Chapter Text
Lena doesn’t know why she said it.
It’s such a short string of words, who knew the consequences they could wreak on her future. Well, Nia, perhaps. But she seemed to be preoccupied at that particular moment, paying no heed to the slew of sounds that came tumbling out of Lena’s mouth thoughtlessly.
It could be that the day had slowly ground down her patience, starting with a board meeting that quickly devolved into bickering and thinly veiled insults followed by a skipped lunch that had left Lena with a light throbbing headache by the early afternoon. It certainly didn’t help that upon arriving to game night she was sat across from Kara who looked annoyingly adorable in comfy clothes and a sleepy pout, a sharp contrast to Lena’s work skirt and the hum of her fourth afternoon coffee still echoing through her veins. And now Winn was leaned into her side, doodling absently in the corner of her score sheet.
As far as game nights go, this one has been utterly unremarkable. They’ve cycled through the games stacked high in Kara’s apartment alphabetically over the past few weeks, playing one or more games per night depending on the energy levels of the group (they’d slowed their pace after a particularly boisterous triple header of parcheesi, pictionary, and poker left everyone a little too drunk, broke, and peeved at Lena and Brainy for somehow dominating at all three.) and have found themselves at the near end of the alphabet.
“The name of the game is Yahtzee!” Kara had called out to the group as they gathered around her table, only to be met with a collective grumble and a murmured call for another bottle of wine.
Ordinarily the group would be able to turn any game into a lively and rambunctious event, if last week’s game of ‘Truth or Drink’ that left Lena with a stomach churning hangover and belly full of regret was anything to go by.
But tonight there seems to be a fatigue blanketing the whole group, with the DEO seeing a surge in activity and Catco unusually busy with a spike in high profile hate speech and increased alien targeted violence. Even Kara’s usual bubbliness is tapered down, her chin resting in her palm while her other fist periodically moves to her mouth to stifle a yawn.
Nia and Brainy are the only ones who seem somewhat immune to the sombreness of the rest of the group, the two huddled near the end of the table, Brainy doing sleight of hand tricks while Nia makes short videos of them on her phone.
“God, I hate this game.”
“Oh don’t be dramatic, Winn.” Alex punctuates the sentence with a rather aggressive roll of the dice, the plastic clacking loudly against the wood of Kara’s table.
Lena taps her finger to the beat of a song playing lowly from the corner speaker ,watching with detached interest as Alex scans the pieces sprawled before her with a small sigh before plucking three dice from the table and tossing them back into her cup. Even with the stale atmosphere and Alex’s grumpy quips, Lena feels content. It had taken her far longer than she likes to admit to fully open up to the group, but now that she has she feels a sense of belonging that she was missing before. An affinity that encompasses more people than she thought her heart was capable of caring for, with one particular person right at the center.
Lena chances a glance across the table to where Kara sits slouching over the tabletop. Her hair is a bit mussed and her glasses are starting to slide down her nose but even looking like she’s about to fall asleep right there at a table full of people there’s still a ghost of a grin on her face that makes Lena’s throat feel tight with a blithe sort of happiness.
“But it’s Yahtzee . It reminds me of my grandmother.” Winn drones on, his face half squished into his palm while his other hand doodles idly in the corner of Lena’s score sheet. “And Brainy always wins anyway.”
“Hey,” Kara interjects, straightening in her chair, “we honor and respect all submissions into the game night rotation. No exceptions.” The severity of her tone is undercut by the yawn she tries to stifle behind her fist.
“I take no pleasure in besting you, Mr. Schott.”
Winn snorts, “Oh, I’m sure.”
“It’s a simple exercise in probability. Child’s play.” Brainy chirps. “Isn’t that the purpose of these game nights or have I misunderstood?”
“Brainy, I’m gonna need you to focus here,” Nia says, her phone camera framed expectantly on his hands and the coin that rests idly on the table near his fingertips, “That quarter’s not gonna disappear itself.”
“Why are you filming magic tricks again?” Alex asks, gathering up the dice and sliding the cup toward Winn.
“They’re illusions!” Nia corrects.
Lena answers Alex’s question for Nia absently over the rim of her wine glass. “Marketing wants all mid-level employees to start amping up their social media presence.”
She’d gotten the briefing from James earlier that week.
(“I see the merit, but I still think attaching the company name to every post about someone’s lunch will eventually lead to a slip up. We’re already facing higher scrutiny than in year’s past, the last thing we need is someone doing something stupid like posting a drunk photo with a source.”
“Oh, please. I think you’re just sour because, despite your promotion, the famous Jimmy Olsen still isn’t exempt from the social media campaign.”
“You’re not wrong, but I still think it’s risky.”
“And I think you need to loosen up and let your staff have a little fun with the public that they so dutifully defend.”)
“It’s being well received by shareholders so far. I mean,” Lena flicks her free hand with an air of levity, the corners of her lips ticking up, “Catco does have such charming employees after all.”
Kara sends her a sleepy grin from across the table that is objectively charming. Lena smothers a returning smile behind the rim of her glass and the deep affection that’s bubbling up her throat with a gulp of wine.
Winn huffs as he takes stock of the dice.”Guess I’m taking my chance already.” He murmurs and slides the cup to Lena. “Your roll.”
“So, do people watch them? Your videos?” Alex asks, leaning back in her chair and stretching.
“Not really.” Nia shrugs. “Not like Kara’s food truck posts anyway- here, do the card one next.” Nia slides a deck of cards across the table toward Brainy. “But people seem to like my ‘hottest Catco nap spots’ series that I’ve been posting to my Facegram.”
Kara chuckles at that, soft and sleepy, “Those are so fun.” She hums, eyes drooping contentedly, “So pure.”
“Exactly! People want to see something lighter on their feed these days. Something happy. So I’m just gonna throw stuff out there and see what sticks.”
“Sounds like Winn’s Ember profile. Up top!” Alex smirks, lifting her palm over the top of Winn’s head toward Lena expectantly. Lena is too focused on the dice sprawled out before her to think twice before her own hand is drawing itself to meet Alex’s reflexively.
“Oh ha ha . And Lena Kieran Luthor! Don’t you high five that!” Winn reaches up to swat at Lena’s hand with a grimace. “Miss I don’t need to use dating apps because I could date anyone I want but for some reason choose not to.” he says, his voice pitched up mockingly.
Lena snorts. “You seem to forget that I’m a Luthor-”
“No, no I got it. Billionaire, genius, perfect bone structure.”
“And social pariah.” Lena gathers the dice from the table and drops them in the cup with finality. Discussion of her love life had always brought about a tightness in her chest. A sad reminder that she would never date like her peers, would never have the freedom to explore relationships without the looming shadows of her family and their collective past and her own crippling self sacrifice for the sake of her goals. The few short relationships she did manage to have were built on secrets or untenable boundaries, half truths and just enough distance to keep whoever was foolish enough to think her a reliable partner at arms length. And to be honest, Lena had never found someone willing to stand behind her, to stand beside her instead of in her way. Someone strong enough to see her for the force that she is, the force that she can be. Or at least no one had ever tried.
“Hey, you have us!” Kara’s voice cuts through her thoughts, reaching for the cup in Lena’s hand with a gentle smile. Her fingers brush Lena’s reassuringly and Lena can’t help but bend into the touch for just a moment before straightening again in her seat with a sad smile.
“What I mean is that despite what you may think, I don’t exactly have suitors lining up around the block. I’m either repugnant because of my last name or too intimidating because of my successes in spite of it. It’s a romantic catch twenty two.”
“But you’re... you .” Winn gestures wildly toward Lena, “if you can’t find dates then what hope do the rest of us have?!”
Lena doesn’t know why she says it, only that she feels it climbing up in her throat, an itch that she didn’t know she wanted to scratch until the words are tumbling out of her, raw and shamefully satisfying.
“Well, if I’m such a catch then maybe someone should just step up and ask me out then.”
Kara stutters in her roll, the dice hitting the table with a forceful bounce that sends one cube careening dangerously close to a wincing Alex’s face.
“Hey! Watch it!”
“Sorry.” Kara mumbles.
Winn stands abruptly, his chair screeching against the floor as he kneels down beside Lena with a flourish.
“Would you do me the absolute honor,” he slides both of his hands around one of Lena’s own and tilts his chin up to look directly into her eyes with alarming sincerity, “of accompanying me on a romantic and in no way platonic date between friends who could be more if only you were to take a chance and for once, just say yes?”
Lena sits stunned for a beat, a flash of panic flaring in her gut before she clocks the quivering corners of Winn’s mouth, and a relieved laugh bubbles out of her, full and bright. “Why thank you Mr Schott, I’m- I’m flattered,” She leans down toward her kneeling friend’s ear, her voice dropping in timbre but not volume. A stage whisper, “but you’re not exactly my type.”
Two dice go tumbling over the edge of the table.
“Yikes!” Nia and Alex say in tandem and Winn clutches at his chest in faux heartbreak and betrayal. He shoots Lena a wink and stumbles playfully back into his chair.
Lena can feel that warm affinity for her friends spreading through her again as she laughs at their antics, Alex and Nia teasing Winn playfully while Kara grumbles from under the table in search of the errant dice.
“Okay, I for one would like to erase this entire conversation from my memory, so who wants to play Truth or Drink!?”
“NO!!” “Hard no, Alex!” “God, absolutely not!”
-----
The rest of Lena’s weekend is idyllically quiet.
By the time she’s pressing the button to call for an elevator to the LCorp lobby on Monday morning, several updated design drafts born from her interruption-free weekend on her thumb drive just waiting for a trip to the lab, she’s feeling surprisingly refreshed. Rejuvenated even, in a way that is only made more serene by a blessedly hot americano in one hand and the dopey face of one Kara Danvers shining up from the display of her phone in the other.
The photo is one that Kara had taken of the two of them the other night, her arms holding Lena’s phone outstretched, scrunching her features into a goofy pout, while Lena’s chin rested on her shoulder mid laugh. Kara had looked down at the photo for a few moments, her eyes softening into that clear blue that always set something fluttering in Lena’s stomach, before tapping at the screen and handing the phone back to Lena with the photo as her new lockscreen.
“You look happy.” Kara had said softly.
“I am.” The ease at which the words had sprung out of her had surprised Lena, but she knew without question they were true.
Kara’s brow had twitched up at the center for just a moment, such a fleeting gesture that Lena had thought maybe she had imagined it, before her voice dipped playfully low, “and I look super hot.”
They had both laughed at that until Alex had shoved a cup of dice into Kara’s hand and the moment had broken.
Lena smiles down at her phone, the memory distracting her enough that she almost doesn’t hear the approach of shuffled footsteps that come to a stop just beside her.
It’s not that she doesn’t trust strangers, but once you live through several assassination attempts you get a little jumpy. Lex’s goons had gone underground for the most part after his capture, and her security is tighter than ever, but she still can’t stop her shoulders from tensing or the hairs on the back of her neck from standing on end at the closeness of the person now angled toward her.
She turns to the figure with a polite smile and a nod before returning to her phone to feign reading a promotional email and praying for the arrival of the elevator.
From what she can see, her silent company is a young man with a mid level LCorp employee badge that catches on the fabric of his tie as he shifts his weight from foot to foot. He’s close enough that his cologne bites at her nose, only barely covering up the hint of sweat that another peak to her periphery tells her is pooling beneath his arms.
He doesn’t seem threatening, afterall if he had wanted to harm her he could have done it already, he’s standing close enough for christs sake. And if the nervous way he wrings his hands is any indication, he is more terrified of her than she is of him.
The longer they stand there in silence the heavier the weight of the man’s gaze feels as it bores into her side. Do these elevators need to be upgraded? What the hell is taking so long?
Lena finally musters a neutral smile and turns fully toward the man with one carefully ticked eyebrow.
“Can I help you…?”
“Oh.” The eyes that meet Lena’s are alarmingly wide. “Good, and you?” He lets out a nervous chuckle at his own blunder, wiping his palms on his shirt while Lena stares back at him blankly. “Pfft. Mondays, right?” He swallows thickly.
Lena stands steeping in the awkward silence, her brow slowly scrunching together in confusion and mild alarm. The tension in the air is so awkward it hurts. She wishes Kara were here, she always knows what to say in these situations.
“Are you alright?” Lena uses her best Kara voice, her tone soft and concerned.
The man opens his mouth to speak but before any sound can escape he’s snapping his jaw shut again. He blinks, a strangled noise escaping from somewhere in his throat just before he turns on his heel and walks briskly out the lobby doors and into the streets of National City.
What the hell …
Lena stares after him, unsure if the entire encounter had been imagined or maybe some sort of elaborate prank. Had Sam put him up to this? Whatever this was.
“Hey, there you are!”
Speaking of..
Sam’s voice draws Lena’s attention away from what must be the strangest social encounter she’s had since boarding school to her windswept CFO and an opening elevator.
“Jess wants us upstairs stat. Something about a PR emergency.”
Sam grabs her by the elbow and pulls Lena along with her into the waiting elevator, waving her keycard in front of the elevator’s control panel before slouching into the corner with a sigh.
“Who was that guy?” Sams asks, leaning a shoulder into the wall as she digs her phone out of her back pocket.
“I legitimately have no idea.”
“Wow, you really are terrible at small talk.”
“One, rude. Two, I wouldn’t really call that encounter small talk.” Lena exhales, “He just sort of... stammered at me and then walked away.”
Sam doesn’t look up from her screen as she replies, “Well, he looked like you just kink shamed him in front of his bible study group.”
“I barely even said two words to him!“ Lena swats at Sam’s shoulder.
“Must be that Luthor charm, then.” Sam says with a smirk over her shoulder as the doors open and she strides into the open hallway.
“You know you’re really not as funny as you think you are.” Its a feeble comeback but she’s still reeling from the strange encounter and can’t think of anything snarkier as she trudges grumpily behind the shrugging CFO to her office.
-----
There are three videos queued on the screen in the conference room. A wiry woman stands off in the corner tapping away at her phone while a man with a receding hairline and an overly starched suit presses a button to lower the window shades.
“Our department was alerted of a series of videos being circulated this weekend that could pose a risk to the company-”
“If it’s another troll posting outlandish eugenic theories using the company name, I trust the PR department can handle it without the attentions of the top brass?” Lena tries not to let her annoyance slip out between her teeth, but by the look on the man’s face she thinks she may not have entirely succeeded.
“This involves you directly, Ms. Luthor.” The man says firmly, stepping to the side of the long marble table and pointing a slender remote at the screen that hangs from the ceiling with no further preamble.
The first video begins to play and Lena instantly recognizes the scene. It’s Kara’s apartment, her game night playlist thumping lowly in the background, undercut with the distinct sound of dice being shaken. The camera is framed around Brainy as he flicks his wrist and makes a coin disappear from view of the camera. Lena knows what’s coming before she sees it, can feel something curling dangerously in her stomach as she catches sight of the side of her own face in the background, her flushed smile peeking out from behind Brainy’s shoulder just before the video ends.
“So Lena has questionable taste in friends,” Sam laughs, crossing her arms and addressing the room, “And you can barely see her in that clip! I really don’t see why PR is involved.”
“Sam-” Lena places a hand on her friend’s arm. She doesn’t need to see the rest of the videos to know that they probably contain something that could be considered incriminating, however mild mannered, for the simple reason of having her face attached to it. The sharks at Lord Technologies have been chomping at the bit for any dirt that could bring LCorp’s stock value down, and Lena has a sickening feeling that it was just handed to them.
She wracks her brain for any potentially damning memory of the night, wincing when she remembers more than one wine fueled conversation with Winn about designs that have not technically been cleared for public release.
“What!? Magic isn’t that bad.” Sam turns to face the man, “I’m sure you went through an embarrassing phase in your life at some point.” She leans forward, resting her elbows on the conference table with a glint of amusement in her eyes. “Let me guess, it was something like hula hooping... Or miming!”
“There’s more footage to view if you’re quite done… commenting.” The man’s tone is stern but the hint of red that tints his cheeks is unmistakable as he points the remote back to the screen.
Sam leans in close to Lena’s ear and whispers, “It was miming.” before slouching back into her chair with a self-satisfied smirk as the second video begins to play.
Ordinarily Lena would have to work far harder to suppress her amusement at Sam’s facetiousness. But as video Brainy’s hands shuffle a deck of cards, the action overlayed with sparkles and an animated rainbow that flashes mockingly on the wall of her conference room, Lena has to focus on fighting back the dread that twists in her stomach.
The music is softer, the chatter in the background much clearer than in the first video, and Lena drops her forehead fully into her hand at the sound of her full name being half shouted by a clearly annoyed Winn.
“Okay, that one’s a little bit harder to dispute.” Sam harrumphs.
“Yes, National City isn’t exactly teeming with Lena Kieran Luthors, is it.”
It’s the first time she’s heard the wiry woman speak since she’s entered the room and Lena curls her free hand into a fist so as not to text Jess under the table and have the woman demoted to sales for her snark. Who cares if the woman is right and only trying to do her job by protecting the company. Lena is enduring the mortifying experience of having her unguarded moments be unexpectedly exposed to the public, even if they’re just in the periphery. This woman can rot in sales for her sarcasm.
The last video begins to play and Lena doesn’t bother to look up at the screen. She doesn’t have to. She can hear video Winn’s voice clearly enough from where she hopes her head has now permanently taken up residence in her hand.
“-what hope do the rest of us have!?”
And oh no. It’s so much worse than she imagined. Why couldn’t it be her spilling the specs of her belt/grappling hook design?!
“Well, if I’m such a catch then maybe someone should just step up and ask me out th-.”
It’s unmistakably her voice. Anyone with an internet connection and half a brain would be able to pair the cadence and timbre of the video’s voice with any number of her interviews or press briefings. Except instead of talking about her company’s latest achievements, Lena is practically begging indiscriminately for a date.
The video ends and the room falls into a thick silence. Lena feels a deep flush creep up her neck as her heart thuds heavy in her ears and a sickening twist wraps around her insides.
“...Oh.”
“That’s more of the reaction this situation qualifies for, Ms. Arias.” The wiry woman sneers, and oh, Lena is definitely writing a strongly worded performance review for her later. After she gets her head to stop throbbing and her stomach to stop turning traitorously.
“These were posted three days ago and have since gone viral.”
Lena takes a deep breath, straightening in her seat and steeling her shoulders. There’s no time to wallow in self pity. She once again has a reputation to mend.
“What do you mean when you say they’ve gone viral.”
“Well…” the man looks uncertain on how to continue, “they’ve been circulated rapidly between several users-”
Lena cuts him off with a sharp glare, “I know what viral means. What I’m asking is to what extent and by what means.”
“Oh, well as far as we can tell, it originated from a Nia Nal’s social media account-”
“Clearly.”
“- and from there was picked up by a blogging website. We were able to suspend a few of the accounts that had initially posted the videos to Mumblr, but the last video in particular is still being spread. We’re estimating it’s been viewed upwards of two hundred thousand times in two days.”
“Okay. That’s not too bad, right!” Sam cuts in, bringing her hands together with a clap. “Its not like it’s been picked up by TMX or Tonight’s Entertainment, this should blow over by the end of the day.”
“Ms. Luthor is the face of this company, and while she has been able to deflect criticism regarding the company’s past misdoings, this reflects poorly on her character directly.” He pauses to straighten his tie, “Lechery isn’t exactly at the top of the list of great leadership qualities. If shareholders get wind-”
“Whoa! Hold the phone, I know you aren’t implying that Lena is some sort of slutty… maneater. Womaneater?” Sam squints, head cocking to the side, “people-eater...?”
Lena murmurs, “Not helping, Sam.”
“I mean, what she said was sad-”
“Still not helping.”
“-pathetic, even-”
“Oh, good lord.” Lena sighs.
“-but it’s not like she’s jumping into every bed in National City.” Sam continues, waving her arms through the air, “She just wants to go on a date for gods sake, she’s still a human being! And if this were Lex or any other man for that matter this would be a non-issue!”
“We’re just trying to get out ahead of this in the event that it becomes an issue, Ms. Arias.”
Lena stands abruptly, desperate to put some distance between herself and whatever nightmare she stepped into when she entered the conference room.
“If that’s quite all, I do have other business to attend to.” she says in a surprisingly steady tone. “Get our social media people out in front of this, I want it killed swiftly. And keep me briefed, I want a progress report by the end of the day.”
She turns before another word can be said and sets a brisk pace to the safety of her office. She’s halfway down the hall before she finally releases a shaky breath that she didn’t know she’d been holding.
How humiliating . She’d sounded like some lovelorn, desperate teenager. Years she’d spent painstakingly chiseling her professional persona only to be brought down by her own moment of self-pitying weakness. Sam was right, it did sound pathetic. Juvenile even, and as loathe as she is to admit it, her PR team was right. If this were to continue to spread, she’d have to spend years rebuilding her professional facade if her business associates and shareholders were to ever take her seriously again.
Wait, is that why that man approached her this morning?
Oh god, Lillian is going to have a hayday with this…
“Lena, wait up!” Sam’s quick footsteps draw near and Lena takes a steadying breath.
“Whew! That guy seriously needs to loosen up. His hairline cannot afford much more stress.” Sam says as they fall into step.
“He’s not completely off base.”
“Wait, Lena, you know this is nothing, right?” She places a reassuring hand on Lena’s shoulder, bringing their pace to a stop and turning to her earnestly, “People get caught saying and doing weird stuff on camera all the time, it’s just the world we live in. No one will care about this, I promise.” Sam gives her shoulder a squeeze and Lena feels a monocum of stress begin to ebb away, “This is small potatoes, it’ll blow over by the afternoon.”
Lena manages to muster a smile as they continue their walk toward her office.
“Thanks, Sam.”
As they round the corner, the sight that greets them stops them both short. Jess struggles to carry a large teddy bear with a garish embroidered heart in it’s stuffed bear paws, it’s neck tucked into the crook of her elbow in what can only be described as a headlock, as she juggles two vases of flowers in her hands.
“Ms. Luthor!” Jess sounds a little breathless as she attempts to nudge a vase onto the corner of her desk. It’s surface is already cluttered with three other vases, along with an alarming amount of heart shaped chocolates and bright pink and red cards. “Where would you like these?”
Lena feels icy dread pour through her at the glaring display, followed by a clap on the shoulder from Sam.
“Welp. It might be a slightly bigger potato than I thought.”
Kara draws her lip between her teeth and stares blankly at her computer screen.
She’s written and rewritten this stupid article about this stupid politician and his stupid Twitcher posts three times already today. Why he decided to buckle down and stand by his awful views after all the backlash from the first post, Kara doesn’t know, but now there are five more, each one more unhinged than the last and Kara doesn’t have the energy to try to rationalize them right now.
She leans back in her chair with a huff, running her fingers through her already mussed hair.
She’d been distracted all weekend.
Ever since Lena had walked into her apartment looking far too good for game night and Kara had felt a content hum wash over her just at Lena’s proximity. Kara always felt better when Lena was around, happy and at ease and… free. Which was something of a rarity for Kara. What with the constantly on alert, super-powered hero thing she had going on. Not that she was complaining about her duties, she loves helping. There’s just something about Lena that makes her feel more like the person she thought she’d be when she was setting out to start her life after graduation. Like a person who has it all figured out, who has a plan and a goal and a purpose beyond work. A person who is happy.
A person who is completely, devastatingly in love with her best friend.
Well, younger Kara didn’t exactly have that part in her five year plan, but as it stands it plays a pretty big role in the being happy and having a purpose beyond work bits so present Kara lets it slide.
For her part, Kara thinks she’s been handling the having feelings for her best friend thing pretty well. Even if she is constantly shoving down any emotions that border on inappropriate within the boundaries of platonic friendship to the point of sometimes temporarily losing control of her powers in Lena’s presence. Nothing crazy, just a bit of crushed furniture here and some frozen meals there.
Overall, it’s mostly just amazing to be in Lena’s life at all. Amazing that Lena deemed her worthy enough to be gifted with her trust, with all the precious parts of herself that Kara would do anything to protect. Kara wouldn’t give that up for the world.
But then Lena had to go and say… that and now Kara can’t stop thinking about it.
Lena doesn’t feel like she’s desirable to other people, which is absolutely absurd . Lena’s the most incredible person Kara’s ever met! She’s brilliant and kind and ridiculously smart and has the biggest heart Kara has ever known, even if she doesn’t like to show it to many people. Not to mention she’s drop dead gorgeous. Objectively of course. And Kara can feel in her gut the twisted irony of being able to see all of these wonderful things that would make Lena a perfect partner precisely because Kara is her best friend.
Kara groans in frustration, her head falling back as she toes at the ground and sends her chair into a slow spin.
This weekend had been so… complicated for Kara. Lena’s words had nagged at the back of her mind like a weirdly sultry fruit fly and suddenly Kara couldn’t stop thinking about their usual encounters… differently. Like maybe she could have done something to prevent Lena from feeling so incapable of being cherished and desired. Like, maybe at their lunches Kara should have reached across the couch to intertwine her fingers with Lena’s as they talked, right when Lena would get that intense look in her eyes that Kara knows means she’s really passionate about her new designs. Or maybe she should have wrapped her arm around Lena’s waist and pressed her lips to Lena’s cheek last week as they stood in Kara’s kitchen unpacking takeout before their movie night.
The hypothetical scenarios feel so natural that Kara doesn’t know where the line should be, where friend Kara turns into something more Kara. She’s always chastised herself for thinking about it when Lena trusts her so completely, but it’s like the dam that had held back every more than friendly thought about Lena has broken and Kara needs to know what they could be if she were to look Lena in the eyes and step fully over that line.
Should Kara have reached up and tucked a strand of Lena’s hair behind her ear that night on Lena’s balcony weeks ago, let her fingers linger at her jaw like she had wanted to? Maybe Lena would have leaned into it. Maybe she would have felt how deep the well of Kara’s affection for her ran, and maybe she would have finally been able to see in Kara’s eyes how adored she is. And god, maybe Kara should have kissed Lena all of those time’s she’d had the chance. Her lips have always looked so soft, how could anyone not want to kiss them.
Kara rubs at her face and sighs in defeat, reaching her foot out to stop her spinning chair.
At the end of the day, no matter how Kara feels or how much it kills her not to give voice to her heart, Lena is her best friend. And more importantly, she is Lena’s, and Lena needs that to remain a constant. She needs that stability after all she’s been through.
But…
To be fair, Kara’s never really had that many female friends so she can’t really be blamed if she’s not that good at it, right? After all, she’d just assumed at first that the tingly feeling in her stomach whenever she saw Lena or heard her name mentioned or thought about her in any way at all was just part of the female friendship package. Like girls nights and gossiping and face masks.
And Lena is objectively gorgeous, and has objectively beautiful eyes, and objectively kissable lips. It’s not Kara’s fault that she just happens to also appreciate all of those features about her friend in addition to all of the things that make her an incredible person, right?
The sound of quick footsteps approaching her desk jerks Kara from her thoughts and she slams her laptop closed in an attempt to somehow hide the fact that she was just thinking about her best friends lips. The metal and glass creak under her palm and she turns with a wince to see Nia half running toward her desk.
“Can you please please please text Lena for me and tell her that I’m really sorry, I swear I had no idea so many people would see it and now I’ve lost control of it, oh god she’s gonna kill me-”
“Whoa, Nia! Slow down.” Kara looks around reflexively, making sure no one is in the bullpen that could hear the words ‘Lena’ and ‘kill’ in the same sentence and take off on an evil Luthor rant. It’s only happened once but still, one time was more than Kara could handle without breaking her desk chair, so she continues in a whisper, “Lena’s not going to kill anyone.”
“Pfft, I don’t know, I think she might make an exception for me.”
“What are you talking about? What happened?”
“You haven’t seen it!? It’s starting to spread on Twitcher now! I mean, if it had stayed on Mumblr it could have blown over but now it’s-” Kara can hear Nia’s heartbeat racing and tries for a softer approach.
“Nia, just tell me what it is, I’m sure it’s not a big deal.”
“Here.” Nia thrusts her phone toward Kara.
Kara’s brows knit together and her head cocks to the side. “Okaaaay, why would Lena be mad about Brainy’s illusions…?”
“Just wait,” Nia presses a button on the side of her phone and the volume of the video is turned up just in time for Kara to hear Winn’s voice shouting her best friend’s full name in the background.
“Yea, she’s gonna kill you.” Kara snorts. “Do you know how long it took me to get her middle name out of her?”
“Yea… except there’s more.” Nia winces.
Kara looks back to the screen to see Brainy holding an ace of spades between his fingers. She recognizes this particular card trick, it’s her favorite of his repertoire, but before video Brainy can flick his wrist to reveal two queen of hearts in it’s place, Lena’s voice is spilling out of the phone speakers and Kara’s heart stops. Kara recognizes Lena’s words instantly, she hasn’t been able to get the echo of them out of her head since she first heard them. But somehow hearing them now feels less like a fluttering in her chest and more like a punch to the stomach.
“Oh Rao…” If there’s one thing Kara knows about Lena it’s that she is intensely private. She would never want a moment like this recorded at all, let alone distributed all over National City.
“I know, I know, oh god. I could have sworn I had them muted!” Nia begins to pace. “And now there are edited versions and audio analyses and since this morning the most popular repost has doubled it’s view count…” Nia stops pacing abruptly, the color draining from her face, “I’m a dead woman.”
“No you’re not, I’m sure it’s not that bad.” Kara stands and places her hands on Nia’s shoulders. “Plus, Lena is your friend. I’m sure she’ll understand that it wasn’t intentional.”
Nia lets out a pained groan.
“Can you please tell her how sorry I am? She’ll listen to you! You’re like a puppy, no one can be angry at you. It’s annoying. Please help me!”
Kara laughs, “Fine, but you should really tell her yourself too.”
“I will!” Nia perks up, “I promise, just… after I get a sense for how murdery she’s feeling.” She takes a few steps backward, shooting finger guns toward Kara, “you’re the best.” she punctuates it with a mouthed ‘pew’ before turning fully and striding away.
Kara shakes her head at Nia’s retreating form, a fond smile tugging at her lips before the weight of the interaction begins to sink in.
Oh Rao.
Lena must be in crisis mode right now.
Kara is reaching for her phone before she can think twice, tapping out a quick How are you holding up? , to Lena and plopping back into her chair.
She gingerly pries her laptop open with her fingertips, the relief of finding the screen intact and seemingly functional usurped by the wave of guilt at the remembrance of why she’d almost sent it tunneling through her desk in the first place.
She’s halfway through a frenzied email to Winn, calling in all her favors and offering to let him choose the games at game night for a month if he can somehow stop the spread of the video when her phone buzzes with an incoming call from Lena that she accepts immediately.
“Hey you.”
“Hey yourself.” Kara’s heart jumps at the sound of Lena’s voice, “So I’m assuming you’ve heard…” , and then falls at the exhaustion she can hear buried in it.
“Yea, Nia told me. She’s pretty upset about it.”
Lena hums noncommittally.
“How are you holding up? I thought you’d be quarantined by PR about now.”
“I was. I just needed to get away for a minute. I just… I wanted to hear your voice.”
Kara smiles softly, cheek pressing into the screen of her phone. There’s a pull behind her sternum, a nagging need to drop what she’s doing and fly over to LCorp just to be closer to the voice on the other end of the line.
“Do you want to come over tonight? I can grab gelato and we can have an emergency venting sesh?” She ventures instead.
“As amazing as that sounds I think I’ll be here late tonight. I have a lot to catch up on. Lunch tomorrow?”
“Of course. Text me later. And make sure you eat something or I’ll have Jess shut off your wifi again.”
Lena laughs and it almost sounds unburdened, and Kara thinks that in this moment she would do anything to make Lena happy.
“You wouldn’t.”
“Oh, I’m capable of unspeakable things, Ms. Luthor.” Kara teases.
“I don’t doubt that.” Her voice is rich and low and Kara can almost see the sly smirk that’s more than likely stretching slowly across her lips. “Bye Kara.”
“Bye Lena.”
Her cheeks are buzzing and there’s a pleasant hum pulsing through her body, thumping from the insides of her wrists as she sets her phone back onto her desk.
Kara still gets gelato. She still eats it on the couch in her apartment, a blanket wrapped around her lower half while an old movie plays soundlessly in the corner. Except Lena isn’t there, her heartbeat still thumping from her office across town, and Kara stares blankly at the spot on her couch where Lena usually sits.
As if on some cosmic cue, her phone buzzes with an incoming message. Its a photo from Lena of a salad sitting next to her work tablet with the caption ‘if I close my eyes it’s almost like gelato and Bringing Up Baby’ .
She’s blinking down at the photo, a simple yet impossibly thoughtful message. Intended to let Kara know that not only was Lena thinking about her but that she knew Kara would worry about her working too hard and missing dinner. That she knew Kara would be missing her and watching their favorite movie in her stead.
Only Lena could turn one photo into a reassurance, a consolation, and a revelation.
Something deep inside Kara’s chest clicks into place, all of the emotions that had been swirling through her for the past several days suddenly still.
Kara is in love with Lena, and it’s time she do something about it.
-----
Kara takes a deep breath as she enters the LCorp elevator, one arm wrapped around a wide vase of flowers while her other palm smoothes down the front of her shirt.
“Just remember the speech,” she murmurs to herself, setting her shoulders as the elevator begins to ascend. “Everything will be fine.”
She’d spent all night planning, throwing her spoon into the sink and speeding into her suit for a quick jaunt to Cuba for Lena’s favorite species of plumerias. The flight there had been a rush. There’d been a frenetic excitement thrumming through her as she flew over the dark ocean at full speed, the doubt only setting in once she was hovering over National City again with the bright ‘L’ of the Luthor building looming in the distance.
What if Lena didn’t feel the same? What if Kara spilled the entire contents of her heart and Lena just walked away, leaving Kara’s love unrequited or worse, leaving it unacknowledged to grow cold pooling on the tiled floor of her office?
No.
That wasn’t Lena.
Even if she didn’t return Kara’s feelings she would never hurt her like that. She would never make Kara feel anything other than safe and accepted.
So Kara set about putting her emotions in writing. She’d sat at her computer until the sun came peeking out over the horizon, typing frantically at first, and then with a controlled fervour, detailing just how amazing and beautiful and wanted Lena is.
Kara takes another deep breath as the numbers on the wall of the elevator climb.
She is going to ask Lena out. On a date. A date date. Just like Lena had wanted someone to do.
Politely.
And with several minutes of deeply emotional preamble, of course. Kara’s not a monster.
“Even if she doesn’t feel the same, everything will be fine. Everything will be unbearably painful, but it will ultimately be fine.” She takes one last deep breath as the elevator reaches the top floor. “Your friendship is solid. Friend Lena is infinitely better than no Lena.”
The doors finally open to reveal a flurry of activity.
Jess is directing interns with armfuls of gifts and flowers to different corners of the common area where the surfaces are already full with brightly colored bouquets, packages, and cards.
“Put that Parisian chocolate on my desk. And someone please tell the front desk no more flowers! Or I’ll be sending them the bill for my allergist.” Jess wipes at her already pink nose with a tissue just as she sees Kara step off the elevator, “Oh, Kara! Ms. Luthor is expecting you.”
“Uh, Jess? what’s all this?”
“Oh,” she looks around at the lurid gifts stacked about the office, “offers of courtship, I’m assuming. Although it’s obvious none of these people know the first thing about Ms. Luthor.”
“Offers of…” Kara gapes at the dozens of gifts that line Jess’s desk, “but she hates lilies… and heart-shaped food… Why are people sending- ”
“Oh Kara! Thank god!” Lena rounds the corner and hooks her arm around Kara’s elbow, not bothering to slow down as she pulls Kara toward her office door. “Jess, please hold my calls. And when this is over I’m paying for that vacation to Aruba you’ve been wanting.”
Once the door is closed, Lena immediately slumps against it, her eyes slipping closed and head falling back with a thump.
“Lena… “ Kara hedges softly after a moment. Lena’s eyes snap open, almost startled, as if she had forgotten that someone was in the room with her at all. “Are you okay?”
Kara can see the dark circles that bloom under Lena’s eyes as she pushes herself from the door and into Kara’s space, enveloping Kara in a tight hug.
“I am so glad you’re here.” Lena’s breath puffs at the side of Kara’s neck and she squeezes Lena tight to suppress a shiver, “Today has been a disaster.”
Lena pulls away, her hands sliding from Kara’s shoulders and down her arms, stuttering in their movement as she finally sees the flowers tucked in Kara’s elbow.
“ Plumeria filifolia ,” she breathes, her eyes softening as she looks up into Kara’s.
Lena is standing so close and her eyes are so green and clear and open that Kara’s head swims. “I um, they’re your favorite.”
From this close, Kara can see the slow curl of Lena’s lips as she takes the flowers gently from her arm and draws them close to her face. She lifts her eyes again to meet Kara’s over the bouquet, an eyebrow lifted in amusement, “and elusive.”
“Pfft, it was nothing. Just a-” Kara arcs her hand through the air to mimic flying, “a quick stop. No big.”
Lena tilts her head disbelievingly and takes a step back, turning to set the flowers on her desk. The space gives Kara a chance to breathe again and she feels her head clear, the reason that she’d brought the flowers in the first place flooding back to her.
“I actually, um” Kara pauses, reaching up to her straighten her glasses and taking a step forward, “I wanted to talk to you about something, if you have a sec-”
A sharp knock cuts through the office and Lena holds up a hand for Kara to pause, whirling away from her desk and toward the sound.
“Hold that thought, Kara.” She tugs the office door open, “What is it, Jess?”
“Excuse me, Ms. Luthor?” Jess takes a tentative step into the room with a manila folder under her arm and a paper bag in hand, “Your lunch is here.”
Lena takes the bag and plops on the couch with a sigh. “While I do appreciate the food, why do I get the feeling that’s not all you came in here to tell me.” She reaches into the bag and hands Kara a container of noodles before retrieving her own container. “Please don’t say it’s more lilies.”
Jess winces, “I know you said to hold your calls, but Mr. Powell from PR has been trying to reach you all morning.”
Lena pinches at the bridge of her nose. “What does he want now?”
“At last check the video was at over 2.2 million views-”
“Wait, the video...” Kara cuts in, eyes wide. “ Nia’s video?!”
Lena nods, stabbing a piece of broccoli with her fork. “And that out there,” Lena points toward the door with her broccoli before popping it into her mouth, “is National City’s response.”
“Oh. Wow. That’s…” The words get stuck in Kara’s throat. Of course all of these people would vie for Lena’s attention, after all that’s what she herself had come here to do.
Jess continues, “it’s getting a surprisingly positive reception. Shareholders aren’t shirking away as expected. Mr. Powell said something about it making you more congenial to the public.”
Lena huffs, skewering a carrot with a bit more force than is strictly necessary, “Well, I’m glad at least someone is getting some enjoyment out of this.”
“I’ve actually been going through some of the messages…” Jess straightens and brings the manila folder out from under her arm, “Some of these people are very impressive,” she opens the cover to reveal a stack of neatly organized profiles with information that Kara thinks isn’t necessarily supposed to be publically accessible, their messages attached to each profile with a paperclip, “Mr. Arens here is an executive at a tech company and Ms. Lozado works for NASA.”
Kara watches in shock as Jess pulls two slips of paper from the top of the stack and holds them out to Lena. She can’t be serious.
Lena stares at the papers, her eyes flashing dangerously. “You can’t be serious.”
“Ms. Luthor, I’m going to be frank with you.” Jess sets the papers neatly back into the folder. “I’ve watched you bend over backwards for this company. You’ve given it all of your time, all of your attention and focus, and in so doing you’ve completely neglected your own needs.”
Lena scoffs, “That’s not true. I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself, Jess.”
“You barely go home.” Jess says softly, brow furrowing in concern, “And if it weren’t for Ms. Danver’s you’d miss half your meals.”
“What are you trying to say,” Lena slides her food container onto the coffee table and crosses her arms, “that I need a caretaker?!”
Jess squares her jaw and takes a step forward. “I’m saying you need a life, Ms. Luthor.”
Kara sits frozen beside an equally frozen Lena. She’s not necessarily wrong , but she’s not completely right either. LCorp is Lena’s life, but there’s so much more to her and LCorp than just a company and a family legacy. She’s an innovator, a pioneer, a hero . Kara knows this, but for some reason her mouth isn’t forming the words that are billowing up inside her.
The tension hangs in the air for a moment before Jess’s arms fall to her sides, her shoulders dropping in defeat. “I know you Lena. I know how good and kind and smart you are. You deserve to be happy, too.”
Kara objectively agrees with Jess on that, but that doesn’t stop the violent wave of nausea that overtakes her as she watches Jess extend the folder to Lena once more.
“Just think about it.” Jess says, “No one is making you do anything, but you should know that there are people out there who want to know you. Maybe you should let them.”
There are a hundred different things that Kara wants to say. She wants to say that Lena doesn’t need a folder full of strangers to be happy, to feel complete. That she shouldn’t care about what other people think. She wants to shout that she is in love with Lena and that nothing would have to change if she just gave her a chance. But she doesn’t say anything, just watches in horror as Lena leans forward and grabs the folder.
Kara’s head is spinning. The click of Jess’ heels as she leaves the office is like a ticking clock, counting down Kara’s waning moments of opportunity. What the hell just happened? She feels like she has whiplash.
“Well,” Lena feigns an exasperated smile but Kara hears the crack in her voice, “that was unexpected.” She sets the folder on the couch beside her and picks up her food again. She doesn’t look at Kara, just pushes the vegetables in her dish around silently.
“Lena, you don’t have to do this.” It comes out of her soft and steady but it feels like a plea, a broken desperate thing.
“I know. But Jess was right, I rely too much on her, and on you.” Lena sounds so far away, her voice lofty and tight “You both deserve better than that.”
“No, Lena, that’s not..” before Kara can finish Lena’s walls are slamming down, her eyes dimming and an overly enthusiastic grin stretching across her mouth.
“What do you say we narrow down some potential suitors?” She waves the folder between them before opening the cover.
Kara stares at Lena for a long moment, silently pleading for her to look back up, to open herself up again, but Lena’s gaze stays fixed on the page, unmoving.
“If that’s what you want.” It feels heavy on her tongue and even heavier in her chest.
After a long moment, Lena nods, her eyes never leaving the folder.
Kara pulls her face into a smile that she knows doesn’t reach her eyes, the dread dripping in her veins syrupy thick while her chest aches and aches.