Chapter Text
Your name is John Egbert, and you are tired. Not like the kind of tired you get after a long birthday party, nor the kind of tired you get from fighting off hordes of underlings (back when SBURB was still a major part of your life), nor the kind of tired you get after staying up a little too late playing video games and not talking to anyone.
You just woke up, and yet you are tired, and that means you are about to have a very long day. That’s fine, it’s nothing too unusual. You still need to get up though. Okay, Egbert, feet on the ground, out from the safety of your blanket cocoon, let’s go.
Your feet stubbornly refuse to budge. You don’t always get along with them, especially when it comes to waking up in the morning.
Alright, three, two, one, and...
There we go. You’ve already accomplished one thing today. That’s what you’re supposed to say when you wake up, right?
With a little godly flight, you manage to swing the rest of your body upright, and wobble slightly as your vision swims in that just-woke-up haze. Floating really is easier than walking, you decided years ago, back when you were still traveling on the ship. You’re not sure why Jake insists on walking, he is a member of the vaunted god tiers like you and your friends, but that definitely does not run in the family.
Speaking of friends and family...
You table that thought for later and float over to the bathroom. You still shave every day, of course, no matter how tired you are. Part of it is your upbringing, your father isn’t here to give his stern yet fatherly wisdom about being a grown man, so you stick to the shaving lessons he taught. It’s something small that you can do, to keep his memory alive. The other part of it is harder to define, but you feel pretty bad whenever you start growing too much stubble. It just puts you in a bad mood! No need to make your day worse by not shaving.
You lather up and study your face in the mirror. It’s not much of a face, you decide. Objectively some people could call it handsome, but you don’t really see it. You’re not the most attractive person in your friend group, and that’s okay with you! It’s not a major issue, you’ve accepted your status as the ugly duckling a long time ago. Besides, with friends like Rose or Kanaya or Terezi, or even Calliope in their own skeletal way, you’re always going to fall short by comparison. But you can, and will, shave. And that helps a lot in making you presentable, if only to yourself.
Wait, you got bogged down in thinking about shaving again, instead of actually shaving! Your Prankster’s Gambit against yourself ticks up another notch. Haha. Got him. You finish up, wash your face, and head downstairs. This will all be easier after a good meal.
Normally, you keep a lot of food in the house, it’s easier than going out. Given that you’re the “famous” Heir of Breath, it gets kinda hectic trying to sit down at a restaurant. Too many people who look at you way too much, it ruins everything. But you just ran out of good breakfast options yesterday, so cereal it is! Sure, you have that Crocker-branded pancake mix Jane gave you last year as a “free sample”, but you’ve never had a Betty Crocker product you’ve liked, and you’re not about to change that today! Even if the Batterwitch herself is no longer involved.
That being said...you haven’t seriously talked to Jane since your last birthday, when she gave you the pancake mix. Rose and Kanaya have been busy doing who-knows-what in their mansion, and even if she is one of your dearest friends, you really don’t want to know what kind of lesbian activities they’re up to! It’s just not your place! Vriska and Terezi are incomprehensible, you haven’t spoken to them in a while, and their shared apartment is a disaster so you don’t really think about going over there. Dave and Karkat should still be holed up in some house, trying to become social media moguls (or at least Dave was doing that, Karkat was mostly just an unwitting source of reaction videos.) Those two have a very stable relationship, even if Dave coming out as bi was a big surprise to you, but that doesn’t mean you really understand how they work together! And then Jade...you should call Jade more. She worries about you. How long has it been...
You flip through your phone. A month. A full month without texting or calling any of your friends. That’s not great, and you know full well how not-great that is. You’ve been on Earth C for a while, and you can get a little lost in your own head now that the game is done. Rose gave you a really stern talking-to a couple years ago, something about “depressive episodes” and “social isolation”, and you’re not that oblivious when you get down to self-improvement! You’ve been trying to get out of the house more, really! You just kinda forgot this time. For a month.
So then, you’re going to fix this “depressive episode”! You need to see your friends and talk to people and stuff! Maybe that will help you stop feeling so tired. Sometimes it makes you more tired but it is worth a shot! But who to talk to about this? Not Rose, she would give you this disappointed look and you really don’t want to disappoint Rose! Besides, her and Kanaya are pretty intimidating. So is Jade sometimes honestly! Dave and Karkat don’t get out any more than you do, Jane is busy with her business, Jake and Dirk are really not the people you rely on for this stuff...
Oh wait, what about Roxy? Must be a Void in your mind that she just stole. Wait, no, they, Roxy uses they pronouns now. Wake up, Egbrain! They had their whole coming out party last month, you were there! In fact, that might have been the last time you were out with any of your friends. You smack your forehead internally. God, Roxy must think you’re a total jerk now!
But they are really good at getting out there. Even if they don’t drink anymore (you didn’t ask for specifics, and they didn’t offer many), they definitely know how to throw a party, and they have lots of friends! More than you probably do at this point, with how bad of a friend you’ve been over the last month. That settles it! You finish your breakfast and send over a text. Hopefully, Roxy’s awake by now!
-- ectoBiologist [EB] has begun pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]! --
EB: hi roxy! sorry i didn’t talk to you for a month!
EB: i just wanted to say hi mostly.
TG: omg is this the blue boy himself john eb egbert
EB: um...yeah. who else would it be?
TG: wait holy shit
TG: did u ever realize that e and b is in your last name
TG: bc i didnt
EB: oh huh it is!
TG: so eg bert
TG: whats on your mind at ass o clock in the mornin
TG: i dont think you would just text me after a month of nothin if u didnt have some hot goss
EB: i do not know what hot goss is, roxy.
TG: its when the GOSS
TG: is HOT
TG: does that make more sense
EB: not really! but i think i understand.
EB: first of all, congrats again on coming out as non binary!
TG: just one word john
TG: its not trans gender either jsyk its one word
TG: also that happened last month but thanks on being a rad af ally anyway
EB: right, yeah, sorry. it was last month.
TG: whered you run off to after the party anyway
EB: that is actually what i wanted to talk to you about, roxy!
TG: oh okay cool
TG: then do the talky thing
TG: like idk if breath covers talky things but it should imo
EB: i kinda have not left my house since the party.
EB: which is not great, and i was hoping you might have some advice!
EB: because you are very cool and threw that party.
EB: maybe this wasn’t the smartest way of bringing this up.
TG: oh my god
TG: i was kinda wonderin what the deal with that was ngl
TG: well johnathan
TG: i am never calling you that again actually
TG: egbert my friend my livin windsock hood
EB: it’s a cool hood!
TG: u wanna get out of the house more often or is this just a woe is me sitch
TG: bc i am DONE with angsty boys in my dms
TG: no offense to the angsty boys but im so done with that
EB: i will keep my angst to myself then! i can just focus on the solutions, and not be an angsty boy.
TG: ty
EB: so yes, i want to get out of the house more.
EB: i don’t really know why i haven’t honestly, i just keep not thinking about it, and then it’s been a month since i talked to anyone.
TG: have u srsly not talked to dave in a month
TG: or jade or rose or anyone
EB: uh...
TG: shit john ill call a moratorium on the no angst in my dms for you
TG: just bc ur cool tho
EB: it’s not that bad roxy!
TG: with all due respect
TG: thats bullshit
TG: alright so its a code red emergency friendllegiance moment i getcha
TG: no worries tho ur talking to the best human friendleader out there
TG: i know exactly how to fix ur shit
EB: what’s friendllegiance?
TG: u no what its not important
TG: whats important is that im gonna get you some friendship bonding moments
EB: i can do it myself, i don’t want to make you work on my behalf!
TG: i reiterate
TG: bull and also shit
TG: ur okay tho ill get you some fun social interaction romps i prommy
TG: ive been meanin to get out of the house too so were in this together
TG: the two musketeers seeking out adventures of the friendship kind
TG: slaying bitches and wooing hot ppl
EB: roxy i don’t think dating is in the cards for me!
TG: rly
TG: the most eligible dude on earth three isnt actually on the market huh
TG: whos the lucky goose
EB: what? no i’m not dating anyone.
TG: f
TG: well thats not that important
TG: ive got my own irons in the fire to quote vriska
TG: aaaaaaaall of them irons its a big fire
TG: did u see the eight as i did for that
EB: roxy, please.
TG: rite yea im focusin
TG: give me a sec and ill get you some friend hangs ok
EB: that sounds great, roxy! i don’t know what i’d do without your help!
TG: be sad in your room probs
EB:
TG:
EB: i can’t really argue with that!
TG: ya lmao
TG: anyway hang tight