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“Levi, remember your first titan kill? You were so beautiful, flying through the air.”
Erwin enjoyed reminiscing. So many years of planning to move forward, he hardly had any time to think on the past. Now that they were in retirement and had much time to spare, Erwin thought about his actions and thoughts at particular points in his life. Levi called him a sentimental old man but he always listened to Erwin’s memories.
“From the moment I saw you soar through the Underground, I knew you would be incredible.” He turned to Levi mending a button of one of Erwin’s shirts and smiled, “So natural in the air, I wonder if you were a bird in a past life?”
Levi continued sewing, did not look up as he said, “And you would’ve been a clumsy giant monkey. Tripping over coffee tables and stubbing your dumb toes on bed posts and dressers, Erwin? How did you even become Commander?”
“I would think my mind played a part.”
“Good thing too, otherwise you never would have gotten in.” Levi looked up at him then and the amusement on his face made Erwin feel light.
.
With retirement came stagnancy. No longer did he hear his soldiers training outside his office window, footsteps walking the hallways, not even the sounds of muffled conversations during breaks. But at least Levi’s quiet cleaning could be heard, the one constant that kept from their working days.
This brand of quiet was too much for Erwin—his thoughts had a habit of overwhelming when there was nothing to focus his attention—and he had taken to humming as he did chores and sometimes as he read. Stillness was strange when one had been active for as long as they were and neither of them knew how to pass the time. Levi started a garden to keep his hands busy because he was never one to sit and read for too long without feeling restless. Erwin thought to plant some flowers around the garden and the house and tended to them with the same care as he did planning expeditions.
They were outside, watering their plants and pulling weeds when Erwin talked about some of the lessons he remembered his father teaching his small class. He talked about his memories of his parents and how he cannot remember their faces but remembers feeling happy then, ignorant of the world.
“I wonder where I would be if I didn’t cause his death."
Levi listened quietly and said nothing in response.
.
Winter came quick and harsh and with it came sore throats and runny noses.
“Remember when Mike had that cold? He was so skittish for a week, couldn’t smell anything around him.” Erwin laughed as he pulled another blanket from storage onto their bed. He poked at the fire and slid back into bed to cuddle up to a shivering lump that shuffled over to him as soon as he was settled.
“Got so frustrated he ended up staying in bed for a week, didn’t he?” Levi shoved his cold nose into Erwin’s neck and attempted to meld his body to the warmth Erwin radiated.
“Poor Mike, that must have been awful.” Erwin tried to tuck the smaller body closer to him and pulled the blankets over their heads.
.
The worst of winter had gone and they walked outside to check on their garden.
“The tomatoes and cucumbers are dead but I think some of these greens are alright.” Levi coughed, stuffing his hands in the pockets of one of Erwin’s coats he was wearing on top of his own. He seemed to have some trouble shaking his cold.
d shuffle
Erwin pulled back the old sheet they had used as wind protection for the planets and Levi back inside for some warm tea. “We’ll just have to get more seeds when it warms up again.”
“Probably have to get more of your flowers too.”
“Maybe we can get some fruit trees too. It’d be nice to have apples right outside.”
“It’d be a while before the tree’s big enough for actual fruit though.”
They sat on the couch and Erwin pulled a blanket over their laps as Levi sipped at his tea. “They’d be worth the wait, and we have time.”
Levi hummed and leaned into Erwin as they sat in comfortable silence, warming up together.
.
Sometimes Erwin thought about the other soldiers under his command: what the ones who survived were doing, what the ones who died would be doing had they lived. He thought about what would have happened had he not found Levi, where would he be? Where would humanity be? Maybe Levi would have been content—he would have still had his friends with him and maybe the three of them would have been able to make it out of the Underground. Maybe the three of them would have gotten sick and slowly wasted away, despite their strength.
Erwin wonders if he would have accomplished as much for humanity if Levi were never in the picture. Levi has been such an essential part of his plans that he has no idea how he would have done anything without him. He wondered if humanity’s victory would have been accomplished in his lifetime if he never brought Levi into service.
Occasionally they will get letters from other survivors, letters containing from acquaintances—Nile’s eldest just had a child and the second child had just gotten married, it seems—and friends—Hanji seemed to be settling in their role as a teacher quite well, always excitable even at their age and hobbling around with one leg.
They read the letters together and put them in a drawer with the others. Then they ate lunch and read together on the couch.
.
Erwin thought human brain was an interesting thing as a thought, a sound, or even a feeling could bring them back to the time they were riding out and hoping they would be alive for the return trip.
Levi was napping on Erwin’s thigh as he read when the stormclouds rolled in. It started raining and Erwin glimpsed out the window for a moment before continuing, giving the rain no further thought.
A few pages in his book later, lightning flashed along with a loud clap of thunder. Levi was up and reaching for his sides and in front of the window closest to where the thunder was heard before he paused and looked back at Erwin, eyes wild.
“Levi, it was just thunder and lightning.” Another flash and clap.
The man was breathing hard and skin was pale, eyes still wide but he was paused and staring at Erwin. They kept eye contact for some minutes before Levi slowly relaxed and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. He slowly made his way back to the couch and crawled into Erwin’s lap, tucking his head into Erwin’s shoulder for comfort. Erwin rubbed his hand up Levi’s back and held him close.
.
Maybe it was because of how slowly life seemed to be moving for them, or maybe it was because of his constant thinking that now he had trouble remembering where he left his things sometimes. A book left on the nightstand instead of the coffee table, wondering where he put his belt, did he eat the breakfast Levi made for him before he went into town for some things, did he take the laundry in—small things, mostly. He also wondered if it was another sign of old age.
It seemed to be catching Levi as well, he noticed one day as the smaller man squinted into his book and pushed it further away to better read. He noted the pronounced wrinkles, grey hair, thinning body and thought him as lovely as he was many years earlier spinning through the air.
Levi caught his gaze and wondered what he was thinking to warrant a dumb expression.
“Just you.” Erwin replied and smiled at Levi’s fond scoff.
“Creepy old man.”
.
More winters passed and Levi had been feeling tired more often. Erwin wondered if it was the years of insomnia catching up to him, or maybe age was catching him differently.
They had an adventurous afternoon when Levi had fallen asleep waiting for the bread to finish baking and Erwin had completely forgotten, going outside to pull some weeds while the sun was out. It was when he came back inside and smelled something strange that he remembered and rushed to the kitchen in attempts to salvage the food.
Levi walked in as he stared sadly at the hardened loaves and laughed himself into a coughing fit.
“We’re a danger to ourselves now. Two senile men too old to do one thing without almost burning the house down. Heroes of humanity, we are.”
.
“Remember when you tried to kill me? You were so sad and angry.”
He was looking out the window, watching the grown apple trees sway in the wind. Some apples were looking ripe enough to eat and Erwin made a mental note to pick them later.
“I’m so sorry you lost them, Levi.”
Erwin knew that experience helped shape Levi into what he was, gave him the conviction to make his best decision and follow it through, but he wished that lesson did not come at the cost of Levi’s dearest people. Sometimes he thought about where they would be had they survived, no doubt the three would be fearsome and extremely deadly.
Levi never mentioned them but Erwin knew he thought about them. He would catch Levi staring at red flowers that reminded him of messy pigtails and birds flying through the sky, mind elsewhere.
Erwin asked him what he thought about once, and Levi admitted he wondered how it would be if they survived, if they aided in the war, would they still be here or would they still have died in another expedition, would he still be there if he had not learned his lesson that first expedition.
“I’m sure they’re happy to know you helped free humanity, that people from the Underground can now see the sky you all dreamed of and didn’t think you could ever reach.”
He felt a hand on his arm and turned to his right to see Levi standing there wearing their old uniform and battle ready.
“I’m honored to have you by my side, Levi.”
Erwin felt chills when Levi leaned into his arm and thought it a good time to finish his book and take a nap in bed. He shuffled into bed and wondered why it was so cold when he was sure Levi had just gotten up from his nap. When he reached for his book, he realized it was getting dark and wondered how long he had been staring out the window. Maybe that was why Levi was so cold, he was standing with him as he thought of the past.
He blinked a moment to gather his thoughts and looked out the window to see it was definitely past evening and wondered why the bed was cold and why his right arm was itching where Levi was just holding.
“I wonder what the future will bring, Levi, now that humanity is free.”
He scratched his right shoulder and pulled the blankets up to his chin, turning to face Levi’s side of the bed and fell asleep alone—listening to the wind brushing against the home and ignoring the itchy cold feeling in his arm.