Chapter Text
When the fight with the league had come to a close, Endeavor had basically taken up permanent residence by Hawks' side.
Tokoyami had been the only person to visit the winged hero, and could only visit once before he had to go back to school. No friends, no family, no people from the commission, even his own sidekicks had come only once out of respect before saying they had orders to keep filled. Hawks was fast and kept them busy, and they said he'd genuinely be upset if they didn't keep up that efficiency while he was out of commission.
But even then that struck Endeavor as a bit sad.
Hawks had no one, and Endeavor was stuck in the hospital with no one too. He decided he'd be the someone waiting for Hawks to get better.
The young man had risked his life. He had blown his cover just so he could avert a crisis and had almost sacrificed everything just so the city could survive and thrive another day.
So even if he was the only one there for him, Endeavor would make sure they'd leave the hospital together like a pair of kindred spirits.
Except Endeavor recovered easily and Hawks wasn't waking up.
That thought made dread collect in the pit of his stomach.
He waited as he got better, and the longer he recovered while Hawks didn't the longer he felt himself ache with worry.
Even when he was allowed to be discharged he said he was staying by Hawks' side.
The first day the nurses had tried to get him to leave once visiting hours were over. He gave a look that had them scurrying out and just shutting the lights off, letting him stay the night.
When he got a stern talking to the next day by one of the on-call hero staff, he negotiated with the hospital and the commission to have Hawks moved and set up in his large home with staff that could stay on site and care for the wounded bird.
As Hawks' condition went from stable to not, to fine to almost a code blue, he couldn't handle being anywhere but with him.
He couldn't handle not being able to see the soft rise and fall of the bird's chest.
He couldn't handle it because everything in his life was uncertain.
He hated that Hawks was the crutch for that, but he was the one thing in his life that wasn't an uncertain question.
The question of whether he'd ever be a hero worthy of the title of number one hero to the public. Whether he'd ever do it justice like All Might did.
Whether his sons would ever smile at him. Whether they could love him. Whether he could ever make amends with his family.
Whether he even had the right to try.
Was it too late to do anything other than let them be as far away as possible so they could be happy? Was it too late, too many years of striking fear into the public with his methods, for him to ever be seen as someone who would be able to put the country at ease?
He didn't know the answer to these questions and so many more.
What he did know was that Hawks smiled at him. Hawks joked with him, teased him, and was always happy around him.
He knew Hawks would fly into his office at inopportune times and settle in Endeavors space like a needy pet. He'd chat Endeavors ear off until he knew more about the bird than he knew about anyone else.
He knew that Hawks went out of his way to go on patrols with him, knew that he got excited when he managed to convince Endeavor to go to dinner after. Knew that when he was hurt Hawks would dote on him and force him to take it easy.
He knew Hawks cared about him… Perhaps more than anyone currently did.
Perhaps more than he'd ever deserve.
Which is why he needed Hawks to live… because he deserved to live more than Endeavor did..
Because if anyone should have to die on the front lines it should be the man who had such an uncertain future.
Even if no one knew him intimately enough to visit, everyone loved Hawks. He was beloved by the people, cared about by his fellow heroes. He had a warmth that drew everyone in.
For all Endeavors fire, it burned others away… he was so tired of looking around and seeing just how much damage that fire had done before it dimmed enough to let others close.
Better it die out and be forgotten if it meant he could take the place of the small weak man that was barely clinging to life.
So, since he couldn't take his place, he needed to see that he was alive, because Endeavor didn't know what he would do if that stopped being true.
And if there was a God, he at least knew the world still needed Hawks, because finally he woke up.
Hawks woke up and Endeavor didn't get to see his eyes open, he instead woke to one of Hawks' too charred feathers gently brushing a strand of hair from his face while another tried to settle a blanket on his slouched frame.
Endeavor woke to a tired smile, eyes glittering with warmth. He woke to fluffy mussed hair, to a small hand holding his much larger one on the bed.
"Hey… number one." Hawks' breathing was heavy, sounded labored, but his smile only got brighter by the second, "Look at you… always being… my hero…"
Endeavor barely stopped himself from yanking Hawks into his arms and into a crushing hug.
Instead he got up,shifted to the bed to sit by him, squeezing Hawks' hand gently.
Hawks returned the small squeeze, before letting go of his hand and lifting up his arms. He spread his body open in a warm, inviting way.
This was new.
Hawks had never been this physical with his friendliness. He would settle against him, sometimes annoyingly sit on his shoulder like he was a perch.
He never invited Endeavor to hold him…
Then again, Endeavor never felt the urge to hug him either.
He figured this was new for both of them.
Endeavor was gentle, more gentle than he had ever been with him as he crawled over the smaller man and sunk down into his arms.
Hawks wrapped his arms around his neck and pulled him close. He let his thighs spread apart as Endeavor slid between his legs, Hawks' knees barely clearing his waist at its thinnest. They settled comfortably together.
Then Endeavor couldn't fight the little impulse anymore.
Softly he slid his hands under the small of Hawks' back, lifting him with as much support as he could as he sat back and collected Hawks into his lap. Hawks chuckled, but didn't tease or say anything, shifting so he was straddling Endeavor's waist better as the two sat flush in the intimate hug.
It felt good, this. Like he could finally breathe. Hawks was alive and warm and kind and here in his arms where Endeavor could protect him. Where he could keep him safe from the outside only if it was for however long he wanted to stay.
Even if it was just for this moment, it was enough.
It was enough, but Hawks couldn't help but be Hawks.
"If almost dying is all it takes for you to tug me into hugs like this I should almost die more often." Hawks joked out softly.
Usually Endeavor would flare up with threats, criticize him for even joking like that. Admonish him in a way that would have Hawks laughing and shining with a thousand watt smile as he stared at him like he made Hawks the happiest man alive.
Usually… but Endeavor was so tired. He was too tired for their usual games.
Instead he just held him a hair tighter, turning and pressing his forehead affectionately against Hawks' temple, nuzzling him fondly.
"Or you could just ask… you assume I wouldn't just freely give you something like this." Endeavor said gently into Hawks' ear.
Endeavor felt Hawks' full body shudder in his hands, and for a moment Endeavor worried something was wrong.
When he pulled back a bit, there was no visible distress. A shy smile and rosy cheeks was all that met him.
"Careful, number one. You of all people should know better than to spoil me too much." Hawks said with an embarrassed laugh.
It was curious, like their roles had been reversed and Endeavor was the one saying things that flustered the other.
Curious, but he didnt feel like rectifying anything, choosing instead to let himself be honest just this once.
"I mean it, brat… how many times have you shoved yourself into my life, and how many of those times have I really and truly pushed you away huh?"
It was rhetorical. They both new Endeavor never did, not really. He had always at least humored Hawks in some way.
Hawks squirmed, struck silent by the question. He didn't seem upset at it though, his shy embarrassed smile only widening, and Endeavor felt the way Hawks' heart skipped a beat, fluttering in his chest like he was preening on the inside.
So curious, but Endeavor took it as a positive, and continued.
"Weren't you the one who said to me you go after what you want? Maybe try the path of least resistance before doing something that will just worry others, brat." He settled as he turned them around, sitting against the headboard and letting gravity keep them close as he kept Hawks slotted against him like a puzzle piece.
Like this Endeavor could feel the way Hawks' heart slammed about like it was trying to escape him, the small feathers of his tiny wings though weak and charred and downy from trying to grow back fluffing up in what Endeavor recognized as happiness or excitement.
Hawks was happy. Something about what Endeavor said had made him very happy.
He felt a little embarrassed, but he wasn't going to take it back now, not when this was the happiest he thinks he's ever seen the bird.
"Well" Hawks laughed, sounding like he was trying very hard not to break down into a fit of giggles, "someone's being really affectionate today." Hawks said like he wasn't at all expecting any of this.
To be fair Endeavor was playing it by ear too, and just doing what he felt was right in the moment.
"You almost died, Hawks." He said, trying to ease how flustered the younger man was getting. "Don't get used to it, but I think you've earned the right to be a little spoiled."
Hawks relaxed a bit, grinning fondly as he settled better in Endeavors arms.
After that, the doctor and nurse on site got called in to check on him. Hawks was clear so long as he had a caretaker for the next two weeks, and Endeavor made sure it was known he would be that caretaker.
He dismissed the staff, and they were alone in the large house.
Hawks smiled up at him from the bed, managing to tug Endeavor down onto it with him as he snuggled the older man close.
"Well, if I have permission to be a bit selfish, then i don't suppose big softie number one minds staying here tonight?" Hawks crooned out, nuzzling his chin at the scar and mimicking the affection from earlier.
Endeavor rolled his eyes, "I've been sleeping in that chair for, what 2 days? If you really want me to stay then I don't mind continuing."
Hawks hummed, holding him tighter. "I meant here… In bed with me." His wings fluttered softly. "This giant ass bed is big enough to fit two of you and then some, you don't have to ruin your back sitting up like that."
Endeavor considered this, and yes, he supposed there was no harm in it. Even though Hawks was awake there was this pull to keep him close where he could see him.
Hawks had almost died… and Endeavor couldn't help this want to stay by him till he was healed up enough to at least protect himself.
"It's a good thing I'm already comfortable then" he grumbled out.
Hawks laughed, but didnt say anything else, happy as a clam as he hugged Endeavor tight and buried himself in the others chest.
"Goodnight then. Looks like the sun is going down so we can continue this tearful reunion another day." Hawks murmured out before closing his eyes and dozing off.
Endeavor stayed, drifting in and out of sleep often due to the foreign weight that occasionally shifted against him.
This was all new. Endeavor wasn't used to sharing a bed, wasn't used to someone curled against his side. He hadn't been in this situation in a very long time.
For a while, despite his lack of ability to sleep, this was fine. Hawks was cuddly and sweet, snuggling close most likely due to the cold of the winter air outside and Endeavor naturally having an excess of body heat. He would never admit it aloud but Hawks was endearing in a way that he couldn't place, and didn't care to.
It was fine, nice even. until the nightmares.
He had opened his eyes once again, but not due to Hawks shifting, but instead to him trembling in his arms, sweat on his brow… tears streaming down his cheeks.
Endeavors heart swelled… a smile suited him best, and he felt horrible that Hawks was without it.
He now had an inkling of what the nightmare could be about. What Hawks had been hiding from him. From everyone.
When He had asked the police to thank the hero who supplied the information for the mission, they had glared at him, insisting that even if they knew that was confidential.
Like Hawks had made a mistake trusting him.
Like he had broken some rule and should be punished because he had turned to him.
It made Endeavors blood boil just thinking about it.
He had been curious and looked up Hawks, and sure there was the average story. A no name kid from a slum part of a no name town took the heroes provisional license exam when he was 14, gained his licence and was immediately picked up to intern with a hero agency while he finished his home schooling. 18 he quit being a sidekick and created his own agency and the rest was history, rising to the top ten and beyond basically when he hit his 20s.
But there was nothing on Hawks the person. No name, and aside from him saying a poor side of a city there was no home of origin to be found. He didn't speak of his family and he never visited them.
It was like he didn't exist as a person before Hawks the hero.
He was so young… an adult worthy of respect definitely but still young. How many years must he have had to build up this persona just so if they needed him to take this very role he could with ease.
How long had he had to play the person they wanted just so the commission could use him as they needed.
How long had he been undercover? How long had he had to then lie to everyone he met after that.
How long had he been with Endeavor smiling while on the inside dreading what the league was up to? What had he had to endure, what had they made him do?
How long before Hawks had caved and all but broke his cover in order to ask for help.
Asked him. chosen him.
Hawks was more hero than any of them. He had sacrificed so much, and he shouldn't have had to.
It was a hero's job to do all this so the young didn't have to. It was something you decided to commit to at maybe 13 or 14 because you've decided you WANT to work toward that goal for the next few years. It was something you were slowly introduced to in the years you are maturing the most…
Endeavor knew this now… because he knew what being forced into that life early did to you.
How it had affected his family… how it affected Shoto...
How he had ruined and taken away the only time in his son's life he could have had to be young… truly young and innocent of the world and grown to see it as something bright and shiny and worth protecting all on his own instead of being shown so young all of its ugly realities.
People like him being the ugliest.
That Hawks probably went through the same… he could only curse men like him who tried to use and mold the young.
Endeavor didn't know if he'd ever be able to repent, so he would start with Hawks in whatever way he could.
Starting with this nightmare.
He pressed a firm hand against Hawks back, just firm enough to help him stir. When the smaller man woke up he looked up at him, confused and upset from his half asleep stupor.
That look, so lost and sad made Endeavor's heart clench, and he wanted to do something to help.
Anything to show he was there for him.
Anything...
So, he did the only thing he could think to do.
He pressed a soft kiss to Hawks' forehead, a gentle one like he had seen Rei do to calm down their children when they had nightmares.
Hawks' eyes widened, his upset dissolving into a slight wonder and awe as those curious eyes bore into his.
Endeavor paused, let his thoughts catch up to him.
Then he felt his cheeks burning, embarrassed when he realized that was something you do to help children, not a grown man.
Before he could apologize, however, Hawks leaned close, hesitating before pressing a gentle kiss against Endeavors chin, right where his scarred flesh was.
Endeavor blinked, and Hawks pulled away slightly, smiling shyly as he gazed at him with a small unspoken question.
Like he was asking if this was okay.
He thought about it for a moment, and decided that yes it was more than okay.
It was all okay if it meant Hawks would keep smiling like that.
So he gave him another quick peck on the top of his head, not enough for it to seem like it was a big deal but enough to answer yes this was fine.
Hawks smiled, not saying another word before giving another gentle kiss to Endeavors chin before going back to sleep.
Endeavor smiled, stroking down Hawks' back before closing his eyes and letting out a long exhale.
Endeavor finally drifted into a long deep sleep.
Hawks didn't have another nightmare after that.