Chapter Text
As it turns out, being emotionally scared by something doesn’t just magically go away or get better despite how adamantly someone tries to forget it. You’ll have your good days, where you’re not haunted by the memories, by the ghosts of your past and the echoes of your name falling from dying lips. You won’t remember the Alien god, or the hell he’d created. And you certainly won’t remember the actual feeling of dying- of being turned into nothing and going through that hell only to wake up in an entirely different hell but all with the same purpose; pain.
Getting kidnapped must have done something inside of Peter; snapped that elastic band inside his head that was acting as a thin barrier to keep his emotions tethered together and at bay behind the crumbling dam wall he’d known was leaking from the beginning but refused to acknowledge the cracks for the fear of the entire thing bursting.
Tony has rescued him. Or rather, the god of thunders husband had; who refused to accept any kind of payment or praise Tony had offered during the limited time when he’d been drunk on relief and happiness- forgetting their past for just those scarce moments because yes, Loki was a deviant who had done a lot of bad, but all of that seemed so silly and pale in comparison to the reality that he’d saved Tony’s boy. That was a gift in its entirety- a solvent to completely erase and rebrand a man’s name, his title, and give him a fresh start.
Of course, it had been forgotten the moment they returned to the tower and Tony was left standing in the kitchen, talking (yelling would be more sufficient of a description but Peter was being favorable to Tony) at Thor- chastising him over his own stupidity and lack of knowledge on the single most powerful being they’d ever come across to this recent date, Thanos aside, managing to be alive and well for years while staying under their radar.
It had terrified him, Peter had realized when he’d ease dropped three corridors down as he revised everything to Loki, though a little altered to soften the blow to the man’s emotions. He knew if he recited everything Tony said, nothing- not even Thor, would have been able to hold Loki back.
And that thought terrified him, because he genuinely liked Loki, and was afraid of what he’d have to do to protect his own... person, if it came down to it.
Tony was terrified of what would happen, what Loki could have possibly brought back with him in his return to earth. Thanos still has orphans splattered throughout the galaxy- children who were drunk on revenge and seeking nothing else while shedding blood in their path and having zero remorse.
What if Loki was squished beneath their thumb? Caught in their web and convinced to come to earth to finish what their father had started- killing everything and everybody Tony has ever cared about.
He couldn’t have that, and Thor finally understood why Tony was so... Tony at the moment.
So shield took Loki into their supervision, not without Thor tagging along, and that had left Tony.... Odd. Odder than usual. Resulting in the man taking refuge in his lab where he’d stayed barricaded for the past week and well- Peter was done. He was tired of being shut out. Of being forgotten and pushed to the back because he’d been the one kidnapped, he’d been the one held captive while listening to hundreds of children cry over their lost childhood.
It wasn’t fair, and he realized his own nerves were a little fried and frizzled which could explain why he’d spent the past hour planning and rehearsing exactly what he was going to tell his... Tony.
—-
The thing people nobody tells you about love, Peter thought as the tips of his fingers danced over the swell of his stomach, was that it was hard. So much more so some days than others. You have to fight, and make sacrifices, and push the other to strive and succeed even when you yourself feel like there isn’t the slightest bit of hope left in the world. You have to do good, and be good, for the sole purpose of never letting your partner down.
And it was clear now, as he stood before a sleep deprived Tony who was obsessing over an odd gadget that sent sparks spritzing out with every wrong touch from his charred fingers, that the man hadn’t received the memo.
“Come to bed?” Peter begged, for what seemed to be the millionth time in the five minutes since he’s been down here. This wasn’t just a tonight thing, however. It was consistent, extending to an eight day time period and he didn’t see an end in sight for the ridiculous cycle.
No sleep, obsessive behavior, working himself up over nothing, minimal food consumption, and repeat. He knew he built Tony sturdier; made him more pliable to the harsh world, but he never expected his durable creation to be put to all the wrong uses. Sleep deprivation wasn’t a bother, obviously, but even it caught up to Tony and Peter could see the evidence in the sway of the man’s body as he cursed under his breath.
“I’m fine,” he argued, an overused reassurance that is a complete lie in the way his raspy voice struggled to express even that simple line.
Tony moved from his swaying stance before the table and disregarded his previous project in favor of picking up an abandoned metal platelet that belonged to God knows what, and turned it over in his hand before he threw it on the table and huffed.
“I’m fine-“ he repeated again, seemingly trying to convince himself of this as his bloodshot eyes moved to meet Peter’s, “i’m just- I’m close.”
Close to what, Peter wasn’t sure. And he wasn’t sure he wanted to know.
“This,” he said, gesturing around the hazardous lab with numerous random items strewn carelessly across the tables with blinding holographc screens projecting from every available screen, “can wait until tomorrow. Please? Come up to bed with me,”
Tony hesitated in his next step forward, his hand moving to scrub at the back of his neck where his dirty fingernails caught beneath the frayed edge of his tank top and dig into his soft skin where they remained for a second as his lips pursed in honest consideration. “You don’t understand,” he finally said, arguing with very little offered for his defense. “I can’t just let it go- you were, fuck, you were taken and I don’t know how or what I would-“
“Let’s not think like that,” Peter shushed him, voice soothing and slow as he moved forward to place a hand on the bulging bicep visible to the harsh lighting. “I was taken, I escaped- I’m alive. Just remember that, hold on to that, and come to bed with me.”
They both knew Peter could /force/ Tony to return to the bedroom with him, could hold him against his will with the simple flex of a finger against his chest to keep him pinned against the mattress, but they also both knew Tony wasn’t to that point yet and Peter would never abuse his powers like that.
Three more days and maybe, just maybe, he’d consider webbing Tony to the bed with webbed restraints to keep him there for even just two hours.
Tony look conflicted, tired eyes darting to every single one of his projects before they found Peter’s again, almost unbelieving, before they flickered down to his stomach. “But you could’ve died. Both of you.”
“I didn’t,” Peter reassured, “we didn’t. Loki saved us.”
At the mention of the magical being Tony had an admittedly rough past with, Tony cringed and flinched back. Like the memory had physically scorned him. “I know,”
At the deflation of his stature, Peter sighed and moved forward to wrap his arms around Tony’s neck and pull the man down so his face was buried in the crook of Peter’s neck, and vice versa. This, the motor oil and singed wires and sweat with a hint of liquor and something so distinguishably Tony, smelt like home. Sent his senses haywiring in all the deliciously right ways.
Hoping to convey through the constricting of his arms that he was fine, to breath a calming air into Tony’s body, Peter pressed his lips against the thumping pulse point and sighed. It’s been so long since he was held like this.
“Forget whatever it is you’re working on,” Peter said, giving his head a soft shake when he felt Tony open his lips to protest, “not another word. You can’t live in the past. I lost you, Tony. I let that drive me fucking insane- and I can’t do it again. I get that. I know what you’re going through. But if I lived in the past, allowed all the “what if’s,” to swamp my thoughts, then I’d have no room for the future. No room for growth. I’m fine, the baby is fine- and your projects can wait for you until tomorrow because tonight I call dibs.”
He felt the second Tony gave in, relished in the way his body relaxed beneath Peter’s touch as the curving of his lips brushed the ticklish parts of Peter’s neck juncture where his shoulder and neck met. “Only until tomorrow,” he relented, giving in with little persuasion and Peter beamed at the minimal effort he’d put into actually caving the geniuses walls.
“I’m fine with that,” he rushed to say, eager to lock Tony to his word for the fear the man would try to back out even if the words were binded by a promise as a hand moved to cup the back of his head.
Peter leaned back to grin up at the man. “One night.” He said, his movement resulting in his head becoming fully cupped by Tony’s hand.
“As you wish, Spider-boy,”
~~~
It’s the sensation of turning into dust that startled Peter awake, scrambling in the bed with the quilt tangled around his ankles as he gasps and tries breathing in the air not tainted with his own disintegrating flesh. The pain is still so vivid; raw. Slowly skittering along his nerves like tiny ants marching along a thin wooden branch, vibrating in their trek, and then it was suddenly enveloping him in arms that suffocated him. His spine was a livewire, sending signals to his mind that he was in danger as everything in his body melted into nothingness. Dust. Dirt. Unclamping the ball of nerves and pain that was his heart, and dissolving it into nothing.
His scorched nerves were still raw as he jerked up in the bed- spent, gasping, sweat a thick layer of memories that branded his skin with the inability to forget, and his heart was pounding. Etching into his ribs the echoes of his begging.
“ Please, Mr. Stark. I don’t want to go. Please,”
Tony’s eyes were there, so real, so anchoring that he could almost swear he was back on Titan. But then arms were wrapping around his bulging waist, dragging his shaking body against a chest that was achingly familiar but only made matters worse because yes- he remembered those arms all too well. Felt as his body turned into dust- those fingers closing around fistfuls of what used to be him but no longer was.
“Sh, Pete. You’re okay-“
And that voice- Christ , that voice was so soft and warm, a little startled even as the arms tightened around him a little tighter and Peter gave up fighting the grasp.
Eyes still sealed shut, still focused on the face that was gazing down at him with so much pain- betrayal, guilt . Eyes glassy, and death reflecting in the mirrored look.
“It wasn’t on you,” Peter sobbed, near hyperventilating as he twisted his body from the grasp only to reposition himself better- flinging his body into the man’s arms as he buried his face in his chest. His mind finally catching up enough that he was able to realize that this, these arms, were real. Titan held no more power over him. He was alive. He was back. He wasn’t-
And then it started.
The clenching of his chest, the swooping of his stomach as the room drew to a standstill and he was there, standing in the lab as he watched Tony drop to one knee and propose to Pepper. Reciting the words of love her whispered to Peter only the night before- knowing brown eyes finding his across the room and winking as if saying;
“ Sorry kid, but you had your chance. You shot your shot and didn’t make the cut. There was bigger- better.”
But he knew the play, knew the plan, knew everything he was witnessing was nothing more than the development of Thanos’ fucked up television program evolving right in front of him and he couldn’t fucking breath.
“You love her. You chose her!” He screamed, fists flailing and hitting nothing in his quest of self sabotaging heartache. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, sir. I’ll do better. Please. Love me. Please.”
Maybe if he begged enough, if he was desperate enough, Tony would choose him. Tony would love him. The man was a fixer. He saw a problem, and he fixed it and maybe if he saw how broken Peter was, he would want him. He would fix him.
“Peter, stop it! I’m right here.” And there was that voice again, demanding even in the haziness of his mind as the image staining his eyelids broke apart and in its place materialized a black and white image, a small little bean front and center with five little fingers waving and suddenly- his eyes flew open.
Promising him a tomorrow with the truth that today was real.
Swollen and sticky with tears streaking down his cheeks, and through the window hued by the white, soft rays of the moonlight sat the main man of his nightmares; looking terrified with his brown eyes wide and darting in an assessing motion across Peters trembling body. Piercing through the strands of his hair, parting through his lips to paint his pink tongue with a soothing essence as he leaned forward, hands gripping Peter’s shoulders, and whispered,
“That’s it, Peter. It was just a nightmare- come on. Come back to me. I’m here. You’re fine. We’re fine, baby.”
And suddenly, his entire body was rendered motionless, reduced to nothing more than a gelatinous state that became unbalanced and tipped forward, spilling himself all over the man who quickly and eagerly scooped him up in his arms and didn’t waste a second to wind his entire body around him like he was a cocoon meant to protect him. Shield him. Efficiently cutting off any and all ties to the outside world.
And, Peter sobbed.
As soft lips brushed against the shell of his ear, hands brushing up and down his back in a soothing manor with soft, gentle whispers of nothing echoing loud and clear in his ears.
“You choose her,” He croaked, still delusional as his Thanos world muddled and blended together with his real world and suddenly- nothing made sense. His memories were false, all clashing together to prove he was crazy and has made up and envisioned everything that has happened for the sake of staying sane.
“I didn’t choose her,” Tony reassured, voice still no more than a soft whisper. “I choose you- I’ve always chose you.”
“No!” Peter sobbed, the words only adding to the feeling of being crazy because no , he was never a choice in the beginning. He hasn’t always been chosen. He was a toy, a game piece; used for convenience but otherwise forgotten about unless it was a pity play. But no- he was never always picked. “Y-You picked her. Proposed to her. Loved her.”
He was adamant in his belief, both worlds memories disentangling themselves to create a clearer picture and he could see it. Watch in two different high definition versions as Tony chose, loved, and died with Pepper’s name staining his lips.
And in a flash of long, brown hair tied up in pigtails, Peter was twitching in the hold and his sobbing intensified. Morgan was living proof here that Tony hadn’t wanted him. This, their relationship, was only a recently discovered craving. A bottom of the barrel pick, because Tony had nobody and nothing left.
But apparently the man knew a panic attack when he saw one; could pinpoint the exact moment ration turned into insecurities that twined with one’s heart like black twine that laid a staking claim and demanded to be felt- breathed to life. Because with hands that never once lost their gentle touch, just used a little more force, he was prying Peter’s hands away from his face and moving him so he was pressed flat against the mattress with his arms above his head. Tony was left straddling his hips.
“Peter- enough.” He said, speaking with an authoritative tone Peter fought hard to ignore but it tugged all the strings in his belly in the right direction. Allowing his body to settle in the thrashing fit of limbs contending with limbs, and fall limp long enough he could stare up at Tony; breathless, hot puffs of air leaving his lips as his heart hammered at his chest and mirrored the feeling of a heart attack; knocking him so breathless he couldn’t exactly remember what oxygen felt like when it wasn’t squeezing through closing airways.
“Why am I never enough?” He asked, so vulnerable and bare he knew he would kick himself in the ass for it tomorrow. He wasn’t lucid. His nightmare was still dictating his thoughts, his actions, and he didn’t care how desperate or pathetic he seemed. He was hurting . “I-I tried to be Pepper. I went to the Gala’s with you, matched your colors. I lost weight. I didn’t sleep with anyway else and I was- I was always dedicated to you. But I’m not good enough. I can’t be like her, can I?”
And Peter watched as Tony’s eyebrows furrowed, the dark arches visible even in the low natural lighting offered through the balcony doors positioned feet away from the bed. He seemed confused- almost as if Peter was speaking of a world he wasn’t privy to, knowledge he hadn’t been passed down and it was that look that had his mind stalling because of course. Of course Tony wouldn’t be aware of his alternate self; created by the hands of Thanos. Actions only done to fuel the Aliens sick, twisted idea of a perfect fantasy.
He didn’t know how pathetic Peter was there, in that earth. Didn’t know the boy had watched, time and time again, as he was overlooked for people who bared a similar resemblance to him after he was promised to have a small taste for his time wasted. He didn’t know of the night him and Tony were scheduled for a regulatory mission, a simple survey of a warehouse that had a spark of activity that had raised to Shields radars and called for alarm- that Peter had been left alone, battling twelve different aliens all harboring high tech guns that had rendered him immobile with a simple blast.
He didn’t know that Peter had fought his hardest, and had been broken in more ways than one as he lay beneath a large chunk of a cement pillar that had been unlucky enough to become a target of the aliens guns. He didn’t know that that Tony had left Peter to die, with Friday shouting warnings at him that Tony was too ignorant to listen to- because he had a date. With Pepper. Figuring her life, twining with his, even for a night, was far more precious and valuable than saving his kid sidekick who was dying beneath half of a warehouse with internal bleeding and a deep laceration on his neck that had only been inches from his jugular.
Peter would have died, too, he was sure, if Steve hadn’t heard the alarms Friday was sending out and decided to check out the scene himself. Finding an unconscious spider boy buried beneath so much rubble, you could almost hear the echoes of his cries in the cracks as he called out for Tony only for them to go unanswered. His lips certainly still held the name even though they were parted and blue. Proving the significance the arrogant man held in Peters life even if his own life proved to be more important for a night.
But that wasn’t this Tony, was it? Regardless, the tears wouldn’t stop and Peter’s brain wouldn’t stop connecting the two men together in his head.
He couldn’t hold this Tony accountable for that Tony. Couldn’t tell him he was the cause for so much heartbreak when he wasn’t aware of exactly how or why. He hadn’t left him stranded at Gala’s in foreign countries simply for a quick fuck with a hot young thing. He never forced Peter to feel so unbeautiful in his own skin that he’d went on a strict no eating diet for so many months his body had actually began to cave in on itself due to the lack of any fat. He certainly didn’t know that Peter had stopped eating until his arm was the size of a fifty cent piece: because he wasn’t present in that world.
The face was the same. The eyes, that smile, the voice. But it was a different man with different priorities and it knocked Peter breathless when he saw, in the reflection of this Tony’s eyes, the truth that he was one of those priories.
“That wasn’t me,” Tony argued, and Peter would be out of his mind if he didn’t acknowledge the slight waver in the man’s voice. Almost as if he were as affected by the truths that plagued Peter’s heart. “Peter, you have to understand that whatever I did in that world, doesn’t count in this world. I would never, ever, compare you to Pepper or allow you to believe you were so imperfect you had to physically change yourself to catch my attention. It may have taken me- god, years to realize it, but you’re who I want. Can’t you see that?”
And Peter could, he could see it. Truly. Didn’t mean his mind wanted to relinquish its hold on his memories anytime soon, though.
“But I saw the way you looke-“
“Pepper has always been important to me,” Tony cut him off, the cut of his jaw tensing as he tightened his hold on Peter’s wrists. Not nearly tight enough to cause any actual harm, however. “I will not argue with you there. I often thought the only position in my life that I had room for was if I found myself a significant other. I found Pepper, and forced her to fit that role because I was desperate to be wanted in the ways she wanted me. But I knew right away we were better friends than we were partners. So don’t, for one second, ever think it was a competition between the two of you. She has her qualities, but you have your own, too. Clearly I like corny science puns and pizza nights on the couch more than high class dinners with hundreds of important people and formal parties,”
The arch of Tony’s brow was meant to translate humor, and Peter wasn’t sure exactly when or how it happened but he realized his heart was slowing to a smooth crawl as the corner of his lip twitched up as his cheeks flared.
His heart was a traitor.
With a squirm with no real intentions behind it, Tony pinned Peter with a pointed look and leaned down a little further as he pressed his hips against Peter’s to further restrict his movements. “Want to tell me what this is really about? Nearly seven months with me being back, and this is the first I’ve heard about any of this,”
Peter squirmed again, though this time it was due to the fact of being called out when he’d tricked himself into believing he’s stayed hidden so well. Clearly panic attacks only happen for a reason, or so Tony claims.
“I had a nightmare,” he whispered, eyes closing to give him some sort of coverage as he turned his cheek to press it flat against the pillow now sticky with his tears. “About Titan, and dying. When you- when you tried comforting me, it just sent me down a darker spiral and I got lost in my head.” He shrugged, or attempted to but it was an abandoned effort because he couldn’t really move.
Suddenly feeling bold when he knows he has literally no right to, Peter turned his head back up and opened his eyes to gaze at Tony from beneath his long lashes clumped with tears. “Do you love me? More than Pepper? More than anyone on this earth?”
Tony startled back for a second, looking as if he’d been physically slapped by the comment, but quickly regained his posture as he stiffened his spine and locked eyes with Peter. “I have not, and will never, love another human being as much as I love you.”
The sincerity in his voice was so powerful and raw it knocked the very air from Peter’s still poorly working lungs.
Tony cupped Peter’s cheek, thumb brushing down his drying skin to rest above the curve of his lip as he leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to his forehead. “You’re it for me, kid. Always have been. Was Just too stubborn to accept it.”
And as if that very proof lied before them, awaiting to be called upon, Peter felt a rather powerful and pointed kick just above his belly button that he knew Tony felt against his lower abdomen that was crunched against Peter’s from his protective straddle/crouch over the boy.
“I don’t think he likes that,” Peter teases softly, eyes instantly becoming clear and bright as he easily broke Tony’s hold on his wrist and sandwiched a hand between their two bodies to cup the ever growing bulge.
“He’s going to have to deal with it,” Tony countered back, eyes still as terrified as before though now Peter knew it was for a different reason. Although he was already a father, he’d been absent most of Morgan’s life and this- all of this, was still so Fucking new to him it was painfully beautiful to watch him experience it all.
Taking his hand, Peter pressed it against his stomach, with his hand held over it to hold it in place, and willed for the baby to kick one more time- just one more. Since his kidnapping mishap last month, the little shit had been one little active ball that had started out as flutters and quickly progressed to more profound and pronounced kicks and movements. Tony, however, has yet to actually feel him move.
Intentionally, that is.
“Speaking of, if we’re going to continue referring to the baby as a him, I think it’s about time we find out the gender,” Tony said, refusing to take his eyes off their hands still pressed against Peter’s stomach.
Tony had, admittedly, took the news of the addition to his fatherhood far more well than peter had anticipated. Obviously they’ve taken it in stride, but he was getting there, up in the same ranks as Peter, and the man was absolutely smitten with the idea of becoming a father again. A more active father, that is. Morgan will forever be his little girl, but he was too absent to hold a claim over her like he could over this child.
This wasn’t a do over, or a new chance at making a better family. It was his second chance at becoming a better man . He didn’t fail Morgan. He failed himself by allowing himself to become so detached and distant that his daughter had to suffer. This was his way of making amends; of acknowledging all the wrongs he’s done and mistakes he’s made, and doing everything he possibly can to never make them again.
Morgan wasn’t a trial, she was the one thing he couldn’t perfect enough. And it broke him.
This baby was what Peter was hoping would heal him. Help him strengten the relationship with his daughter, and be more active in her life.
“I told you,” Peter said in a breath, still focused on the fetus in the hopes his thoughts would make it move, “we will find out the gender once Morgan knows,”
They’d agreed to hold off on telling Morgan, with Pepper’s cooperation, of Peter’s current situation, until they themselves had a chance to catch their breaths and settle down. But Peter felt like they’d had enough time. Surely a month was long enough?
Tony blinked, once, before his eyebrows drew up. “I’m sorry?” He said, “since when did we agree my daughter was to be used as a bargaining chip. No gender until she finds out about her brother or sister?” Tony scoffed. “You’re diabolical. Very manipulative.”
Peter grinned. “Figured it was my time to throw in an ultimatum.”
Tony rolled his eyes. “Only you would offer an ultimatum that benefits me in literally both ways.”
Peter shrugged, opening his mouth to respond only to be cut off before he even began by a tiny foot using his belly button as a kicking bag. He grinned. “Did you feel that?”
Tony was grinning, too, looking almost maniacal as he pressed a tad bit harder into Peter’s stomach. “Was that him?” He asked, question heavy with awe.
“That was him,” Peter confirmed, soft, as his eyes slanted to the man without directly looking at him; taking in the happy lines and bright eyes with lips stretched tightly over teeth. This- this was happiness. In its pure, undiluted form.
This is what two earths couldn’t take away from him.
The knowledge that whatever the path, whatever he was led to believe or still feels, Tony Stark chose him. And will continue choosing him, always.
~~~
The morning greeted him a little more gently than the middle of the night had, with the content feeling of being warm and loved never going away, even as he gently pried Tony’s arms from around his waist and gently slid his legs from beneath the mans crushing thigh. The need to use the bathroom was urgent, with his bladder screaming in about seven different languages that were all equally demanding as he waddled into the bathroom.
He did his business, taking an extra five minutes in the shower just to collect his thoughts and sort through his plans for the day as the water cascaded down his back in tiny droplets of liquid clarity. His curls stuck flat to his forehead, dripping water into his eyes that he had to blink away every few seconds- irritating them to the point that even opening them was a bother and that’s when he decided to climb out of the shower while he could.
Only to stop dead in his tracks when a sleepy eyed, messy haired Tony stumbled into the bathroom with his mouth open mid yawn and a palm scrubbing adamantly at his eye.
Peter froze.
Tony stopped in the threshold when he noticed he was being watched, and like Peter, he froze.
He has been back a month, went over the whole pregnancy thing with Tony and accepted the fate laid out before them; but that was all different now that Tony was standing before him, taking in his naked body engorged with the many bodily fluids that accompanied pregnancy with swollen ankles and toes added to the mental checklist Peter was making. This, right here in the now, was the first time Tony was seeing Peter completely naked since he’d found out he was pregnant.
Before he hid beneath comforters and lies of shyness that was accepted as he pulled on an oversized sweatshirt to keep clothing between them and give him the chance to harbor his secret for just a minute longer- but now he was open and naked; afraid as his eyes widened and his arms moved instinctively to cover the swell of his stomach though his splayed hands did little to hide all he was offering.
Tony cocked his head to the side, curious, and took a step towards Peter only for the boy to lift a trembling hand. “Don’t,” he whispered, pleading, “Please.”
“Why?” Tony asked, hand held in mid air with his left foot raised in an absconded step, “I’m not-“
“I’m gross, okay, I get it. Just please don’t,”
Peter, belatedly, moved across the room in three hushed strides to grab the towel off the counter and wrap it protectively around his waist and when he turned back around to face Tony, the ends of the towels clutched to his chest, he paused in his movements and faltered when he saw exactly what awaited him.
Tony didn’t look angry or offended by what Peter had said, nor was disgust evident in the track of his eyes across Peter’s body. He was looking at Peter, now, with a quality that reminded the boy Tony hadn’t eaten a bite in days.
“Gross is when Thor eats pizza off the floor,” Tony said, voice calm and leveled as he took a step towards Peter, “Gross is when I walk in on the winter soldier and cap swapping spit,” he continued, his gait now mirroring that of a predator as his advancements on Peter slowed to a smooth crawl- almost as if he was taking his time, allowing the words to settle in as his bare feet unsticking from the tiled floor enunciated every step, “ Gross is when Happy walks around in his speedo because your aunt tells him he can pull it off-“
And now, he was standing in front of Peter who was holding his breath in anticipation, continuing in his movements forward which had Peter taking stumbled steps back until he felt the cool, tiled walls pressing against the blades of his shoulders and encompass his skin in a chill not even Tony’s hands could chase away even as they found the hem of Peter’s towel.
“This,” he continued, using a little effort in pulling down the towel (which Peter didn’t fight- didn’t even make an effort at holding it up) so it fell to a puddle of white waves at their feet before he gestured at Peter’s stomach, “fit none of those examples I have offered you. By definition, gross is something repulsive and this,” he took a step back, bottom lip slipping between his teeth as he skillfully eyed Peter from head to toe, “is far from repulsive.”
Blotchy red patches coated Peter’s skin as a warmth chased from the tips of his ears and spread down his chest, his hands held clenched into fists at his side as he fought the urge to hide.
“You are beautiful,” Tony said in a breath that wrecked Peter’s entire system; sending him short circuiting as he tried working through the flood of emotions.
And oh how he wished that could believe it.
“Beautiful by whose definition.” Peter countered, a little breathless and a little woozy as he swayed on his feet- thankful for the wall offering him support because otherwise he was sure he would have already collapsed onto the floor by now.
“Mine,” Tony growled in a playfully challenging way, “and that is the only definition that ever matters.”
Tony was cupping his face before he could respond, and in a movement that awfully felt a lot like crashing into home, their lips met in a brief kiss before Tony was sucking his bottom lip into his mouth and biting down softly.
“If you would like to argue with my definition, I guess I’ll just have to go that extra mile and see to it that your name is included under every definition equivalent to that of beautiful,’
And Peter didn’t question how, was terrified to, because of course he knew how powerful Tony Stark was- a simple altering to a definition in the dictionary was a mere splinter in his day. An inconvenience, but one that could be dealt with easily.
“Let’s not,” Peter said, eyes bright, “and say we didn’t,”
“Oh, but-“
“Sir, commander Rhodes is requesting your presence in the common area. Shall I tell him you’re busy?” Friday cut in, the Irish lilt to her voice amplified in the large, open space around them.
Peter grinned when Tony groaned, and used th AI’s distraction to brush past Tony and walk into their (was it theirs now- surely it was, Peter hadn’t even stepped foot in his own for over a month) bedroom. His clothes had even taken up residency in half of Tony’s closet.
Faintly, he heard Tony respond to the AI. “No, Fri, tell him I’ll be down in a few minutes.”
Pulling on underwear, Peter had to sit on the edge of the bed to do even that simple of a task, and he followed it by pulling on a pair of his jeans that still fit but awkwardly as the button dug at the bottom of his stomach, and a lilac sweater he was certain used to be Wanda’s but had now found a home in his wardrobe.
“I’ll see you downstairs,” Peter called to a grumbling Tony, fondness guiltily sneaking into his smile.
~~~
Walking into the kitchen had to have been the biggest mistake he had ever, and will ever, make.
Since he was rescued, he has actively tried to keep himself out of a room with any of the Avengers. Even if that meant staying holed up in his room and only ever coming out when he knew he would run into one of them- not all of them.
Yet, set huddled around the kitchen island, was every goddamn person Peter has actively avoided- and their eyes were all on him.
Brushing a still damp curl from his forehead, Peter shuffled on his feet and offered an awkward smile. “Hi,” he breathed, oozing anxiety as he longingly eyed the fridge from across the room.
“Nice to finally see you,” Steve grumbled, his naturally low voice even lower in an effort to remain casual as his eyes flicked over Peter’s body in an assessing motion.
Peter moved his hands in front of his body not for the first time that day. “You too,” he mumbled, still as awkward as ever, before he decided enough was enough and took a step back- “I think I’m going to just go—“
“Oh, no you don’t, boy wonder,” Tony said, coming to a halt by his side with an arm sneaking around Peter’s back with a hold on his hip to cement him in place. “We are going to eat, and these fucks are going to either let us do so in peace, or each one of them will find their belongings on the sidewalk by the days end. Understood?
“That isn’t fair, Tony, we have a right to some answers,” Sam whined, a straw clenched between his teeth as he slurped a purple smoothie.
“Seeing as we all put our lives into danger to save him- yeah, I think we are entitled to having a few questions answered,” Steve said, immediately backed up by Bucky.
Tony raised an eyebrow. “Is that so?” At all the nods, he scoffed in return and broke free from Peter to take a step forward. “So, that means I am entitled to questions too, yeah? Considering I risk my life for every single one of you daily,”
They were all smart enough to know not to answer, knowing exactly where this was headed and what kind of carefully structured questions Tony could ask that would crumble all their efforts at remaining anonymous in their quests- but it seems as if Wanda hadn’t gotten the memo.
“Ask away,” she said, oblivious to all the heads snapping in her direction, “I will answer anything you ask. We all will.”
“You all will?” Tony echoed, the curve of his lips dangerous in itself as he turned to Peter. “Hear that? They’re going to answer my questions.”
Walking up to the counter, Tony pulled out a stool for himself and plopped down in it reversed so his chest was pressed to the back and he grinned at all his fellow teammates while Peter remained shuffling from foot to foot behind him.
“Where to begin?” He asked, obviously finding far too much enjoyment in this as his eyes detoured around the room before they focused on a fidgeting Steve. “Your all talk, Rogers, when it doesn’t concern your own life. But how about we change that?” His eyes subtly flickered to Bucky. “What’s up with you and metal boy over here, huh? The spit swapping I have regrettably, and horrifyingly, witnessed a few times? The late night booty calls where Bucky thinks he’s being quiet as a mouse when he sneaks from your bedroom?”
He suddenly changed direction and pivoted his chair so it was directed towards Nat. “How about you, spider? Hmm? Wanna tell me why the big guy only ever listens to reason when it falls from your lips? Or where you were during Banners recovery after situation end game, because we all know it wasn’t some top secret spy mission in Russia,”
At being called out, each and every Avenger, even those who hadn’t been called out yet for the fear of having their secrets spilled, fell mute, wisely, and left Tony to bask in the silence with a smug smile. “It’s all fun and games until your life is being pried into, isn’t it?” Tony stood, and returned to Peter’s side. “My business is my business, and when it involves Peter directly, that makes it my business which in turn, makes it none of yours. Capiche?”
“You didn’t ask me any questions,” Wanda piped up, hand raised as if she was a student awaiting for her teacher to call on her.
“That’s because I have none for you,”
“But I have one for you,”
Tony raised his eyebrow, a little intrigued, and Peter watched as his eyes squinted as he calculated his options. “One question,” he granted her, nodding his head slightly.
“Do you love Peter?” She asked, and the cock of her head wasn’t challenging but rather curious- worried and rightfully so but with all the wrong reasoning behind it. It was if she'd forgotten of Tony's meltdown just last month, at the mere concept of losing Peter. It was as if she hadn't coaxed Tony into sitting at the table with his hand in a container of Peter's solution he'd created to rebuild Tony that accelerated the regeneration of his cells and had healed his broken hand in less than an hour. She seemed to have forgotten it all, or simply pushed it to the back burner in favor of questioning Tony when he wasn't fueled by guilt and heartache; faced with a situation where the end seemed more gruesome than one could stomach.
“More than anything,” Tony said without missing a beat, the very admittance still having enough power to stop Peter’s heart altogether before it was restarted by the electrical jolt that reliably followed after.
“Then that is all we need to know,” she said with a clap of her hands that rang finality, and the other Avengers must have realized as much because they were all pulling away to go back to their own things.
“Don’t let them bully you into doing or saying anything you don't want to, understood?” Tony whispered in Peter’s ear, face slanted so his beard was a rough drag across his cheek.
Peter nodded obediently, and brought a hand up to card through Tony’s hair. “I’ll leave the bullying up to you,” he whispered teasingly, earning him a wink as Tony was pulled away from him and towards Rhodes. Peter let him go, and Tony went with a frown.
“You hungry?” Nate asked, holding up a plate of chocolate chip pancakes, the apology evident in the softness of her eyes.
“I have syrup,” Sam piped up, him too joining it treety as he held up his peace offering and Peter grinned.
“It’ll take a lot more than pancakes and syrup to win me over, sorry.”
“I have whipped cream!” Banner cheered, holding up his plastic container with victory and Peter rolled his eyes fondly.
“It seems the big guy speaks our Spider-boys love language,” Natasha joked, winking at Peter. She handed him a plate stacked with pancakes, and he took it gratefully.
“He better not!” They heard someone faintly yell, sounding guiltily like Tony, and that sufficiently burned through the rest of the tension and sent them over the edge as they all started to laugh.
~~~
In Peter being kidnapped, his small sacrifice had saved millions of children. Thor, with Loki’s help, had managed to track the intergalactic trading stations and they’d returned hundreds of thousands of human children home- as well as aliens, and arrested hundreds of dozens aliens who had been sent and dealt with by an intergalactic prison.
“As far as we can tell,” Fury continued, his holograph flickering in time to the ticking clock on the wall- in five second intervals, “No other children have been reported missing and more than seventy percent of those who have, have been recovered.”
Apparently Fury still didn’t trust Tony enough to be in a room with him, with reasons Peter still weren’t privy to helping weigh his decision, because he insisted on using the holographic technology he despised to partake in today’s meeting.
Tony nodded, elbows resting on the table from his place at the head of the table on the opposite side of fury with Peter to his right and Steve to his left. The rest of the team were all huddled around in the remaining seats, all present for the Chitauri- kidnapping debrief. “And Loki? Have we figured out his intentions yet?”
Fury looked past the camera into something off in the distance in his room, and for a moment his mic was muted before he returned his gaze to Tony and shook his head. “So far his intentions have been pure. He has helped recover and successfully shut down every ring we can find or that he was privy to.”
“But that doesn’t necessarily mean he is on our side,” Tony argued, elbows slipping in his retreat to sit up straight and defensive- preparing himself for an argument.
Fury must have sensed as much, because he pursed his lips and squinted his eye. “I’m afraid not,” he said, eye slanting to whatever was off camera,“and with our positions, it is right to remain suspicious until given evidence to counter suspicions. Remain on high alert, all of you, until we have concluded what Loki’s true intentions are.”
In the reflection of Fury’s head Peter noted movement, a subtle change in the reflected light as it danced from shiny to an off white before it returned to that of a milky color. “He is in there with you,” Peter spoke up, all eyes turned on him as he leaned forward and squinted into the reflection a little harder to see black hair move over a shoulder as a breeze caught it. Standing next to him was someone bulky, with armor sending glints and shards of light slicing back in Fury’s direction, “and so is Thor.”
Fury narrowed his eyes at Peter, ready to call him out on his lie until a familiar face popped into frame and Thor grinned into the camera. “As vigilant as always, Spider-ling. It is correct, Loki and I are present and take no offense to your reservations, man of Iron.”
Peter looked over at Tony before he glanced back at Thor. “Hi there, buddy. How have you been?”
“Not well,” the god said with a defeated sigh, “Loki has managed to keep me up well beyond my required week and I am exhausted. How are you though, young spider? And the baby?”
“All is well,” Tony cut in before Peter had the chance, “Nice catching up with you. See you later,” and with that, he was clicking a small little button on his watch and Fury’s hologram was flickering out of existence.
“That was rude,” Peter said, turning an accusing gaze to Tony, “I was still talking to him.”
“And I was done.”
“You don’t get to decide who I do and do not talk to.”
Tony stood with a huff and an annoyed eye roll. “I wasn’t. I was simply done with the conversation.”
“Tony,” Peter groaned, “that doesn’t mean I was. I have every right to speak to the husband of the man who saved me.”
Tony’s jaw clenched and a gleam of something indecipherable shot through his eye before he turned his gaze away from Peter and focused on the landscape visible through the full glass wall.
“The boys right,” Nat chimed in, “You are his what? His lover? Boy friend? Baby Daddy? Regardless of your title- you are not his keeper. Peter is free to do as he pleases, when he pleases, even if that means talking to a man you have branded as a traitor.”
“I have not,” Tony argued weakly, but the fact that he wasn’t yelling right now was evidence of his guilt.
“You have,” Nat concluded with a nod, “And I’m not saying if that’s right or not. All I’m saying is Peter is a free man. Stop acting like his warden.”
“While I agree with that,” a voice cut in from behind them, high pitched and oh-so-fucking familiar it made both Peter and Tony freeze, “I have a few questions regarding the title as Baby Daddy. Doesn’t Peter deserve a title with a lot more claim than just that of a man who is carrying your child?,”
They all turned too find Pepper standing in the doorway with a hip popped out, dressed as immaculate as ever with a white silk blouse and striped black and white pencil skirt.
“Oh fuck, I thought I was free of you for the day,” Tony groaned, and Pepper flashed a toothy grin.
~~~
“Your daughter is waiting in the living room,” was the first thing Pepper said when the team had enough common sense to realize when eavesdropping wasn’t how they needed to spend their time and all scampered to their respectful duties like cockroaches who had light shined on them.
Only Peter was left alone to sit between the two people in the world with the biggest complexes, and despite his nocturnal instinct telling him he needed to tuck tail and run; hide while they were distracted, he had to stay put and be part of this conversation because it included his unborn child.
Unaware that Tony and Pepper have had a discussion regarding the pregnancy before, and that the woman had been largely to thank for his rescue party finding his right location, Peter shifted in his rolling chair and folded his arms across his stomach.
“And?” Tony implored, twirling a pen between his fingers and breathing an air of boredom even if his darting eyes betrayed his most valiant efforts. At that, Pepper widened her eyes a little and huffed, waving a manicured hand in Peter’s direction that had the boy squirming.
Tony’s eyes floated to Peter, squinting as if he were trying to read exactly what Pepper was saying without actually being vocal. But it seemed the ink smudged across Peter’s skin was indecipherable to the geniuses eyes, because he shrugged and set his pen down. “I can go down and visit with her,” Tony said, standing with his hands smoothing down the flaps of his blazer, “not a problem.”
“Not the point,” Pepper said, hands braced on the table which resulted in her blouse hanging loosely from her chest and in a sliver of lacy pink, Peter saw the strap of her bra and felt a sinking weight in his stomach when he saw Tony make the same observation. Only it went away the second he saw Tony cringe and return his gaze to his fingers tapping a beat Peter had never heard before but was oddly soothing nonetheless.
“Is this an intervention?” Tony asked, trying to keep his tone of voice leaning heavily towards mock offense but it seemed the quaver just wasn’t having it.
“It’s not an intervention,” she argued, “it’s been a month since Peter’s return- since Morgan has spoken to him and our daughter isn’t stupid. She knows something is up and I’m tired of lying to her. So you have one of two choices; you both march down there and explain to her what happened, what’s going on with Peter, or you continue the chain of lies and hope one doesn’t cross or interfere with one I’ve told her,”
Pepper raised her eyebrow, challenging Tony, and the man sensed that. Saw how set she was in her ways by the square of her shoulders, the clench of her jaw. Even in the bright, fluorescent lights she was still godly looking and Peter was envious of her ability to remain beautiful regardless of her surroundings.
“We were planning on doing it soon, Pep,” Tony said defensively, if not a little exasperated, as he sat back down and swiveled like a bored child in his chair, only Peter knew it was his way of distraction to keep Peppers prying eyes from delving beneath his lies and seeing the fear like a claiming brand on his heart.
What if Morgan reacted poorly? Thought differently of not only Tony, but Peter? What if she decided she didn’t want a sibling, or anything to do with the mutant freak capable of child bearing. Tony couldn’t handle the thought of losing her, and Peter hated he was even put into this situation. He was solely to blame; not taking the proper precautions to ensure this never be a possible outcome and he honestly wouldn’t blame Tony if the man hated him.
He just hopes Tony never forgets that, once upon a time, he’d once told an insecure boy he was beautiful when he felt anything but. And he hoped he remembers the love Peter had attempted to pour into him following said proclamation.
Because Peter never would.
“Soon, Tony? You’ve known for a fucking month and Peter five. How much longer did you need? Were you just going to show up at my house one day with an infant and hand it over to Morgan like she has any idea what to do with it or who it is?”
“No,” Tony said, grinning sideways at Peter which could only mean whatever was to come was probably bad and would only piss Pepper off. “Probably would have waited until he was in kindergarten.”
And Peter was correct.
“Oh, and of course you’re deflecting with humor.” Sighing before she inhaled shakily, Pepper fell back in one of the empty seats the avengers had abandoned after they’d left, and brushed a hand down her face. “I’m just so tired of lying. How are you not?”
“We are,” Peter spoke up for the first time since this little sit down, elbowing Tony in his side and hoping the man would drop the humor.. “I just needed time, and I realize now that was selfish. Morgan has every right to know, and I’m sorry we’ve forced you to be the one who’s had to continuously lie to her.”
“Time,” she echoed, and it seemed to dawn on her then. Exactly what Peter must have gone through, what he had endured alone the first four months he’d stayed quiet about his pregnancy. Her eyes met Peter’s, and a sense of understanding passed between them because she nodded and all fight her body. “Okay, fine- yes, time. You’ve had your time. Now we need to figure out a way to tell our daughter ,” she pointedly looked at Tony, intentionally keeping Peter from the loop, “that her father's new boyfriend, who also happens to be spider man, is pregnant”
Tony lifted his hands up, in a show that he was as clueless as Pepper was- as empty handed as he had been when he’d first found out and that the time they’d both spoke so highly of, had done little to nothing for him. He’d been holed up in his lab, working on things nobody would ever understand; things that probably wouldn’t pan out, but would hopefully protect his family in future situations.
“Whatever it is you decide,” Pepper said, taking herself out of the equation and the role of decision maker as she rounded the table and placed a gentle hand on Tony’s shoulder, “you better do it quick. Not to rush you or anything, but I’m fairly certain she’s probably driving the rest of the team insane downstairs. She’s recently been on a kick about your nano- technology and has broken down the process you’ve used to create them so she now has a step by step plan on exactly how you can retract your suit with a simple press of a button,”
And if that wasn't a terrifying admittance, that a five year old grasped and understood such a complex task, Peter wasn’t sure what else could ever amount to that.
But then he remembered the task laid out before them, and he groaned.
“Let’s go do this,” Tony breathes, all faux encouragement Peter knew he was doing for his sake.
So he stood, a little unsteady, and reached a hand out for Tony. “Let’s,”