Work Text:
No thought about loving Jungkook in a way that wasn’t brotherly and completely platonic has ever crossed Hoseok’s mind.
Then at the start of their vacation, Jimin jokingly mentions how, whenever Hoseok looks at the younger, he’s giving him the biggest heart eyes and looks as if he was seconds away from snapping and confessing his undying love in front of everyone.
At first, he thought it was silly and even laughed with everyone. But after a day or two of thinking about what was said, it made him question if it’s just an impression he’s giving out, because of how fond he is of Jungkook and how he can’t help but to look at him that way or if there’s actually something underneath.
Something he’s never thought of or has never allowed himself to think of.
He ends up spending his whole vacation thinking about that ‘something’ .
They’ve been friends for years and, of course, Hoseok couldn’t wish for a better best friend than Jungkook. Their friendship is very dear to him so, lately, he’s been feeling guilty.
Hoseok feels guilty, because he can’t help but think about what it would feel like to hold hands with Jungkook in a way that isn’t platonic. To know what it’d feel like to share soft kisses in the mornings, what it’d feel like to hold each other in the way lovers do.
He is afraid that if the feelings are actually more than he’s always thought — it will ruin everything.
That Hoseok will ruin everything.
There is no way Jungkook could feel the same. Or is there?
Now, whenever someone’s being touchy with Jungkook, Hoseok wants nothing, but to hold him and scream “Mine. Mine. Mine.”. So he just pierces through the younger, and whoever is next to him, with his gaze.
It doesn’t go unnoticed for too long. One night, during a little party, Taehyung gets comfortable on Jungkook’s lap and almost immediately notices how Hoseok is glaring at him.
“Well, someone looks jealous.” His words make everyone turn to Hoseok. Of course they all know who Taehyung’s referring to without a second thought.
“As usual.” Jimin snorts.
To what Jungkook replies with a smirk: “I mean, I am his favorite, so I don’t see how he wouldn’t be. I don’t like sharing what’s mine either.” His eyes remain on Hoseok, making the latter want to disappear into his seat.
What does that mean?
“No worries, hyung, I won’t steal him. You know who I’ve got my eyes on.” Taehyung says and turns his gaze to Yoongi, who almost spits his drink when he realizes that it’s him the younger’s eyes landed on.
“Whatever.” Is all Hoseok says. He doesn’t spare Jungkook, or anyone sitting in the younger's direction, a glance for the rest of the night.
Soon enough, the confusion in Hoseok’s mind between trying to understand what’s real and what’s just the work of his overthinking gets unbearable.
Every night he struggles to fall asleep with the same thoughts circling in his mind over and over again.
Does Hoseok’s heart flatter whenever he sees Jungkook or is it just his stupid mind telling him that it does?
Is Jungkook on Hoseok’s mind 24/7 because he has feelings for him or is it just because he’s been thinking about this whole situation too much?
Is Hoseok in love with Jungkook?
Will it change anything between them?
Will Jungkook hate Hoseok?
Is there a chance Jungkook could love Hoseok back?
Often, frustrated, he ends up crying himself to sleep.
Their trip with the seven of them and nothing but woods around doesn’t make it any better. It was naive of him to think it would help him in any way. If anything, it’s gotten worse.
Hoseok’s tired and it might sound bad, but he can’t wait to go back home to his apartment and just drown in his thoughts. It’s a relief there are no cameras this time, so he can allow himself to be more vulnerable.
“Hyung, are you okay?” Jimin asks him one of the mornings.
Hoseok wishes he’d ask him something less complicated. “Yeah, why?”
“I uhm,” Jimin sighs,”I could hear you crying last night. Your bed is barely a meter away from mine.”
“Oh, that.” He smiles. God, he’s miserable. “Don’t worry, it’s nothing serious, Jimin-ah.”
“Hyung.” Jimin sits beside him and puts his hand on Hoseok’s knee, squeezing it lightly. “You know you can talk to me about anything, right? Don’t keep everything inside, it will only hurt more.”
And that’s when the tears start running down Hoseok’s face without him even realizing.
“Oh, hyung. Come here.” Jimin hugs him and the older presses his face into his chest. “It’s going to be okay. You’re going to be okay.”
“I’m so confused, Jimin-ah… I think-“ he lifts his head up to look into the younger’s eyes. “I think I’m in love with Jungkook.”
“You think?”
“Ever since you joked about me looking like I’m in love with him, I just can’t stop thinking about it.”
“I wasn’t really joking. I’ve known for awhile now.”
“How’s it possible that you knew before me?”
Jimin smiles and Hoseok doesn’t think he’s ever seen him smile so fondly. The younger wipes his tears away, hands soft on his skin. “Your eyes tell, hyung.”
One moment there’s a quick knock and the next there’s Jungkook’s head peeking through the slightly opened door. “Hoseokie hyun- Huh? What happened here? Are you okay?”
“He’s okay, just had a little nightmare so I’m calming him down.” Jimin says, smiling understandingly at Hoseok.
“Do you want some peppermint tea, Hobi hyung?” Jungkook asks. “And cuddles?” He smiles cheekily, knowing the older could never say no.
Hoseok smiles, his eyes tired of crying. “Yeah. I’d like that.”
Jungkook’s head disappears from the door frame and they can hear him run to the kitchen, screaming: “One tea and some serotonin boost cuddles for Jung Hoseok are on their way!”.
Hoseok realizes how much he loves it when Jungkook calls his name, he wants him to say it again and again.
Because when it’s Jungkook’s lips moving, when it’s his voice, it’s the sweetest melody which Hoseok could listen to nonstop.
“I’ll be in Taehyung’s room if you need me. We’re going to play games later today, so come out if you feel like it, okay?” Jimin gives Hoseok a quick hug before he stands up to leave. “And, hyung. Tell him.”
“Tell what to whom?” Jungkook opens the door fully, a cup of tea and a glass of milk in his hand.
“That he wanted to be the little spoon today.” Jimin says with a wink and both Jungkook and Hoseok watch him leave.
Jungkook turns his head back with a huff, making his way to Hoseok’s bed. “As if I wasn’t already aware.”
Hoseok’s heart swells at that. Because it’s true, Jungkook does know it. He knows that Hoseok loves being held when he’s not feeling his best, it gives him some sort of reassurance.
Most of the time, he doesn’t even have to say anything, because Jungkook always knows when he needs him.
Hoseok smiles at the younger and takes the cup of tea that he hands him. “Thank you, Jungkookie. And you just can’t go a day without milk, can you?”
“Nuh-uh, where do you think all this came from?” He tenses his biceps. “Milk!”
“Really? Cause I thought it was the fact that you spend hours in the gym.”
Jungkook nods. “Well, that helps a little too.”
Hoseok giggles and ruffles his hair. “You’re so cute.”
“ ‘m not.”
When they’re done drinking, Jungkook gets comfortable with his back pressed to the pile of pillows on the bed, inviting Hoseok to lean on him, his arm wrapping around his hyung’s waist instantly.
“You wanna talk about that nightmare of yours, hyung?”
Hoseok shakes his head. “Let’s just stay like this.”
“Okay.” He reaches his other hand to stroke Hoseok’s hair, but the latter stops him, noticing how Jungkook’s fingers are a little red, some even have blisters on them.
Hoseok takes his hand and holds it gently, observing. “Were you practicing the guitar again?”
Jungkook hums.
“Does it hurt?” Hoseok lifts his eyes up and angles his head a little, so that he could see Jungkook’s face fully.
“Not really. Why? You wanted to kiss it better?” Jungkook wants to laugh, but it gets caught in his throat, blush creeping onto his face, when Hoseok does indeed kiss his hand.
“Maybe.” The older whispers and places soft kisses onto each finger, then interlocks them with his own and places his head on top of Jungkook’s chest.
Hoseok doesn’t miss how the speed of Jungkook’s heartbeat matches his own.
Could Jungkook love him back?
And he gets so caught up in the moment, feeling warm all over in the younger’s hold, that he doesn’t even notice himself placing a little kiss onto Jungkook’s chest right before drifting off to sleep.
Neither does Hoseok notice Jungkook’s body going completely still under him at that exact instance.
When Hoseok wakes up from his unplanned morning nap (are morning naps even a thing?) he’s laying on his side, with an arm, that obviously isn’t his, firmly wrapped around his body.
“Jungkook?” He whispers and Jungkook only hums a ‘mmm’ in response, head moving even more into the crook of Hoseok’s neck, lips faintly touching the skin.
Hoseok gulps. That feels... nice. He could spend the whole day like this, and he would, if only his bladder wasn’t on the verge of exploding.
“Jungkook.” he calls the younger’s name again, slightly louder, but all he gets is another hum into his neck. “Jung…kook” he tries turning himself around, and when he does, suddenly, breathing isn’t an option. His face is close to Jungkook’s. Too close. Their noses are touching and Hoseok can see just about every little detail of Jungkook’s face. He’s observing, scared to move or even blink not to wake him up.
Jungkook looks peaceful in his sleep; the little pout on his face and his soft snores endear Hoseok. He never thought he could look at someone and think about how he could spend his whole life just watching them, spend his whole life simply admiring one’s beauty. And Jungkook is beautiful not only on the outside, but also on the inside.
Hoseok realizes that he has never met someone as pure as him. He doesn’t think there could ever even be anyone as good as the boy, whose hands feel so right when they’re touching Hoseok.
All of a sudden, the thought of being in love with Jungkook is no longer as scary .
“Hyung.” Hoseok’s thoughts get interrupted by a sleepy voice. “Are you staring?” The younger asks, his eyes still closed.
“N-no?”
“Mmm..I can literally feel your eyes on me.” Jungkook murmurs, finally opening his eyes. And he was about to add something, but no words left his mouth as he became aware of the close proximity of their faces. He blinks at Hoseok and the latter blinks back, neither of them move away.
“Hi.” Jungkook whispers after some time, not sure if it came out as an actual word or a huff of air.
“Jungkookie, I-” Hoseok breathes out.
“Hyung?” He asks, as if expecting to hear something in particular. And Hoseok swears he could see Jungkook’s eyes steal a quick glance at his lips.
“I really need to go to the bathroom, so could you please let go? Your hold is quite strong, I couldn’t get out earlier.”
“Oh.. Oh ! Sorry!” Jungkook immediately lets go and the two of them almost jump away from one another, as if they got burnt.
Hoseok’s sure that his cheeks are red from the embarrassment, but the obvious blush on the younger’s cheeks doesn’t go unnoticed either.
Could Jungkook love him back?
“You gonna join everybody else?” Jungkook asks when Hoseok comes back into the room. He stretches his body with a groan and sits up.”Pretty sure they’re going to play UNO, and you know how heated it gets between Jin and Jimin hyungs.”
Hoseok giggles. “That’s mostly why I like playing it. They make it more amusing.”
“It could take your mind off whatever you’ve been overthinking.”
Jungkook shrugs after Hoseok says nothing. “I just..I’ve noticed that you’ve not really been fully yourself lately. I didn't want to bring it up. I thought it would be better if you talked about whatever it is when you’re ready, if you want to. No pressure.”
God, why is he so.. precious. Hoseok smiles. “I’m fine, Jungkookie.” And the younger squints his eyes at him, rather playfully. “Really, I am now. So don’t worry, okay?”
Jungkook nods then, but furrows his eyebrows. “But you know you can come talk to me when you need to, right? Whatever there is that’s bothering you, I’m always here to listen.”
“How did you grow up so fast?” Hoseok smiles and reaches out to ruffle the younger’s hair. “Taking such good care of your hyung.” He pauses, taking a few seconds to admire the soft smile on Jungkook’s face. “Thank you. For always being there.”
“Isn’t it what best friends are for?”
“Yeah…” Hoseok looks down at his hands then back up at Jungkook.
“You sure you okay, hyung?”
He should talk to him about it, right?
“Well, there’s this thing I’m not fully sure about yet, but..I just thought that it would be fair for you to know and it’s just that I-..I think-“ He pauses even though it’s right there, at the tip of his tongue.
“You think...?” Jungkook asks, somewhat confused.
I think… I think I might be in love with you. But the words don’t fall from his mouth.
“GET UP!” Taehyung and Jimin barge into the room, startling the two of them. “WE ARE PLAYING GAMES! GOGOGOGO!” They both scream and jump, until they notice Hoseok and Jungkook’s faces.
“Oh? Did we interrupt something?” Taehyung asks.
“Not really.” Jungkook shakes his head. “Hobi hyung and I were just talking about stuff. Nothing important, right hyung?.” Hoseok nods and Jungkook smiles at him apologetically.
“So are you two coming or what?”
“Yeah.” Jungkook gets up and walks to the door. “Hyungie?”
Hoseok rubs the back of his neck awkwardly. “I uh...I’ll go take a shower.”
“Oh, okay. Talk later?”
“Yeah.”
They both smile at each other and Jungkook leaves, following two of his hyungs into the room where everyone else is sitting, waiting for him and Hoseok. He can hear Yoongi and Jin asking why he isn’t there and the boys mumbling something in response.
Nothing important. But then again, how would Jungkook know that it was when Hoseok is a coward who cannot bring himself to say aloud the one thing that’s been on his mind?
He falls down on his bed with his eyes closed, breathing out sharply. Never in his life did he think that having, or more like trying to figure out whether he actually has feelings for his best friend, could be so frustrating and draining. During the past couple of weeks, maybe even months already, he’s learnt that feelings could drive you insane.
Hoseok doesn't realize just how much time he spends “in the shower” up until he looks out of the window and sees how it’s already gotten dark. Most people hate how soon the sun sets down the closer it gets to winter, but he absolutely adores it. Nights have always been his favorite, even though, lately, they’re his biggest enemies.
When he leaves the room, he sees that all of his friends are still entertaining themselves with games, there’s lots of things all over the floor: bottles of water, beer and soju, socks, pieces of paper with something scribbled on them and cards. Uno, to be precise. People would not believe them if they ever mentioned how a multi millionaire boy band just spends hours playing uno in their free time. With some drinks, of course. Not in Taehyung’s case, though. That man would rather drink juices and pretend like it’s an alcohol beverage than have actual alcohol enter his system, but the members find it absolutely endearing.
Hoseok notices that Jungkook isn’t with them.
“For the billionth time, I did say UNO!” Jimin exclaims, making Jin squint an eye in frustration.
“You didn’t!”
“ Can you two ju- Oh! Hobi hyung! Come join us.” Taehyung says when he notices him.
“Hoba, please do before these two,” Yoongi points at Jin and Jimin with a nod of his head, “kill each other over a card game.”
“Will it really help? You know it happens literally every game.” Hoseok giggles.
“He has a point.” Namjoon says and Jin huffs.
“Well maybe if someone followed the rules proper-”
“Jin hyung, just because you’re older doesn’t mean that I won’t shove my foot up your ass!”
“Oh, I bet you’d like that, wouldn’t you?”
“Here they go again.” Yoongi rolls his eyes, but proceeds to laugh since it’s always funny to see those two bickering, knowing damn well how they’re just gonna end up cuddling by the end of the night.
“Yoongi hyung?” Hoseok calls, his voice quiet.
“Hm? You want some?” Yoongi handles him a bottle of beer, but Hoseok shakes his head.
“No, I’m good. Uhm, where’s Jungkook?”
“In the yard, pretty sure he took his guitar with him.”
“Yeah, he said he was gonna practice a little. Not in the mood for games or something like that.” Taehyung mumbles out without turning his eyes away from his cards. “Yoongi hyung, pay attention or you’ll lose.”
“The game isn’t even going because of those two.”
“Well then pay attention to me.” Taehyung says with a wink this time and Yoongi blushes.
Namjoon sighs at that. They couldn’t be more obvious.
“I’ll go t alk to Jungkook and then come join you.” Hoseok says, and makes his way out into the yard, where he sees Jungkook sitting with his guitar in hands, staring up at the sky.
“Hey.”
“Hey, hyung.” Jungkook smiles as soon as his eyes land on Hoseok. “Feeling better?”
Hoseok hums and sits beside the younger. “You’re not playing?”
“I was. Decided to take a little break. The sky is pretty.”
“Yeah,” the older looks up, “there’s a lot of stars today.”
His eyes then fall back to look at Jungkook, who keeps his gaze up, staring into the night sky above them.
There’s a comfortable silence between them before Jungkook breaks it. “Want me to play for you?”
And Hoseok beams. “Absolutely. What have you been practicing?”
“Lost Stars. I’m pretty amazing, though, so try not to fall in love, hyung.” Jungkook grins, but his cheeks are visibly pink.
If only he knew.
“Can’t make any promises, Jungkook-ah.”
Hoseok smiles and when Jungkook starts singing, he just stares without being able to look away even for a moment.
‘Take my hand let's see where we wake up tomorrow’
Before, Hoseok wasn’t sure what love was, maybe that’s why it’s been so difficult for him to figure things out. But this right now, sitting beside Jungkook, watching him like this, with his voice hitting the notes so effortlessly;
‘So let's get drunk on our tears and’
putting so much emotion into a song that’s been sung by him a dozen times before already, singing it for Hoseok, is what makes him understand the one thing he couldn’t wrap his mind around hitherto.
‘But are we all lost stars, trying to light up the dark?’
Love isn’t just about your heart fluttering or the butterflies rioting in your stomach when you see them; it isn’t just about them being on your mind 24/7. One could agree and say that it, obviously, is so much more than that, that love is far more complicated.
‘Searching for meaning’
But love shouldn’t be something you need to understand, shouldn’t be something you know the meaning of. Love is simple when it’s your person. So yes, loving is easy.
Loving Jungkook is easy.
He loves Jungkook.
He is in love with Jungkook.
But does Jungkook love him back?
‘I thought I heard-’
Deep into his own thoughts and busy staring at Jungkook’s face, Hoseok doesn’t notice how the younger cuts the song off, staring back at him.
“Hyung?” Jungkook waves his hand in front of Hoseok’s face and he finally blinks, getting out of the trans or whatever he was in a moment ago.
“Hyung, why are you looking at me like that?”
“Like what?”
Jungkook giggles shyly and looks down at his hand, where he’s still holding the chord. “Like you want to kiss me.” He pauses and looks back up. “It’s distracting.”
“Would it be bad?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, would it be bad if I wanted to kiss you right now? Or ever?” Hoseok breathes out.
Jungkook’s mouth falls slightly open, but no words leave his mouth. He sits back more comfortably and takes his eyes off Hoseok to look up at the sky. The corners of his mouth are slightly lifted. “The sky is really pretty.”
A wave of panic shoots through Hoseok’s body. “I- Jungkook, did I say something wrong? I’m sorry if I-”
“You were right, there are a lot of stars tonight.”
“Jungkook-”
“It will be one to remember.” Jungkook finally turns his head to face Hoseok again. “I’ve never been kissed under the night sky before.”
Hoseok just stares at him, blinking.
“What? Aren’t you going to kiss me?”
“I- I can?” Hoseok stands up from where he’s sitting and Jungkook follows, letting the guitar rest on the chair.
“I’ll be disappointed if you don’t.” He smiles.
“How are you so cool about this? So, unfazed?”
“I’m- I’m not.” Jungkook chuckles.
“Doesn’t seem like it to me.” Hoseok steps closer, his hand reaching out to pull a strand of hair behind Jungkook’s ear.
“I guess that I’ve dreamt about this moment happening so many times that it hasn’t fully gotten to me that what’s about to happen is actually real.” And Hoseok can see how red his cheeks are getting.
“Oh?”
“I love you hyung.”
Jungkook’s words are like a punch into Hoseok’s chest. A loving, soft punch.
He loves him.
“As in-“
“As in I am in love with you.”
Jungkook is in love with him.
There’s a wide smile spreading across Hoseok’s face. It seems like some sort of a fever dream. And, suddenly, all his worries are gone.
After a moment, he takes Jungkook’s face into his hands, holding it gently with his thumbs caressing the soft skin of the younger’s cheeks. He looks him in the eyes one more time, making sure that it’s okay, and then presses their lips together.
The kiss is gentle and short, maybe it’s even more of a peck than an actual kiss, but it’s the best one Hoseok has ever had; he’s never felt anything like that before, and he’s kissed quite a number of people. His chest isn’t on fire, there aren’t flowers blooming in his chest like he imagined they would. The kiss is warm and he feels comfort take over his body. Hoseok feels at ease, because Jungkook is the right person. His person .
“I’m in love with you..too” He whispers, looking into Jungkook’s eyes and the latter giggles, definitely not the reaction Hoseok was expecting. “What is it?”
“It’s just that I- It’s silly.” Jungkook seems embarrassed and wants to turn away, but Hoseok doesn’t let go of his face.
Instead, he pecks the mole under his lip and smiles. “You can tell me.”
“The other night I was looking at the sky and there was a shooting star so I- I wished for you to love me back. And now- now we’re kissing under the stars.”
Now flowers are blooming in Hoseok’s chest, because what the fuck, Jungkook is so lovable.
“God.” Hoseok whines. “You’re so cute, stop before I eat you.” He wants to let go of the younger’s face, but Jungkook stops him by wrapping his hands around his wrists.
“Kiss me more.”
And who’s Hoseok to say no to that?
“Wasn’t planning on stopping.” He kisses him again, smiling into the kiss. Then he stops for a moment, to whisper into his lips, “Just wanted to do this .” His one hand travels down to rest on Jungkook’s waist, pulling him in closer.
“I am in love with you, Jeon Jungkook.” Hoseok says before once again pressing his lips against Jungkook’s, not leaving him any time to say anything back, because he knows.
Jungkook loves him back.