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“Why did I agree to this?”
“Because,” Sebastian replied, “You wanted to get me out of the house. And for me to stop complaining.”
Teuvo shook his head as he scanned over the consent forms. “The stuff that’s on here is crazy, Sepe.” He pointed at the clipboard, eyes wild. “Not liable for injuries? Do people actually think they will come here and not get scratched by cats?”
“Dog people think that.”
“Hey, I’m a dog person--” Teuvo started. He knew it was pointless to argue with Sebastian. Besides, that was the whole point of the day, anyways: show Sebastian that he was willing to tolerate cats, that he was Supportive Of His Cat Loving, and that he was there for Sebastian, who was going through a hard time right now. Sebastian loved cats, and Teuvo loved Sebastian, so Teuvo would try and love cats. Or at least tolerate them.
This is how Teuvo, known dog lover, ended up at a cat cafe--the only one in town--on a day when he would much rather be working out, or watching television, or eating, or… just about anything, really, other than this. They had made the trek across town to the tucked away building after making an appointment earlier that morning, and now sat in the lobby of the cafe filling out an endless stack of waivers and disclaimers.
Cat photos littered the walls. A sign by the door boasted an average of five cat adoptions per day, and Teuvo couldn’t help but shake his head at that--there was no way in hell he’d let Sebastian leave with a cat, no matter how much Sebastian wanted to. Little paw prints decorated the reception desk where a little sign read “Meowdy, y’all!” with cursive southern flair. This was so not Teuvo’s speed.
“Do you guys want to upgrade to our Cat Lovers’ Package?” A voice chirped through the static of Teuvo’s brain, and he pulled himself back into reality.
He blinked. “What does that include, exactly?”
“With the package, you get a cat toy to take home, a small pack of catnip, and a cat ear headband!”
This lady was way too excited. Her eyes lit up as she spoke, and her smile painted dimples on her cheeks. Damn, she was good. “Fine, for my friend here,” Teuvo answered, pointing at Sebastian. “I’m good though.”
“Are you sure?”
“He’s sure,” Sebastian answered for him. “He’s not a cat person.”
“Everybody says that before they visit,” said the lady.
“I’m sure,” Teuvo deadpanned, staring off at the door that would lead them to the cafe area.
The lady laughed it off, and went on, “ And what will you guys have to drink?
“Coffee,” Sebastian replied quickly, “For both of us."
“Great! And just so you know, you can head back to the counter anytime and get a refill if you’d like more, for no additional charge, as part of the Cat Lovers’ package.”
“Great,” Teuvo echoed.
“In a few minutes, we’ll let you and the rest of the group back into the cat palace.” She turned her attention to the group, addressing everyone. “Has everyone signed their waivers? Yes? Great. You’ll have an hour with the cats, there are toys scattered around. Please share them, be courteous, everybody wants to get a turn! As a rule of thumb, we ask that you don’t pick up the cats, and please be gentle! Remember, some of these cats aren’t used to busy environments like this, so just because a kitty is shy doesn’t mean that they aren’t lovely. We have information about every cat in pamphlets…”
She droned on, and Teuvo spaced. Absentmindedly, he laced his fingers with Sebastian’s, and gave them a gentle squeeze. Sebastian looked back at him with a meager, closed-lipped smile, one that read a simple “thanks for this” and Teuvo’s worries melted away, if only for a second.
“And finally, if you’re interested in adopting, please see me or one of our other employees and we’ll help you fill out the necessary paperwork!” She beamed. “All right everybody, go ahead.”
With that, she swung open the door to the cat cafe, and everybody filed in.
Teuvo was immediately assaulted with cat dander. Almost instantaneously, his eyes began to water, and he fought back a sneeze. “Oh, God,” he said aloud to himself, eyebrows crinkled and nose scrunched up, “This is horrible.”
“Horrible? This is amazing!” Sebastian answered, pulling the cat ears from the bag of goodies that the lady, presumably--guess he had missed that--had given him, and plopped them atop Teuvo’s head, ruffling his hair in the process.
Teuvo stared straight at Sebastian. “Are you kidding?” He fidgeted with the headband, but before he could even come anywhere close to taking them off, Sebastian threw his hands against the side of Teuvo’s head.
“Nope! You’re going to be the prettiest kitty in here,” he said, eyes glimmering.
And then Sebastian was off, cat toy in hand, looking to entice every single cat.
There were what seemed like a dozen of them, all different sizes, and ages, and colors. A tiny black cat who napped on a shelf. A tremendously huge tabby with a tail as thick as a sausage antagonizing a calico with sassy paws. Two matching torties napped side by side in a cat bed under a table. And in the corner, two bean bags sat side by side, one of them occupied solely by a black cat with white paws.
He plopped himself down in the empty beanbag, side-eyeing the cat.
“You make me itchy,” he said to the cat, who looked back at him with a gaze that almost clearly spelled out in bright letters: FUCK YOU.
Teuvo replied with a sniffle, wiping his nose with his sleeve. He looked across the room to find Sebastian, who was somehow convincing a tabby cat to do flips for the dangly cat toy in his hand. To the right of Sebastian was a couple petting a cat that lay on their feet, and in another corner of the room, a teenage girl scratched the ears of one of the torties, talking in a singsong voice. God, everybody seemed so content with where they were, and Teuvo was… just stuck. Sniffling. Holding in a sneeze. Fidgeting with a cat headband that he was forbidden from taking off.
Sebastian came over to him after a while, and handed off the dangly toy.
“Here,” he said. “Play with them. They’re so cute. I want to post a picture on my Instagram.”
Teuvo took the toy in hand, and looked at the cat sitting beside him for a second before holding it up above it’s head, and then spinning it around in circles.
The cat again replied with a silence that so painfully and clearly spoke: FUCK YOU.
Groaning, Teuvo stood up, and sought the attention of another cat. The calico seemed playful, he thought, and so he wandered up to the cat. “Here, kitty,” he cooed, waving the toy around wildly. “Why aren’t you playing?” Teuvo asked, perplexed. He wiggled the toy as fast as he could, eyebrows knitting together. “You were just attacking the other cat a minute ago.” He waved the toy in quick circles, tilting his head.
Irritated, he turned to the fat cat, shaking the toy at the cat. “Please,” he said, exasperated. The cat looked up at the toy, which wiggled from side to side in the air. Its eyes widened. Teuvo held his breath, watching the cat pull back, watching carefully, eyes trained on the wiggly fabric. The cat stood there, looking, ready to pounce. And then turned around, and walked away.
“What the--”
Out of the corner of his eye he spotted Sebastian holding his camera up, recording and laughing.
He whipped around. “Stop laughing at me!” To which Sebastian laughed even harder, hitting post before Teuvo could grab his phone and delete the video.
Through giggles, Sebastian said, “I just can’t help it, Teukka. You’re so bad with them.”
“I’m trying, okay? For you.” Teuvo answered, too quickly, frustration crossing his face. He shoved the toy back at Sebastian, and plopped himself back down on the beanbag, pulling out his phone, looking for a distraction.
Sebastian had turned his attention to petting the cute little black cat on the shelf, presumably not wanting to acknowledge Teuvo’s bad attitude. Whatever , Teuvo thought. At least Sebastian was cute when he smiled.
He set his phone down on his chest, and laid back in the beanbag chair, staring straight up at the ceiling. Even the ceiling tiles were painted with little cat paw prints and fishes. Cat people. Something else.
“I see you’re enjoying sitting with Pistachio!” came the happy voice of the lady who had helped them earlier. “Pistachio is usually not so social.”
“This is social?” Teuvo asked, making a face. “He’s just sitting. On a beanbag.”
“Usually, she prefers to hide,” the lady admitted, shrugging her shoulders. “She must like you.”
Teuvo tilted his head to look over at the cat. Her black paws were crossed, and her eyes were slowly closing, pulling her into the lull of sleep that most of the cats in the room had seemed to succumb to.
“Huh,” he said, turning back to stare at his phone. He tapped on the Sebastian’s story on instagram and watched himself as he tried and failed, epically, to get the cat to participate in… whatever act of demon exorcism he was performing by waving that toy around. Okay, so it was pretty funny, retrospectively.
He was interrupted from his browsing by a tender batting at his head. Little cat feet swiped at his hair, and he whipped his head around just in time for the cat to knock the headband off of his head and onto the floor beside him.
Teuvo set his phone down in disbelief.
“Sepe, come look at this evil cat,” Teuvo called to him, pointing at the little cat.
Sebastian sauntered over, eyes wide. “It has socks on!” Sebastian exclaimed gleefully, kneeling down to be eye level with Pistachio. “Hello,” he started, reaching for the tag around his neck and reading it, “Pistachio. What a cute name.”
Pistachio looked up at Sebastian with her green fuck-you eyes, but this time, they had a softness about them. There was just something about Sebastian that melted that away, whether you were a cat or a person. He had the ability to calm you down, take the edge off, make you feel like you were on earth again. Just watching him take the edge off of this cat took the edge off of sniffly Teuvo, whose itchy eyes crinkled into a smile.
Sebastian patted Pistachio’s head, smiled, and stood up. “So cute,” he muttered, before wandering off to find another cat to lovingly pester.
Teuvo picked his phone up again, absentmindedly, when he felt it again. A little head rubbing against his upper arm, whiskers tickling near his armpit. He slowly looked over, moving his eyes before turning his head.
This fucking cat.
Pistachio looked back at him for a second, then stood up and stretched her front legs out, paws resting on Teuvo’s biceps, before standing, licking her paw once, then stepping over Teuvo’s arm, crawling right onto his chest, turning in a circle, and laying down.
He laid there, breathless, for what felt like forever, marvelling at the sock-wearing cat on his chest, and willed himself to be as still as possible, fearing that any sudden movement might provoke attack. But when his phone vibrated on his belly, Pistachio simply wriggled in place, making herself more comfortable, and started to purr.
Pistachio. Was purring.
A thousand tiny alarms went off in Teuvo’s head.
The cat was sitting on him. The cat was purring. She had socks on her little feet, and green eyes that were closing slowly, and she pressed her paws into his chest and kneaded a little bit and oh god he was going to die. His nose itched and for once he didn’t even notice it because Pistachio was laying on him, and purring on him, and he was freaking out. The cat. Was. Falling. Asleep. On. Him.
Teuvo reached a hand up tentatively and ran it along the smooth black hair on her back. She didn’t seem to mind, so he did it again. And again. He let out a soft sigh. Before he knew it, he was rubbing her soft ears, scratching gently at her neck. What a delightfully dialectical creature. Hates you one moment, and loves you the next. Something about this charmed Teuvo.
Sebastian wouldn’t let him get away with this for long, he was sure. This was the sort of thing that attracted Sebastian’s pesky teasing, and would probably warrant a thousand photos. Yes, he was right, because within a millisecond of thinking this, Sebastian noticed and was bounding over, delighted at the sight.
“Pistachio loves you!” he cheered. “Oh, this is so cute. Teukka, let me take a picture,” he said, not asking for permission but rather prefacing his action of pulling out his phone and snapping a photo.
“That lady said that too,” he said, eyes trained on the cat.
“You are smitten,” Sebastian said, shaking his head. “I wish you loved me like that.”
“I do--” Teuvo answered quickly, finally looking up at him and rolling his eyes. “And I don’t love the cat, it’s just a cat--"
“No, no,” Sebastian lifted a finger, “You’ve just admitted that you love Pistachio, whether you like it or not.”
“She’s just a cat,” he said. He watched as her little chest rose and fell as she napped on his chest, and let out a soft sigh. She was… pretty cute.
The lady from before had made her way back around to remind everybody that they only had ten minutes left, and by the time she reached Sebastian, who was now crouched beside Teuvo also petting Pistachio, and Teuvo, who was still in awe of the tiny creature’s transformation from the embodiment of pure chaotic energy to the sweetest angel, she was beaming.
“Aww, so cute,” she said. “I told you, she really likes you. Are we thinking of adopting today?”
Sebastian answered a light-hearted “no” at the same time that Teuvo answered a sincere “yes”.
Sebastian sat upright, looking at Teuvo quizzically. “Seriously?”
“Yeah,” Teuvo said, “She’s so cute. And she needs a home. And you love cats, and…” he trailed off.
“And you love Pistachio,” Sebastian finished for him.
“Yeah,” he replied. “And I love you. I think she will make both of us happy.”
Sebastian smiled, and everything fell into place.
“I love you, too.”