Chapter Text
Indifference. Disdain. Disgust. Those were the emotions that Juvelian read from her father's back as he walked away from her in the gloomy halls of the palace. Emotions that should've been a well-worn path for the young woman by now. But she felt the hurt, and an intense pain so sharp it crawled into the depths of her bones and sinew.
Even though she knew he'd always rejected her since she was a little girl, the pain hammered away at her each time. Foolish Juvelian. Hadn't she known this would be the outcome and if so, why did it still sting? Her father was never home for a reason.
And when she snuck out to see him, each time she'd been treated with a cold dismissiveness, as if he was living a separate life outside of the estate they occasionally shared residence in and her appearance was an unpleasant reminder.
"Why are you here?"
"Don’t come looking for me again."
She could go wherever, disappear wherever she wanted to, as long as she never showed up in front of her father, his words were implying to a girl who was perceptive enough to pick up on it. He didn't show up at her debutante ball either, the day she'd turned 16, the day the other attendees would be covertly eying how her father and the servants treated her.
"Lady, why are you crying?"
Crying alone under moonlight outside, she'd heard the words of a kind stranger, kinder than her father had ever treated her. For Juvelian, who'd been long starved of love or concern, bonds of attachment easily formed. Pride was something she'd never learnt to have, desperate enough to beg for attention from this young man who'd once offered her his shoulder on a terribly lonely night.
So she'd thought, that once she became his lover, she'd have her ever after.
"I don't need your love, because I love the royal princess."
And her heart, that had softened at his words many moons ago, was stabbed once again. The little white bird fell, her hands grasping at the bedsheets in terror, in pained rage. When the goblet tumbled to the ground beside the poisoned royal princess.
"I didn't do it!" she'd screamed at a disbelieving crowd without allies. She may have hated the princess, but she'd never go as far reaping her life.
No one listened to her cries as the guards advanced, and in her last hopes she reached her hand out to her father.
He slapped it away.
"…lock her up in the shadow room."
The prison for the worst of criminals, the hell hidden from the mercy of sunlight and blue skies. How could he have done that to her, his own daughter? Was it so wrong of her to want him to look back at her even once?
She pleaded him to listen to her for once.
"Father, it wasn't-"
"Get in."
Her shoulders sagged at the finality in his tone, the implicit refusal that he would listen to someone who'd at the very least had spent time with him over 18 years of life. And handed her a dagger.
The cold metal in her hand rushed through her veins and froze her heart when she clutched it to her chest. All she'd wanted was for him to show her she'd meant something to him and what she got in return was a knife. To take her own life with.
She couldn't rest in her sorrow as all too soon, haunting footsteps flowed into the chamber, on the hard ground where the young woman sat.
"I've come to interrogate the sinner that dared harmed my sister."
"The way to have someone speak the truth is to have them suffer before they die. Don't worry, since I won't kill her."
It was the tyrant known to enjoy brutal torture. Juvelian hung her head on the floor, too paralyzed by fear other than the sickening images of what a man like that would do to her, the acid in the pit of her stomach burning ulcers of dread into her gut. If that man was going to torture her for the rest of the meaningless life she had imprisoned and abandoned by the world like this, then it was better to die.
I can't do this anymore.
I'd rather disappear.
Her nails dug into the scabbard weighing in her palms. His ghostly red eyes leered at her through his helmet visor.
"So it's you?"
"Stop!"
It was too late, for the jagged edge had embedded itself into the heart that had forsaken everyone around it. In her mind's eye, Juvelian Floyen recalled the visage of a man too proud, too distant to have ever acknowledged her existence as anything more than a burden.
"Why have you come?"
"B-Because I wanted to see you.."
"Don't come find me for that reason."
She'd been 6.
"What about father?"
The maid had shaken her head.
When she was 10.
"What about father?"
The maids said no.
When she was 16.
"Father…it's unlikely he'll come despite it being my debutante."
When she was crying in the depths of her cell, the gate out of the shadow room mocking her with its blue hues.
"Father, please don't throw me away like this."
Father. Father. Father. Why did you give birth to me? If you hadn't, then none of this would have happened. The only flaw of Duke Floyen will erase itself now.
She prayed that her eyes would never open again. "Because if you do..." Because if they did, she would never forgive them all, and drag them into hell with her.
"What did you call on me to say?"
The young man's voice was heavy with impatience, a deep frown on his brow as he stood in front of a young girl of 18 seated at a tea table. The spoon clinked against the fine china cup as she stirred her tea in front of the boisterous young man. Her clear blue eyes looked up at his face and she smiled.
"Mikhail."
At his snort and derisive click of his tongue, her lips stretched out even more. Yes, she'd remembered all the young ladies she'd abused to cement her place by his side. Dishes smashing to the floor as she wrenched the table cloth off after the maids had told her about yet another sighting of him with the princess.
The way young Marguerite's face had been pinched together between her thumb and finger as she whispered about all the ways she could have the baron's family wiped out with a snap of her fingers.
The drops of red wine as they spilled across the damp scalp of another young woman after she'd torn some hair off and told the wench to know her place. All of those expressions of fear, of resentment.
If love couldn’t fulfill her, maybe fear could.
"I love you." She smiled and got the response of restrained disgust she'd expected from the twitch in his cheek where he half-concealed a sneer. Even though he'd never outright rejected her at this point, he'd used her to scare off the women he wasn't interested in. The women who didn't have the power that could bolster him and his supporters.
"You don't need to say anymore." Mikhail was quick to depart once he'd determined she was still the obsessive little shadow that trailed behind him like a pathetic puppy. Didn't she know how embarrassing he was to his reputation? It was only for the sake of Duke Floyen's support that he tolerated her clinging onto him. Who didn't know that the Dukedom was one of the most influential families in the kingdom?
At least for now, they wouldn't need to see each other for quite awhile. Juvelian continued to smile at his retreating back. Now two years into their relationship together, he had gradually distanced himself more and more. And now she, who no longer knew infatuation, was satisfied with this arrangement.
When the cat's away, the mice would play. Though that was quite an insult to the cat. Mikhail was more of a…slug? Though she couldn't crush him beneath her feet yet.
Her spirit felt relaxed at the realization that she'd gotten a renewed lease on life. Why did she have to waste it on someone whose face killed her appetite? With a smile, she headed back into the estate and saw someone descending the spiraling set of stairs.
His gaze imposing like a god looking down on mortals. Father. Duke Regis Adrei Floyen. The only swordmaster in the nation and her only family who couldn't care less about her existence.
Her smile remained on her face as he passed her by at the base of the stairs.
"Have you returned safely? You must be tired from all the training you've been watching over."
Juvelian emitted a bright radiance that batted away any cold aura around her. Her father could frown all he liked with his cold face but none of it mattered to her anymore.
"Please go and rest." With a curtsy, she departed up the stairs before she heard his voice from behind her.
"I didn't train today. You've returned early."
How long had it been since it was free of derision when aimed at her? She could feel his eyes on her back and she turned her head back slightly, remembering how during this time, she would be spending her time outside begging for scraps of Mikhails affection until her curfew.
"Yes, I wasn't in a mood to see Mikhail today."
"Why?" In a flash, her father had caught up alongside her on the stair, catching Juvelian by how fast he was. His panic must've been due to how fond he was of Mikhail, she calculated in her mind.
"I've lost interest." At the dark look on his face, her throat tightened up, her body instinctively cowed by the sudden dark glare that swept across his face. Was he scolding his daughter for making him lose face? Was she getting in the way of his plans of making Mikhail the future heir of his mansion through betrothal to her?
Then she'd disappoint him with pleasure. Juvelian's eyes sharpened into determination.
"Father, I want to marry someone who loves me. I want to become someone happy."
That wasn't a lie. His surprised reaction was a rare welcome sight. For once Duke Floyen was made speechless by her, and he turned around and walked away without another word. She supposed his indifference hurt her more than his anger.
The maid entering the bedroom caught sight of her tears and exclaimed in surprise. "Are you alright, my lady?"
"I'm tired and will take my bath tomorrow Merilyn."
"Please rest."
"Thank you, Merilyn."
Juvelian was stunned at her maid tearing up as she apologized. Was it that easy to move someone with a thank you? It was a shame it'd taken her another life to learn that trick. Thinking back on it now, what good was it to intimidate the maids willy-nilly? She'd remembered how the dogs in the estate had been trained when she snuck out to see.
The dogs that had been beaten regardless would learn to fight back, even against their intended owner. The ones spoiled uselessly would try to take advantage whenever they could. It was the combination of carrot and whip that raised the most loyal hounds. It was better she tweaked it such that she was seen at worst, as someone reasonable to serve.
In the hall, the maid clutched the bedding and sighed. "It seems she's shocked to the point of crying due to being heartbroken."
"That child cried?"
She'd run into the duke of the estate, his voice imposing. "Tell me everything you saw."
Juvelian didn't expect to find herself sitting beside her father at breakfast the next morning. Wasn't he usually outside of the estate by now, managing his land or his various other organizations and duties?
She then thought about the matter again and decided that this was perhaps an opportunity in disguise to get used to the way his cold gaze peered at her from the corner of his eyes.
"Eat."
The pieces of meat dropped onto her plate, much too hearty compared to her usual portion. But that had been more to keep a figure for Mikhail and in fact often left her hungry. Whatever attempt this was to mock her, she'd take it heartily. She hadn't known how cruel hunger truly could be until she found herself in the darkness of that cell. Where food or water was barely enough.
Her father served as leader of the central army and a royal guard. The nation's hero that had brought victory in the war twenty years ago. Of course he'd find a daughter like this quite lacking compared to his own merits. No skills. No allies.
"Juvelian." Her father dabbed at his mouth with the napkin, then asked. "What's your ideal type?"
She almost dropped her meat-laden fork. Duke Floyen had never asked her this in the past from what she could recall. "Why would you ask this?"
"Because I am curious."
She was tempted to laugh in his face. The man sitting across from her never had any interest in her in the past. Was he planning on manipulating her as a chess piece for his plans for an heir?
"My ideal type would be perhaps…a man who's as strong as father?"
"Are you being honest?" His face seemed to darken again at her red herring of a response. Little did he know that would only egg his daughter on.
"Money! Honor! Family! Handsome! Skills! I only want to marry someone who has all of that." The young woman's smile was a spring breeze undaunted by her father's cold atmosphere. The air was silent until he looked down in contemplation.
"I see." Juvelian expected the talk to die off there and was disappointed. "Juvelian. Let's go outside together."
"Of course, father." She smiled as if nothing about breakfast was different from usual. She didn't know if he had something up his sleeve and decided that her curiosity could be indulged.
"This. And that. Give them all to me." Her father said, pointing at various animal bejeweled figurines, while she accompanied him. He even bought the ridiculously pricy jewel rabbit figure she'd held up to inspect out of curiosity.
It wasn't until she noticed a cloaked woman greeting the Duke where she suspected he was attending to court matters. The previous queen's guard captain, Dame Julia went missing and was suspected to have been dispatched quietly due to royal politics. She wondered about the identity of the woman now exchanging words with the Duke under the shade trees.
Whispering of her own infamy in those passing by filtered in and out of Juvelian's ears without a care.
Finally, the Floyen entourage headed home under the sweltering heat. Even with the parasol, Juvelian was highly averse to the bright rays of the sun. Out of wanting to seem composed at all times, she hide her exhaustion well. It wasn't until the heel of her shoe caught the stairs at a wrong angle and she slipped, falling against a firm arm.
"What are you doing?"
Her father's infuriatingly flawless face against the backdrop of the rosy sky came into her view.
"Sorry." Juvelian cursed her fragility and glanced away while she started to roll away from his arm. Suddenly, her entire weight tumbled into his arms as he picked her up. Her arm rested against his broad shoulder while mild annoyance crossed her features.
"We're returning to the carriage."
"Father, I am fine." She didn't need or want his charity.
"Be quiet."
She wondered what had gotten into him all of a sudden. It must be the heat wearing down his consciousness as she couldn't remember him ever having held her at all the way he was doing now in the bemused eyes of the spectators and the guards.
"Please let me down. It's nothing, so we can continue shopping."
"We will return home."
"What? But…"
"Juvelian!" His voice was slightly louder this time in almost a fatherly reprimand. "Be still."
She withdrew at that thought like it burned her. It hurt her too much to expect him to act like a caring parent around her and she didn't want to think about it further.
"…In a little while, I'm thinking to…a suitable person…"
Her head was spinning with each hot breath from her lungs, her mind slowing to a halt.
"Juvelian? Why are you like this?"
"It's nothing, so don't worry about me and…"
Her words were feeble as the last vestiges of her energy drained away and she fainted in his carry.
Don't worry about me, Father. You didn't before and why would you now?
You've already given up on me, so don't…
Duke Floyen's blue eyes froze in shock when he saw his daughter's head flop back and expose her closed eyes scrunched up in pain.
"Juvelian!!"
In the darkness, his cry was lost to her ears.
"No, not again!! No! Juvel!"
Her body stirred, her synapses rousing her mind from slumber. A deep voice was beseeching someone to do something.
"…Please…wake…up…"
"…No…"
"…If I lose you too…"
Large hands gripped her smaller one. "Juvel!"
Regis had stood guard by his daughter's bedside. Regardless of anything to doctor said, the only thing in his mind was that his daughter was in pain. The same way his wife Amerlia had left the both of them all too soon from this world.
His daughter was the only living person he treasured as much in this world. If she were gone…
She thought it was a dream, a cruel dream and strange. There was no way someone with her father's voice, her father's likeness would be calling for her with this much anguish, this much concern. Shed these many sorrowful faces in front of her.
Her eyes blinked wide open and she got up all at once, burst of pain shooting through her head. What an unpleasant dream.
"Are you alright my lady?"
"Allen?"
"Do you know how worried we were while you were unconscious? How much I got scolded by the other staff?"
Her family's physician bawled out his grievances and out of embarrassment, she gave him time to calm down.
"How long was I unconscious for?"
"It has been three days."
She finally noticed Merilyn standing with teary eyes and the room nearly filled with baskets of flower with get-well ribbons tied to the stems.
"They are gifts from other noble ladies wishing for your fast recovery."
Juvelian said nothing in response, knowing that it was likely for her father's face that all of these noble families who wished to climb under his banner or not get on his bad side had sent these gifts.
Her father strode in with perfectly arranged robes moments later to her surprise. She blinked against the warm and rough knuckles brushing against her forehead.
"You've woken up."
This nightmare had yet to end. "Rest." He said, eyes landing on her before he whirled on his heel. If Juvelian had to guess, this was a gesture for the servants, a sign that he hadn't neglected his duty as a father. None of it made any emotions rise to the surface.
The edge of the writing feather fluttered in the wind as she contemplated responses to the flowers and letters. Unexpectedly, this was an opportunity to undo a bit of damage of her reputation.
Juvelian knew by now that she needed all the allies she could get, even if they were only fond of her on the surface. In her other spare moments, she would flip through books contemplating anything useful in the art of strategy and tactics, in the wisdom of mingling with other people.
She didn't have any friends, thus this was the best resource she would have available to her now and having died once, she had realized how much she'd squandered.
The thought of leaving the duchy never crossed the girl's mind, but she needed enough power to carry out the vengeance she wanted. Thus, plans of how to sustain her livelihood were vital.