Chapter Text
00:33
John Seo added Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul, Kim Dongyoung, Lee Taeyong, Moon Taeil, Jung Jaehyun and Nakamoto Yuta to the chat.
Kim Dongyoung: the fuck
John Seo set his nickname to ‘Johnny’
Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul: oi bitch change mine too
Johnny: change it urself.
Nakamoto Yuta: fuck a fake friend where the real friends at
Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul: hmm yes
Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul: how
Lee Taeyong: with great skill and dexterity
Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul: bitch fuk u
Lee Taeyong: Calm Down Edge Lord
Moon Taeil set Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul’s nickname to ‘Ten’
Ten: Thank You
Jung Jaehyun: you Literally could have changed that yourself??
Kim Dongyoung: i reiterate
Kim Dongyoung: the Fuck
Ten: fuck you hombre
Kim Dongyoung: ho i just want to know why the fuck im here
Ten: not you doyoung
Jung Jaehyun: i think he was talking to me
Kim Dongyoung: well fuck you both idont even fuckin know u ho step off
Lee Taeyong: dongyoung dude chill
Kim Dongyoung: nahh bitch i know You and you can step off too
Moon Taeil: johnny why have you done this
Moon Taeil: dont we already have a gc?
Johnny: yeah but that ones dead lol
Kim Dongyoung: mate idk half the people here no thanks
Johnny: you only dont know jaehyun?
Kim Dongyoung: ,,,,,,
Lee Taeyong set his nickname to ‘TY’
TY: no offense but who tf is a jaehyun
Jung Jaehyun: me ho
Nakamoto Yuta: bicth we got that
Jung Jaehyun renamed the group ‘bicth’
Nakamoto Yuta removed Jung Jaehyun from the group
Johnny: guys pls
Johnny added Jung Jaehyun to the group
Jung Jaehyun: like dust i rise hoes
Jung Jaehyun set his nickname to ‘Maya Angelou’
TY: man who is you
Johnny: dudes, jae’s a friend of mine from the year below ok he’s chill
Maya Angelou: wassup
Nakamoto Yuta set Jung Jaehyun’s nickname to ‘child’
child: ho
child set Nakamoto Yuta’s nickname to ‘old man’
old man set Moon Taeil’s nickname to ‘oldest man’
oldest man: why must i be dragged into this let me eat in peace
TY set Moon Taeil’s nickname to ‘taeil’
taeil: better
Ten: boi what u eating its like 12:40
Kim Dongyoung: 12:41 actually
Ten removed Kim Dongyoung from the group
old man: isnt eating before you go to sleep like really bad for your health
Johnny added Kim Dongyoung to the group
taeil: who tf said i was going to sleep soon ho
taeil: slepp is for the weak
Kim Dongyoung: and so is good spelling apparently
taeil: suck a dick doyoung
Kim Dongyoung: am trying honey :/
child set Kim Dongyoung’s nickname to ‘ho’
ho: bitch
ho: you don’t even know me
child: and i know you’re a ho already so what does that tell you
Ten: lmao he wishes
Ten set Kim Dongyoung’s nickname to ‘wannabe ho’
Johnny: i tell u what i want
Johnny what i really really want
Ten: so tell me what u want what you rlly rlly want
TY: what
Johnny: ill tell you what i want what i really really want
child: so tell me what you want what u really really want
Johnny: i wanna, i wanna, i wanna, i wanna
child: i wanna really really really wanna
Ten: that Dick
TY: w h a t
wannabe ho: cmon tae you know what a dick is u’ve literally had taeil’s up ur ass
taeil: uM
taeil: ho what dont u understand from I’m Trying To Eat
Johnny: hmm sounds fake i dont think u eat anything but taeyong’s ass
old man: wouldn’t he starve??
wannabe ho: on taeyong’s ass? Sure
wannabe ho: that shit is Flat As
TY: bitch fucking fite me
child: taeyong and taeil are together? The More You Know
wannabe ho: um bitch no offense but literally everyone knew that
wannabe ho: my fuckin cousin saw taeyong succin dick in the loos one time
child: 100% offense but i legit only know johnny and ten so why would i know that
child: idek why the fuck im here
Johnny: whats wrong with wanting my friends to be friends
wannabe ho: hmm did u mean: acquaintances
old man: lmao that’s cold
Johnny removed wannabe ho from the group
Johnny: don’t need no snakes in here
taeil added Kim Dongyoung to the group
taeil: hiss hiss fuckers
taeil: also me n tae aren’t together
Ten: what
Kim Dongyoung: what
old man: what
Johnny: what
TY: what
TY: jk i knew that lol
child: i should hope so telling the gc ur not together would be the shittest way to break up
Johnny: worse than you with sooyeon?
child: hmm lets not
old man: omg how’d he do it?
Ten: didnt u do it over text?
child: ,,,,,,,,
Johnny: whilst he was drunk
child: ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Johnny: it was q poetic if i remember correctly
child: look i dint come here to get roasted
Ten: roses are red
Johnny: i like cheese on a pringle
Ten: what i’m trying to say is
Johnny: i want to be single
Kim Dongyoung set Jung Jaehyun’s nickname as ‘heartbreaker’
heartbreaker: look i was young i was foolish
TY: but still old enough to drink
heartbreaker: what can i say im a road man
old man: aw ur cute
heartbreaker: fuck u we dated for 1 week n she cheated on me you fucks
taeil: guys i think we’re missing the key point here
taeil: ‘i like cheese on a pringle’
heartbreaker: its good ok
heartbreaker: you should try it
TY: y dont you just have nachos or smth
heartbreaker set Lee Taeyong’s nickname as ‘h8r’
heartbreaker: its different ok
Kim Dongyoung: plus it sounds cheaper ngl
heartbreaker set Kim Dongyoung’s nickname to ‘l0ver’
heartbreaker: this man understands me
Ten: what kind of pringles tho
heartbreaker: i’ve only ever tried it with original actually
old man: how vanilla.
Johnny: are you saying you want kinky pringles
taeil: just let me bleach my eyes so i can can remove any trace of the sentence from my retinas real quick
h8r: but babe
h8r: if u bleach ur eyes, how will i be able to stare into them?
taeil: babe,,,
Ten: yuo hoes said u werent together?? This is fake news and lying
h8r: ,,,,,,,
taeil: we’re just friends who suck each other’s dicks n call each other babe sometimes
h8r: *best friends
l0ver: bitch u gay as fuck
h8r: stfu bitch we’re all gay here
Johnny: i mean im bi but yea lol
Ten: tru af my dude this is a House of Gay
old man renamed the group ‘House of Gay’
heartbreaker: um not tru im a token straight
l0ver: oh honey i thought that once too
Johnny: jae i legit thought you were bi
l0ver: its ok we all go through phases its a natural part of growing up
heartbreaker: ffs its too late for this nonsense
l0ver set Jung Jaehyun’s nickname to ‘ ‘’’’’’’’’straight’’’’’’’’’’ ‘
old man: ny one want to go to tesco
old man: am craving crunchy nut
‘’’’’’’’’straight’’’’’’’’’’: you guys have known me for less than an hour ok
Johnny: incorrect i have known u my whole life and i thought u were bi the entire time im incredibly shookt
Ten: you have often been number one on our ‘lets count our gay friends’ list
‘’’’’’’’’straight’’’’’’’’’’: lmao im honoured
taeil: um excuse u why am i not number 1
Ten: cause apparently u dont have a boyfriend wtf
h8r: ten dude just let it be
h8r: we’re just friends. Thats it.
taeil: on the bright side this means you and johnny are officially the cutest couple as you have no competition
Ten: ho there never was any doubt
taeil: excuse you
taeil: taeyong and me would be adorable
old man: are you defending your and tae’s hypothetical relationship?
Johnny: if u guys are so cute why aren’t you fukin dating
‘’’’’’’’’straight’’’’’’’’’’: guys
‘’’’’’’’’straight’’’’’’’’’’: taeyong and taeil dont have to date
‘’’’’’’’’straight’’’’’’’’’’: the same way i dont have to be gay
‘’’’’’’’’straight’’’’’’’’’’: its all ok
l0ver: first of all fuk u ur wrong
old man: jaehyun, i dont think u understand how fucking cute taeyong and taeil are
Johnny: its the cutest most supportive shit i’ve ever seen
taeil: see ten even ur boyfriend admits we’re the cutest
Ten: it’s hyperbole bitch
old man: lmao iconic
h8r: seriously tho lads
h8r: if we dont have romantic feeling for each other why would we date??
taeil: preachhh
l0ver: because u obviously do?
old man: you two just aren’t aware yet
Johnny: also taeil if u two were dating im sure taeyong would let u fuck him in the ass
h8r: ,,,,,,,
taeil: look lads im trying to eat my cereal here
Ten: shit johnny u can’t make him too horny to eat his cereal
‘’’’’’’’’straight’’’’’’’’’’: bitch u been eating for a long ass time
taeil set the nickname for Jung Jaehyun to ‘rude ho’
l0ver: very fitting
taeil set Kim Dongoyung’s nickname to ‘ruder ho’
rude ho: HA bitch get served
ruder ho: oh but look babe we match its so cute
rude ho: ,,,,,,,
h8r: how come yall wont leave us in peace but these two get a free ride?
Ten: havent u heard?
Ten: jaehyun’s a Straight
rude ho: damn straight
Johnny: lmao sure
rude ho: j o h n n y
rude ho: why dont you have my back here dude
Johnny: cause i was pretty sure you were bi for 4 years man thats why
ruder ho: he’s being salty and honestly i approve
old man: not to be a weakass bitch but guys i need some fucking sleep please stop blowing up my phone
Ten set Nakamoto Yuta’s nickname as ‘weakass bitch’
h8r: just turn ur notifs off?
weakass bitch: if i do that i turn my alarm off
weakass bitch: if i dont have me alarm im sleep forever
ruder ho: sounds like the Dream tbh
rude ho: surely u have separate settings for notifs and alarms
Ten: lol he probably does but yuta is shit with technology
Ten: fucking hermit mountain man fucker
weakass bitch: i cant help that technology hates me
weakass bitch: u cant expect me to be good with technology jus cause im japanese thats racist u ho
Ten: bitch where the fuck did that come from
weakass bitch: idk man im feeling some things rn
weakass bitch: why cant the people understand im too pretty to be a nerd
ruder ho: lmao fake news
weakass bitch: shit man u dragged me into a convo my eyes sting dudes Let Me Rest
rude ho: more like u got dragged ohhh
Johnny: how about
Johnny: u stop being a weakass who can’t handle how lit the gc is and bullshit ur way through tomorrow on 0.87 hours sleep like an adult
weakass bitch: um because im 5 and i want to go to bed
weakass bitch: fucker
taeil: you Are five lol that’s accurate
Ten: we’re all the same age? Ur five too ho
ruder ho: nuh uh jaehyun is a baby
taeil: ever heard of a metaphor bitch?
h8r set Jung Jaehyun’s nickname to ‘4’
4: excuse u im a 10
Ten: no im a ten u ho
taeil: i t s t i m e t o s t o p
h8r: guys maybe yuta’s right we should get some sleep
Johnny set Leet Taeyong’s nickname to ‘weakass bitch #2’
weakass bitch: second place ho
weakass bitch #2: ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
taeil: lol u know he’s seething rn
weakass bitch #2: babe
weakass bitch #2: why u gotta do me dirty like that
Ten: SEE LOOK AT THIS
Ten: I CAN BARELY GET JOHNNY TO CALL ME BABE EVER
Ten: AND WE’VE BEEN DATING FOR A YEAR AND A HALF
ruder ho: 2tae are #relationshipgoals
Johnny: ten do you want me to call you babe?
4: how are they relationship goals? They aren’t in a relationship they just go down on each other occasionally
ruder ho: exactly. relationship goals
Ten: ,,,,,,,,,,,
Ten: im not talking to u about this in a group chat
weakass bitch: lmao fair I don’t want to hear ur kink negotations
weakass bitch #2: why did you have to phrase it like that
Johnny: ten ur so cute babe
Johnny: and taeyong don’t fucking even try ur literally the kinkiest bitch here
weakass bitch #2: This Is Slander
taeil: lmao bitch not its not
Ten: TAIL STOP RIGHT THERE I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR IT THANKS XOX
4: tail
weakass bitch #2: tail
weakass bitch: tail
ruder ho: tail
taeil set his nickname to ‘tail’
tail: tail
Ten: fuck yall
Johnny: tail
Ten: ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Johnny: sorry babe
4: bros before hoes
Ten: we’re over John
ruder ho: fuck bitch u just got the ‘John’ treatment
Johnny: what if i blow u after school tomorrow?
Ten: ,,,,,
Ten: I guess I could be persuaded
weakass bitch #2: why must u discuss this here
Johnny: why not blowjobs r a natural part of life
weakass bitch: ??????
weakass bitch: what does that even mean
Ten: it means
Ten: blow jobs are a natural part of life
Ten: learn ur slang old man
weakass bitch: ,,,,,,,,,
weakass bitch: im like 4 months older than you
Ten: and a day
ruder ho: ten is the level of pettiness i aspire to be
Ten: aww bitch thank you
Ten: i cant take all the credit tho - it goes to all of u for keeping me petty by being annoying dicks
4: thanks we’re honoured.
Johnny: um why r so many people named after numbers in this group chat as a victim of secondary school maths im offended
ruder ho: shit u right
ruder ho: @Lee Taeyong this is ur fault
weakass bitch #2: why???
4: you made me ‘4’ ho
4: it increased the maths
ruder ho set Jung Jaehyun’s nickname as ‘fuck the police’
fuck the police: um
weakass bitch: isnt it also ten’s parents fault
Ten: wot
weakass bitch: ur parents gave u the nickname 10 right?
weakass bitch: dw i know its nt ur full name im not that dumb
Ten: hey yuta
weakass bitch: yea?
Ten: dont.
ruder ho: tag urself im ‘dont.’
fuck the police: im ‘dw i know its nt ur full name im not that dumb’
Johnny: um lads where tf is taeil
fuck the police: dont u mean tail
weakass bitch #2: he went bed after he finished his cereal lads ur lucky you got him up this late
weakass bitch #2: taeil likes to go to be no later than 11:10 on a school night
fuck the police: jfc i tried to defend you earlier man but that is some domestic shit are you sure ur not dating?
Ten: or at least married
Johnny: i dont think thats how it works
Ten: thats cause ur a melt
ruder ho: ten’s dating tips 101: call ur boyfriend a melt
weakass bitch: how come when me n taeyong say we should sleep u all come for our arses but when taeil fully falls asleep u dont even try to roast
Johnny: cause he’s not being a whiny weakass bitch about it and is geting on with it
ruder ho: and we like taeil
fuck the police: fuk you got Draggt
weakass bitch #2: :/
weakass bitch: are we really going to take this lying down taeyong?
weakass bitch #2: sure im ready to lie down and do the fuck to sleep and so should you goodnight kids
Ten: lmao you got Betrayed
weakass bitch: et tu, brute?
Johnny: i think he’s gone offline
weakass bitch: then fall (asleep) caesar
ruder ho: stfu
Ten: that was so fucking dumb omg
fuck the police has removed weakass bitch from the chat
Johnny: hey now we cant bully him if hes not here
Johnny added Nakamoto Yuta to the chat
Nakamoto Yuta: god damnit
Nakamoto Yuta: thought id escaped this hell pit
Ten: lads imma call it a night see u lads
fuck the police: night ten
Johnny: night baby <3
ruder ho: pls keep that shit Out of the gc this has been a psa thank u
Johnny: just cause ur jealous and lonely
ruder ho: jealous and lonely? Never
ruder ho: thirsty and tired of ur bs? Always
ruder ho: but gn ten sleep well
Nakamoto Yuta: aww doyoungie who knew you could be so caring
ruder ho: i will cut ur dick off
Johnny: ho u is afraid of knives and cannot do dissection in biology shut ur gay ass up
ruder ho: never its my only talent
Nakamoto Yuta: thats literally not true
ruder ho: stfu
Nakamoto Yuta: am trying but yall keep blowing up my phone
fuck the police: well thats not our problem
Johnny: but if ur so mad about it
ruder ho: we can stop ho
Nakamoto Yuta: fucking do it you trashlords i bet u cant last 30 seconds
Nakamoto Yuta: guys?
Nakamoto Yuta: guys????
01:29
Nakamoto Yuta: ffs i hate y’all