Chapter Text
A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)
Sasori does after care by checklist. Bodily fluids washed away? Check. Water? Check. Not too warm or too cold? Check. Nobody is crying? Good.
It's a little unromantic but his checklist really helps him with doing something reasonably well, that wouldn't usually come naturally to him. Over time he will learn your preferences and try to adapt them into his routines as far as he's able. Just don't expect him to give you heartfelt declarations of love because that's not who he is.
If he shows affection it is very understated, like a simple "You did well" after a particularly demanding session.
B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s
Which body are you talking about? Cause he has about 120 of those and they all look different.
He doesn't really like talking about his human body and prefers to spend time as a puppet, but there are some characteristics that he retains even as a puppet. That's his eyes and his hair. I hard pressed he would say those are his favourite parts. Maybe they remind him of his parents? We'll never know.
On his partner he is almost ridiculously apathetic when it comes to their body, so it's really hard to see what he likes. Tbh he doesn't seem to be intrested in looks at all and doesn't have particular preferences when it comes to partners, so it's reasonable to say that attraction to physical is just not something he feels. However, you can see him trying to hide a tiny smile whenever his partner is particularly enthusiastic about something and just turns around and excitedly beams at him, trying to show him the thing they have discovered.
C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)
Sasori does not cum a lot. He doesn't have a lot of Cowpers fluid as well, since he lives in the desert, so what little he cums will be thick and viscous. The taste is pretty salty, can absolutely be swallowed but you might wince at the taste. Also the long period where he lived solely as a puppet might have had an impact on his reproductive Organs, which may have hurt his sperm count.
D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)
He fantasizes about making you into a puppet more than he probably should. To him, making people into a puppet is a genuine compliment of that persons looks and abilities, after all he wouldn't waste his talent on just anyone. He has come to understand that you do not want to be made into a puppet though and he started to enjoy some your more human qualities the longer you were together. At this point his little fantasy is not something he actually wants to do in real life.
E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)
None. Zero. Nada. I headcanon Sasori as an asexual who has a neutral outlook on sex and he is completely new to the concept of actually having it. That does not mean he has not done his research, though. He needs to be prepared always, at any time, so when it became evident this was something that you eventually wanted to do and he was willing to give, he began doing his research. And he is very torough when it comes to research. Now he is very knowledgeable when it comes to the theory of almost anything involving sex. The practical expertise will come with time.
F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)
His favourite position undoubtedly is having you find a nice pillow you wouldn't mind laying on and having you sprawl out on his workbench as his new little project. He can test all his fun new toys on you and once he has tried everything and his frustration is getting the best of him, he can grab your legs, pull you onto the edge of his workbench and just sink right in. You have spent a lot of very enjoyable afternoons that way.
Sasori may also be persuaded into some missionary if he is feeling particularly amorous. Since he has such a complicated relationship with Sex and his body, however, he is very peculiar about how and when it is going to happen. He is equally peculiar about skin contact which is why he is so rigid about what is allowed and why so many of the more adventurous and intimate positions would only make him uncomfortable. Even with sex, he likes his space.
G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)
Very serious. There are no laughs to be had. Sasori views sex almost more like an experiment or an interesting work project, which means he is incredibly thorough and is working with a laser focus the same way he would be working on a new puppet. It is no laughing matter to him and too much joking around would pull him out of his headspace. Which would ultimately mean no orgasms for you. So you best behave and keep the joking to a minimum.
H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)
This man has no body hair whatsoever. Smooth as a doll. What little hair growth remains is quickly pulled out or shaved with a razor in case of his 3 1/2 beard hairs he gets every two weeks or so. He does to avoid looking like a slob in his own words. He is so meticulous about it, unless you have actively seen him shave you would have no idea he had any hair growth. No pubes, no armpit hair, no leg hair. Everything is completely smooth. And the most unfair thing is, he gets no bumps or razor burn either.
I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)
As mentioned before, intimacy can be hard for Sasori. He just has no romantic bone in his body and he just doesn't get it either. You are his partner, that means he tolerates your bullshit more than other people. Isn't this obvious enough? He just has his own ways of showing his regard to you: Allowing you to enter his workspace and fiddle with his tools, making time for you and valuing your opinion to name a couple. You could say his love language is quality time and the odd act of service. He will also allow you to hold his hand or play with his hair sometimes if that's something you want.
J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)
He tried it once when he heard that it's something that people do to rid themselves of frustration. It felt reasonably nice and there was a feeling of physical relief but for Sasori jacking off is ultimately way too time consuming and he destresses way better when working on his dolls. It wasn't a bad experience for him tho, just something he thinks takes more input than it is rewarding for him.
K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)
This man really enjoys seeing you on his work bench and at his mercy. It's almost like a strange variation of a medical kink. But yeah that really gets him going.
Adding to that he loves using toys on and mapping out any erogenous zone on your body. Some bondage will also play into that further but he equally likes testing your obedience by ordering you to stay still.
Oh, and call him Sasori no Danna. Hearing you call him Master turns him on a lot.
If he's not in the mood but you are, he will still want to watch you pleasure yourself with his toys. He might not want to have sex himself right now, but seeing you having a good time with the things he built for you still fills him with satisfaction.
L = Location (favorite places to do the do)
His workplace is almost exclusively the only place he will consent to sex. He doesn't trust Deidara to not just burst into his room and he refuses to get down on the go. His workspace is the only place no one other than you and him would voluntarily enter, so that makes it the prime spot for shenanigans. Plus it's where all his tools and toys are. If it weren't for Deidara and the other Akatsuki his room would also be fair game.
M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)
We have already touched on this, it is not always easy to get Sasori in the mood. Your best bet is to just walk up to him, gently put down the piece of weaponry he was handling, hop up on his table and say that you need his assistence. Even if he wont fuck you he will rarely refuse his partner wanting his help.
N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)
This man will not bottom. Not for you, not for anybody. It's not that he finds himself less of a man if he were to do so, it's more that the thought of something being done to his body, not to mention entering his body makes him profoundly uncomfortable. Like any other aspect of his life, Sasori needs to stay in control.
O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)
Definite preference for giving. It's something he does as a treat when you have been particularly well. He's gotten quite good at it too, very methodical and no gag reflex to speak of, though not as enthusiastic as more excitable characters. 8/10.
Sasori was very reluctant when you asked to perform oral on him, it hits very close to something being done to his body. After a bit of poking and prodding he agreed to let you try and he was pleasantly surprised. Honestly the only thing he will let you do to him and only if you listen to him and let him control the pace. Please listen to him and go slow and steady, mans doesn't deal well with sudden onslaughts of pleasure.
P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)
Incredibly slow and meticulous. This man has the ability to draw something as simple as playing with your nipples out for hours. After a while his movements and the sensations you feel will kind of start to blend together and you will hit this nice groove, where you can feel the slow ebbing and flowing of pleasure. One of the few instances were Sasori manages to show patience. Also fascinated by your stimulus responses.
Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)
Listen here brat, either you want his attention or you don't! Pick your poison and live with the consequences! Has no understanding of quickies whatsoever, to him it just reads as sloppy and halfassed which is not what he is about at all. If he wants to give you pleasure, he will give you PLEASURE, not some half assed humping. Honestly he is kind of passionate about this and it's weirdly flattering.
R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)
In his own way, yes. He loves to research into new ways to pleasure your body and will test the craziest theories if you let him. Want to know if you can come just from being stimulated by a feather? You bet your cute behind, he'll give it his best shot. Will also handcarve you new dildos that might evolve to look more and more adventurous for the sake of providing more or different stimulus if you let him.
S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)
Since he usually won't fuck you until the very end of your session, he can make it last as long as he pleases. Which is good, because once he joins in on the fun it's quite obvious that he is a sensitive lil' bean. It probably has something to do with his mind getting reaquainted with the constant stimulus a human body provides compared to a puppet one. Point is, Sasori is quick to be overwhelmed when it comes to pleasure and therefore does not last very long. He might improve with time but he will never have the stamina to fuck you multiple times etc. And he doesn't need to either, because all his extensive foreplay is damn good on its own already.
T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)
In case I haven't made it obvious: YES!
Sasori owns a fucking truckload of toys. Yes, he made them all himself and yes, he will be constantly adding new ones for your convenience. Take your pick and have fun!
U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)
Ooof, don't get me started. Remember the part where I said he would keep going for hours? I meant that literally.
The worst thing is that any teasing on his part is mostly unintentional or at least he doesn't perceive what he does as teasing. To him, he is only being thorough and focusing on the new way you twitched when he did that thing and you're not saying your safewords, so it's okay to keep going right? No matter what you do, if he doesn't hear your safewords, this man will keep going until his curiosity is sated.
V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)
There is a difference between foreplay Sasori and fucking you Sasori:
Foreplay Sasori makes deep little "hmmmm"s when you do something interesting or quietly narrates what he'll be doing next. Sometimes he gives a little chuckle or even some praise when you are being particularly good.
When he's actually going to town on you, his voice gets a lot more breathy and he makes these desperate little hummms when he's trying not to cum yet. Overall a lot less composed.
W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)
If you asked him he would build a puppet to fuck you with. He already makes all your Toys and a whole puppet really is nothing more than that. It can't be a puppet he made out of a human though, because that human does not deserve to have his SO even as a puppet. But something he made from scratch is fair game.
X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)
Length and width are pretty average, a good 5.1 Inches, maybe 5.2 (that's about 13.3 cm for peope like me who have grown up with a measuring system that wasn't invented by a drunk crackhead). The colour is almost the same as the rest of his body with exception from the tip, which is bright red and usually already dripping a couple drops of precum. Only a slight ridge that seperates the shaft from the tip. Not very veiny, just one prominent one on the bottom. Has a pretty pronounced upwards curve.
Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)
Pretty low sex drive if at all. I said before, I headcanon Sasori as sex neutral ace, however that doesn't mean that he cannot generally enjoy sex, it just means that he is not actively driven towards sex. He still likes seeing his partner enjoying themselves and likes the feeling sex evokes in his body. He just doesn't need it.
Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)
He doesn't. If anything he waits for you to fall asleep so he can go back to working again. If he really spent himself he might rest with you a while but he wont sleep unless it's night and he's supposed to be asleep. Even then he might still try to stay awake, since he has to get used to having a circadian rythm again.