Chapter Text
The man was sitting in his favorite, black armchair a book resting gently in his lap. His face was calm and looked gentler than its usual scowl. I loved seeing him like this relaxed and almost soft, he had had a hard time during the war and had never got anything back from it.
"Luv, I was wondering if you'd let me wash your hair?" I inwardly sighed knowing how prickly he was about this sort of thing.
"Why," He said head snapping up and eyes narrowing. He turned to face me and then pointedly avoided my gaze. When the man had finally let me passed his walls I had been introduced to a new person, a broken person. He was filled with insecurities and tended to lash out even more than before, I could already see him working himself up into a mood.
"Do you find me disgusting..." He snarled, I blinked taken aback. Oh. Baby...
"Of course not, I love you just the way you are and have no desire to change you, but sometimes it can feel good to have someone care for you." I fiddled nervously with my fingers hoping that he wouldn't notice my anxiousness, last time I had brought up something similar he had reacted very poorly.
"I-I'm not sure that I will... you won't..." Severus met my gaze, his mood simmering down, and tried to explain himself.
"It's alright, Sever, I'll run a bath upstairs and if you'd like to come up you can but if not that is fine as well. I just want you happy."
I entered the room and started the bath, setting a few fluffy towels and a hairbrush on the counter. We had never talked about his lack of hygiene, but I knew that despite his seemly lack of caring he was very ashamed of how he appeared. I had seen it the first time we had been intimate the way had he had insisted that we turned off the lights or at least dim them. How he refuses to change near me and always wears thick layers of clothes. The first time I had praised him he had lashed out and spent the rest of the week in his lab. I knew that he had a very hard childhood even if he rarely talks about it, this childhood may have lead to his lack of full cleanness. He had never had anyone there for him, to teach him, and to give him what he needed.
"I will do it." Severus' cheeks were stained a faint pink and his eyes were squeezed shut.
"Alright, I will wait outside until you get ready, I added some bubbles but feel free to add more," He wrinkled his nose at that.
I waited for a bit until I heard his low voice calling me, "I'm going to shampoo your hair first and then wash it out, is that alright?" A quick nod was thrown my way. I sat behind him and gently started my work on his hair, at first touch he had tensed up and I had softly peppered his head with kisses. I messaged his scalp and then moved to his raven black tresses. I hummed while lathering and he relaxed. Grabbing the bucket of freshwater I slowly poured it over him until the soap was sufficiently washed out.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" Sever's voice had risen a pitch and he tugged out of my grip to curl into himself, I then noticed the excessively dirty bathwater and tainted water dribbles that had hit the bathroom floor.
"Shush...shush it is alright." I moved to pull him closer to me.
"It's dirty, disgusting, I'm filthy, I'm so disgusting!" Severus was wound up and his breathing was quickly picking up speed.
"Baby, it's going to be okay, everything is fine. There is nothing wrong with you this happens sometimes, it is completely normal. You work in a lab it is only right that sometimes the water changes colors or gets a bit dirty." He was curled into my arms now, head pressed into my neck. I could feel the soft warm beads of saltwater falling down my skin. He had never been this bad, was it possible that he had never had a bath before, hadn't had anyone holding him? I rubbed smooth patterns onto his back until I heard his breathing calm.
A quiet tight voice circled the room, "I'm sorry. I overreacted I shouldn't have done that, thank you for your assistance but it is now unnecessary." He was drawing back, putting the walls that had only just shattered back up. He lurched out of my arms and stood up on shaky legs.
"You don't have to apologize it's not your fault. Stay, I'll help you dry off and get ready for bed." Severus trembled and then reached out to me, it seemed that he was worn out, he had never given in that easily.
Quickly I dried him off and then held up the hairbrush, a tired head shake answered. I sat him down and ignored his nakedness, knowing that just this was a giant step of improvement. A grounding hand was placed on his back as I started brushing out his coal locks. I hummed and watched satisfied as his face took on an even gentler look than it had early and his mood turned to content.
"Your clothes are all wet," his eyes danced in amusement.
"I'd get wet for you any day," I returned with a soft laugh. Grabbing the man's hand, we both climbed into bed. "I love you so much."
"I feel the same, thank you," Severus said pressing his forehead to mine.