Work Text:
March 1st .
Akutagawa sat up in bed, rubbing his eyes as a sliver of Rashōmon clicked off his alarm. Five in the morning. It wasn’t a weird time for the ‘rabid dog of the Port Mafia’ to wake up. He had gotten one hour of sleep, staring at the ceiling for most of the night. For the first time in three months, Atsushi was not next to him, being his personal pillow. The weretiger helped him sleep, and without him, he thought too much, stayed awake in fear that something could happen. With Atsushi, Akutagawa knew he was safe. The tiger hearing could pick up anything, and Atsushi protected Akutagawa.
Such a difference from Akutagawa always protecting himself, Gin, and his orphan friends in the past.
But Atsushi had some lame excuse, which he couldn’t even get out smoothly, on why he couldn’t sleep with him, and had to stay in his own apartment with Kyouka. Akutagawa didn’t question it, simply accepted it, and hoped that Atsushi did get sleep.
Akutagawa hugged his coat close to himself, shuffling to the edge of the bed and getting up. It was still dark outside, so opening the curtains was useless. Because of that, his curtains were never open. Electricity was there for a reason, right? He traced his fingers along the wall, trying to find the light switch blindly and when he did, and flicked it on, Akutagawa groaned, covering his eyes.
“Oh to have eyes like Jinko. Able to see in the dark,” he muttered to himself. "Or to have him here."
After dressing up in his usual black jeans, white dress shirt, his frilly thing (Atsushi told him the name, but Akutagawa forgot already), and his coat, he shuffled to the kitchen, boiling water for tea. Thanks to Atsushi, he actually started taking care of himself a little more, and he’d drink tea and eat a fig in the morning as Atsushi drank a glass of lemonade and left-over food from the night before. It was a nice domestic image that Akutagawa always hated . But it turned out it wasn’t so bad.
He looked around, slowly realising that his sister was not there. Gin officially lived with Akutagawa. Dazai had given them this apartment half a year after he had taken them in. Sometimes Gin didn’t come home, staying with Tachihara, which Akutagawa didn’t accept, but he had no right to keep Gin away from friends. But he said good night to Gin yesterday, he was pretty sure. Akutagawa tiptoed to Gin’s bedroom, knocking on the door, and opening it. Empty. A neatly made bed, curtains open, no dust. No Gin, either. Akutagawa sighed, finishing preparing his tea and pulling out his phone, staring at it.
No messages.
Absolutely none? Weird, for Atsushi who was so clingy and always messaged him everything .
Akutagawa: Good morning, Jinko.
Akutagawa cut up the fig in four pieces, taking one piece and biting it in half. No reply yet. Of course, he couldn’t expect Atsushi to reply this early, but a little part of Akutagawa felt sad that Atsushi didn’t. It was a stupid emotion that the stupid weretiger gave him. He finished his fig, sipped his tea carefully. After ten minutes passed, Akutagawa decided to send another message.
Akutagawa: I take you’re not awake yet. Sleep well.
He put his shoes on, making sure he had his keys, his inhaler (which he hated but Atsushi would get worried if he didn’t bring it), and the lights were off, before checking his phone one last time.
Akutagawa: I’m going to work. See you later.
Akutagawa put his phone away, closing his eyes. Phone was a distraction during work, so he didn’t plan to look at it again. Still, it hurt just a little that Atsushi didn’t respond. Didn’t even read it! It was delivered, that much Akutagawa could see. Normally it wouldn’t bug him this much, but today… He thought that maybe this day could be different from the past years. Could be a little fun, with Atsushi.
Whatever. This year would be just like the others.
“Akutagawa-senpai!!”
Akutagawa closed his eyes, digging his nails in his hands to not snap at Higuchi. Not today, anyways. He’d be nice on his birthday.
“Akutagawa-senpai, wait!”
“What is it?” Akutagawa asked, turning around to look down at a panting, rose cheeked Higuchi.
He gave her a moment to catch her breath, tilting his head at the paper clutched against her chest. If he could, he would treat Higuchi better, but it was… Difficult. How could he give love to an underling when he never experienced it? Thanks to Atsushi, however, he was a little kinder.
“Hah… Akutagawa-senpai, Chuuya-san gave me a mission for you! Since it’s your… Aha, well, he just thought you could do something simple for today!”
“Simple? Tch, I don’t need anything simple. Give here,” Akutagawa grabbed the paper, reading over it and ignoring Higuchi’s obvious staring. “Hm. We just have to visit a few places and get their money?”
“W-We?”
“Yes, Higuchi. We. You have to help me. I can’t kill anything.”
Higuchi saluted, a smile on her face. Akutagawa coughed softly into his hand, hiding a small smile. Curse the Jinko for teaching him how to smile. He watched Higuchi run away to prepare to leave, leaving Akutagawa to read the details of the mission. Rendezvous point was Chuuya’s penthouse. Which was odd, he rarely visited the executive’s home, but he didn’t think anything of it.
He walked over to the armoury, coughing into his hand again. “Higuchi, are you ready?” He asked.
“Yes! Just a second, Akutagawa-senpai!” Higuchi finished reloading her gun.
“You don’t need that.”
“Huh?”
“No need for a gun, Higuchi. Stun gun is alright.”
Higuchi stared at Akutagawa as if he was an imposter. As if the Akutagawa in front of her was not the Akutagawa she knew. But, she still grabbed a stun gun. If her senpai wanted that, she would do that. “Alright… Are you sure?”
“Yes, Higuchi. Don’t question it,” he growled.
It didn’t take long for them to get to the first location. A bar in mafia control. Higuchi drove them since Akutagawa couldn’t. The owner of the bar was easy. When they walked in, and talked to the owner, he easily gave the money. The second location was a little difficult. Akutagawa threatened the owner of the bar, and Higuchi ended up apologizing and asking nicely.
Luckily for Akutagawa, they only had three more locations, and all of them were easy. Suspiciously easy, but again, Akutagawa did not want to look into it. Before going back to the car, Akutagawa offered to buy Higuchi a cup of coffee, which she gladly accepted. He listened to her ramble about whatever, accepting it. His own birthday was usually him being kinder and more accepting to others . He didn’t want the day to be about him.
“Is that what you wanted, Higuchi?”
“Yes! Thank you very much, Akutagawa-senpai. Is there anything you want?”
“No, thank you.”
“Are you sure? You need to eat and drink enough, Akutagawa-senpai.”
“I’m fine. Let’s go to Chuuya’s home, shall we?”
With a nod, Higuchi started the car, driving them to Chuuya’s penthouse. Now Akutagawa realised there was something strange . Higuchi knew everything about him. So she had to know that today was his birthday. And last year, she made sure to wish him a happy birthday whenever she saw him. But today? Nothing. Neither had Atsushi messaged him back, and Akutagawa was debating between letting it pass, or sending him another message. But that would be very needy, so he didn’t. Atsushi was the openly needy one, not Akutagawa.
But then they arrived, and it was weird . The curtains were closed, and as far as he knew, Chuuya liked having natural light. The curtains in his office were always open. He got out of the car, coughing into his hand, and following Higuchi to the door.
“Is he even home?”
Higuchi pretended not to hear Akutagawa’s question, using a spare key she got from Chuuya before to unlock the door. Akutagawa huffed, following Higuchi into a pitch-black hallway. Still, Akutagawa had manners, so he took his shoes off before following Higuchi inside. And when the lights turned on…
“Happy birthday!” Six voices sang in unison.
Atsushi flung himself on Akutagawa, peppering his face with soft kisses. “Happy birthday, Ryū!”
Chuuya patted Akutagawa’s shoulder, giving him a thumbs up. “Happy birthday, Akutagawa. Atsushi managed to gather us together for a surprise party. Surprised?”
“...Yeah. Quite.”
“Hah! Guess the kid is smart.” Chuuya grinned, guiding Akutagawa to the kitchen. “We have snacks, and a fig cake. Made it m’self. Ah, and we have plenty of teas to choose from! And all of us have some gifts to give you,” he explained. Then he sighed softly. “Dazai…”
“Is Dazai-san here?” Akutagawa perked up.
“He… Plans to come over, yes. But no promises.”
“I want him to say sorry to you, as a birthday gift!” Atsushi chirped, holding Akutagawa close as if he felt guilty for not messaging him the entire day.
“That is not needed.” Akutagawa muttered.
It didn’t matter if Dazai showed up or not. To Akutagawa, this was quite enough commotion already. If it were up to him, a birthday would be perfect with just Atsushi. But he'd entertain the others for a while.
He picked a green tea, accepting congratulations from Higuchi, Gin, Tachihara and Hirotsu. They all ate cake together, and Akutagawa took a distance from everyone while doing so. He observed as everyone was talking happily over pie and tea.
Gin was extremely close to Tachihara. Nearly sitting on his lap close. Normally, Akutagawa would say something about it, or try to suffocate Tachihara with Rashōmon for even daring to look at his sister that way. But he let it slide. It was his birthday, there was no reason for him to get so angry.
After everyone had finished eating, Akutagawa got pulled over to sit down on the couch and receive his gifts. It was all small, since no one really knew what to give to someone like Akutagawa.
He got a pretty tea set, which Akutagawa thanked Hirotsu for. He needed more tea sets, which Atsushi would probably deny, but he always needed more.
The other gift was one bought by Gin, Tachihara and Chuuya together. It was a calligraphy set. Not any simple one, but it was antique, in perfect condition, and he was sure his shocked and sparkling expression was caught on camera. A set like this was something he dreamed off. He had normal paper, a little cup of ink and two brushes at home to practice calligraphy, but this…
"It's perfect." He whispered.
"I know you are always discontent with what you have, brother. And when I told Chuuya-san that you liked calligraphy, he knew where to look straight away. So.. Happy birthday, Ryūnosuke."
"Thank you, Gin. And Chuuya, and Tachihara."
"You're welcome, bud," Chuuya leaned back in his chair. "Show me some of your calligraphy one day." He said with a smile.
Atsushi didn't give him a gift, yet. He just said that he had more plans. Akutagawa hoped those plans were away from the party, because as much as this was nice, and kind, Akutagawa wanted peace.
Atsushi, and peace.
Parties were definitely not Akutagawa's thing. It was four, and the party had been going on for a while now. It was relatively relaxed, very soft classical music in the background. It did cater to Akutagawa, and he caught himself humming to the music a few times. He joined one game of uno, but quickly withdrew as Chuuya got very… Competitive and loud, against an even louder Tachihara. Atsushi who had no idea how to play the game but promising to not disappoint and Gin who snatched every win from Chuuya and Tachihara.
In the end, Akutagawa ended up sitting with Hirotsu the most, when he wasn't smoking. They didn't talk, as there was a mutual understanding that they wanted silence.
"Thank you." Akutagawa muttered suddenly.
Hirotsu simply smiled. "You're welcome. Excuse me, I'm going for a smoke." He said.
Akutagawa liked Hirotsu the most. Old, took moderate interest in antiques and taught him manners when he first entered the mafia. But now he was alone again, eyes scanning the room. It was four, but Chuuya had already gotten out the wine, offering it to everyone and muttering something about 'fuckin' responsible kids. I drank when I was 16! Live a little!' when everyone rightfully so declined.
His eyes focused on Atsushi, who was happily chatting with Gin about whatever. It was weird, to see an Armed Detective Agency member talk with a Port Mafia assassin. It was weirder that Chuuya agreed on having the Jinko around at all.
Dazai didn't show up, and Akutagawa for once didn't mind. Despite all, he got acceptance from two people who, in the end, cared most for him. Chuuya and Atsushi. Of course, it would be nice if Dazai could give him acceptance too, and Akutagawa would keep trying, but Atsushi and Chuuya were great too.
"Boo! What are you doing here, Ryū?" Atsushi appeared in front of him, holding a glass of soda in his hand. "It's your party, y'know. Are you having fun??"
Akutagawa shrugged. "It's too noisy."
"Eh? It is? Should I ask everyone to talk softer?"
"No, no, I…" Akutagawa stared at the ground. God talking was so hard. Why couldn't Atsushi just read his mind already?
"Ryū? Take your time, I'm here to listen."
Akutagawa took a deep breath. "I want to go home."
"Oh… That's okay, I understand, I do! You can leave whenever."
"Idiot." Akutagawa flicked Atsushi's forehead.
"Ow! Ryū.." Atsushi pouted, rubbing his forehead, trying to understand what that lost look in Akutagawa's eyes meant. Akutagawa's eyes were always the key to his emotions.
"...With you." He whispered.
"Hm? What was that?" Atsushi leaned closer, faces mere inches apart.
"I want to go home. With you. Idiot Jinko."
"O-Oh! Oh, yeah, of course!" Atsushi smiled brightly, taking Akutagawa's hand. "At home, we'll get out of the Victorian Era vampire clothes and get into something super comfy!"
"What's wrong with my clothes? Vampire clothes?!"
"Yeah. The long black coat, the cravat, the high collar, the pale skin. If you were sparkly, had red eyes and fangs it would be perfect!"
"Vampires don't sparkle."
"Oh? How would you know? Haha!! I got you, mister vampire!"
Akutagawa groaned, following Atsushi like a lost puppy. His apartment wasn't too far from Chuuya's. A twenty-minute walk at best. "I'm not a vampire, Atsushi."
Atsushi giggled. "You'd make a perfect one." He squeezed Akutagawa's hand, and silence ensued.
Atsushi could be very loud. He was energetic, and could be very petty as well as easily grumpy when something didn't work out. He was always forced to be silent during the orphanage, so now that he was out, he used his voice. Atsushi had explained it once to Akutagawa. So when Atsushi fell silent for Akutagawa, so they could enjoy their time together and listen to their surroundings, it meant a lot to Akutagawa.
"Thank you, Atsushi." Akutagawa said as they nearly approached his apartment.
"Don't thank me yet, Ryū. Your real birthday is starting now." Atsushi put a finger to his lips, a sparkling smile on his face. "Didn't I tell you I'd give you your gifts later? I have quite a few!"
"Why?" Akutagawa instantly asked. Why go through the effort?
Atsushi let out an offended gasp, blocking the door for Akutagawa as he faced him. "Did you really ask 'why'??"
"...Yes?"
"Who's the idiot now, huh?" Atsushi grabbed both of Akutagawa's hand carefully, making sure the other was alright with physical contact before pulling him into a tight hug. "Because I love you," he whispered. "And you deserve only the best ."
Akutagawa leaned into the hug, knowing Atsushi could take his full weight against him. He didn't deserve the best. He didn't even deserve Atsushi. He didn't know how to keep him. But Atsushi was still here, no matter how much they fought outside their home to keep up an image for who knows who. Mainly the enemy, to surprise them with perfectly synergised attacks. Atsushi was here, still, and Akutagawa didn't know how to thank him for that.
"Come, let's go inside." Atsushi unlocked the door, opening it and pulling Akutagawa inside.
"Jinko?"
"Hm?"
Can we hug again? "Never mind." Akutagawa sighed, taking his shoes off, and hanging his coat, quickly walking to his bedroom to pick out something more comfortable, as Atsushi wanted.
Talking was always difficult but he didn't want it to be today. He wanted to spend the last few hours of the day without a worry, being able to say whatever he wanted with Atsushi because… It was his birthday. And if he would just ask for a hug, he was pretty sure Atsushi would not let him go. At the start of their relationship, they made a deal. If the words weren't able to come out, text them. It helped. Not facing Atsushi while texting clingy things was definitely easier. So, Akutagawa grabbed his phone, unlocking it and his heart jumping from seeing Atsushi's name pop up on the screen. Like it did every time.
Atsushi: I'm going to order food! It's a surprise, so I can't tell you what
Atsushi: Was there something you wanted to say? Because you looked like it and I thought maybe you were scared to say it in front of me
Akutagawa: Yeah. There's something.
Atsushi: Tell me! Nothing to be scared of!
Akutagawa: Well.
Akutagawa bit his lower lip. If only it was that easy. It was just a hug , but it gave him such anxiety to ask. He only learned the definition of hug when they started dating, and while the bodies pressed together gave him a wave of serotonin, he was also scared that he'd get addicted. He already was, of course.
Akutagawa: I really want a hug.
In no time, Atsushi was standing in the door frame, staring at Akutagawa with narrowed eyes. "You don't have to ask for hugs. You just have to give them!" He spread his arms, waiting for Akutagawa to initiate the hug.
Akutagawa shuffled forward. Atsushi's arms looked so inviting, like always. He leaned against Atsushi, all the tension leaving his body when Atsushi wrapped his arms around him.
"Do you want one of your gifts?" Atsushi asked softly, grabbing a box from the pocket of his hoodie.
Akutagawa took it, head tilted. "What is it?"
"Ppftt, I can't tell you!! It's a gift you dummy."
Akutagawa sat on his bed, clearing the box of wrapping paper with precision, so it could be used for whatever in the future. He took off the lid to find a necklace with a heart.
"Open the heart." Atsushi encouraged.
Akutagawa did, and the heart sprung open. On one side, there was a picture of them together, in mid-winter. Atsushi smiling brightly, and Akutagawa throwing up a peace sign. On the other side were a few words carved into the heart. 'Forever yours, Atsushi'.
Akutagawa didn’t know how to feel. On one hand, he was overcome with positive emotions. On the other hand, his mind told him it was a lie. Any and all thought was blown away when Atsushi gently closed Akutagawa’s hands around the necklace, pressing their lips together softly. Maybe he would let himself believe it for now.
“Do you like it?” Atsushi asked, resisting the urge to push Akutagawa down to cuddle him.
“Yeah. I do. Thank you, Atsushi.” Akutagawa whispered.
After Atsushi put the necklace around his neck, they went to the living room, where two plates and two glasses were already placed. They rarely ate in front of the tv since Akutagawa was very against it. But he didn’t say anything now. Atsushi was allowed to treat him, and have fun as well. He sat down on the couch, folding his hands in his lap.
“You like sushi, right Ryū?”
“Yes, I like you.”
Atsushi’s entire face went red, shaking his head. “N-No, I mean the food! Why did you think I was talking about me?!”
Now it was Akutagawa’s turn to gain some colour on his face. “You’re Sushi in my phone.” He confessed. “But yes, I do like the food.”
“G-Good… Am I really Sushi on your phone? That’s cute.”
“Shut up.”
An awkward silence followed, but that was broken by the doorbell. Atsushi took the food and placed it on the table, a bright smile on his face. Sushi, gyoza, a plate of sashimi, yakitori. It was a lot, and Akutagawa just knew Atsushi would be eating most of it. It was a pretty relaxed ordeal. The tv was turned on, but more as background noise as Atsushi talked loudly about his day at work while occasionally stuffing a piece of sushi in his mouth. Akutagawa simply listened, nibbling on a piece of gyoza after dipping it in soy sauce.
“So, and then, Kunikida-san looked like he was going to faint from stress. I didn’t know what to do, but Ranpo just told me this was normal.” Atsushi stuffed two pieces of gyoza in his mouth, chewing fast to keep talking.
It was truly fascinating how Atsushi was able to fit so much food into his body. Akutagawa couldn’t help the small smile on his face, tapping his chopsticks against his lips in unconscious silent begging. Still, he was pleasantly surprised when Atsushi leaned in and kissed him softly. Akutagawa gently placed a hand behind Atsushi’s head, slowly leaning back on the couch and making sure Atsushi followed. Akutagawa felt safe with Atsushi leaning over him. He stroked his thumb over Atsushi’s cheek, his eyes soft as he gave Atsushi another soft kiss.
“Are you done eating?” Atsushi asked softly, resting his hands next to Akutagawa’s head.
“Hhmm… Can we just kiss, idiot Jinko? Don’t worry about my eating.” Akutagawa pouted.
Kissing turned into soft making out, enjoying each other’s presence, making each other feel grounded and safe. When night fell, Atsushi took charge of cleaning up dinner, putting left over sushi in a plastic box to put in the fridge. Then he went to the garden to do whatever. Akutagawa cuddled the pillow that smelled like Atsushi, scrolling on his phone. His phone had so many pictures of Atsushi now, and even if Atsushi was so nearby, staring at sneaky pictures he took of Atsushi was fun.
“Ryū! Can you come over?”
“No. I’m comfortable here.”
“Please? I made something for you, it’s another gift!”
Akutagawa groaned, sitting up and shuffling over to Atsushi, hugging himself against the cold that was settling in at night. When Atsushi stepped out of the way, Akutagawa’s eyes fell on something beautiful . There were candles all over the garden, and that alone made it romantic. There was a big blanket on the grass, with pillows and more blankets, and a basket. He slowly walked over, kneeling down on the blanket.
“Tadaa… We can watch the stars, and cuddle up against the cold.” Atsushi sat down too, pulling Akutagawa closer by the waist.
Akutagawa pushed Atsushi down, resting his head on Atsushi’s chest as he stared at the sky. Akutagawa liked the stars. He always watched them when he lived on the streets, together with Gin. As soon as he could, he asked Dazai and Hirotsu for books on stars. It was just a secret obsession. It was the reason he had absolutely no garden lights. Just so he could go outside and watch the stars. And watching the stars on Atsushi’s chest? Nothing could compare. Atsushi’s chest was soft, and his heartbeat was slightly faster. He drew circles on Atsushi’s chest, moving his head up to stare at Atsushi, to catch him staring back.
“What?”
“Just looking at you, Ryū. You’re pretty…”
“I’m a lot, but not pretty.”
“You’re pretty to me.” Atsushi whined. He sat up a little, causing Akutagawa to follow. “Really. Ryū, you are very pretty to me. So, you might do some bad stuff, but I do bad stuff too sometimes! A-And I might not make sense, but whenever you’re with me, you are amazing. And that.. That means the most to me..”
Akutagawa stared at Atsushi as he moved to the basket, rummaging through it, and grabbing another box. Akutagawa instantly touched his new necklace, tilting his head to the side as Atsushi cleared his throat and grabbed Akutagawa’s hands tightly in his, rubbing his thumbs over his knuckles.
“Ryū. I love you very much. A-And, I know some people might say we need more time but, y’know, our work is dangerous and who knows how long we have to left! S-so.. I think.. Well, I think, that, no matter how long I have left, I would like to spend most of it with you. Mentally, and physically, and.. Um… I’m rambling, aren’t I, haha! I just hope that you would like to spend the rest of our lives… Together? Forever? A-And I want to spend all of our future birthdays together. I want to do something like this for you every year.”
Akutagawa’s brain shut down, staring at Atsushi with big eyes. He knew what it meant, but he also didn’t. He didn’t understand why Atsushi would want him forever. He was a murderer, emotionally constipated. He was bad at communicating, and he was clingy. Why me?
“Ryū..?” Atsushi had opened the box, and the ring was so simple, yet so pretty. It was a silver band, which fit the silver necklace perfectly. And inside were his and Atsushi’s name.
“Y-Yeah.” Akutagawa nodded, allowing Atsushi to slip the ring around his ring finger, accepting Atsushi’s deep and nearly suffocating kiss.
Akutagawa didn’t fully realise what it meant. Not really. All Akutagawa could think about was the fact that this, this was Akutagawa’s favourite birthday. Everything, from the party at Chuuya’s place to listening to Atsushi’s heartbeat while staring at the stars, it was perfect. The gifts; perfect. Akutagawa didn’t want his birthday any other way. It would only be better if Atsushi woke up with him, which he would from now, but Akutagawa didn’t realise yet.
No, he only realised after a few days.
March fifth .
It was a free day. Akutagawa stayed home because Mori forced him to take a day off. Atsushi was at work, however, so lying in bed for such a long time was utterly boring. But it was warm, and Akutagawa was really not ready to go out of bed and dress up. What would he even do? He hated free days for this reason. He could try his hand at calligraphy. Or he could lay in bed and think .
Think about the ring around his finger. At work, people had congratulated him, and he didn’t understand. What did Atsushi say again, when giving him the ring? Only now did Akutagawa think about it. Didn’t Atsushi say ‘forever’?? As in… Forever?
As in… Akutagawa sat up, staring at the ring with wide eyes.
Is this why everyone congratulated him?! Because…
Because he’s now engaged.
To Atsushi.
Akutagawa couldn’t help the full-blown smile that spread on his face, pressing the hand with the ring against his chest. He felt so… Happy. To be engaged to the one person who gave him more than he deserved… Akutagawa didn’t want anything else.
Akutagawa: Idiot.
Akutagawa: I love you.