Work Text:
Hua Cheng was jealous.
It was such an ugly emotion that it seemed fitting that it would plague someone as equally hideous as him. It twisted in the pit of his stomach, sending unreasonable rage through his blood that desperately wanted to dig its claws into anyone around him except for one precious person.
He’d known Xie Lian for three years now. They’d met in university, when Hua Cheng was finishing up with his bachelor’s degree and Xie Lian was returning to finish his master’s degree after a few years away from school. Their first meeting was purely by chance; Hua Cheng’s roommate, He Xuan, started dating Xie Lian’s, Shi Qingxuan, and the two of them were introduced to each other on a group outing organized by the couple.
At first, Hua Cheng didn’t want to go. He didn’t care that his roommate was dating someone but a small, miniscule part of him wanted to meet the person who made He Xuan less of a depressing void that ate nonstop into someone slightly more tolerable.
Shi Qingxuan was fine, he guessed, but the one who drew his attention and held it tightly was the short, cute man beside him with his fluffy white jumper and soft brown eyes. Hua Cheng hadn’t been prepared for Xie Lian, who wasn’t fazed by his somewhat intimidating appearance and had smiled up at him.
He had dimples.
How was Hua Cheng not supposed to be entranced by the dimples?
After that first meeting, the two of them met up again and again until they saw each other or spoke to each other at least once a day. Hua Cheng never had many friends— He Xuan could barely be considered someone he could stand, much less an actual friend—and it surprised him how quickly Xie Lian managed to befriend him. He was, for a lack of a better word to describe himself, an utter asshole. But he found himself incapable of treating this clumsy and kind upperclassman in any rude way at all.
They had so much in common, conversation was never difficult and flowed easily until they had been talking for hours and hours with no end in sight. Hua Cheng never grew tired of listening to Xie Lian’s voice, to hearing his charming laugh, to seeing his beautiful smile.
It shouldn’t have surprised Hua Cheng when he fell in love with all of the intensity of a shooting star, his cold heart that had never experienced true love since his mother died suddenly coming alive to beat for one person only. In the beginning, he was frightened of how vulnerable he felt with these feelings that made him feel unconditionally happy. He feared the day that this perfect person would realize just how wretched, how monstrous he truly was, and leave him like everyone else.
But after three years, Xie Lian still stayed by his side with his kindness and enthusiasm.
Which led to the present, where Hua Cheng was unreasonably jealous like a child biting anyone who came close to his best friend. He had yet to go that far but he felt he was getting close.
Yin Yu was a couple years younger than Hua Cheng was but he’d managed to get in to some higher-level classes. He was quiet and didn’t have much of a presence but his dark eyes shown with intelligence. Hua Cheng was waiting for Xie Lian to finish up with class one day so the two of them could study together at the campus library when some guy strolled out the doors with Xie Lian at his side, making enthusiastic gestures as they were deep in discussion.
Hua Cheng hadn’t seen him so excited around anyone other than him or Shi Qingxuan in a long time. After a moment, Xie Lian’s eyes scanned the hall and when he saw him, they brightened with a radiant smile. He said something to the new guy, who turned to look at Hua Cheng too and muttered something with a subtly teasing smile, to which Xie Lian waved his hands frantically with reddening cheeks.
Hua Cheng felt the inexplicable urge to smack this stranger.
“Gege,” he greeted, not letting any of his annoyance at the other person show. Before Xie Lian could reply, the one beside him did first.
“You must be the ‘San Lang’ Xie Lian told me about.”
Hua Cheng felt his eye twitch. The fucking audacity of this brat to even say Xie Lian’s name! Not only that--
“Ah, Yin Yu—“
“Only gege can call me San Lang,” Hua Cheng ground out, his nails digging into his own arms as he leveled a glare at the underclassman. Yin Yu didn’t even flinch, which was a sure enough sign that Hua Cheng needed to up his game in order to put him in his place.
“I’ve heard a lot about you. I’m Yin Yu,” he introduced himself politely, holding out a hand. Hua Cheng considered ignoring it but Xie Lian was watching him and so he shook it, with a little more force than necessary.
“Hua Cheng.”
“San Lang,” Xie Lian reached out to press a hand to his elbow and the touch made his entire arm tingle. “Yin Yu and I were assigned together for a project. Can he come with us to the library?”
This was his time with Xie Lian, just the two of them working on their separate assignments in companionable silence. They would sit on opposite sides of the table, which wasn’t as nice as sitting side by side, in Hua Cheng’s opinion, but it meant that he could sneak glances at Xie Lian when he wasn’t looking.
A small part of him wanted to make an excuse as to why Yin Yu couldn’t come but he knew that there was no way he could ever say no to Xie Lian. And so, he gave a smile that felt more like a grimace and said, “Of course.”
Hua Cheng was very proud of himself and his ability to pretty much ignore Yin Yu’s presence the whole time, focusing solely on his own work and Xie Lian. Which was a feat in and of itself because Yin Yu’s quiet voice persisted nearly the entire time at the perfect level of sound allowed in a library that he wouldn’t get called out for disturbing the peace.
Despite Hua Cheng’s initial assumption that he was someone that didn’t talk much at all, he proved to be someone that once on a topic of interest, he talked quite a bit. He stayed silent as Yin Yu and Xie Lian discussed their assignment together, the latter occasionally looking up and giving Hua Cheng a quick smile or checking up on how his assignments were coming along. Leaving them to their work, he simply focused on his own and let their voices wash over him.
It wasn’t even a week later when Hua Cheng had to see the quiet underclassman again.
He was meeting Xie Lian at the café on campus before they went to class and nothing could bring Hua Cheng more joy than seeing his beloved before having to deal with other people.
As soon as he walked in the door, a lightning bolt of displeasure accompanied the elation he felt at the prospect of seeing Xie Lian when he saw that his beloved was not alone. “Ah, San Lang!” he called, excitedly waving at him from their favorite table. Their table that had a third chair pulled up next to it and in it, sat Yin Yu with an amiable smile on his face.
Hua Cheng made his way through the café towards them, already trying to tamp down on the bitter feelings that were rising in the back of his throat just waiting to explode.
“Gege,” he greeted with a smile, sitting down in front of Xie Lian before looking at the other man expressionlessly. “Yin Yu.”
“Hello.” Yin Yu either didn’t notice or just didn’t care at the animosity in Hua Cheng’s voice, his expression never faltering.
“I ran into Yin Yu when I first got here,” Xie Lian told him and he had that gentle smile on his face that Hua Cheng loved. All negative emotions drained away as the two of them talked, Xie Lian making sure to include Yin Yu until the underclassman looked out the window, paled a little bit behind his glasses, and gathered his things with quick goodbyes before scrambling out of the café.
He had just left the door when an excited shout sounded and Yin Yu took off in the opposite direction faster than Hua Cheng had thought possible, a literal blur following him not long after.
“I wonder who that was,” Xie Lian asked when it was just the two of them, his eyes still looking out the window even though both figures were gone from view.
“Who knows?” Hua Cheng replied, mentally thanking the mysterious blur for apparently making Yin Yu run off.
Everything went back to normal for a little bit before derailing once again. They’d been busy the past few days and for the first time in a long time, Hua Cheng didn’t get to see Xie Lian every day. They still talked on the phone, of course, but it had been a while since they had been able to meet face to face.
Hua Cheng was thinking of a way to see his beloved when he received a message.
Gege <3: San Lang! Yin Yu and I are having a movie night tonight! Would you like to come as well?
He didn’t know how to reply.
Of course he wanted to spend time with Xie Lian but if Yin Yu would be there, wouldn’t he just be the third wheel? He wasn’t foolish enough to think that his dislike of Yin Yu wasn’t clear to either him or Xie Lian. He didn’t want that side of him to be seen by his love more than he had already seen. Hua Cheng sighed and typed out a response.
San Lang: Sorry, gege. I have something I need to do tonight. Maybe next time J
He regretted it the moment he sent it.
He felt like such a coward, but he knew it was the best choice to make. Xie Lian didn’t deserve to be burdened with his petty jealousy. Without waiting for a reply, Hua Cheng set his phone down and walked away. He paced around the room for a solid few minutes before he couldn’t take it anymore, leaving his room.
He Xuan was out with Shi Qingxuan and the apartment was deathly silent around him, which only further dragged down his mood. He brought this on himself by having to give Xie Lian distance to spend time with Yin Yu, his friend, who Hua Cheng held such unreasonable animosity towards.
It was almost as strong as his damn near hatred of Feng Xin and Mu Qing and he barely knew him!
It was best that he stay away to keep himself in check. He didn’t want to ruin things between Xie Lian and Yin Yu for no reason other than that he was selfish.
Yin Yu was quiet and kind no matter how rude someone was to him, while Hua Cheng was abrasive and aggressive to almost everyone he met. Maybe it was for the best that Xie Lian befriended him; Yin Yu was probably better for him than Hua Cheng could ever be.
So he resigned himself to sitting down and getting his paints out, propping an empty canvas on his easel. He set up the speaker and blasted his music, not caring if the neighbors complained later, and let his brush deal with the twisted emotions running amok in his soul.
By the time he snapped out of it, it was much later. The sun had gone down with no sign of He Xuan returning, which Hua Cheng knew meant he was staying with Shi Qingxuan for the night. Sighing, he propped the canvas on the balcony to dry and turned off the music.
He was just going to go to sleep and hope he underwent a personality change in the night.
There was a rapid series of knocks on the door and Hua Cheng barely repressed the roll of his eyes as he moved to answer it, patience already wearing paper-thin. The annoyance dissipated immediately when he swung open the door and saw who stood outside.
“Gege?”
Xie Lian peered up at him with his beautiful brown eyes, a worried furrow between his brows as he fidgeted with the sleeve of his jumper.
“San Lang!” he gasped, rushing forward. “Are you feeling alright? Are you sick?” Hua Cheng took a few steps back, surprised as Xie Lian’s hand smacked onto his forehead with a bit more force than what was probably intended. “You feel a little warm. Do you feel feverish?”
Hua Cheng felt like his face was on fire, surely flushed red with how close his beloved was to him.
“I-I’m fine, gege.
“Oh,” Xie Lian murmured, pulling his hand away quickly.
Hua Cheng guided him inside, closing the door behind him and brought him to the living room. He dropped his gaze to the floor, messing with his sleeve again. After all the years he’s known him, Hua Cheng knew that this was a big indicator that he was nervous about something and was determined to find out what.
“Gege, did something happen?” he asked. If Yin Yu did something, there was no crack or crevice in the world that he could crawl in to that Hua Cheng wouldn’t find him.
“No, no, nothing happened,” Xie Lian assured, frantically, almost embarrassed. Then, before Hua Cheng’s eyes, his cheeks started to fill with a pretty blush that made his love-struck heart nearly pound out of his chest.
He was just so cute.
“I just-I hadn’t seen San Lang for a while and I…” he trailed off for a moment, not meeting Hua Cheng’s eyes. “I wondered if I’d done something to upset you.”
Hua Cheng felt like his blood had turned to ice at the vaguely hurt expression on Xie Lian’s face. He was such an idiot. A complete, utterly brainless idiot. How could he have distanced himself from him as if it were the easiest thing to do? He should have realized how it would look to Xie Lian; he probably thought Hua Cheng was avoiding him this whole time because he did something wrong.
He despised himself to the very marrow of his bones for hurting Xie Lian, even if inadvertently.
“Gege has not done a single thing wrong,” he said, leaving no room in his voice for any doubt. And it was true; the only one who messed up was Hua Cheng himself.
Xie Lian met his gaze, taking a small step toward him and Hua Cheng didn’t move. The shorter man’s face was determined as he asked calmly in a soft voice, “Why is San Lang avoiding me?”
It felt like a physical blow. There was a slight tremor in his words and Hua Cheng felt like he would break down, fall apart into a hundred pieces for upsetting Xie Lian. He hadn’t even thought of how the one he loved would feel if he distanced himself; the thought that he blamed himself made Hua Cheng feel ill. He’d hurt Xie Lian’s feelings for something as insignificant as jealousy.
“I wanted to give gege more time to spend with Yin Yu,” Hua Cheng admitted, not meeting Xie Lian’s eyes. “You both get along so well and I didn’t want to get in the way.”
As he said the words, he could feel that hideous storm of emotions writhing within him and he was angry at his own feelings, forcing them down in hopes that they would disappear.
Xie Lian’s head tilted just a little—a habit he had whenever he was confused that was so hopelessly endearing to Hua Cheng—and asked, “You don’t like Yin Yu?”
“I don’t know enough about him to not like him.”
He didn’t know how he felt about the underclassman. Yin Yu was probably a good person with a charming personality but in Hua Cheng’s mind, all he could think was that he was stealing time from him to be with Xie Lian.
“Then why don’t you want to spend time with me when he’s around?”
There was no use keeping it from him anymore. He couldn’t look at Xie Lian; he couldn’t bear to see his face when he told him the truth, to see his face shift and he probably wouldn’t yell but the possibility of him simply walking out of Hua Cheng’s apartment was something he didn’t want to watch.
His eyes slip closed as he said with a voice full of guilt, “I was jealous of Yin Yu, gege.”
Speaking the heavy words into the air, he couldn’t help but hate that part of himself more than the rest. Xie Lian deserved to have so many friends, people who could appreciate his kindness and quirky humor, and Hua Cheng didn’t want that side of himself who wanted to covet every moment he could with him to stand in the way of his friendships.
There was a sharp intake of breath in front of him. He waited for the disappointment in Xie Lian’s voice as he broke things off with him or the closing of his front door.
Hua Cheng was not in the least expecting a hand coming up to cup his cheek. His eyes snap open, shocked, and he saw the disbelieving, overwhelmingly fond look on Xie Lian’s face. His heart beat frantically in his chest, overwhelmed with the love he felt for the man in front of him, and he nearly missed it when Xie Lian declared, “San Lang has no reason to be jealous of anyone.”
He was confused, not processing what he had just heard. He didn’t understand why Xie Lian’s cheeks flooded with a rosy pink, the warmth in his smile making the sun pale in comparison. The soft pad of his thumb brushed gently across Hua Cheng’s cheekbone as he clarified, a little nervously but without a hint of doubt.
“San Lang, there’s no reason to be jealous because you already have my heart. No one else can come close to how I feel for you.”
Static was filling Hua Cheng’s brain, struggling to process what his beloved is saying. He couldn’t believe it. He wasn’t sure if this was happening. Is he hallucinating? Did he hit his head and he was dead now? The hand on his face is warm and then another joins it on his other cheek, thumbs wiping across his face, and oh, he was crying?
Xie Lian’s face was so fond and adoring and he was so close and suddenly, the hands pulled away and arms were wrapping around Hua Cheng’s waist and he was overwhelmed by the scent of the flower shampoo Xie Lian used.
“I love you, San Lang,” Xie Lian confessed into his chest, holding him tightly in his arms.
Hua Cheng felt like he was going to collapse as he returned the hug tenfold. “You’ll really be the death of me, gege,” he whispered, his voice breaking as his chest hiccupped.
Xie Lian pulled away just enough to look up at him with flushed cheeks and sparkling eyes and Hua Cheng loved him so much. “San Lang,” he whispered, shyly, into the miniscule space between them. “Can I kiss you?”
He was going to expire on the spot.
Hua Cheng moved on instinct, rushing forward to capture his love’s lips with his own, swallowing the surprised gasp his love made at the immediate attack. His chest threatened to burst with love and adoration as he pulled Xie Lian as close as he could, whimpering when he felt a hand slip into his hair.
“I love you,” Hua Cheng whispered into the kiss. “I love you, Xie Lian. More than anything.”
At his name spoken with such reverence, Xie Lian bit down lightly on Hua Cheng’s lower lip. A whimper was forced from deep within Hua Cheng at that and the hand in his hair tightened its grip on the strands, ripping another sound from him.
Xie Lian took one step forward. Hua Cheng took one backwards and they continued without parting until the backs of Hua Cheng’s calves hit the couch. Without stopping, he dropped down and brought Xie Lian into his lap by the hands on his waist. His toned thighs braced Hua Cheng’s in a straddle and a pulse of heat rushed through his extremities, a punched out groan pressed into Xie Lian’s lips.
When his lungs began to burn, he reluctantly broke their kiss only to press butterfly kisses to Xie Lian’s jaw, moving reverently down his neck.
He would worship every inch of his beloved that he could, leaving no spot unmarked or untouched, as many times as he would be granted the pleasure of doing so.
“S-San Lang!” his love gasped as his lips brushed over a specific spot and he couldn’t help but bite down on the sensitive area. There was a pull on his hair and lightning danced across his nerves as he sucked a mark onto the soft skin, letting go after a moment to compose himself and rest his head against his shoulder.
“I love you, Hua Cheng,” Xie Lian declared and Hua Cheng’s arms wrapped tightly around him, terrified of ever letting go.
His brain was still recovering from the shock that someone as perfect as Xie Lian would love him. As if sensing this, his beloved pulled away, the two of them catching their breath as their foreheads pressed together.
Stars were twinkling in Xie Lian’s eyes and his lips were beautifully kiss-swollen as he whispered, brushing his fingers through his black hair, “San Lang is beautiful.”
Hua Cheng found himself hanging on every word he said. Something must’ve shown on his face because Xie Lian smiled, leaning forward to press a kiss to his cheek, then his nose, his other cheek, his forehead.
“San Lang is the most beautiful,” he said against his skin.
“I beg to differ. Gege is a heavenly prince in my eyes,” Hua Cheng replied, his voice steady despite the way he practically melted at his beloved’s words. Xie Lian smiled at his words but continued.
“San Lang is perfect. He takes such good care of me. He protects me. He makes me so incredibly happy.”
The words sunk into Hua Cheng’s skin and settled into his soul; he doesn’t really believe them but if that’s what Xie Lian thinks, then they must mean something.
He couldn’t stop himself from setting his hands on Xie Lian’s hips and surging forward to capture his lips again. The kiss was enthusiastically returned, hands slipping back into his hair, and Hua Cheng is floating on air.
“I love you, Xie Lian.”
His heart, his body, his soul, all of it belonged to the man in his arms.
He could feel the smile against his lips as their kiss continued with fervor, desperate hands clutching at each other’s clothes and tearing them off. Hua Cheng’s blood was alight with love and adoration and he would happily burn if it meant he could have Xie Lian in his arms forever.
~
Later, bare and cuddled together so tightly they were practically one entity, Xie Lian looked up at Hua Cheng from where his head rested on his shoulder.
“Yin Yu never stood a chance against my feelings for you, San Lang,” he said, seriously.
At the mention of the other man that led to all of this, Hua Cheng tightened his hold on his boyfriend—boyfriend, he still felt like he was dreaming—and kissed the crown of his head. Xie Lian giggled, sensing the thoughts running through his head and met his gaze with a knowing glint that spoke of the mischievous side he kept hidden from most of the world. Except for Hua Cheng, of course.
“He also had no intention of dating me, San Lang. I am positive of that.” He kissed Hua Cheng’s neck, nibbling just hard enough to leave another mark among the countless others he had already made.
“Oh? How can gege be so sure?” Hua Cheng wondered, raising an eyebrow.
“Once you spend more time with him, you’ll know when you see it,” Xie Lian said, maintaining the mystery. “But I am beyond happy that this was the outcome from all of that.” He nuzzled closer to Hua Cheng and tangled their legs further. “So, so happy.”
Love conquered every cell in Hua Cheng’s body as he tugged the covers over the two of them and cuddled close. He vowed that he would cherish Xie Lian and the heart he was gifted like the treasure it was for eternity.
“Not as happy as I am.”
~
After the pit of jealousy had dissipated and Hua Cheng truly started to get to know Yin Yu better, he found that they had a lot in common. To his complete surprise, they got along rather well and though it took some time, Hua Cheng could consider Yin Yu as an actual friend.
It was when Quan Yizhen, a young man with a head fully of massive curls and the biggest puppy eyes he had ever seen that only seemed to look at Yin Yu, was brought into the group that Hua Cheng realized what his beloved had meant.
He really had no need to be jealous at all.