Chapter Text
After around two in the afternoon, their schedules have ended for the day. It is nice to have some time to relax even if it’s only for the second half of the day. This is also the evening Felix decides to come out to his members.
He has been thinking about it for a while now and feels like his friends have the right to know about this part of himself. He has also been holding off telling them for a long time out of fear. Felix honestly isn’t sure how they are going to react. He knows Chan will be okay with it. He’s very open about supporting everybody and on top of that, he knows Chan is bisexual too. Chan had in fact figured that out with the help of Felix when he was going through a rough time about a year ago.
However, Felix isn’t sure about the other members and how they will react. Minho seems very supportive, so he’s not worried about him. And although the rest of them have also been supportive of fans in the LGBTQIA+ community, it’s a little different when he’s also coming out as polyamorous.
Felix also knows how homophobic South Korea is and how people like him get treated and the discrimination they face. Even though the others obviously aren’t outright homophobic, it might be hard for them to understand, having grown up in a largely homophobic society.
Felix had found out about different sexualities in secondary school when his friend came out to him as being lesbian. He had asked a lot of questions and finally got to the point where he was comfortable identifying as bisexual. That same girl he was friends with also introduced him to what polyamory was after Felix met her two girlfriends.
He had found out that some people could love more than one person. It had made a lot of sense to him. Everybody carries love in their hearts and some people just have the capacity to love more than one person. It’s just like how you can love multiple friends or care for somebody as well as another person equally. It was exactly the same except with loving someone romantically.
After joining Stray Kids, he had instantly been hit with the fact that he would not mind dating any one of them. In fact, he would be down to date as many of them as possible. This has spurred on a late-night crisis and mental breakdown about what this meant before he had remembered what his friend back in Australia had told him.
Over the next year, Felix realized he was in love with them. Not just one of them. No, he was in love with all of them. Getting to know each of them and becoming close had caused him to fall for all his members. There was so much to love about them and Felix couldn’t help falling for each and every one of them.
He doubts any of them will ever like him back, but it’s still nice to have this love for his members, even if it’s only one-sided. ____________________________________________________________________________
Felix won’t lie. He is nervous as hell and the panic is poorly masked behind his smile as he looks up at the other members.
He had called a meeting after they had eaten dinner all together. It was one of those rare occasions where they were all at home and eating together at the same time. It was the perfect opportunity to come out to them.
Felix can feel how much his hands are shaking, so he quickly places when under his thighs as to not show the others how nervous he is (even though they can probably already tell).
“So um- I wanted to uh- tell you guys something,” he says looking up at Chan, who nods as a sign for him to continue.
He can feel his heart rate start dramatically increasing so he lets out a breath of air to calm himself.
“I- I just wanted you guys to know that I’m um-,” he breaths out again.
“That I’m bi- I mean um- bisexual. And I’m also- I’m poly too. Which means I can- I can love multiple- more than one uh- person,” he finally gets out.
In the short silence that follows, Felix brings his hands up to cover his face, which is probably flushed out of embarrassment. He can also feel the tears that threaten to fall down his cheeks start to build up in his eyes.
‘They probably hate me,’ he thinks. ‘Loving multiple people is weird. Fuck, I’m disgusting.’
As the silence drones on, his thoughts keep getting worse and worse.
Felix is incredibly good at overthinking. He excels at it actually. So even though the rest of the members are silent for only a few seconds, processing what he said, he has already worked himself up to the point of crying.
Once he feels the first tear, followed by others streaming down his face, he quickly pulls his shirt over his head and hides underneath the thin fabric.
“Felix, you know that’s okay, right?” Seungmin is the first to speak.
“Yeah, Lix. Nobody gives a fuck if you like guys too and want to date more than one person,” Jisung reassures.
“Felix,” Chan starts, gently tugging at Felix’s shirt.
“C’mon, mate,” Chan urges, pulling again at the shirt covering Felix’s face.
“Come out, Lix,” Jisung says while also trying to pull down the shirt from over his head.
“He already did, dumbass,” snickers Minho.
Felix slightly chuckles but otherwise doesn’t make any move to pull the shirt back down.
“No, thanks. I think I’ll just stay in here,” he mumbles.
“Felix,” Chan groans.
“I’m bi too if it helps. But you already knew that. Nobody is going to think of us any differently, Lix,” he reassures.
Finally, Felix pulls his shirt back down and scoots into Chan’s lap, wiping his eyes against the older’s shirt.
“Felix, why were you crying? None of us were going to get mad at you for being yourself,” Changbin says gently.
Felix nods from his spot on Chan’s lap.
“I always thought you knew a little too much about bisexuality,” Chan remarks, causing Felix to let out a watery laugh.
“Can’t believe Chan told you he was bisexual first,” Jisung pouts.
Everyone laughs and Chan reaches over to slap Jisung on the shoulder.
“Well, now you know. I am very, very bisexual,” he jokes.
“Same,” someone says.
All their heads snap up to the person who made the comment.
“Actually, I’m pan but...” Hyunjin continues.
Felix leaps up from Chan’s lap and stares at Hyunjin with wide eyes.
“And you never fucking told me,” he says, playfully glaring at the older.
“I um- I was scared you guys would l- leave me,” he replies honestly, sniffling as his eyes fill with tears at the thought.
Everyone’s faces soften and Felix is quick to pounce at Hyunjin and wrap his arms (and legs) around him in a hug.
“Where the fuck would we go, Hyunjin-ah?” Minho glares before Chan can open his mouth to reassure the other boy.
“Minho-“ Chan protests.
“No, seriously. You’re stuck with us, you asshole,” Minho continues, staring threateningly at Hyunjin.
“Um- t- that makes me f- feel a lot better. Slightly terrified, but um- better,” Hyunjin replies.
Minho pats him on the back with a small smile.
“We’ll never leave you. Don’t worry, Jinnie,” Chan says after staring in confusion at the previous exchange.
“Wait,” Jeongin speaks up.
“Can someone explain what ‘pan’ is? Why are we calling hyung a pan?” Jeongin asks.
He had grown up in a fairly religious household and same-sex relationships were never brought up, so he was a bit confused. Obviously, Jeongin was still nothing but accepting to his members, always trying to have an open mind when learning new things.
Hyunjin laughs with a clingy Felix now laying back against his chest
“Pan is short for pansexual. It means he doesn’t care about what gender a person is. He just loves a person regardless of gender identity,” Chan explains.
“What’s the difference between bisexual and pansexual, then?” Seungmin follows up.
“Bisexual is where you like more than just one gender, including your own. Whereas, pan you like all genders. It overlaps of course, but it’s all about what you feel comfortable identifying as,” Minho answers this time, not even bothering to look up from his phone.
Seungmin hums in response as Jeongin nods his head, a bit confused but now having a better understanding of things.
“Yay!” Felix shouts, spreading himself over Hyunjin, Jisung, and Chan on the couch, feeling like a weight has been lifted off of his shoulders now that he has finally gotten that off his chest.
He goes to sleep that night feeling warm and happy, a content smile stretching across his face at how accepting everyone was. And grinning to himself because Hyunjin and Chan both like guys too. He isn’t alone.