Work Text:
Zhou Zishu was sure his heart had stopped, with the way it felt it was sinking in his chest.
“...Lao Wen?”
Wen Kexing sat in front of him, head bowed down and his hands slack. His hair, which was now a silvery white (had that happened during the ritual?), laid completely still against his shoulders, as motionless as its owner. With a quiet, tiny, shaking intake of breath, he gently squeezed around the fingers in his hands, silently begging, praying, for some sort of reaction, some form of movement that would prove to him that the man sitting in front of him was trying to play an elaborate prank.
Nothing.
Suddenly there was movement, but it was only that of his shidi starting to fall back, of gravity pulling down dead weight. With a sharp gasp, Zhou Zishu ignored the pins and needles he felt in his legs, rushing forward to catch the limp body before it could smash into the ground below. One hand managed to catch a shoulder, while the other attempted to wrap around the other man’s back. His arms slipped, moving instead to brace behind his soulmate’s neck. His knees knocked roughly against the ground as he steadied the both of them, eyes still open wide with shock.
For a moment, he sat like that, staring at the man he’d come to love and not knowing what to do. He slid his arm back a bit, just enough for his hand to gently cup his shidi’s head. White hair spilled out like water around his arm and with trembling fingers, he released his soulmate’s shoulder to tenderly lift some of the strands. It was beginning to dawn on him, what the color change meant. The hair felt cool, lifeless, in his palm, containing none of the warmth that he could still feel from Wen Kexing’s body.
It wasn’t supposed to be like this. This wasn’t how this was supposed to go!
Shaking, Zhou Zishu gathered his soulmate’s body into his arms, burying his face into the crook of his neck. His fingers dug into the clothes of his loved one as the impact of what his shidi had done started to truly settle in his chest. His breaths were trembling, just on the verge of breaking into harsh sobs, as he clung desperately to his soulmate. This couldn’t be happening. This couldn’t be real.
“Shidi...”
He had no idea how much time passed as he sat there, his heart breaking piece by piece. Why did things have to happen like this? Why had Wen Kexing lied to him? They’d promised to die together! Hadn’t he just been reminded of that when they’d entered the armory together?! Why did his soulmate constantly have to throw his mind and heart into chaos? He’d never met someone so infuriating and so endearing in his life!
A tear slipped out as he continued to cling to the man in his arms. He couldn’t do this. Not again. He couldn’t live without this man. He needed him. His shidi gave him a drive to stay alive, to feel like he could live despite his past mistakes. Wen Kexing was the one thing of his past that he hadn’t destroyed with his own hands. Or at least, he had been. What about now? Could he truly say that this wasn’t his fault? That his soulmate hadn’t died to keep him alive? He couldn’t accept this. He’d finally found something so deep and strong with this man that it couldn't be put into words. He needed this presence in his life or he would go made with grief at its loss.
Dismay turned into nearly overwhelming despair as the seconds passed. Just as he was about to give up, to go dig a way out of the ice and snow to find a place where they could both rest for eternity, he felt something. A tiny thump against his forehead, right where a pulse would be. For a moment, Zhou Zishu didn’t move, afraid he might have imagine it. But then it came again, soft and barely there, but still there. A tiny flicker of hope burst in his chest and he quickly moved his head to his shidi’s chest, only to have that flicker grow even more at what he felt.
A heartbeat. His soulmate was still alive!
He suddenly knew he had to move, to do something. Wen Kexing might be alive, but that didn’t mean it was going to stay that way. With such a faint heartbeat already could he recover on his own without any help? Clenching his jaw, Zhou Zishu refused to accept that outcome. Refused to let his shidi sacrifice anything more, for him. Silently, he lifted Wen Kexing up and moved over to a nearby wall. He settled back against it, ignoring the chill that ran over his skin at the touch. He pulled his soulmate into his arms, adjusting both of them until Wen Kexing’s arms were resting against his chest, his head on Zhou Zishu’s shoulder. Wrapping his arms around the other man, he closed his eyes and placed his palms flat against his back.
He was horrified at what he found as he began to push his own qi (which he would belatedly noticed seemed unfathomably endless now) into his soulmate. Wen Kexing’s meridian’s were shattered, in a way that Zhou Zishu had never seen before. This didn’t deter him, however, and with no hesitation he pushed as much of himself through his hands as he could. He may not be a healer, but that wasn’t going to stop him from doing everything he could to keep this man alive.
Wen Kexing would not get the last say in this situation.
He had no idea how long he sat there, praying and putting all of his effort into saving the life of his soulmate. It could have been minutes. It could have been hours. It didn’t matter. All he was concerned about was not letting his shidi go. Miraculously, he could feel those broken meridians somewhat patching themselves back together, though it was very slow and arduous. Was this a result of not only his own now endless qi but what Ye Baiyi had transferred over to Wen Kexing earlier?
He breathed in deeply as he tried to focus on those repairs, finally taking in all the sensations he could feel again. The weight of his soulmate against his chest, the way his hair tickled his chin and cheek. How long had it been since he’d been able to feel such tiny things? Everything seemed so fresh, so vibrant again. He pressed his cheek against Wen Kexing’s head, reveling in just how soft his hair felt. It was hard to describe just how sharply these things came into focus after having not experienced them for so long, but he could certainly say, at the very least, that it felt nice.
He mixed a silent promise into his prayers then. Vowed to himself that he would cherish each and every touch, savor every sight and smell if his soulmate pulled through. No, not if. When he pulled through. Zhou Zishu would never leave this spot until he had Wen Kexing alive and well at his side. He wouldn’t delude himself with the thought that he could go on without his soulmate. After all, he’d driven the nails from his body for that very reason before. Why would it be any different now? After having found something that he never would have dreamed of having, giving it up wasn’t an option.
Of course he wasn’t forgetting about Zhang Chengling or the other disciples of the Four Seasons sect. He was precious to him, almost like his own son and he’d grown fond of the others in the short time they’d known each other. However, Wen Kexing had burrowed so deep in his heart that if he wasn’t there to fill the spot he’d made for himself, Zhou Zishu knew he would never be able to teach or guide in a way that would really matter. Knew to his core that he’d never be able to fill that void or feel the same elation as simply having the other man nearby.
A life without his shidi wasn’t a life he wanted at all.
He was so focused on pushing his own qi into Wen Kexing and his silent prayers, that he didn’t truly register the way the other man’s breast was steadily rising and falling, small as it was. Didn’t notice the way his fingers twitched against his chest or how the body against his own began to tense up. Missed the way his brow scrunched as he began to regain consciousness. Warm, honey brown eyes slowly flickered open, blinking slowly as if crawling from a deep sleep.
“Ah-Xu?”
The nickname was said so softly, just slightly louder than a whisper. To Zhou Zishu it may have been just as loud as someone shouting right next to his ears. With a soft gasp, he doubled his efforts (were it possible) and forced himself to not gather Wen Kexing as close to him as they could get. He had to keep his focus on simply transferring energy into his soulmate’s broken meridians and pathways. That didn’t mean he couldn’t take immense relief in knowing that what he was doing was working.
“I’m here,” he murmured, not daring to open his eyes just yet.
“Ah-Xu, everything...hurts,” his shidi whimpered, the sound soft and airy. The sound made the urge to protect swell up from deep in his chest, to chase away whatever was making the other man make such a sound.
“Idiot,” Zhou Zishu scoffed, though he could feel a grin crawling on his face with his relief. “You did this to yourself.”
“Wasn’t...supposed to...feel it,” Wen Kexing countered and the confession made his heart clench.
“Enough,” he said, his throat tight with emotion. “Just...focus on healing.”
“How…?” his soulmate asked and the following question nearly broke his focus. “Wasn’t supposed to...make it out alive.”
“Lao Wen, quiet for now,” Zhou Zishu pleaded, sure that if he continued, he would break down into tears at the admissions he was hearing. “Let me berate you after you can sit up on your own.”
The room fell quiet, the only sounds being those of their own breathing and the occasional sound of pain or a gasping sob that managed to slip from Wen Kexing’s throat. Each time he would press his cheek against his shidi’s head, comforting him in the only way that he could think of. It wasn’t long before each press turned into a tiny kiss to his crown, lighter than a butterfly’s wings. The first few times he doubted his soulmate had even registered them. He only knew that the other recognized what he was doing when he felt Wen Kexing try to raise his head into the tiny press.
Hours passed and eventually the body in his arms was no longer shaking in pain or gasping in agony. Zhou Zishu had taken the opportunity to try and find different ways to work on the broken meridians, to see if he could pinpoint his qi specifically to their healing. Yet time seemed to be the only answer and now he had plenty of it. More than he had planned on after placing the nails into himself. Time he could give. Wen Kexing’s meridians were being fixed, his pathways were being restored, and he was going to do everything in his power to make sure they stayed that way.
Eventually he felt a small but firm press against his chest, of his soulmate’s hands flat against him. Cautiously, he stopped the flow of his qi and moved his hands to the other man’s shoulders, gently helping him sit up. Wen Kexing grunted a bit with the movement, but he didn’t seem to be in much pain. It wasn’t until he was sitting upright that Zhou Zishu finally let out the tension he’d been holding in. Panting softly, he watched as his shidi’s eyes opened, watched as their gazes met and locked.
Immense relief and joy flooded his soul and he couldn't stop the smile that spread across his face. He raised a hand to gently cup and stroke a fair cheek, almost to assure himself that this was real. Wen Kexing’s skin was so soft and warm under his hand. With a soft, breathy laugh, he gently smacked his shidi’s cheek in reprimand, scoffing when the other looked affronted. He silently praised and thanked the Heavens for answering his prayer as his emotions began to overtake him. He could stop the tears from falling down his cheeks.
“Idiot,” his sobbed, his tone both affectionate and scolding. “You lied to me.”
“Ah-Xu, I-” Wen Kexing started, only to be cut off.
“Did you think I wouldn’t follow after you if you weren’t here with me?” Zhou Zishu asked, his breath hitching in his throat.
“You wouldn’t-”
“I would! Why do you think I got rid of the nails after you faked your death?!” He took in a deep, shaking breath before he continued. “I don’t want to live a life without you in it. I wanted to join you. How did you think I would accept this any differently?”
“Ah-Xu,” his shidi whispered, lifting shaking hands to his shoulders. “I’m not...worth that kind of devotion.”
“You are,” Zhou Zishu said wetly while staring deep into honey brown eyes. “You’re my shidi. If I had to do it all over again, I would, with no hesitation.”
Wen Kexing gave him a small grin. “Oh, am I just a shidi to you, shixiong?”
Zhou Zishu sniffed and shook his head in disbelief. “You’re unbelievable. Must you cause me so much trouble?”
Smirking, his soulmate’s expression was filled with warmth. The hands on his shoulders moved to his face, slowly wiping away the trails of his tears. “I’ve told you before. I like causing trouble."
With another breathy laugh, Zhou Zishu gently pulled his shidi close and pressed their foreheads together. He closed his eyes as he breathed in deeply despite his softening sobs, catching the faint floral scent of his shidi’s scent, of the dust from the armory, and the cold of the mountain. How long had it been since he’d been able to appreciate such a tiny thing? In addition to the smells, he couldn’t stop himself from tightening his arms around the warm waist in front of him, finally enjoying how sharply he could feel things again. Never again would he take his senses for granted.
Opening his eyes, he could see Wen Kexing had relaxed against him, his own eyes were closed, though his hands had remained on his cheeks. He took a moment to simply marvel that this was real. That he wasn’t in pain, that his senses had returned, that the man in his arms was alive and here with him. He had the rest of eternity to enjoy each and every minute of his insufferable soulmate’s presence. It seemed too good to be true.
Suddenly an urge of more crossed his mind. He’d long denied himself his urges, his desires. Hadn’t thought he’d deserved them. He still didn’t believe that he did, but perhaps the fact that they were both here, full of warmth and life, was a sign. Without a word, he raised one hand from Wen Kexing’s waist to press it gently against his cheek, his heart clenching when the other man pressed against his palm. Perfect. How could his Lao Wen be so perfect?
The urge came again and Zhou Zishu didn’t fight against it. Leaning in, he pressed his lips lightly against those of his soulmate’s, light and chaste. He didn’t miss the way Wen Kexing’s eyes snapped open or the tiny intake of breath that he took. They’d been dancing around each other for so long, flirting with their words and touches, that they’d created a boundary that neither felt they could breach, but desperately wanted to. With a simple kiss to his Lao Wen’s lips, Zhou Zishu had broken that.
After a short pause, Wen Kexing surged forward, kissing him so intently that if there hadn’t been a wall behind him, Zhou Zishu was sure they would have fallen backward onto the floor. Delicate hands slid from his face to the back of his head and neck, as if the other was afraid that he would slip away if he didn’t hang onto him. Smiling, he pressed back just as eagerly, pulling the other man further onto his lap and lifting his legs to make him slide even closer. Both arms wrapped around his shidi’s torso, clutching desperately.
It wasn’t long before they had opened their mouths, Wen Kexing moaning softly as they tasted one another. Wasn’t that an experience! How long had it been since Zhou Zishu had tasted anything? For the first thing to be his shidi made this moment far better than he would have ever hoped for it to be. And it wasn’t enough. He wanted more and more of the man in front of him, in every way that he could get it. It was a hard to pull away, even more so at the disappointed noise that his soulmate made, but it was going to be worth it.
“Ah! Ah-Xu,” Wen Kexing groaned, tilting his head as Zhou Zishu started to mouth his neck. “Must you tease me so?”
“Who’s teasing? I fully intend to follow through,” Zhou Zishu murmured, gently nipping at the skin in front of his mouth. “I haven’t even done that much.”
“You can’t be thinking of doing, ah, this here,” his shidi whispered.
“What’s wrong with here?” he asked, sucking softly on the Adam’s apple before his lips.
He was abruptly pushed back, though he couldn’t say he was surprised by it. The look in his soulmate’s face was affronted and it took everything he had in him to keep a straight face. “I refuse to have our first time on a dust covered floor in a freezing mountain cave, no matter how well carved it is.”
Zhou Zishu snorted, looking unimpressed. “Is that all your feelings for me amount to? I’m wounded, Lao Wen.”
Wen Kexing pouted. “Don’t undermine how much I feel for you.” His lips suddenly quirked into a pleased smirk as he rolled his body closer. “My Ah-Xu deserves only the best. Luxurious silks and furs to caress his skin as he pushes deep inside me.”
With a shiver, more from the image of his soulmate riding him than the idea of being on a soft bed, Zhou Zishu tried to pin his shidi with a blank look, though he could feel himself burning more for the man in his arms. “Oh? And here I thought it would be me receiving you.”
His soulmate’s expression softened and a hand came to rest over his heart. “You already have. In the way that matters most.” He was quiet for a moment, his eyes glued to his shixiong’s chest. “Are you...free of pain, Ah-Xu?”
Zhou Zishu took in a deep breath, reminding himself that Wen Kexing hadn't died in front of him, though his heart still clenched at the thought of having nearly lost him. Exhaling slowly, he smiled, soft and gentle. “Yes. It’s gone. I don’t hurt anymore.”
“Good,” Wen Kexing whispered, wincing shortly after. “Though I think...I may have pushed myself...too quickly.”
It was then Zhou Zishu noticed how his soulmate was trembling in his arms. Silently scolding himself, he quickly rearranged them and began to press his qi once again into his shidi. Wen Kexing’s shoulders relaxed almost immediately and he leaned forward to bury his head into his shixiong’s neck, breathing in deeply. Grinning, Zhou Zishu let his head rest, once again, against that of his shidi’s. There was a lot more healing of the other’s meridians to go, but with the time he had, he would do whatever it took, no matter how long.
“We’ll have to find the Old Monster...when we get out of here,” Wen Kexing said, his voice a soft murmur. “He lied to me, told me that what I did would cost me my life.”
Zhou Zishu was quiet for a moment, unable to ignore the way his chest twisted in pain, again, at the thought that he’d almost lost his soulmate. “Perhaps...he was referring to how your meridians would be destroyed.”
Snorting, his shidi pressed shamelessly closer to him and he could feel the other’s smile against his skin. “Even so, I came here ready to die. He made me believe that...only one of us could live. Ah, I’m going to kick his ass when I see him next. He was clearly testing me.”
With a soft smirk, Zhou Zishu let his eyes fall closed. “There is plenty of time. For now, let’s just focus on getting you to a point that you can stand and not make a fool of yourself.”
“So mean, Ah-Xu,” Wen Kexing said, though it was clear he was smiling too. “I’m an invalid.”
“Only by your own doing,” Zhou Zishu argued. “Now less talking and more focusing. I can’t do this all on my own.”
His soulmate chuckled, but did as he commanded, doing the best he could to focus while refusing to move from the position they were in. Zhou Zishu was fine with that. When he’d been losing his senses, he had avoided touch as much as possible, so he wouldn’t be reminded of how dull they were getting. Now with everything back to normal, he wanted as much as he could get, and would take any small touch from his Lao Wen. Even if it meant snuggling, he would eagerly accept it all.
He had an eternity ahead of him with this man, with his soulmate and the love of his life. For the first time in a while, he truly felt at peace and that everything was going to be okay. There were other things to worry about, yes, things to take care of. But right now, he was going to treasure this moment with just the two of them. There would be others ahead and he was going to make sure that each one was treated preciously.
This would just be the first of many.