Chapter Text
Everything was too loud- the cheering, the jeering, even the staring burrowed into her skull. Her head felt too full, and her ears felt as if they were a decibel away from bursting. She sat there head bowed, staring at her folded hands and repeated her mantra.
You can get through this Rey.
Her magic words, the special spell of safety she had always chanted when things became too much. Funny that she had never once uttered those words towards him before everything was burnt to cinders before her eyes. No warning bells, no forewarning, just clear skies, and happy smiles. Then came the fire, the lies, the confusion, the hurt.
“Dameron! Dameron!” the crowd continued to shout.
You can get through this, Rey.
With a surge of courage, Rey dared to take a surreptitious glance at the man who had shown her heaven and then damned her to hell. He sat in another chair across the stage. His hair was long again, she noted. Long, raven, and wavy. She hated what the change represented. It was just a means for him to hide one of his few visible flaws. Those big, goofy ears. Once upon a time she had adored them. Now those ears were a reminder of what once was, perhaps it was better he kept them concealed.
His eyes were hard, dark amber, and filled to the brim with loathing. She met his gaze and would not back down now. No, she knew the truth, and his judgmental eyes could spend the rest of his life loathing himself. At least, she hoped - for some small modicum of self-loathing was soon to be heading his way. It was only fair after he had ripped her self confidence to shreds. Torn her world asunder. Left her bereft and struggling to function.
And he’s just sitting there staring at me like I’m a lepper. Jackass.
He looked just as handsome as he had the last time they spoke - well, screamed at each other - she begrudgingly admitted. The smug prick looked like he had not lost a single wink of sleep. She knew her own face had required copious amounts of concealer to hide the bags under her eyes.
Rey was sitting there in the nicest outfit she could afford from Goodwill, while he sat there looking like he had just walked off a photoshoot with GQ magazine. Attached to her former fiance was the she-devil herself - the very bitch who had caused all this drama. She was wearing something that looked painted on, and showed way more skin then could be called classy. Hell, Rey had met women who made their living working the streets that covered more than Bazine Netal was currently sporting.
Yet she had the gall to be staring at Rey's far more conservative - and cheap - outfit with haughty disdain. Her perfectly drawn eyebrow were arched in disgust. Bazine's ‘button' nose, which probably cost more than Rey had made in her entire life, scrunched as if smelling something foul. Her lips were painted a horrible shade of purple that appeared nearly black, and they turned into a smirk that rankled Rey’s skin. Purple was not Bazine’s color.
Her bleach blonde hair was perfectly coiffed, her nails manicured, shoes that cost more than a year's rent on Poe and Finn’s apartment on her feet, and a ridiculously gaudy ring was on her hand, catching the stage lights just right more than once. Rey stopped her observation then. Another glint of light pulled her attention to the woman, and Rey noted just where that ring sat on the smug harlot’s hand. Her world came to a halt at that moment, the single moment her body went numb, and she knew the hit would be hard to bear - she relished the numbness in her limbs.
The stab of pain was enough to turn her attention back to her own hands. Specifically one finger. She idly brushed where a ring would be if she had kept wearing it, and burning tears pricked at her eyes.
You can get through this Rey.
“Alright, my lovelies. Let’s get to the bottom of this little drama,” Poe Dameron cooed to the audience.
Rey raised her head. She knew what that paper in Poe’s hands was going to say. She knew the truth. Poe was the one to encourage her to even come on this stupid show. Well, her friend's show was not stupid, per se. Popular day time Jerry Springer-Esque shows - meant to pander to the gossipy stay at home wives and old women, were designed to be that way, all to be well-received within that demographic. She knew Poe was chosen to host because of his dashing good looks and charisma. Still, deciding to come onto the ‘Poe Dameron Show,' and go through with this circus, was a stupid idea.
But Rey was nothing if not a woman of her word. She had agreed to go in a fit of pique and fear. Now, here she was, waiting to air her dirty laundry and be judged by the people. At least she was never a part of social media. The twitter mobs could fight to the death over this. The people could gossip and speculate. All she hoped was to cause enough pain that Ben Solo left her and her family alone.
Rey watched as Poe made a show of unfolding the envelope, taking his time to ramp up the crowd. Can you be doxxed if you don’t have a Twitter account?
“In regards to the polygraph Miss Niima took,” Poe boomed, “when asked if you had ever cheated on Mr. Solo, you told us that you had not. The polygraph determined you-”
You can get through this Rey.
Memories flooded her in a flash. All her worst moments since he had ruined her life.
“What the heck are you talking about?” Rey’s brows crinkled, throwing her hands into the air.
“I think you know exactly what I’m talking about, Rey!” Ben shouted, slamming his fist onto the kitchen counter.
“No, Ben, I really don’t,” Rey shook her head. She was tired after just getting off her shift at Maz’ Diner. She had yet to tell Ben just why she was so tired lately. But when she finally got to see the look on his face when she paid off that honeymoon package for them it would all be worth it. He probably would not let her leave their bed for a few days.
It had been a while. She was just so tired. Well, there was that quickie they had before she had to go to class last week. But that was nothing compared to the hours they could still spend making love, even after being together for two years.
You can get through this Rey, she thought to herself. Just a few more weeks.
“So you’re not going to come clean about this? You’re really just going to stand there and keep your fucking trap shut about this?”
His words startled her. Rey’s gaze turned heated. “Don’t you dare talk to me like that, Benjamin Solo!”
“That’s fucking rich coming from you. I know what you’re hiding!”
Rey froze on the spot. How had he found out? Maz had assured her she’d keep Ben from finding out. Well, there goes the surprise. “Oh.”
“Oh? Oh! You know what? If that’s all you have to say about your ‘nightly activities’ then we’re done here,” Ben let his hands fall to his sides. His whole body was shaking.
Rey, while wondering if Han was right in pushing Ben to go to anger management, still wanted to soothe his upset. He knew how much her independence meant to her. She did not want his money, even if he had boatloads. She wanted to make her own impact on the world.
“We’re not done talking about this, I thought you might be a little put-out, but not this upset-”
“Put out? Fucking hell Rey? Put out? I-I can’t do this. You need to leave. Now!” Ben roared.
"Seriously? Ben, I have class tomorrow! Where the hell am I supposed to go?"
“I don’t give a fuck. Sleep out in the fucking street for all I care. I can’t believe you would do this to me!”
“What? Is my getting a job really that disgusting of an idea to you?” Rey screamed. “Because if it is I need to know now. I’m not getting a degree just to frame a piece of paper!”
“A job? You’re calling that a job?”
“Well yeah? I mean I know it’s not exactly conventional to your standards!”
"Bazine was right, you are really nothing more than a street scavenger!"
Rey reeled as if physically hit by his words. “You- take that back right now, Solo!”
“Get out of my house, Niima. Get out of my house, and get the fuck out of my life!” Ben shouted back, pushing off from the counter. He took a few long, menacing strides and leaned down to spit into her face. “You were the worst mistake I ever made.”
Rey felt numb. All the anger rushed out of her. She lifted her chin, yanked the ring off her finger and set it on the kitchen island. She felt Ben's eyes on her as she walked towards the back door. She grabbed her book-bag on the way out. Still, she felt nothing. She couldn't risk it right at that moment.
“Trusting you was the worst mistake I ever made,” she spoke in monotone as she opened the door.
“Trust? You have the gall to talk to me about-”
“Goodbye, Solo.”
You can get through this Rey.
She stepped out of the door, and out of his life.
The connections of the Solo family ran deep. Even with a degree in mechanical engineering, no one would hire her. No one. She had been living on Finn and Poe's couch for the last three months.
She only had the job at Maz’s Diner. The whole reason Ben had lost his freaking mind was the only thing keeping her afloat right now. Well, afloat was putting it kindly, she felt she was more or less just barely not drowning. Maz had banned all of the Solo’s and their ilk from her establishment in support of Rey. She had appreciated the sentiment. It was somewhere she could go where the whispers and pointing did not follow her every movement.
She stared at the piece of plastic in her hands, her whole body vibrating. Finn’s arms were wrapped around her shoulders, and Poe was pacing back and forth in front of them.
“I’ll wring his fucking neck!”
“You’ve been saying that for months, love,” Finn pointed out.
“I fucking mean it this time!” Poe roared. “How the fuck could Solo do this, and treat Rey like garbage? I thought he’d grown out of being a colossal fucking dick!”
Rey sobbed. You can get through this, Rey.
“Love, can you not? Rey needs us.”
Poe spun around, his eyes softening, becoming glossy. “Right! You know we’re here for you, angel face.”
Rey only sobbed harder. This was so much worse than just losing everything she had known. How was she going to ever find her footing now?
You can get through this, Rey.
“Peanut, you alright?” Finn knocked on the hospital room door.
Rey shook her head. She had not been able to speak a single word. Not since- not since her world crumbled. The ground had opened up beneath her and swallowed her whole. Then it, too, found her unworthy and spat her back out again. She was a husk. A hollow body with no soul, no sense.
Nothing.
“Poe and I saw Leo. He’s with him now, so he’s not alone,” Finn offered, sitting beside her on the hospital bed.
The blankets itched. So did her whole body. Everything hurt. But it all paled to the pain in her own heart.
Rey barked out a haunting laugh. Hole in a heart. Fitting, she thought, her inner voice dripping with venom.
“Rey, you’re going to get through this.”
Today she was not sure she could believe that line. Not today.
"You need to do this, Rey!" Poe argued while she fed Leo his lunch.
“I don’t want to see him again. I don’t need to talk to him. I don’t need, nor want, anything from Benjamin Solo,” Rey shook her head. She kept her tone light for Leo’s sake, but she flashed Poe her ‘shut the fuck up’ glare.
“You need closure. After everything, you need to close that part of your life. You never will if you don’t get the chance to get answers. Or, at the very least, let him feel even a single fucking ounce of what happened.”
“Revenge is not the answer. You ever read the Count of Monte Cristo? Revenge only ends in misery.”
“Fine. Then do it for me. I’ve wanted to string up Solo by his fucking balls for years. Now I have a legitimate reason to go through with it.”
“Still revenge.”
Poe heaved a sigh. "You still cry every night. Please, just think about it. I want to help you, hun."
Rey shuddered. She always pushed the pain away until half an hour before she went to sleep. That was the only time she let herself feel the pain of-of everything. Now was not the time. "If I promise to think about it, will you stop bringing it up?"
Anything to get him to drop it. She hated crying about this - but crying in front of Leo, no. She would not let her son see her so broken.
“Yes!” Poe beamed.
Rey rolled her eyes. It figured he would act like he had gotten his way. She had no intention of confronting Benjamin Solo. She had enough pain to last a million lifetimes.
“Fine.”
You can get through this, Rey.
The deciding moment was a chance meeting. Leo was running a fever, and Rey needed to run to the pharmacy to pick up some children’s Tylenol. Poe and Finn had a nice apartment downtown. Being the middle of summer Rey decided to take the bus rather than wait for her ‘roommates’ to come back home.
As she was crossing the street to the pharmacy, she ran into the man who had taught her the true meaning of the word heartache. On his arm was the woman who had been trying desperately to get herself into Ben’s bed the entire time Rey and Ben had been together. According to Phasma, it had been that way for years before Rey had come into the picture as well.
Rey held her tongue and tried to pass them both. Having bumped into Ben in passing, she prayed the universe would give her this one kindness. The universe, seemingly interested in how much of a beating Rey could take, was not feeling particularly kind.
“Well, look what the garbage man dragged in?” Bazine called.
Rey bit her lip, intending on just letting the barb roll off her. She’d been through so much worse than being called garbage. A hand on her wrist stopped her in her tracks.
“Let me go,” she hissed.
"Oh look, Benny. We've upset her. And how are you, Rey? I heard you had a kid now. Still working the streets trying to feed the little monster?"
Rey froze and her gaze shot to the vile woman. “Don’t you dare speak about my childr- child,” Rey hissed, that familiar pain clenching her heart.
“Don’t you talk to my fiance like that, you slut!”
The words spilling from the man in front of her had a wave of familiar anger bubbling inside her. She had not felt anger in so long. It was not heart-wrenching agony, so she went with it.
Her hand shot out and struck his cheek before the red had removed itself from her very being. Rey drew her stinging hand back to her side and stared up at the man - no - the monster, that was the root cause of everything.
“You bitch!” Bazine shrieked.
Ben stood there, frozen. Rey realized the moment his rage had taken hold of him. She braced herself, but even with that second of forewarning, she felt as if she had been hit with a brick when he struck her with his hand. She crumpled to the ground.
“I can’t believe I ever saw anything in you,” Ben hissed.
“Come on, Benny. Let’s not waste our time with the trash,” Bazine tugged on his arm.
“Yes, please, go on and leave me the fuck alone.”
Ben’s grin turned dark. “I will, but perhaps I should call child protective services and warn them about a certain unfit mother.”
Rey shot up, even though her knee cried out in agony. “You really are a monster.”
Ben leaned down, a haughty smirk on his lips. "No, Rey. I'm really not. But, with you, I'll make an exception."
She stood there, watching them walk away. Bazine was dragging him along, insisting they were going to be late. Rey stood there for a few minutes, questions she had long forgotten she had swirling around in her head.
More than that was the rage.
Ben Solo was a monster.
And she was going to prove it to him.
You can get through this Rey.
“No!”
The shriek broke Rey out of her musings. She looked over at Poe, and he was offering her a wide smile. She chanced a look at the audience, and the once jeering crowd was now offering her sympathetic looks. Her gaze traveled next to Ben's family and friends sitting in the audience - their mouths open in shock. Finally, her gaze traveled to the monster and his fiancee.
Bazine looked ready to spit out her $500 nails. And Ben-
Ben was unreadable.
Monster. She thought.
“And with that-”
“No! She had to be lying. I have proof she was cheating!” Bazine shrieked.
Rey frowned. Cheating? I thought this was all because Ben was a controlling monster who didn’t want me to work?
Poe’s eyes seemed to be practically shining. “Oh! Well then, please share this proof with us.”
Bazine pulled out her phone and scrolled through some pictures. "Here! This is the one. This is Rey, and she is clearly kissing someone who isn't my Benny!"
Poe took the phone from her, glancing at the screen for a moment before remarking to his guests and the audience, “If you’ll give us a minute, I’ll have my tech guys pull these up then.”
Rey felt more lost than she had before this whole day started. Pictures, of her, cheating? She’d never so much as hugged a stranger, let alone kissed someone who wasn’t Ben. She was not much for physical contact, unless it was Poe or Finn. That had always been on the cheek though. What in the hell is going on?
After a few minutes, the pictures in question were up on the screen behind them. Rey frowned while examining the supposed evidence. Why the hell did Bazine even still have these pictures on her phone nearly two years later?
“Because I’m smart. I knew we were coming on this show and I was not coming empty-handed!”
Rey bit her bottom lip. Had she asked that out loud? The pictures cycled through. She kept waiting to see her full face in the pictures, but she never did. Not once. Sure the profile shot was similar. But Rey's nose wasn't that big, was it?
She brought her hand to her nose to feel it, wondering if it was that big. She shook her head. That woman wasn’t her. She’d never cheated on Ben. She never kissed the man in the photos. Clearly, these two knew each other, and sure it looked incriminating, but that wasn't her. Rey felt guilty some nameless man and woman were now having a photo of their rendezvous aired on live television.
Bazine is a damn harpy. Fitting, the monsters belong together.
“We’ve got the date from the original photo titles. Rey, do you recall what you were doing Saturday the 20th of May in 2017?” Poe asked.
Rey shook her head. “I mean, other than my shift at Maz’s, not really.”
Bazine snorted. “How can you remember what shift you worked? I call bullshit!”
Rey felt fury burn within her. “Maybe if you’d worked a day in your pampered little life, you might know something about it? I worked every weekend shift I could, those were the best nights for tips. Maz was helping me out so I could afford-” Rey stopped talking.
The monster did not deserve answers. That was what she was here for. Maybe a bit of revenge too.
Ben tilted his head to the side. Oddly silent the entire time. “Working? At Maz’s Diner?”
“Yeah, I’d been doing it all of my last semester,” the words spilled out of her mouth before she could stop them. “But you know tha-”
“Why the hell would you need to work while you were dating my Benny? He can afford anything? Again! Bullshit and lies. Further proof you’re a pathological liar.”
“Big words for a high school dropout, there,” Rey bit out.
“What were you saving money for?” Ben asked her, his voice low and angry.
Rey’s face scrunched into a scowl. Her eyes were hard when she bit out the words, “I wanted to provide something to our wedding. I thought I’d surprise you with a honeymoon I’d paid for myself.”
Bazine threw her head back and chortled. “What could working at a dingy diner get you? A honeymoon in the boonies?”
Rey chose not to answer. “Do you have proof of this?” Poe pressed.
Rey shrugged. “I mean, I put a deposit down for the trip. I never was able to get it back. Should be on my credit card statement.”
"It could be anything! Without proof, she's just making something up to get sympathy from the audience."
Rey wanted to scream, or just get up and leave. You can get through this Rey. “I had no idea Solo even thought I was cheating. I thought he broke up with me because he was upset I got a job. Something beneath him as some corporate hotshot. Forgive me for coming unprepared for this,” Rey spat. “Now the cheating questions make sense,” she added as an afterthought.
She kept glancing at Ben, but he still remained stone-faced. She sent a pleading look towards Poe. ‘No more,' she begged him with a look.
"Well, as fascinating as this all is, the real reason we are here is to find out the paternity of Rey's children."
Rey froze. She stared at Poe as if he had grown another head. He was actively avoiding her gaze. This was not in the script. He was only supposed to mention Leo not-
“Children? You mean the slut has had more than one?”
Rey turned towards Bazine and screamed. “Don’t you ever speak of my little girl like that again, you bitch!”
Rey heard the horrified gasps from the audience. She turned and felt her heart being ripped from her chest. There, before her on the screen, was the only picture she had with her, Leo and Luna together. Her heart was breaking all over again.
It was clear from the image on the screen the little girl was sick. Her skin was horribly jaundiced, her skin was saggy, and her body was so much smaller than the little boys. Her little girl.
Rey sobbed. “Luna,” she whispered, reaching towards her.
“Rey, what happened to her?” Poe asked.
She turned to face him, seeing him kneeling before her. He knew, and damn him for even asking. She chanced a look towards Ben who still sat there still as a statue. How could he sit there and look up at the screen and not feel a thing? As much as she had painted him a monster in her mind to get through the day, she had never really believed it.
Now, her heart broke because it was true. Ben Solo was a monster. Fuck it. Count of Monte Cristo it is.
The rage and pain blended together into a tsunami of emotions that choked her words and spilled tears from burning eyes. She tried to hold them back, both the words and tears, but they were forcing themselves out of her. "She- she was born with a serious heart defect. She-she had a hole in her heart. She was too weak to even be put on the transplant list. She lived for twelve hours, twelve heartbreaking, agonizing hours. I-I couldn't help her. I-I failed her. If I'd been to the doctor more, or, just, been better maybe she'd-"
“Oh no, hun. There was nothing more you could have done,” Poe whispered into her hair. He had set the mic down and had her wrapped in an embrace.
“So her child died? What does that have to do with anything?”
Poe rounded on her, and while reaching for the mic his audience erupted. The jeers were now directed at Bazine. Rey tuned them out, her attention returning towards the picture still on the screen.
"Enough! I think Rey's been through enough," he ripped open the envelope one of his stagehands handed him. "According to the paternity test you took when agreeing to come on this show, Benjamin Solo, you are the father of little Leo and Luna Niima!”
The audience was in chaos. Rey refused to look at the monster’s face. Now he knew. Now he too could shoulder some of the pain. She did feel a bit better.
“You’ve ruined everything!”
Rey looked to the quiet audience, and what she found had a small, vicious, vindictive feeling of glee bubble up inside of her. Perhaps Edmond Dantes had it right, a bit of vengeance did not feel too bad. She would stop here though, no need to be greedy. This was enough.
Poe smirked as he placed his hand back at his side. “Oh, how so, Miss Netal?”
“It doesn’t prove that Rey didn’t cheat!”
That was when a woman rushed the stage. "How dare you! That poor woman's been through hell, and here you are holding onto that! Hell, even I could see those two women aren't the same. Unless the poor girl’s had a nose job!"
Rey watched Poe wave off his security team. “Oh? Well, Rey, have you had a nose job in the last few years?”
Rey shook her head. “How can I afford a nose job when I have a child to take care of? Leo’s all I have left, I’m not wasting money on some frivolous cosmetic crap!”
“It is her!” Bazine insisted.
“Enough!”
So the monster finally speaks.
“Benny?” Bazine mumbled.
Rey decided to look at him. She felt strong enough to face him now. The playing field felt more level. His gaze was focused on her. “Is it true?”
“What - that I’m a cheating whore according to your fiancee? Or that we had two children?” Rey spat.
“The- the children,” he stuttered.
Rey nodded.
Ben stood, and Rey flinched. In moments, Snap Wexley, Poe's head of security, was standing between Ben and herself. Ben stopped and held up his hands. "I'm not going to hurt her."
“Funny, considering the last time you saw me you hit me so hard I nearly broke my knee hitting the pavement,” Rey hissed.
She could do this. She could face the monster.
She watched him flinch. “I’m sorry. I-I didn’t know.”
Rey rolled her eyes and held her chin up in defiance. “Oh, so I should just forgive you because you didn’t know? No. You trusted that over me. You took the word of a gold-digging skank over your fiance and the mother of your children,” Rey took a deep breath and turned to Poe. “We done here? I think you’ve got more than enough.”
Poe nodded his head. “We can offer counseling-”
“Fuck your counseling, and fuck any idea of reconciliation. I came here for closure. I got it.” Rey turned her gaze towards Ben. “I told you, you’re a monster.”
Ben hung his head. “I-yes, I am.”
With that finished, Rey nodded and walked off the set. Snap stayed by her side. She needed to get Leo and get out of here. Far away from the monster who broke her world. She had wounded him, but she would not fall for his pathetic act. As soon as the cameras were off she was sure the monster would be coming for her. She would not be here when that time came.
Just as she was about to walk into the green room that held Leo and Rose, a hand reached out and grabbed her arm. She whirled around, palm striking against skin.
“Oi! I know I’ve been a bloody prat, but no need for violence, Rey!”
The shock of ginger hair met her gaze first.
“Hux?”
“Hey, Rey. Can we talk?”