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Kris always felt different.
It wasn't even that they weren't a monster like others. Not entirely at least. They were always withdrawn and silent, didn't make any friends and played alone.
They always were a loner. That creepy kid. The weirdo.
It wasn’t like they didn’t feel loved. They did. Kris knew that their parents loved them, cared about them. Their mum liked to hug them and to tell them stories to bed. Their dad liked to involve them in everything from watering flowers to repairing sink.
And of course there was Asriel.
It was just that everything in the world felt fake to them. Like they were in some movie and everyone they knew just followed the script. It didn’t feel genuine.
They couldn’t even endure hugs from their parents. They felt unreal and Kris couldn’t return them without cringing.
Or maybe this wasn’t the world that was fake but Kris themself. They felt sometimes as if they were just an NPC in the game. NPC were just supporting characters, nothing they did really mattered in the playthrough. Their only task was to support protagonist, their life didn’t matter outside of this task.
And Kris knew who this protagonist was
.
Azzy always felt real. In spite of everything he was the most important, he mattered. What he did mattered. What he said mattered. And he loved Kris. This fact mattered for them more than anything in this fake world.
Kris felt uprooted to Azzy. He was like anchor to reality, to life itself. With him they knew that they belonged. They had a purpose. They mattered.
Kris never could imagine their life without Azzy in it. It was like trying to life without the water or the air. It simply couldn’t be done.
So when Asriel get to college everything turned to shit.
It felt like betrayal. Azzy always been there, he grounded Kris, and now he was gone and Kris never felt more alone in their entire life. They felt as if suddenly it turned out that Azzy didn’t really care about them. Because if he did he wouldn’t leave them, surely?
Kris knew they were selfish. Asriel wasn’t obligated to always be with Kris. To hold their hand and guide them because they couldn’t manage on their own like a child. He couldn’t always keep them from shattering to pieces. Kris only weighted him down. It was good for him to finally cut them off, to rid of the unnecessary burden and fly away somewhere where he could be free of his weird sibling.
Kris knew all of this was the truth even if Asriel never would admit it.
But Kris couldn’t help hating him a little for leaving.
In his absence Kris fully felt impact of falsehood of this world. They felt isolated and trapped. Nothing mattered anymore. They lost their purpose.
Asriel tried to call them every day but Kris didn’t pick up. They feared that if they did, Azzy also would turn out to be fake. Kris wouldn’t stand it if that was so.
Mum of course noticed. She was trying to talk to them, find out what was wrong. She tried to convince them to try to find some friends. But of course it was in vain. They couldn’t even find a reason to try. It was pointless what they did after all.
But day after day, enduring the lack of purpose was becoming harder and harder. Kris knew that they had to at least try to do something or else they would go crazy.
They couldn’t do anything to make this world less fake but maybe they could try to make themselves less real.
And all of a sudden they did know what to do. They didn't question how they knew it. The knowledge just popped out into their head like most obvious thing in the world. They didn’t know how it happened but they also didn’t care. Nothing mattered at the moment more that doing what they knew they had to. It wasn’t important if someone did something like this before or if it was even possible or safe. The only thing that mattered was that there could finally be some change. This was the only thing that they needed to know.
So they came to the mysterious door in the woods. The one that no one ever could open. The one that wasn’t opened in like probably ages. And without thinking Kris just pressed the handle and came inside.
Everything after that was a blur. There was some strange voice asking questions they couldn’t understand. And pain. A lot of pain. Kris almost couldn’t stand it. They knew that this thing was doing something with their soul. It was like it ripped it from their body. They lost soul but somehow they still had their body. Body without soul felt strangely empty but also sort of calm. It was refreshing and oddly freeing.
And then their soul was once again attached to their body but it felt off. Like it wasn’t really theirs anymore.
Kris didn’t know how they managed to come back home. They didn’t remember walking. Or going to bed. Or sleeping.
But when they wake up it become obvious that someone possessed their soul. Kris' body wasn’t anymore in their control. Kris could only observe as someone was taking over their life.
It was scary at first. Their hands were moving on their own. Their legs were walking where they didn’t want them to go. Even their breath felt foreign. But the worst was talking. They felt sick when possessor used their mouth and their tongue and their throat to formulate words and sentences. It was so entirely wrong that if they still had control over their stomach, they would puke. But they didn’t. And it was even worse because they couldn’t even be sick. They lost control completely.
Kris couldn’t cry. They couldn’t scream. They couldn’t move even a toe. Heck, they couldn’t even blink.
And no one noticed.
Kris thought that this fact should bothered them more. But truth be told, they felt even more separated from their body than earlier. They gradually grew numb of the foreign sensation of something controlling their own body. It’s still felt wrong but it was not so frightening anymore. It was almost like watching cut scene in a game. Your character couldn’t move and the story was unfolding on its own.
Kris was just angry. No matter what it was that was doing this to them, it was going to regret this. No one had any right to do this to Kris. But they had to figure out first how to regain control. Until then they had to wait.
So Kris was waiting. And watching.