Chapter Text
SKZ Branch (5)
— Sunday, 11:24pm —
Bang Chan:
Seungmin, may I know when I can receive our monthly report?
Kim Seungmin:
The final draft is underway, you can expect a report at your desk at 1pm tomorrow
Bang Chan:
Wonderful. I look forward to seeing a complete and comprehensive report.
Han Jisung:
HOLY FUCKHCUVIVISBEJRJF
SPDJCJDJFJEIFKCIWI
SPIDER
SPIDER IN MY BED
Bang Chan:
Jisung, can't you see I'm trying to get work done here?
Han Jisung:
BUT BOSS
THRRE IS A GODDAMN EIGHT LEGGED ARACHNUD ABOMINATOON
RIGHT ON MY BED
HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSDD TO GET A GOOD NIGHTS REST AND BR PRDUCTIVE AT WORK
WHEN IM TOO HUSY WORRYING ABOUT BECOMING THE NEXT SPIDERMAN IN MY FUCKING SLEEP
Lee Felix:
comparatively that isn't such a bad deal tho
Han Jisung:
FELIX BRO U GOTTA HELO A DUDE OUT
HOW DO U GET RID OF THESE TINY MONSTERS
Lee Felix:
?????
how would i know
Han Jisung:
don't u come from,, uknow
The Land Down Under
yall probably eat spiders for brekkie or sumn
Lee Felix:
..... i have never heard such blasphemy in my entire life
Bang Chan:
As I Was Saying
Tomorrow there will be a general meeting at 10.30am, please arrive at the meeting room punctually.
We have a new intern coming to our branch, I expect all of you to behave yourselves.
Han Jisung:
aw man can't they wait for like 15 minutes
Bang Chan:
No they cannot.
If you want extra sleep, you can do that on your nice spider-infested bed now.
Han Jisung:
I JSUT FORGOT ABOUT THE SPIDER WHY WOULD YOU BRING IT UP AGAIN
Bang Chan:
Haha
Suffer.
Seo Changbin:
nah he just wants time to conveniently sneak by the receptionist lobby for his eye candy
the 10.30 delivery boy
Lee Felix:
smh u can't even keep it in ur pants
Han Jisung:
look a man has his needs
and mine just happens to be admiring god's great gifts to this planet aka the mysterious masked man who flexes his juicy muscles every time he hauls lunch onto the counter
Kim Seungmin:
tmi much
Lee Felix:
can't blame him tbh man's definitely got a pair of Arms on him
Bang Chan:
Hey hey hey
Eyes on me only.
Lee Felix:
you know it babe 😍
Kim Seungmin:
have people discovered how to produce vomit out of one’s virtual mouth
if it hasn’t i’ll still find a way to do it
Han Jisung:
hold up
so when i use emojis in this chat it’s ‘childish’ and ‘unprofessional’
but when felix does it
it’s 'romantic' and 'perfectly normal'?????
Make It Make Sense
Lee Felix:
what part of ‘babe’ did u not get
Han Jisung:
yes yes i know you two are disgustingly in love blah blah blah
but i want my Rights
Lee Felix:
yeah well
cry about it shorty
Han Jisung:
EYE-
YOU’RE NOT EVEN THAT MUCH TALLER THA NME??????
this is Jisungphobia
Kim Seungmin:
honestly after working with you for eight months
i don’t see why anyone Wouldn’t have it
Han Jisung:
im an oppressed minority!!!!
the un will hear about this
Seo Changbin:
the un will hear from ME if yall don’t shut up right about now
Han Jisung:
yeah well
cry about it shorty
Seo Changbin:
i-
this is Changbinphobia
Bang Chan:
The dynamics in this group chat never fail to amaze me.
Seo Changbin:
yeah well
cry about it oldy
Bang Chan:
I AM YOUR BOSS.
Kim Seungmin:
whoever the new intern is, i hope they’re bullshit-proof
Lee Felix:
i’m sure they’ll fit in just fine
SKZ Branch (5)
— Monday, 10:23am —
Han Jisung:
RISKY RISKY WIGGY WIGGY THIS IS A FUCKING EMERGENCY
Seo Changbin:
ugh i regret checking the notif now im the one that has to calm jisung's dramatic ass down
Yes Jisung What Seems To Be The Issue
Han Jisung:
THIS IS MY FUCKING ISSUE HYUNG
WHY DIDNT ANYONE TELL ME THW NEW RECEPTIONIST WAS HOT AS FUCK
Seo Changbin:
we
we have a new receptionist?
Han Jisung:
AM I THE ONKY ONE THAT HAS EYES AROUND HERE??????
Kim Seungmin:
ah i see jisung's had his daily dose of triple shot espresso
Han Jisung:
courtesy of our beautiful coffee machine in the lounge, my good daddy-o
Kim Seungmin:
petition to permanently ban han jisung from the coffee machine
any signatures?
Lee Felix:
idk man whatever makes this train hurry the fuck up to work
if only my dear BOYFRIEND whose pockets are lined with MONEY WE JOINTLY EARN would venmo me some goddamn CASH so i can take a CAB and be here on TIME without having to take the train like a COMMONER PEASANT
but i understand that he needs the cash to fund his brother's university education and that he's worked hard to get his position today so i shall withhold the sugar daddy clause in our boyfriend contract until further notice 🥰
Kim Seungmin:
eye
yall seeing this shit
Han Jisung:
all im hearing is BETRAYAL that NO ONE TOLD ME THIS NEW RECEPTIONIST'S SMILE COULD MAKE AN ANGEL CRY
Bang Chan:
Felix, why didn't you say so? Say no more, I'm venmo-ing you right now.
Lee Felix:
omg sugar daddy pulled through 🤩
ok srsly tho thank you chan-hyungie you rly didn't have to ilysm 🥺🥺
but don't be surprised if i turn up 5 minutes late because ✨delays✨
Bang Chan:
Nonsense I can always spare something for you Lixie! 🥰
Lee Felix:
yall get a mans like bang chan
Seo Changbin:
ew no thats like daddyfucking
Kim Seungmin:
sweet home alabama
Han Jisung:
change of plans guys
the new receptionist is a fukcing Asshole
Seo Changbin:
yeah after seeing your face
bet
Han Jisung:
exsqueeze me ?????
i am the most Stunning man that will ever enter your life, Peasant
but anyways let me salt about my newest bully
so there i am, minding my own business, staking out for Mr Cute Delivery Boy
when suddenly pulls over none other than the Blond Menace in the flesh
he slides over from his spot behind the desk, all smooth and suave, takes one look at me, and
get this
he SCOFFS
i am??? your seniorn in this goddamn department????? how dare you scoff in my dignified face????????
respect: lost
Seo Changbin:
for clarification
were you in your usual stakeout spot behind the potted plant in the corner of the lobby
Han Jisung:
yes and what about it
Seo Changbin:
… i rest my case
Han Jisung:
bUT THATS NOT ALL OF HIS HEINOUS CRIMES
GET THIS YALL
WHEN MY PERSONAL EYE CANDY
MY DADDY DELIVERY BOY
WALKED IN
THAT MFER
FL IR T E D WITH HIM
I’D GIVE ANYTHING TO MAKE DELIVERY BOY SMILE LIKE THAT
WAIT WHAT THE FUKC
HE GAVE DEILVREY BO Y HIS HOODIE THIS CAN’T BE HAPPENING
GET UR HANDS OFF MY MANS U FLEA-INFESTED BALDING SPINELESS H A G
Kim Seungmin:
yall tardies get ur asses over here already the meeting's about to start
Lee Felix:
IM ALMOST THEREEEEEEE
Han Jisung:
seungmin can't u see im wallowing in my sorrow
my very honour and dignity was just insulted
cmon give a man some sympathy
Kim Seungmin:
tick tock bitch
Han Jisung:
i hope chan demotes your ass
Kim Seungmin:
on the contrary, these instances are the exact reasons why he promoted me to branch assistant manager
Lee Felix:
IM HERE BITCHESSSSSS
WHY IS JISUNG STILL BEHIND THE STUPID PLANT
Han Jisung:
what if i have issues with authority
oh hi lixie
and don’t call richard stupid :( she has feelings
Lee Felix:
wait why didnt u follow me to the lift sungie
Han Jisung:
i’m staging a rebellion
no longer shall i blindly obey authority
impudence is the new weapon of justice
i shall regain my freedom, and i will fight for it if i have to
Kim Seungmin:
i’m sending in the cavalry
Han Jisung:
NO MIGHT OF FORCE SHALL BREAK MY SPIRIT
THE SOUL OF THE REBELLION WILL ENDURE FOREVER
AS LONG AS THERE IS UNFAIRNESS IN THIS WORLD
Lee Felix:
I JUST PASSED CHANGBIN-HYUNG AT THE LIFT LOBBY UR ASS IS GETTING COLLRCTED BY THE MUSCLE MAN HIMSELF
YOURE SCREWED JISUNG
SO SCREWED
Han Jisung:
WAIT SHIT
FUCKHjcyihH€#€#&$-€@€$&}▪︎
Kim Seungmin:
down with the rebellion.
i do my lil dancey dance (3)
— Monday, 10:31am —
disgusted emoji:
is anyone gonna tell me why i just saw one of the sunbaes being hauled over another sunbae’s shoulder screaming and kicking into the lift?
baguette emoji:
no
disgusted emoji:
ok
SKZ Branch (5)
— Monday, 11:37am —
Seo Changbin:
hey boss
i mean this in the most respectful way possible
but what the fuck.
Bang Chan:
I honestly didn’t know that he was your half brother!
His last name is Yang!
And it’s not my job to assign interns. That’s the duty of the HR.
Seo Changbin:
YOU COULD HAVE ASKED
U COULD HAVE EMAILED THE HR ASKING FOR BRATTINESS LEVELS
THIS LITTLE SHIT HAS IT IN SPADES
I BET HE TOLD HR’S THICK SKULLS THAT HE HAS FAMILY IN THE COMPANY AND SUCCESS RUNS IN THE GENES
WE ONLY SHARE HALF THE SAME DNA
Bang Chan:
Listen, the fact is that your brother passed the interview, and has the qualifications to work here. The company should stay unbiased regardless of personal connection.
Han Jisung:
thats what they Want you to believe
Seo Changbin:
i can’t believe i’m saying this but
jisung’s right
there’s no way there wasn’t some kind of underhanded stuff going on under the table for the company to let someone like HIM in
Bang Chan:
Well, it’s not like I can fire him.
Now please add your brother into the group chat.
Seo Changbin:
what, he didn’t give it to the interviewer when he was busy flirting his way in?
Bang Chan:
So God help me I will march over to your station and confiscate your secret protein shake stash.
Seo Changbin:
what protein shake stash
i don’t have a protein shake stash
Lee Felix:
changbin-hyung just screeched at his phone what happened??????
Kim Seungmin:
get the popcorn lix time to watch the daily drama
Lee Felix:
on it
Bang Chan:
It pays off to date your deskmate sometimes ;)
Seo Changbin:
FELIX YOU FUCKING SNITCH
Lee Felix:
aw fuck look at the time haha i gotta run for my dance practice!
Seo Changbin:
GET BACK HERE
TRAITRO
BACKSTABBER
Han Jisung:
I JUST SAW CHAN WALKING DOWN THE HALLWAY IM PRAYING FOR UR ASS SEO
Seo Changbin:
FUCHSKJDFHSDFJ
OK FINE
BUT DON’T SAY I DIDN’T WARN YOU
A new number was added to the chat!
Bang Chan:
Be on your best behaviour everyone, I don’t want any cursing or death threats for the next 48 hours, understand?
Seo Changbin:
HA BOSS U TYPE LIKE A GRANDPA
Bang Chan:
And you type like I don’t know exactly where your secret stash is kept.
Seo Changbin:
FUCK
[Unknown number]:
what happened to no swearing
Seo Changbin:
shut up brat
[Unknown number]:
the swear jar is in my room u know where it is ;)
Han Jisung:
WHAT YOU HAVE A SWEAR JAR HAHAHAHAHA
Seo Changbin:
if he doesn’t quit, i will.
[Unknown number]’s name has been changed to Yang Jeongin!
Yang Jeongin:
at last
recognition
Lee Felix:
welcome!!
Kim Seungmin:
if he doesn’t leave of his own volition for the next 24 hours he will officially have my respect
Yang Jeongin:
bold of you to assume you deserve to perceive me, sunbae :)
Kim Seungmin:
Chan What Monster Have You Created
Chan?
it’s been five minutes istg if that old man is sleeping on the job again
Lee Felix:
give him a break seungmin
his goodnight text came at 4am last night
but you raise a good point nonetheless, where is channie?
Seo Changbin:
i knew it. jeongin couldn’t be trusted.
chan was the first to go.
i’m next, i can feel it.
Yang Jeongin:
im literally right next to u fucker
Han Jisung:
no no chan is alive and well i can vouch for that
because MISTER TEACHER’S PET RECEPTIONIST is sucking up to him like a stupid octopus begging for food from the stupid zookeeper
Lee Felix:
hold on THE RECEPTIONIST IS FLIRTING WITH MY BOYFRIEND??
Han Jisung:
well chan politely brushed him off
so no worries
you still have the most bland christian boyfriend in the entire universe
Lee Felix:
DHSDKFJSHD DON’T INSULT MY MANS LIKE THAT
Han Jisung:
how can it be an insult if its TRUE
i do my lil dancey dance (3)
— Monday, 12:04pm —
baguette emoji:
hwang hyunjin.
disgusted emoji:
ye wat
baguette emoji:
a little birdy told me you were “flirting” with my channie today
now i know this source to be very emotionally biased, so im going to give you the benefit of doubt
explain yourself.
disgusted emoji:
what?$&*#@^
what do you take me for???
i was merely talking, TALKING, with your beloved boyfie
i can’t believe it’s only been the first day and i’ve already been slandered right in my own workplace
evil emoji:
deserved
disgusted emoji:
no!! not deserved!!! very not deserved!!!!!
i am Best Boy
i dare you to correct me
evil emoji:
i dare
anyways i’ll return ur stupid hoodie tmr
disgusted emoji:
hyung thank you and ily but ur cancelled 🙄
but not as much as that liTtLe bIrdY is when i get my hands on his little birdy neck
tell me who the dead meat is lixie
baguette emoji:
i am a loyal friend and coworker
i refuse to sell my colleague’s fate away like this
disgusted emoji:
not even when i’ll take clean-up duty for the next month?
baguette emoji:
han jisung. (deleted)
disgusted emoji:
thank you for nothing, felix 😇
great doing business with u
evil emoji:
should i get stuck in traffic so i don’t miss the wwe smackdown tmr
baguette emoji:
yes.