obey the old laws." His reminder came out neutral, but the threat was inherent to his words and he saw that she finally realized she was treading on thin ice.

Maybe her long imprisonment on Proculus really had unhinged Chaya, though, because she recovered quickly. She laughed haughtily, looking him up and down in a way that made John feel like a stud animal. "You don't have the power to do that, Tural, you're just a human right now. Nothing more, nothing less."

"Wrong," he said, unable to hide his satisfaction at her miscalculation, "I guess you didn't get the memo. With my job came a certain amount of power. More than you would think. Not that the old laws depend on that, as you've so conveniently forgotten. Never darken my doorstep again, Chaya." He didn't bother to threaten her life, he knew he couldn't destroy her unless he invoked the old laws. And even then the Ancients didn't like killing one of their own. But descending her was a possibility. She could live out the rest of her life somewhere, unaware of what she was. Sane, hopefully. While John had never liked her, she had been a deluded, but nice person once. That part of her deserved to live.

Still, she didn't give up and leave. No, she had to try and plead, "Don't be like this. We can still be great together. Once your little … plaything," and she had the temerity to look at Rodney when she said that, "has passed away in his natural life-span."

John was sure he had already reached the pinnacle of hate he could have for her, but apparently, he had been mistaken. "No." It was as much a denial of her proposal as a denial of Rodney's mortality. "I'd rather die than ascend for you."

"How dare you?" Chaya spat, the sudden rage visible on her face and palpable in the air around her. "You will be so very sorry for this, Tural. I wonder if it will bother you greatly if your little human here doesn't survive the day." John's heart missed a beat at that threat. When she turned her focus on Rodney, John was ready for it, pulling the energy around them not unlike a shield. Chaya stretched her arms out toward them and John tensed in anticipation for a blow that never happened.

"You've overstepped your boundaries, Chaya Sar," a voice boomed through the room, as a man suddenly materialized, glowing as brightly as only ascended beings did. John couldn't help but feel utterly relieved as he recognized Oniph. He wouldn't have to deal with Chaya - Oniph would. "You were forbidden to interfere with Tural's mission and yet, you have. Twice. There will be no more attempts at diverting him, Chaya. For this infraction we sentence you to be shackled tighter to Proculus, you will not be able to leave the planet during your punishment." The gaze of the sandy-haired Ancient took in the whole room, stopping briefly on Rodney, who was still sheltered behind John. Then he turned back to Chaya, cocking his head. "As it is, for offering Tural to rule Proculus at your side as a god, your punishment will be extended by fifteen generations. Threatening the human Tural has become attached to shall add another five generations to your punishment," Oniph said, turning to John with a half-smile. "We hope you find this acceptable, Tural," he said and nodded at John, but didn't wait for an answer; he vanished and he took Chaya with him.

"Plaything?" Rodney chose the moment when John was just relaxing again to ask that question of course.

Slumping against the closest wall, John shuddered. In his wildest dreams, he hadn't thought Chaya would come here and try again, not after their last confrontation on Proculus. "I told you, she's crazy," he muttered, sending silent thanks to Oniph for interfering. John didn't think the Ancient would hear him, but it couldn't hurt to use some positive re-enforcement on the group assigned to protect him - just in case.

"John," Rodney said and when John turned to him and looked at him, Rodney continued, "what did she want? I'm not stupid, I know there was more going on than was being said."

"She's imprisoned on Proculus," John said, deciding it would be best to start at the beginning.

"Yes, for saving the inhabitants of that planet because she's lived there before, I know all that," Rodney interjected, impatient for John to continue.

But John shook his head tiredly. "That's what she tells people. It's only partly true anyway. Yes, ascended beings aren't supposed to interfere with those living on this plane and the punishment can be quite severe. But Chaya didn't interfere to protect, she did it because the people of Proculus knew her from before, and they prayed to her. Accepting the power that gave her, that's why she was punished. They," John said strongly, "didn't want to harbor someone among us with an Ori mindset, but were reluctant to act." He managed to look at Rodney again, reaching out for his hand. Somehow, he felt more grounded for the touch and he needed that to get through the story. "I agreed, partly because Chaya has always made trouble for me and never got called on it. But also, because she was becoming crazier by the century and her views were rather radical. They scared me. Scared the others, too."

"Proculus was your idea," Rodney said, and it wasn't a question.

John nodded. "Yeah. It was my idea." One he'd never regretted, not even now, seeing what her imprisonment had done to her. She'd always been a bit on the mad side, the extra crazy would have come eventually. "The infraction wasn't bad enough to destroy her, so I figured she might as well be useful and protect the planet."

With a snort, Rodney interrupted again. "Not that it helps a lot, she wouldn't even protect us if we needed it."

"I know." He still felt the disappointment at the idiocy of the rules the others had imposed on Chaya. What good was a sanctuary if she couldn't take on any of the people who were fleeing from the Wraith? What good was her protection if there was a Space 'gate keeping others away? "I pointed that out to them, but … stupid people, stupid rules," he muttered, knowing Rodney would get it. "She's been there for a long time now. A couple of thousand years, actually. She'd have been free in another two generations." John couldn't help but feel glad about putting that off. A thousand years from now, Chayas hatred for him might force him to defend himself, force him to destroy her. John didn't know what it said about him, but he was looking forward to it.

Rodney's expression was thoughtful for a moment, before he asked, "Who was the other guy? The one who took her? I take it it's someone you know?" There was something in Rodney's eyes John couldn't quite decipher, but he held himself back from just lowering his shields and taking a peek at what Rodney was thinking. It would be a violation of Rodney's privacy and was something John just wouldn't do. He would rely on the emotions and questions Rodney voiced, like everyone else.

Instead of prying, John answered, "Yes, I know him. He's a friend of mine. Oniph. He's one of those who think that we should take responsibility for what we've done in the past. I'm pretty sure you'd like him, he certainly seems to like you. Oniph isn't usually one to believe in love and commitment. That he acknowledged that I have become 'attached to' you is pretty much his way of saying he approves of you."

"Oh, wow. I mean … I think that's … He saved my life, didn't he? I mean I know you wouldn't have let her hurt me, but still. Wow," Rodney said, sounding more out of it than John really liked.

"No, Rodney, I wouldn't have let her hurt you," John replied with a little more bite than he'd meant to and then sighed. "Look, Rodney, can we please not have this discussion right here? Chaya's residual energy is making my skin crawl and I'd rather have this talk somewhere I can hold you in my arms, alright? I think I need a hug," John said, his voice a mixture of irritation and whining, hoping Rodney would understand.

"All right, all right," Rodney replied, "But I demand a full explanation of what the hell was happened here just a few minutes ago. You people are creepy!"

"I'm mostly human now, Rodney," John reminded him gently, even though it was just barely the truth. Yes, he was slightly more human than … energy, but that was just because it was necessary and not because John enjoyed it so much. But it was the price he paid for being outside the rules. John knew he would never be able to do what he had done and planned to do in the future, had he been outright ascended.

They spent the way to Rodney's quarters in silence and John was glad for it. The confrontation had taken more out of him than he was willing to admit. This body, this still so very human body didn't deal with energy anywhere as well as John wished it did. Once the doors had closed behind them John went straight to the bed and sat down heavily, took off his boots and lay back with a sigh.

"So what was that all about?" Rodney asked, standing at the foot end of the bed, his arms crossed. He looked scared and John couldn't blame him. John had been scared and he'd actually understood the undercurrents. "I get that Chaya was offering you something really big and that you hate her, but you got awfully territorial and …" he trailed off.

John shifted so he was lying lengthwise in the bed and patted the empty space next to him in invitation. For a moment, Rodney didn't move, but then he took off his own boots and joined John. They wrapped their arms around each other and John could feel the last bit of tension go out of him. "It's part of what I'm supposed to do here. We knew the humans would find Atlantis at some point. For me, there was never a doubt about it. You're clever and nosy and like children stumbling blindly around the universe, getting into things that are too dangerous to handle, so naturally you'd find Atlantis. And with Atlantis you'd stumble over the Wraith and eventually you'd find the Ori," John said, staring at the ceiling blankly while Rodney's arm tightened over his chest. "My mission is to hold Atlantis. Against anybody who threatens her. To protect the people we left behind when we ascended." John turned towards Rodney, searching his blue eyes for understanding. "We didn't know for sure when you'd come to Atlantis, but our projections were between twenty and forty years."

"Why protect us? Why not any of the other people here in Pegasus?" Rodney asked.

John rubbed his cheek against Rodney's, pulling strength from the simple touch, a measure of comfort he'd never experienced before. "Them, too, but they aren't our descendants; Atlantis wouldn't have awoken for them like she did for you. We seeded life on the planets here, like we seeded it all over the universe, wherever we could reach. But Earth … Earth was always our … no, their home." John had been born in Pegasus, had been more at home here than ever on Earth. A feeling that had never left him, even bleeding into his new life as John Sheppard. "I'm here to protect the people we created, to protect Atlantis and to protect our descendants, to protect you," he muttered. "Chaya threatened you. That … made me angry. And I said things that made her angry in turn. I know I should have been calmer and stopped myself from retaliating, but I couldn't." Rodney's breath hitched and John felt a hand rub the back of his neck. He closed his eyes, enjoying the sensation.

"Will she ever leave you alone?" Rodney asked harshly and there was the same anger in his voice as John had felt during the confrontation. "Will she ever leave us alone?"

No, John thought, she'll never leave us be. Not while you're alive, not while we're together. Not while she's in existence. Next time - of that John was sure - she wouldn't try to bargain with him again. She wouldn't try to plead with him. She'd take one look at Rodney, see the inseparable bond between them and lash out with everything she had. And John would be forced to destroy her. Would be forced to evoke the old laws and tear her apart. Bit by bit, scattering her energies over the whole universe if it meant keeping Rodney save. Oh, Chaya would definitely leave them alone once she was rendered helpless. She'd never raise a hand against Rodney again, if John could help it. "Yes," John said, "she will leave us alone. Eventually. When I've dealt with her properly." Rodney didn't need the worry about that, yet. Soon enough he'd have to know all that and more.

John felt Rodney's arm still on the bare skin of his neck, felt him stiffen beside him. "You want to kill her," he said, half statement half question, his voice rough with what John thought sounded more like fear than anything else.

For a moment, he debated telling Rodney that he didn't want to answer, that he couldn't, that it'd be best if Rodney didn't know. But he couldn't do that, he'd promised … he'd promised to tell Rodney everything he could. And John had no reason to not tell Rodney, other than his urge to protect him as much as possible. So John decided to tell the truth. "Yeah, if she dares to threaten you again, I'll kill her," John breathed. "Before, she wasn't crazy, not like this. Once she's fulfilled her sentence, she will be a danger. To everything and anybody." He hesitated before he continued, "Especially to you."

Rodney huffed, "In twenty-two generations? I'll be long gone by then."

John moaned and buried his head in Rodney's shoulder. The thought alone hurt him like a physical injury. "No, not if I can help it," he whispered, his hands twisted into the material of Rodney's shirt, holding onto him like a drowning man. "I can't … the thought of losing you is killing me, Rodney, I can't bear it. You … I … no," he denied. "When you're dying, I'll help you. You and I, we can both ascend. I'll show you how. I'll do whatever it takes."

"John-"

"No," John repeated, desperate to stop this line of conversation now. He couldn't think about it then, didn't know if he ever could. "If you die, I die, too. We don't love like you do," John said, taking extreme care to pronounce it very slowly. He'd tried to explain it before, but Rodney couldn't understand. There just weren't the right words in the English language to describe any of it. "I'd die for you, Rodney," he whispered brokenly. And it was the truth. He'd taken on a fully ascended being for Rodney, would have fought it out with her, even to the extent of losing his human body.

"I don't understand," Rodney answered, but there was something in his voice that made John think that maybe - just maybe - he was starting to finally get it. Something that made John pull back a little and look into Rodney's eyes. They were wide; full of something John had no hope of deciphering.

Unwinding one of his hands from Rodney's shirt, he ran the back of his hand over Rodney's face. There was nothing else to say, nothing more to do, nothing apart from letting Rodney work it out for himself from here. John was patient that way; he'd sat around contemplating his navel for ten thousand years, after all.

"Oh John," Rodney said, leaning into the touch, closing his eyes. "I'm not worth your life, John. I'm not worthy of ascension. I'm not a nice person and, as much as it pains me to admit it, you're now smarter than me. I'm not worth dying for, John."

John's heart thudded in his chest at the tone of voice, the pain, the conviction. "Yes, you are," he simply contradicted. "For me, you are." But he could see that Rodney was unconvinced and John cleared his throat before he tried again. "I told you that we married for duty, not for love. But I don't think I told you why that is. We … we love deeply when we do, when we find the right person." He laughed with nervous energy, "Soul mates, you'd say in English. It's more about energy, though, it's about fitting together. About literally being on the same wavelength." At that, Rodney abruptly opened his eyes again and John's heart skipped a beat. "I wish I could show you, really show you what it means."

"The way you showed me when we were fighting?" Rodney asked breathlessly. "I don't mind. I mean, if you want to do that again, I don't mind," he added quickly.

"No," John said regretfully, shaking his head. "Nothing like that. It's …" John frowned at the way Atlantis was tensing around him. He sat up, pulling out of Rodney's arms, trying to pinpoint what was wrong. "Rodney, we need to …" but he didn't know what they needed to do. "Something's wrong," he said instead, "seriously, seriously wrong."

One of the radios on the bedside table came to life with Radek's voice coming through clearly. "Rodney, I know you're off-duty, but there's something you need to see. Now." He sounded scared.

John was already done tying his boots when Rodney picked up the radio and put it in his ear. "What's going on?" Rodney asked, and John bent down to help Rodney with his boots as well, earning a frown.

Putting his own radio to his ear John pulled Rodney to his feet and started walking them towards the command center. There was a sense of urgency starting there, of terror, fear, and John didn't know what was going on, it was driving him crazy. The urge to do something, to protect Rodney, to protect Atlantis, to protect the people here came to the fore and John gave in to the pull.

"What?" Rodney asked and now he sounded scared as well. John started running. "Are you sure?"

Half aware of Rodney falling back John slowed down at the transporter, waiting impatiently for his lover. "Rodney!" he called out, making 'hurry up' gestures.

"Yes, that's Sheppard, yes, I'll bring him. We're on our way." Rodney clicked his radio off and joined John in the transporter, he turned towards John, eyes wide, face tense. "Wraith," was all he said, and John's insides twisted.

And just like that, a bad day went to hell.

The end.