Chapter Text
Karma's point of view
Nagisa. That adorable blue-haired boy. He's always so nice to everyone. Patient. Kind. Accepting. Cunning. Beautiful. Loving. Everything you'd ever need.
But he has a more sinister side to him. A side that usually stays locked behind a big door. The only way to open that door however, is bloodlust. The bloodlust side of him on the other hand, can only be described with three words.
Just my type.
Everything about him is so perfect. It's taken me awhile to wrap my head around it, but I had to face the truth eventually. I'm gay. As much as it scares me, as much as it makes me nervous, I'm gay. And the person who makes that fact pretty difficult to ignore is my best friend, Nagisa Shiota.
But I'd never tell him that of course.
I'd never tell anyone that. They'd probably laugh. Or just simply not understand. Or say mean things about him.
"You aren't gay if you like Nagisa"
"Wait, Nagisa's really a guy?"
"Karma, you're in love with this twig?"
As much as comments like that grind my gears, worst of all would be his reaction. Nagisa's reaction. I could just hear that boy's voice in my head as he turned me down.
"Karma? Where'd all this come from? Or is this just a joke?"
He'd give me that innocent smile and tell me that my devil horns were showing. He would never love me.
I mean look at me.
I'm a fucking monster.
Nagisa's point of view
I've been doing this for a while now. After school, instead of going home, I just do my homework at the public library. It saves me my mother giving me trouble about my grades. And distracting me by making me wear girl's clothes, making me feel even worse about myself than I already do.
Okay, so maybe I kinda lied about the library thing. I actually do my homework with a flashlight in the janitor's closet. The janitor's closet in the library.
Don't judge me, please.
At first, I did my homework at the library(not in the janitor's closet). But the main campus students would keep on telling me to leave and go steal something the way E-Class kids should. They'd distract me from my studies just as much as my mom did, but I couldn't afford to let my grades slip any further. There was no way in hell I was going home.
After finishing my homework, I just kind of wander around town and get home late. Sometimes I'll stop by the daycare to tutor Sakura, sometimes I'd just hang around the bookstore. I'd tell my mom that I was studying at the library and lost track of time. Half of that statement isn't even a lie. However, today was different. I did my usual routine. Be in the closet by the time the janitor's done with the afternoon cleaning, arrange the mops so that I can hide behind them in case of an attacker, leave by five pm, wander till eight pm, then catch the train with the business people, take the detour through the park and get home nine pm sharp.
Just the usual.
Right?
Wrong.
When I got home my mom dashed out of the kitchen. She looked so mad. Judging by her posture, the heavy breathing, the messed up hair and the crazy eyes, her mood should be-
My thoughts were cut off by my hair being pulled as my entire body was thrown into a wall. She grabbed my now loosened hair again and held me up by it, smashing me repeatedly against the wall, making everything to go blurry. I could feel the blood dripping from my nose, and I was silently praying it wasn't broken. As I tried to stay standing on my feet, she tugged at my hair and threw me on the ground with only three words escaping her gritted teeth.
"Welcome home, sweetheart."
___________
Nagisa's point of view
After she was done with me, she walked to her room, and I assumed she went to bed. I decided to do the same and went to the bathroom to brush my teeth and looking at the damage my mom had caused. Rubbing my head and the roots of the hair she pulled, I had a feeling that this was going to hurt way more by morning. I grabbed my toothbrush and got ready for bed.
As I lied there in my bed, the stinging pain in my head got worse. The room was spinning, and it felt like my head was on fire.
Was I sick? Would my mom even let me stay home if I was? Probably not... She'd say I was faking it. I'll have to tough it out and go to school tomorrow.
Damn.
Tomorrow's going to be awful.
Karma's point of view
Tomorrow was the day.
Tomorrow was the day of the confession.
The day love will drift through the air, filling it with its sweet scent.
Not my love, however.
Nakamura and I pushed Kayano to confess her love to Nagisa, and it's happening tomorrow. It hurts, but I know it's for the best. Nagisa's better off with a sweet girl like Kayano than freak like me. As lie there in bed, fantasizing about the love Nagisa and I could have shared, in a distant dream, a distant reality, I think to myself.
Damn.
Tomorrow's going to be awful.
__________
This was the day.
The day everything came crashing down.
Nagisa's point of view
I woke up, the stinging pains from yesterday's beating wracking my body with pain.
As I limp to the bathroom I notice that my mom wasn't home. Which didn't make sense, since we always eat breakfast together. Even so I was relieved.
As I tie my hair up a stinging pain engulfed my head. Rubbing the roots, I realized that I'd be forced to wear my hair down today. And everyone will ask what happened.
Great.
I left the house a bit later than usual, and took the later train. I'd still be on time, but a little bit later than I was.
I sat down in my seat, and just zoned out for a while. It feels good to do that sometimes. Just losing complete sense of reality and just drifting away--
"H-Hey, Nagisa?" A familiar voice stuttered.
"Yes Kayano?" I reply, trying my best to not look like I got hit by a bus.
"I-I was just wondering if we could talk privately after school? M-maybe somewhere in the woods or..."
"Sure" I reply, simply trying to get through the day.
Karma's point of view
I give Kayano a thumbs up as she walks back to her seat. I'm trying to be supportive. I really am. But it's difficult to help someone steal your love.
But I couldn't help but notice Nagisa's exhausted expression. The way he gave one word replies to most questions. And last but not least, that I his hair was down. That indicates that he didn't have time to tie it up, or for some other reason. I wonder.
After school I didn't want to go home, so I went into the forest. I followed the path to my favorite rock. It's actually quite comfortable. Sometimes I sit there and ponder random things for hours, other times I do my homework here, or I just stare at the clouds. Whatever I do here, it's just my secret spot. I wouldn't here the end of it if anyone knew about this place.
As I lie there looking up at the gloomy sky, I ponder how rapidly Kayano and Nagisa's relationship would expand. How many kids would they have? What would there wedding look like? Would I be Nagisa's best man? Will he just forget about me?
Tears fill my eyes at the thought of him forgetting about me. I cover my mouth with my arm, containing my sobs as I listen to the leaves rustle. I just sat there and listened to everything. The wind, the birds, my soft sobbing, and voices.
Wait.
Voices?
I immediately jump off the rock and sprint into the forest. I hide in some bushes to see who was coming.
As if it couldn't get worse, it did. It was Kayano and Nagisa. I sat there in the bushes. Sobs engulfing my body. And I just listen.
"So Nagisa, I-I wanted t-to tell you s-something important." Kayano's voice squeaked.
"Ok." Was all Nagisa replied with.
"S-So, I always thought that you were a great guy, a-and the way you put yourself in danger to save me and I just well I just-"
Her voice was cut off. The mental image of Kayano being kissed by Nagisa flooded by brain. By tears kept on falling.
"I'm sorry Kayano, but I have a lot on my plate right now. Could this maybe wait for another time?"
At that moment my heart filled with a million emotions. Happiness, confusion, fear, hope. It was all there. I needed time to think. So I got up, and sprinted off without making a single sound.
Nagisa's point of view
After me and Kayano had that talk about whatever she was gonna say I left.
And didn't go home.
Like hell I was going home.
That was a mistake.
I just wandered around town. I ended up in some random place. I didn't bother asking for directions though. This looked like a shady neighborhood.
That was also a mistake.
All I ate today was a granola bar I packed in my bag before I left. I had money on me sure, but I didn't stop to eat.
That was a mistake.
As I wandered aimlessly around town, taking my chances and crossing the empty streets. The roaring sound of rubber on the asphalt rings in my ears.
I kept walking.
That was the biggest mistake of them all.