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Killua hops through the window and hopes with everything he has that he got the right address. He hasn’t been here before, and trusting the information he got was a gamble anyway.
Next to the window is a cradle. When he peers over the side, a wide-eyed baby stares up at him. “Hey, kid.” He gives a little wave, and the baby keeps staring up at him. It doesn’t really give him any confirmation whether this is the right house or not. All babies look the same to him.
Killua straightens up and looks around the room. Obviously a nursery, but a strange one. It seems bent on practicality, but there’s a few strange details that don’t fit that. Like the brightly painted cradle. He wanders around the room, looking for further clues. There’s a dagger in one of the drawers, right next to the diapers and baby powder. Weird, sure, but still not confirmation.
Then he finds a stray needle above one of the doorframes. The sight of the needle, round yellow head and all, makes the hairs on the back of his neck stands up. He puts it back where he found it and strides back over to the cradle. The baby blows a raspberry at him when it sees him.
“Okay,” Killua says, feeling awkward, which isn’t a feeling he’s used to. “This is it, kid. I’m getting you out of here. Whaddaya say?” The baby stares at him, and Killua feels foolish, but it feels wrong to just scoop it up and walk out the window. “Oh, what am I doing. You can’t even understand me, huh?” The baby blinks up at him.
Killua sighs. “We don’t exactly have all the time in the world, kid, come on. Your father’s gonna notice I’m here soon. I only have about a minute. You gotta gimme something.” The baby blinks up at him again, hands grabbing the blanket wrapped around it. Maybe it does bear some resemblance to his brother, with those dark, blank eyes that just stare. Then again, that’s something all babies do.
A card whistles past his ear so hard it nicks him. It had been thrown so hard that it’d buried itself halfway into the wall and cracked it. Killua recognized it immediately, but he couldn’t sense the man who it belonged to. Figures. But he shouldn’t have been able to sneak up on him so easily.
Better get out of here as soon as possible, his time’s up. This little mission isn’t supposed to evolve into a full on fight. Killua crouched over the cradle again. “Come on, kid. In or out?” The baby blinked up at him with wide eyes. Killua sighed. “‘Kay. Well. You’ll thank me for this, trust me.” Killua reached into the cradle for the baby, grimacing. It felt so delicate that he was afraid of breaking it.
A card buried itself in his shoulder before he could get a grip on the baby. It flopped back onto the cradle’s mattress and started wailing. Killua swears under his breath and reaches again, ignoring the pain in his shoulder. “Come on, pipe down.”
“Touch my son again and I will gut you head to toe. The first two were courtesy.”
Killua sneers and turns around, blocking the cradle from Hisoka. “Since when do you do courtesy, weirdo?”
“I always do courtesy.” Hisoka’s voice is even and calm, at complete odds with the murderous intent rolling off of him in waves. “Which is why you’re not dead yet. Get away from the cradle. Or do I have to make you?”
“I’m not here for you. I’m here for Illumi’s son. Someone like him doesn’t deserve to be a parent,” Killua says, readying for a fight. He didn’t want one, but it’s looking like he doesn’t have a choice. The baby is still crying behind him, and the more it does, the stronger the nen rolling off of Hisoka gets. “You sure you wanna fight me? The kid could get hurt,” he says, a slight smile on his face.
“Who said we were fighting?” This time, some ice slips into his voice. Before he can blink, Killua is pulled up and slammed against the wall by Hisoka’s Bungee Gum. He kicks himself internally for slipping up, but he’s not used to Hisoka’s fighting style anymore. He only just registers the pain of Hisoka’s card being driven further into his shoulder.
“I won’t let Illumi do to that kid what he did to me!” Killua yells, struggling and failing to free himself from Hisoka’s nen. He’d been furious when he found out, from a random Hunter, that Illumi was out on paternity leave. The thought of that psycho with a baby made his skin crawl.
Hisoka doesn’t pay any attention to him. He strides straight to the cradle and scoops the baby up, hugging it to his chest with a concerned frown. As soon as he’s adjusted his hold on the baby, he turns his back on Killua and walks away, cooing softly, trying to soothe it. Killua’s stomach burns with anger at the sight, but he’s cut off before he can say anything else.
A door slams open. “Hisoka?” A demanding voice barks. Illumi. “Why is he crying?”
Hisoka’s voice turns towards the door. The baby is starting to settle down, but the sniffles make Killua feel slightly guilty. He was the one who dropped the kid. “He’s fine. Just got frightened by your idiot brother manhandling him.”
“Don’t talk about Killua like that. We’ve been over this,” Illumi says crossly, going over to check on the baby. Killua can’t see the baby, but he can see how Illumi slightly relaxes when he sees that the baby is just fine. He straightens up and turns to Killua. “Hi, Kil. Nice to see you again. You never visit, I wish you would come more often. You should’ve called ahead though, we aren’t prepared for a visit right now, new baby and all.”
“ We?” Killua snaps, frowning.
Instead of answering, Illumi turns to Hisoka. “Hisoka, let him down. Did you hurt him? I smell blood.”
Hisoka’s rage flares up again, and it hits Killua like copper on his tongue. Surprisingly, the baby doesn’t start crying again. “He tried to kidnap our fucking son, Illu. I know you care deeply about him, and all of your family, but I draw the line at our son.”
Illumi tilts his head at Killua. “Is that true, Kil? Hisoka.” Hisoka huffs, but turns around and releases the Bungee Gum. Killua hits the cradle and falls onto the floor unceremoniously.
“You did hurt him.”
“ Ask him. Ask him why he came, Illumi ,” Hisoka says coldly, not taking his eyes off his son. The baby has a tight grip on one of Hisoka’s fingers, staring at them like they’re the most interesting things in the world.
“Why did you come, Kil?” Illumi asks. Killua can’t read anything in those black eyes of his.
“I told you, idiot,” he says, glaring. “I’m here to take the baby away from you. Neither of you are fit to be parents. I won’t let you hurt that baby anymore. And what do you mean our son?”
“This is our son Hikari, Kil, we’ve been over this. I’m surprised at you,” Illumi says coolly. “Why would you do something like that?”
Hisoka bumps him lightly, and Illumi looks over at him. “I think he was talking about the ‘our’ part, dear. He doesn’t understand why we have a son together.”
“Because we’re married. Duh,” Illumi says flatly.
Killua gapes at them, and a smile curls onto Hisoka’s face. “I don’t think he knew that,” Hisoka says, sounding delighted.
Illumi turns back to Killua and blinks. “I sent you a wedding invitation. Mom and Dad insisted on a wedding when they found out we got married. Did you not see it?”
Killua had seen it. But he’d seen that it was from Illumi and immediately thrown it away, and not thought about it again. “What happened to ‘assassins can’t have friends’? You married Hisoka ? Hisoka, of all people? Are you kidding me?”
“Hisoka isn’t my friend, he’s my husband. It’s different,” Illumi says, as if this explains everything. “Anyway, I don’t understand what you mean. I would never hurt my son.”
Killua gritted his teeth. Right. Because Illumi didn’t even know it was hurting, he just thought that was how people treated each other. He’d only just started to learn how fucked up it all was. “You say that, but then I’ll find out all about the training you put him through.”
Hisoka scoffs and hands the baby to Illumi. Illumi gingerly takes the baby, cradling him to his chest with a practiced movement. The baby gurgles and reaches for Illumi’s face, and Killua could swear he sees Illumi smile. His attention is quickly drawn back to Hisoka standing with his arms crossed. “I get it. But I cannot-“
“You don’t get it at all, you’re both crazy!” Killua snaps.
“We are not crazy,” Illumi says, with the air of a correction. “We are assassins. We live differently than other people.”
“What if he doesn’t want to become an assassin?” Killua says, arms crossed. Really, he should give up. Fighting both Hisoka and Illumi is already asking for more trouble than he planned for, but fighting two parents with the goal of taking their child away from them is asking for death.
“He’s a baby,” Hisoka says, eyes practically boring a hole in him. “He doesn’t even know his own name yet. What he wants is to sleep and eat.”
“He was adopted,” Illumi chimes in, moving his finger in figure-eights above the baby’s eyes as the baby tries to grab his finger. “Hisoka thought it would be nice, given his past, and I agreed, given we cannot produce a genetic heir together. Because we are both men.”
Killua gives him a strange face, which Illumi doesn’t notice because he’s still looking at the baby. Hisoka takes this in stride, moving right along. “Yes, thank you Illumi. As I was saying, this is both of our sons. If it’s abuse that you’re worried about… well, Illumi and I have discussed that.”
Illumi sighs from next to him. “I still don’t understand why you make such a big deal about that. We are Zoldycks. We are assassins. We train from a young age. It was a normal childhood.”
Hisoka arches an eyebrow at him. “Fine. Yes. But would you want to treat our baby how your parents treated you?”
Illumi’s finger stops. “No. That is not necessary. Why are you bringing this up now? We talked about this extensively during the adoption process.” The baby grabs Illumi’s finger while it’s still and babbles gleefully. “The line between training and torture, as you put it.”
“Yes,” Hisoka replies, attention mostly on the baby. It pisses Killua off how flippantly he’s treating him, like he’s not a real threat. He turns to Killua with a smile he doesn’t believe is genuine for a second. “In summary, how we raise our child is none of your business. Come here again with the same intentions and I will kill you. No more warnings. You only got those because you’re Illumi’s brother, and he’d be upset at me if I killed you.”
“ Hisoka,” Illumi says sharply.
“ Illumi.” Hisoka crosses his arms and the smile falls off of his face. “Listen. Illu has been wanting you to visit, so you’re welcome.” The look in his eyes says that he most certainly is not. “Given, of course, you don’t try to play hero again. What would you even do with him? You don’t know the first thing about taking care of a baby.”
Killua scoffs. “I would have—”
Hisoka raises an eyebrow at him. “What? Dropped him off in another orphanage?”
“That doesn’t make any sense, Kil. He came from an orphanage,” Illumi says, finally looking up from his son. Killua grimaces, and Illumi stares at him. After so long, he’s gotten unused to it. It chills him to the bone. “You’re my brother, Kil, and I care for you. But Hikari is a baby, and my son. He’s under my protection, and I’ll have to stop you if you try to hurt him. And that would be unfortunate, wouldn’t it?”
He shivers involuntarily. Mostly a habit. “Whatever. I’m not taking my eye off you though.”
“Oh, wonderful. You can come over for dinner sometime. Perhaps in a few weeks, we need time to settle in with the baby,” Illumi says flatly, as if he hadn’t just threatened Killua. Hisoka looks slightly ill at this, but Illumi doesn’t seem to notice.
Killua shakes his head, scoffing. “You know what? I take it back. You two are perfect for each other,” he says disdainfully, and hops out of the window he came from.
“That was unexpected. I’m glad he came to visit though. He never visits.” Illumi blinks down at their son as he gnaws on Illumi’s finger.
“Mmm,” Hisoka hums vaguely as he leans in and presses a series of kisses to Illumi’s cheek and down to his jawbone. “I can’t believe you actually threatened him to protect our son, Illu. That was… unexpected,” he purrs.
“Family comes first.” Always the same mantra. It used to cause trouble, because Hisoka would always find himself coming second place after the Zoldycks. Now, Hisoka was family. And there was their son. It was exciting to see where Illumi laid the boundaries with the two often conflicting sides. Illumi turns to look at Hisoka dead in the eyes, cutting off Hisoka’s access to his neck. “Technically, Killua is also your family. Because we are married.”
Urgh. He doesn’t like to be reminded that he is technically related to the Zoldycks now. It’s worth it though, if he gets to be with Illumi. “Blood doesn’t always equate to family, darling. Hikari here doesn’t share a drop of either our blood, yet he is family, correct?”
Illumi blinks at him, then his eyes flick back to the baby in his arms. “Our son.” Hisoka, who has gotten better in tune with Illumi’s low emotional affect, spots the pride and fondness on his face. “Of course he is, Hisoka.”
“Mm. Yes.” For a moment, he just takes in the sight of his husband holding their son. Those hands have killed countless people in the most delicious ways, and there will be countless more, but with their son, they’re delicate.
“By the way, what did my mother say? You agreed to take the call because I was busy with him,” Illumi asks suddenly.
Hisoka neatly suppresses a grimace. He had been hoping that Illumi would forget that. “Perhaps we can discuss that later. I think he’s due for a nap.”
Illumi scowls at him. “Hisoka. What are you hiding from me?”
“Illu—”
“ Hisoka. What did my mother say? Why do you feel the need to hide it from me?” Illumi says, tone getting firmer. The baby babbles in his arms and tugs at Illumi’s hair. Illumi doesn’t react, or pull his hair out of the baby’s grip. It’s slightly funny, given the serious expression on his face.
Hisoka sighs. “Ah, well. I tried. She said…. Are you sure you want to hear this?” Illumi gives him a blank, displeased look. “Fine, fine. She yelled a lot, it was rude to be quite honest. The relevant bit is that she’s upset I, quote ‘tricked her darling son into having my baby’, I don’t think she understands how gay sex works, and she…. How do I say this delicately, I wonder?”
Illumi huffs. “Just say it, Hisoka. I’m not a child.”
“Fine, fine. She doesn’t accept Hikari as her grandchild because he’s ’not a Zoldyck’. Because he’s adopted.” As he says it, the fury he felt when that call came in comes back in full force. He has agreed to let their son take Illumi’s last name because he wasn’t all that attached to his, and producing an heir for his family despite being uninterested in women had been a point of pride for Illumi. Yet, this.
Illumi just stares at him for a long pause. “But he is a Zoldyck. He is family.”
“Not by blood.”
Illumi frowns. “But you said—”
“I did,” Hisoka says quickly. “And it’s true. She just doesn’t understand it. You know how bitchy about blood she can be.” Illumi doesn’t seem reassured by this. He can sense the confusion going through his head. “She’ll come around. It might just take time. She does want grandchildren, after all, and it’s not as if she’s going to get them from anywhere else anytime soon.” He kisses Illumi on the cheek, this time to mollify him. He’s very tempted to voice his hatred for Illumi’s wretched mother, but he decides against it. It would just serve to provoke Illumi.
Illumi turns his gaze back on their son, still grabbing Illumi’s hair. “He is family.”
Hisoka frowns. He’s not used to caring about people, it’s still new to him, but since taking _ home he’s discovered a fierce protective streak. Illumi had been so happy, in his own way, when Hisoka had decided he did indeed want to have a child with him, and was proud to give him the name Zoldyck. He hadn’t taken his eyes off their son on the first day. To think that the Zoldycks could still worm their way into Illumi’s head like they could… it made him furious.
“He is family,” Hisoka says firmly. “Our son, no matter what that old hag says.” Illumi frowns at him, so he continues on to distract him. “You two are my first family, you know.”
Illumi hums in acknowledgment. “I always forget that we come from such different backgrounds.”
“Well, I’m proud to call the both of you my family. You’re going to be a wonderful father, Illu,” Hisoka says, and frees Illumi’s hair from Hikari’s grip. It gets replaced with Hisoka’s thumb.
Illumi stares at him, stunned. “Okay.”
Hisoka chuckles. Illumi never heard those things growing up, maybe not even until he met Hisoka. It still takes him aback, even after all this time. “Let’s go put him down for a nap. He needs it.” He really means that Illumi needs it, otherwise he’ll silently perseverate on what his mother had said for hours and hours without saying anything. “He’d almost gotten to sleep when Killua barged in.”
“Okay then. A nap it is.” Illumi walks over to the cradle and lowers the baby down. Hisoka watches him, turning a card over in his fingers, wondering if Killua plans on coming back. He strides over and retrieves the card he’d thrown into the wall. Well. If that happens, he’s much prepared.