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She fiddled with her immaculately shiny pearl earrings, a nervous habit she’d never quite been able to lose, even after years of ironing out her behaviour.
The click-clacking of her designer heels was the only sound in the empty corridors of her former university.
In her work uniform, a beige pencil-skirt, a white elegantly conservative blouse, sleek black stiletto heels and an equally dark and expensive handbag, Rey knew she was overdressed for a college reunion.
She caught herself fiddling with her earrings and stopped.
Instead, she pulled out her phone and checked her hair and make-up in the front camera.
Aside from her perfectly smooth long, dark brown ponytail and very professional understated nude make-up Rey thought she looked old.
No, not old; weathered.
So much different than the girl that had once occupied these hallways.
Still walking, she put her phone back in her bag and checked her watch. She was on time, as usual these days.
Just as she passed the bathrooms the door to the ladies opened.
Before Rey could register who had exited, she was engulfed in a warm hug by a very pregnant Rose.
Rey laughed, startled at her sudden appearance and hugged her back, as tightly as Rose’s huge belly would let her.
“I’ve missed you so much.” Rose mumbled into Rey’s shoulder.
“I’ve missed you too.”
Rey stepped back, beaming at Rose and began brushing out the creases in her blouse as they started walking.
“It’s been ages hasn’t it?” the smaller woman asked, as she took Rey’s arm.
“Yeah,” Rey started, glancing at her shoes.
The accusation in Rose’s statement didn’t go unnoticed.
“I guess I’ve been busy.”
Rose studied her friend as they walked, but Rey wouldn’t turn to meet her eye.
“So, how far are you along?” Rey asked, breaking the silence that had settled between them.
“Oh,” Rose smiled and softly placed her free hand on her stomach.
“Seven months.” She stated proudly.
Rey thought she looked it: positively radiant.
“I bet Finn can’t wait.”
Rose giggled this time; a sound so girlish and unconcerned Rey was surprised to hear it from someone her age.
They came to a halt in front of a classroom. The sound of music and laughter drifted through the door into the dark hallway. Meeting Rose distracted her so much, that she completely forgot how nervous she was.
She had forgotten what a calming presence good friends could be.
Rose released Rey’s arm and brushed some of her long dark hair behind her shoulder.
“Actually, the other two are preoccupying him quite a bit.” She joked, again placing her hands on her belly.
“Oh right, Paige is turning five, soon isn’t she?”
“Yeah.” Rose answered so softly, that she almost whispered it.
She glanced down the hallway, a wistful look on her face.
“Time flies doesn’t it?”
The smile returned to her face and she looked to the ground before shaking her head, breaking out of her moment.
Rose took Rey’s hand and gestured at the door with the other.
“Shall we?” She asked, squeezing Rey’s hand encouragingly.
Rey nodded and followed Rose into the classroom, stepping into a wave of nostalgia.
The room was filled mostly with people around her age but there were also quite a few kids chasing each other and babies screaming.
Rey surprisingly recognized lots of the people in the room.
Snap and Karé, leaning against each other while talking to professor Erso, Jess Pava flirting with a girl Rey didn’t recognize, Connix, who was rushing at them with full speed and after greeting both of them with a kiss on the cheek whisked Rose away.
Rey was left standing alone at the entrance.
Without Rose she felt utterly lost and she was tempted to start fiddling with her earrings again.
“Peanut!” Finn practically yelled as he dashed over to envelope her in a bone crushing hug.
“Finn!”
She laughed, relieved to be back in the arms of her best friend and hugged him back just as fiercely.
He stepped back, holding her at arm’s length and beamed down at her.
“Peanut, you look stunning.”
Suddenly Rey almost toppled over when two kids smashed against her legs, holding tight.
Finn steadied her, before she sank down to her knees to greet the Storm kids.
“Auntie Rey!” Paige squealed, as she buried her head in Rey’s neck.
“Hello you two.” She greeted, brushing over the two girls heads fondly.
Finn and Rose had been the first of her college friends to start a family. They had Paige shortly after Finn graduated and Amy only a year later.
The Storms were also the only college friends she had stayed close to after getting whisked up in the whirlwind of post graduate life.
The two girls clung on to Rey a little while longer before they were distracted by something on the other side of the room.
Rey watched them with a smile on her face as they ran off.
“So, how have you been?” Finn asked her, slinging an arm around her shoulders, ushering her to the drinks table where he offered her a beer, which she politely declined.
Instead she opted for a glass of champagne, which drew a frown from Finn.
Rey has never liked Champagne
She leaned back against the table and brought the glass of fizz to her lips.
“Oh, you know...”
She didn’t finish her sentence. Her eye caught on a guitar, slathered in festival stickers standing in the far corner of the room.
Her face fell.
Finn reached out to touch her shoulder, concern evident on his face.
“What is it Peanut?”
He followed her gaze until he spotted the guitar.
A quiet “Oh” was all he could manage.
She took a large swig from her champagne glass, before elegantly placing it behind her on the table.
“I didn’t know he’d be here Peanut.”
Finn was still holding on to Rey’s arm, which she shook off while turning to face him.
She was determined to stay calm and not let this move her.
“It’s okay.” She lied smoothly, forcing a smile and crossing her arms in front of her chest protectively.
Not her greatest move, but better than fidgeting with her jewellery
She kept her faux smile plastered on her face as Finn eyed her with concern.
“It’s been five years.” She reminded him.
“More than enough time to get over it.” Rey concluded with a brightness that was faked with so much skill even Finn didn’t notice it.
He smiled at her fondly and wrapped his arms around her for the second time.
“You’re the strongest person I know.”
Rey felt a warm, fuzzy happiness at his words and rested her head on his familiar shoulder.
Just then there was a loud crash, followed by a yelp and a girl crying for her dad.
They both recognized the cry as little Amylin’s and broke apart, Finn rolling his eyes and mumbling, “Dad to the rescue” as he walked off toward the commotion.
Rey gave him a sympathetic look and her forced smile slowly melted from her face as she watched him walk away.
Holy shit he’s here.
But so were many others. She leaned back on the table, relaxing her shoulders.
She was sure she’d be able to avoid him.
Turning around she grabbed another glass of champagne and downed it in one large gulp.
To relax she told herself just as she felt someone rest against the table next to her.
She glanced at the ground.
A mistake.
She recognized his shoes first. Ancient white Reeboks that had seen better days. Baggy faded blue jeans. A grey t-shirt, the sleeves rolled up unevenly.
Her eyes reached his face, tanned skin, chocolate eyes, black curls tucked mostly into a rust coloured beanie.
She started fidgeting with her earring.
They both stared at each other blankly, too afraid to speak and break the silence.
He was the first to break the spell, propping one arm onto the table and assuming, what was to Rey, a painfully casual stance.
“Fancy seeing you here.” He joked, the humour not reflecting in his face.
“Actually,” Rey started, reaching for the third glass of champagne of the evening,
“It was you I didn’t expect to see.” She resumed, standing up straight so she could put a distance between herself and Poe.
You are a grown up, strong woman. Fucking deal with it.
Rey raised her glass of champagne to her lips and took a sip. Similar to Finn, Poe frowned at the sight of Rey drinking the fizzy liquid.
“So…” she began, looking into his face properly for the first time.
He looked exactly the same.
No, he didn’t just look the same, he felt the same.
A sort of inspiration and calmness just dripped off him.
Lost in his dark, open eyes she let herself wonder, for the first time in ages, what it would have been like.
“Uhm, you okay there?” He inquired, stepping closer, shaking Rey out of her daydream.
“Yeah, sorry.” She answered unsurely, averting her gaze and forcing her hands to leave her earrings.
“Lost in thought I guess.”
She smiled softly and looked to the ground, scared that he would be able to look straight into her soul.
“You were saying?” He pushed, trying to keep the conversation running, preventing the uncomfortable silence Rey hated so much.
“Oh, yeah right,” she stumbled over her words, but finally regained her composure.
“I saw you brought your guitar. Is that still what you do?” she asked, as if she didn’t know that Poe was one of the most successful musicians in north America as of now.
Poe nodded.
“Yeah, although it’s a bit different from the stuff I used to do.”
Their eyes met.
“I never stopped playing though.”
*
“Come on Rey!” Finn yelled, entering her room and leaning on the doorframe, arms crossed.
“Ugh” Rey groaned and rolled around in her bed, so to not face her best friend.
“Rey,” Finn started, gentler this time, sitting down on the edge of her bed.
He reached out to soothingly touch her calf.
“peanut, you haven’t left the apartment in days, and besides other artists always inspire you.”
Finn gazed around the room at the number of unfinished paintings and sketches, finally looking back at her.
“And it looks like you could use some inspiration.” He smiled, giving her leg a small encouraging tug.
Rey sat up and joined him in reviewing her work.
“Yeah,” she began, running a hand through her tousled, just above shoulder length hair.
“I guess you’re right.”
She slumped her shoulders and started picking at her paint crusted fingers.
“Right then!” Finn jumped up, suddenly filled with energy.
“Let’s go listen to some crappy music.”
That drew a giggle from Rey as she got up out of bed and searched for her least stained jumper.
“I thought you said this place was promising?”
-
They entered the small bar, which was to Rey’s surprise, absolutely packed.
Groups of college students, old friends and families were all huddled into corners of the small, but lovely space. A stage was set up in the back of the candle lit room and two girls were performing an uplifting tune on a ukulele and a piano. People were laughing and talking, but only few were properly paying attention.
“Come on,” Finn urged, grabbing her hand and pulling her through the maze of tables, chairs and waiters until they reached a few people Rey recognized.
She’d never been comfortable with larger groups and only truly relaxed when she was surrounded by her closest friends.
Finn on the other hand was an absolute socialite, immediately introducing Rey to some of his friends she didn’t know and trying to aid her in starting up a conversation.
After a few minutes of boring chit chat Finn jumped up to greet a guy approaching their table.
“Poe!” he practically yelled, giving the young man a quick hug.
Rey thought the guy looked kind of sad, a guitar slung over his shoulder, his posture slouched.
Something about him made Rey feel uneasy.
“I’m really sorry we missed your performance.” Finn told him, genuinely apologetic.
The guy huffed and raised his hands in an innocent gesture.
“You better buy me a beer to make up for it then.” Poe answered, not really managing a smile.
Finn grabbed his shoulder and looked him in the eye
“Poe I’m sure you were amazing.”
He rolled his eyes and put his guitar down next to Rey.
“Yeah, yeah.” He said, now sitting down in Finn’s chair.
“Run along now.” He ordered Finn, smirking “A beer doesn’t order itself.”
Finn chuckled and waved him off, leaving to go on his mission.
The stranger sitting next to her made her nervous.
Rey’s hands went straight to her third piercing on her left ear. She had many more, but she fiddled with that one especially when she was nervous.
His other friends at the table greeted him warmly at first, but then fairly quickly let him be.
The man closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose for a few moments, before glancing around the table.
His eyes settled on Rey and he hesitated.
There was a flicker of recognition on his face, but Rey decided to introduce herself anyway.
“I’m Rey.” She said fairly brightly, offering him her hand to shake.
“The struggling artist sharing Finn’s flat.” She joked.
Something seemed to click for Poe, and he reached out to shake her hand.
“Ohhh right,” he said tilting his head, studying her, his hand lingering in hers just slightly longer than usual.
Rey’s cheeks flushed from the attention, her hand now back to turning her earrings more vigorously.
“I know you.” He concluded, now making steady eye contact and not trying to smile or force friendliness.
Rey noticed that his eyes were sullen and empty.
He had small wrinkles around his eyes, suggesting that he usually laughed a lot.
It struck her then why she felt so uncomfortable:
He wasn’t hiding his emotions. He was projecting them, fearlessly telling the world how he felt.
“I’m sorry about you’re performance.” Rey told him, picking up on his obvious disappointment.
“The crowd here really doesn’t seem like the appreciating kind.” She continued, gesturing at all the people around them, too involved in their own conversations and lives to pay attention to their surroundings.
Poe smiled, genuine this time.
“Well, needs must.” He said, shrugging.
“I think I might join you in the struggling artists category.” He said, winking at her playfully, his mood suddenly changed.
“Well,” Rey started, “at least I’m not alone.”
They both smiled at each other in silence.
Just then Finn returned with a round of beer.
He quickly joined his girlfriend on the other side of the table, leaving the two alone.
Rey raised her glass in a toast.
“To struggling artists!” she said in an overdramatic manner.
Poe joined her in raising his glass and answered, looking her in the eye and smiling softly.
“To never struggling alone.”
*
“What is it you do these days?” He asked, genuinely interested.
Rey shrugged, finishing her glass of champagne in another few sips.
“I’m a secretary at Solo’s.”
Poe’s eyes widened in surprise.
A hint of disappointment tinged his otherwise very open and neutral expression.
“So, you did give up painting?” He asked, the disappointment now spreading across his face.
She nodded, ashamed for a reason she couldn’t place.
Rey missed her art, but it just had no place in her current lifestyle.
“I guess it just pulled me down too much.” She argued weakly, trying to justify her actions.
“Being uninspired is quite tough at times.”
*
“Bugger off Finn!” Rey yelled from her bed, after a knock on the door.
She was curled up in a thick comforter in nothing but panties and an old men’s t-shirt.
The door opened and Rey instinctively rolled away from the door and groaned in annoyance.
“Finn, I told you to leave me alone.” She said, weaker this time, sadness and defeat lacing her words.
“Rey?” a voice asked, that she hadn’t expected “It’s me.” Poe continued.
She relaxed a little, as she usually did in his presence as of late.
She slowly turned back around to face him. He was leaning on the doorframe, arms crossed, guitar on his back and softly gazed at her.
After a few moments of silence, he was the first to speak.
“Finn called me.” He said, now standing and walking toward her.
He sat down at the edge of her bed and rested his hand on her exposed knee.
His warmth instantly started seeping into Rey’s skin.
“He told me you were in a bad place and needed some saving.” He continued, cracking a smile and comfortingly tracing circles into her skin.
Rey shrugged as best possible in her bundled-up state.
“I guess I could use some inspiration.” She murmured into a pillow.
Poe glanced around the room, examining the heaps of unfinished paintings and sketches just as Finn had only days ago.
He retrieved his hand from Rey’s leg and started fiddling with something around his neck.
While looking at her artwork he seemed to consider something.
Finally, he looked back at her, a nervous expression on his face.
“Would you like some music?” he asked, hesitantly gesturing at his guitar.
Rey smiled. For the first time in days.
*
“Trust me, I know.” Poe scoffed.
“Inspiration is a rare commodity these days.”
Silence settled between them as they studied each other.
Standing next to Poe it became blatantly obvious how much Rey had changed over the years.
They used to fit into the same picture, but now she seemed to live in a completely different universe.
She had removed all remnants of her college years, strategically covering her tattoos with clothes and applying just a bit more make-up to the places where piercings had left scars.
Poe was unchanged.
“It’s a shame.” He declared.
Rey tilted her head in response, not catching on.
“That you stopped painting. It’s a shame.” He explained.
She just shrugged, looking down at her overpriced shiny black heels.
The shame she felt earlier started creeping back up her spine.
She felt empty.
When she looked back up, he was still staring at her.
“You were brilliant.”
*
“You really think it’s good?” Poe inquired, tapping on his guitar nervously.
“I don’t think it’s good. It’s my favourite original of yours so far.”
She answered as she wiped her brush on an old dishcloth.
They’d been doing this a lot recently, creating together and helping each other with honest opinions.
Poe ran a hand through his hair, a nervous gesture Rey had observed in the last 3 months.
The first time she’d met him it had become painfully obvious that Poe wore his heart on his sleeve. Since then Rey had learned that it was similar with his music. He poured every ounce of emotion into his creations and you could hear them pour off him when he played.
It left him incredibly vulnerable.
“That’s a relief.” He said, a slight blush rising up his neck.
He didn’t play for her or anyone very often.
When he did, she relished every moment of feeling so close to him.
He set his Guitar aside and moved to stand next to her at her desk.
Placing his hand on her shoulder in his easy comforting way he started examining her work.
She put the last few strokes onto the small square of paper and set down her brush.
Different shades of orange and red combined in rough, but intentional brush strokes to shape a setting sun over a field of wheat.
He stared at it for a long time.
Rey suddenly grew nervous, not ready to face criticism on something so simple, that she had made without really thinking.
Instead she had listened to Poe’s new song and put her feelings into paint.
The painting had a rawness that was usual to Rey’s work, but this felt deeply personal.
“It’s just a quick dabble…” she mumbled, standing up to flee the scene.
“Just going to wash my hands.”
She turned to walk away but Poe caught her paint covered hand.
The oils rubbed off smoothly onto his own hands as he made her face him.
“It’s the song.” He stated, staring into her eyes.
She looked down at the swirls of warm colours she had just created and then back to Poe.
“Yeah.” She admitted, not meeting his gaze.
“It’s beautiful.” He observed, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
Their eyes locked and he smiled at her.
Warmth seeped from his hand into hers as he held it.
He was so close that she couldn’t supress the urge to reach up and touch his face.
A smudge of paint appeared on his cheek when Rey set her hand down.
She pulled back her hand and giggled at her silly mistake.
“What?” Poe asked also breaking into a laugh as he watched her grin grow wider and wider.
She brought her hand to his other cheek and left a smudge with her thumb, a different colour this time.
Poe checked his reflection in the mirror.
“Oh, you minx.”
He pulled his paint stained hand from hers and rubbed it onto his other hand, before pressing one onto her neck and trailing the other up her arm.
“Hey!” she complained and started spreading paint all over his exposed skin.
*
Rey smiled softly at the memory.
“Those were good times.” She offered, avoiding his intense compliment.
He smiled in return. It was that kind of smile that made the room feel a few degrees warmer.
“So, a secretary?” He recited, trying to steer the conversation out of the past and back into the present.
“I always thought If art didn’t work out, you were going to be a mechanic…”
Rey chuckled.
“I was always an amateur,” she admitted,
“You were just absolutely useless in comparison.”
He laughed, his eyes creasing in the most handsome way possible.
Covering his eyes, he played faux embarrassment.
“I guess it is a matter of perspective. What would I have done without you.”
He wondered, overdramatically shaking his head.
They both chuckled.
*
They were riding their bikes through a suburban part of town on their way back to Rey’s flat from a restaurant in late November. The air was so chilly one could see their breaths.
On a particularly bumpy part of the road Poe’s bicycle chain jumped off the cog.
“Ugh,” Poe groaned examining his bike.
“I’m sorry, but that means I’m walking home.” He stated, pinching his nose in annoyance.
Rey now got off her bike and leant it on a nearby streetlamp.
“Oh, don’t be such a wuss.” She teased, examining the gears herself.
“This is an easy fix.” She concluded and started fiddling with the chain, trying to get it back on track.
Poe stood close behind her, watching her work.
“I could use some light, genius.” She mocked, not looking back at Poe. He chuckled at the nickname and retrieved his Phone, aiding Rey.
“I’m sorry sunshine, but we can’t all be as bright as you.” He quipped, leaning over her shoulder to give her some more light.
Rey’s cheeks grew hot at his comment, and his warm breath on her neck certainly didn’t help.
After a few minutes of fiddling and turning the bike upside down to get better access to the cogs Rey had successfully mended his bike.
Poe was awestruck at how quickly she had worked.
“There,” Rey said, getting up and wiping some excess oil on her jeans. (They were covered in
paint anyway)
Rey retrieved her bike and headed off as Poe swung up onto his.
“My god, I love you.” He said as he started cycling.
Beside him Rey slammed her breaks hard.
Poe also stopped, a few feet away from her, red climbing up his neck.
She stared at him, shocked.
Poe made a decision then. He got off his bike and pushed it back to where Rey was standing.
While Rey was still frozen in place, he took her oil covered hand and looked her in the eye.
“I love you sunshine.” He whispered, clearly to be heard in the stillness of night.
Rey didn’t react and he suddenly thought he’d made a big mistake.
Regret stabbed at his heart thinking he must have royally fucked up.
Finally, Rey smiled. A relieved smile.
She reached over his bike to caress his cheek, leaving oil smudges on his face.
Leaning over to him, bringing their faces closer, their lips almost touching she whispered
“I love you too.”
He kissed her, not thinking about oil stains or the bikes in between them, or the fact that they were in the middle of the road.
They kissed softly, only the stars watching.
*
“So, you made it big in the music industry?” Rey guessed, again trying to lead the conversation in a less painful direction.
“Mhh,” he answered absent-mindedly playing with the ring on his necklace.
Rey’s focus was drawn to his hands as he moved the ring through his fingers.
It’s still there
“I’ve got a record deal with this company out in LA.”
Pulling her gaze away from his fingers she looked back into his face. Regret was now apparent on his features as he glanced around the room, still buzzing with people.
Rey had almost forgotten where they were.
“Do you miss it? Not being well-known?”
He frowned.
Damn, too personal.
“Yeah, I guess I do.” He admitted, his expression softening at a memory.
A smile slowly built on his face and a blush rose up his neck.
“Performing for a smaller crowd always had its benefits.”
His smile turned into an uncharacteristically shy smirk.
*
“Stay safe everyone, and goodnight!” Poe spoke through a microphone.
Cheers, clapping and quite a few squeals and screeching followed him as he left the stage.
He grinned uncontrollably, clutching his guitar, as he walked towards Rey.
Poe had just enough time to put down his guitar before Rey rushed toward him and crushed him in a hug.
Poe hugged her back tightly and they swayed around for a few times, listening to the crowd greeting the next musician.
After a few seconds of stillness Rey pulled back, her arms still around his neck.
She was beaming at him.
“They adored you.” She told him, leaning in for a sweet kiss.
Poe pulled back to rest his forehead on hers so he could look in her eyes.
Still dazed from his performance he didn’t quite know how to react to her comment, so he just went for his default answer.
“I adore you.” He said, a smile spreading across his lips.
Rey scrunched up her nose, like she always did when he said something vaguely romantic.
Her cheeks flushed to the (in his opinion) most gorgeous shade of pink, before she finally returned his smile.
His hands on her waist tightened as he pulled her closer for another kiss.
Tender at first, but Rey soon tilted her head, deepening the kiss and pulling him even closer.
He could feel her breasts pushed up against his chest, her warmth radiating into his body.
Her hands went from his neck to his hair, pulling on it ever so slightly.
Poe’s hands drifted lower and lower on her back, as he could feel his arousal growing.
“Get a room!” A passing stage attendant yelled at them.
The couple broke apart.
Poe studied Rey, her lips slightly parted, cheeks flushed, and eyes practically feral.
She winked at him as she took a step back, taking his hand and pulling him behind her.
They reached an unused staff room and Poe closed the door behind them, before he grabbed her by her shoulders and walked her back into a wall.
She kissed him again, hot and open-mouthed as he traced his hands down her body.
Slowly he ran his calloused hand up her bare leg, which made Rey breathe heavily.
His hand now at the apex of her thighs he started teasing her clit through her panties, elicting a quiet moan from Rey.
*
A blush rose into Rey’s cheeks.
Change the subject.
“Nothing ever became of your bachelor in engineering physics?” She teased, a grin spreading across her face.
She knew full and well that he only completed his studies to honour his mother, a physicist. His passion had always been music.
“Not really.” He admitted with a shrug, also smiling.
His smile was only brief though as he remembered their earlier conversation.
“I’m sorry I convinced you to change your bachelor.” He apologized, the disappointment from earlier creeping back into his voice and posture.
“I guess your first one would have been more useful now.”
“Don’t be,” she reassured, crossing her arms in front of her chest protectively,
“at the time it felt like the right decision.”
*
“I really don’t see why you still haven’t switched courses.” Poe told her.
It was April. The first feeling of summer slowly creeping in with the warm breeze.
They sat at a secluded lake, no one in sight, at a small pier.
Rey had her feet dangling in the water, while Poe sat cross- legged, absent-mindedly strumming on his guitar.
“I don’t know either.” She mumbled, watching the cold-water part as she moved her feet.
“I guess it’s a safety thing.” She said, not sounding sure of herself at all.
Poe stopped strumming and put his guitar to the side.
He took her hand in his and started drawing small circles. Rey’s hands were clean for once, after having scrubbed them from paint for a job interview at a car manufacturing company.
“Sunshine,” He began, lifting a hand to her chin, to gently make her face him.
“Professional economics is never going to make you happy.” He explained to her, now drawing circles on her cheek.
Rey huffed and looked back down at the now still water.
“I know.” She admitted, fiddling with her earrings now.
“But my art isn’t going to get me anywhere Poe.” She said, the disappointment obvious in her voice.
“Yes, it will.” He said, jumping up to his feet, suddenly energetic.
He offered Rey his hand and pulled her up with him when she took it.
Both now standing at the edge of the pier Poe stepped closer to her and put his hands on her waist, as if to dance.
He moved even closer so that his mouth was next to her ear.
“You just need to take a leap of faith.” He whispered and pulled back.
Rey smiled and broke into a laugh.
“Poe you’re being ridicu- “ her sentence ended in a scream as Poe pushed her into the water.
“There you go!” Poe yelled after her when she emerged from the freezing cold-water gasping.
He laughed at the shock on her face. So hard that he had to bend over.
“Poe fucking Dameron!” she screamed, as she kept herself afloat in the icy water.
“God damn I wish you had a middle name!” She continued, splashing water at him as she yelled further insults.
*
She felt the icy water on her skin as if it had only just happened.
The room suddenly turned cold and she shivered, drawing her arms more tightly to her body.
“No really,” Poe continued, his voice slightly shaky “I… I shouldn’t have pushed you like I did.”
She knew what he was implying but didn’t want to go there.
“Not your best move.” She managed to joke, but it fell flat at Poe’s heavy stare.
He didn’t mean pushing her into the lake.
Rey looked up at him and let herself feel the hurt that she had hidden away for so long.
Opening the pandora’s box of her feelings was overwhelming, different emotions flooding her.
He shook his head.
“No, I guess not.”
*
“Sunshine?” Poe asked, as he set his keys down on the side table after he’d entered their flat.
“Why are you home already?” He inquired, taking off his coat and scarf.
Rey was in her favourite corner of their couch, clutching a cup of tea and staring out of the window. Her expression was unreadable as she stared out at the falling snow.
“Darling are you okay?” Poe asked again, coming up behind her and softly placing his hands on her shoulders.
“I lost the job with the gallery.” Rey said in a monotone way, still staring into nothingness.
Poe’s heart sank.
“Oh Rey.” He sighed, walking around to join her on the couch.
Just as he sat down Rey quickly got up and set down her mug of tea.
She walked to the window and continued looking out.
The bracelet Poe had given her at Christmas a year prior was being fiddled with, vigorously.
Poe noticed then that she was shaking.
“Look sunshine something else will come up, it’s not that big of a – “
“Yes it is Poe.” Rey told him with a strong voice, turning around to look at him.
Her eyes were rimmed red, arms crossed protectively in front of her chest, lip trembling.
“It’s a big deal for me.” She continued, weaker this time.
For a long moment there was silence, Poe unsure of what Rey needed to hear.
“Okay, okay,” he started, pinching the bridge of his nose, concentrating.
“this is just a setback; it doesn’t mean anything about the quality of your art.” He assured her, now standing up to join her at the window.
He pulled her into a hug.
She didn’t hug him back.
“Sunshine you know that you’re amazing.”
Rey laughed sarcastically, pulling back from his embrace.
She wound her bracelet tightly around her wrist, leaving marks, almost drawing blood.
“So why do all these galleries and art schools and exhibitions choose everyone else over me?” She asked him, a tear falling from her cheek.
Poe took her hands in his before noticing the single tear.
“Oh Rey, don’t cry.” He said wiping it away. He looked her deeply in the eye.
“These idiots don’t know what they’re missing.” He said, cracking a cautious smile, hand cupping her cheek.
She didn’t smile back.
“But they’ll learn. You just need to keep pushing, darling. You need to keep taking your leaps of fai– “
Suddenly Rey turned away from him, yanking her hand out of his.
“I’ve been pushing Poe!” she yelled, the sudden outburst making Poe take a step back.
“I’ve been taking leaps of faith over and over and over.” She continued, her voice growing weaker with every word.
“But no one ever catches me.” She finally sobbed, her voice breaking on the last words.
Tears now rolled freely down her cheeks. She had started shaking again, hugging herself tightly.
Poe tried to step toward her, to touch her but she just stepped back.
“Rey, you can’t stop now.” He pleaded, reaching for her.
“You can’t stop trying!” He told her, raising his voice to match his boiling emotions.
Rey sobbed a few more times, hugging herself, pressed into the corner at the window.
“you don’t understand.” She muttered quietly, still crying.
“Everything worked out for you.” Rey whispered, still averting her gaze.
Suddenly she looked up at him, studied him as he tried to reach out to her, desperation apparent on his face.
“You don’t understand.” She stated again, but this time like she’d just made an important revelation.
Her face relaxed into a neutral expression and Poe could see the Rey he knew, his Rey, slipping away from him.
The walls she’d broken down over years of knowing him going back up in an instant.
She took a step toward him, uncrossed her arms and assumed her normal posture.
Her hand went to her bracelet and wound it tight.
She smiled.
A sad smile that didn’t reach her eyes.
Poe knew the look.
She had just made a decision, something he could never ever change, no matter how much he tried.
But he had to try.
“Sunshine please, don’t give up.” He pleaded, tears now filling his eyes as well.
He took a step toward her, desperately trying to reach her, bring her back.
“Rey please.” He begged, tears now running down his cheeks.
Her smile faded and she shook her head.
“I’ve tried and tried Poe.” She explained, looking out of the window.
Her gaze returned to his as she took his hand and gave it a light squeeze.
“I think it’s time to move on.” She concluded, without any emotion at all in her voice, face, body.
She dropped his hand and started crossing the room.
Emotion boiled up in Poe again.
He followed her in large strides and reached to catch her arm.
“I can’t let you do that!” he yelled, his voice cracking.
Poe caught her arm, but she instantly moved away from him.
Trying to hold on desperately, Poe’s hand tangled in the bracelet.
It tore apart.
*
A single tear rolled down her cheek.
Poe stepped forward to comfort her, reaching out to touch her.
“Rey…” he started, resting his hand on her lower arm.
She could feel the callouses in his hand on her soft pristine skin.
Their faces were close as he stared at her, sadness, pain and regret practically radiating off him.
He looked to the ground and started rubbing circles into her skin with his thumb.
When he looked up again, the intensity in his eyes almost knocked Rey over.
“Rey I’m so sorry,” he began and swallowed, bracing himself,
“I… I- “
“There you are babe.” Ben greeted as he came toward them.
They broke apart, surprise now thrown into the mix of emotions you could read in Poe’s body.
“Hey honey.” Rey croaked, equally surprised as Ben leant down to give her a kiss on the cheek.
“Sorry I’m late,” he continued, leaning back “Traffic was terrible, and Theo wouldn’t stop complaining.”
Surprise turned to shock as Poe acknowledged the little boy resting in Ben’s arms.
“Mawma?” the child asked sleepily and reached out for Rey.
She reached back and took the boy off Ben into her own arms.
“Hey little man.” She smiled and kissed the dark-haired child on his head lovingly.
Adjusting the sleepy boy in her arms she turned to face Poe. His face had fallen, and it looked as though the floor had just been ripped from beneath his feet.
Rey regained her composure first.
Taking a shaky breath, she gestured at Ben.
“Poe, this is my husband, Ben Solo.”
Ben adjusted the sleeve of his perfect white shirt before reaching out to shake Poe’s hand.
“Darling, this is Poe,” Rey started and glanced at the man in question.
He looked empty as he forced a smile and shook Ben’s hand.
“He’s a friend from college.”
-
“Did you enjoy yourself, honey?” Ben asked her as they headed out to the car.
It was snowing.
She shivered, the only warmth her son, passed out on her shoulder.
Her lips pressed into a tight smile.
“Yeah,” she answered.
“It was nice seeing everyone.”
Ben unlocked the car door and helped her strap Theo into his seat.
Together they got into the front seats and Ben started the engine. He leant over to give her a short kiss on the lips.
“Good. I’m glad you had a nice time.”
He smiled and started driving out of the car park.
Rey looked out of the window and watched the snow fall.
“Radio?” Ben asked her after a few moments of silence.
She didn’t look at him, just nodded in response.
“And now, one of the newest hits, by our favourite rising star: sunset orange.”